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Thread: The Game (a German Mod-34 AAR)

  1. #1
    GroFAZ Demi Moderator blue emu's Avatar
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    The Game (a German Mod-34 AAR)

    This will be my first attempt at an AAR, so Iím just going to play it for laughs. It will be a humor AAR... or at least, an attempt at one... using quinteloskyís Mod-34 for Armageddon v1.2.

    To date, all of my humor writing has been for television, which is a completely different environment from the Internet. In particular, in TV screenwriting you get to bounce your ideas off your co-workers, work out all the bugs, and run them through endless revisions and re-writes before anyone actually sees them. From that point of view, this AAR will be very much a ďfirst draftĒ, so youíll have to bear with me. If it turns out that it isnít particularly entertaining after all... a very real possibility... then donít read it.

    I will be playing as Germany, starting in 1934, with my country still almost completely disarmed by the Versailles Treaty. Since Iím still a complete noob at Mod-34... and since the point of the AAR is not to show off my ďleet skillzĒ, but to entertain my readers and to showcase quinteloskyís excellent mod, the game will be played on Normal/Normal.

    The format for the AAR will be pseudo-Multi-Player. That is: I will be playing a Single-Player game, but presenting it in the AAR as if it were a Multi-Player game, with most of the commentary provided in the form of a faked ďchat-logĒ between the imaginary players. Each of these ďvirtualí players will have his own personality: a sneaky, exploitive, untrustworthy Hitler (thatís me); a bombastic, ambitious, opportunistic Mussolini; a gullible, totally ineffectual ďLeague of NationsĒ Secretary General, a ruthless, cynical Stalin... there will be serious gaming, role-playing, gamesmanship, cheesy exploits; all the different styles that you might encounter in a random group of computer gamers.

    Letís begin: itís October 1934, and this is... The Game.

    Index to game updates:

    1st update
    2nd update
    3rd update
    4th update
    5th update
    6th update
    7th update
    8th update
    9th update
    10th update
    11th update
    12th update
    13th update
    14th update
    15th update
    16th update
    17th update

    ================= ================ ==============

    Winner, 2008 Iron Heart Award for the best HOI-2 AAR of 2008.

    Last edited by blue emu; 05-08-2009 at 03:37.
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  2. #2
    Strategy Cognoscenti Demi Moderator Myth's Avatar
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    A blue emu AAR! And it sounds excellent to boot!
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  3. #3
    Imam Of The House in Imp. Off. Herbert West's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Myth
    A blue emu AAR! And it sounds excellent to boot!
    You meant to say to U-boot, didnt you?:P

    Anyways, good luck, Emu!
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  4. #4
    GroFAZ Demi Moderator blue emu's Avatar
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    Hitler (Germany): Hey, dudes... everybody ready to start?

    Mussolini (Italy): Letís do it.

    George V (England): Bash on!

    Stalin (USSR): Awww... my tech teams are morons.

    Lebrun (France): Cry me a river... hey, Iíll trade you some of mine for some of yours!

    Stalin (USSR): Lol, no thanks.

    Hitler (Germany): Címon guys, stop whining and play. Iím starting the clock.

    ...

    Hitler (Germany): WTF?

    Mussolini (Italy): What?

    Hitler (Germany): Whereís my Army? I only got ten Divisions?



    Lebrun (France): Lol. The treaty of Versailles, man. Thatís what happens to losers.

    Leopold III (Belgium): Ever seen Luxembourg annex Germany?

    Wilhelmina (Holland): Lol.

    Hitler (Germany): ... whereís my Luft-waffles??? I got no Airplanes?... this really bites!




    Mussolini (Italy): So build some.

    Hitler (Germany): Yeah, right. All Iím allowed to make are paper airplanes. I gotta tech up first.



    Lebrun (France): Youíre not even supposed to build them... itís the Treaty, man.

    Hitler (Germany): Thatís a crock... you expect me to play with just ten guys and no Luft-waffles? LMAO...

    Stalin (USSR): I though we were finished whining?

    Hitler (Germany): Easy for you to talk, Mr. One-Hundred-Divisions... HEY!!!

    Stalin (USSR): What now?

    Hitler (Germany): Someoneís got one of my provinces! Whoís this white dude, and whatís he doing in my province? Get out!!!



    Avenol (League of Nations): Itís... errr... itís just a temporary League Mandate... until a vote can be taken.

    Mussolini (Italy): Democracy is for weaklings!

    Pilsudski (Poland): Ha-Ha... HEY! Heís got one of mine, too!



    Hitler (Germany): Thatís another one of mine! I donít BELIEVE this crap...

    Pilsudski (Poland): Like hell it is! Danzig is a Polish city.

    Avenol (League of Nations): Gentlemen, please... we will be discussing the... errr... Danzig question at the next General Meeting. And... if I may say so...

    Hitler (Germany): Say what?

    Avenol (League of Nations): The... errr... the last time we all got together and did this, most of you ended up involved in a tragic and completely unnecessary war. I do hope that we can all work together this time, and peacefully settle any differences that might arise.

    Hitler (Germany): [Team Talk to Mussolini] Who is this guy?

    Mussolini (Italy): [Team Talk to Hitler] I dunno, man... just some weirdo that George met on-line.

    Hitler (Germany): [Team Talk to Mussolini] Does he know that this is a war-game?

    Mussolini (Italy): [Team Talk to Hitler] I donít think he knows very much...

    Roosevelt (USA): Awww... crap.

    George V (England): Ďsup?

    Roosevelt (USA): I got a Depression. This sucks.



    Stalin (USSR): Lol.

    Hitler (Germany): Maybe this white dude will give them a job helping him pack up his stuff... so he can GET OUT OF MY PROVINCE!

    Avenol (League of Nations): ... errr...

    Alcala-Zamora (Republican Spain): Woah, itís contagious... now my dudes have stopped working, too!



    Mussolini (Italy): If you shoot the ring-leaders, the rest will go back to work.

    Alcala-Zamora (Republican Spain): That works?

    Mussolini (Italy): It works for me.

    Alcala-Zamora (Republican Spain): Maybe I ought to... HEY! Part of my country just declared war on me! Can they do that?



    Lebrun (France): Awww... that looks like a real drag, man. Try to keep it on your side of the border, though.

    Avenol (League of Nations): ... errr... I hope we can isolate this conflict, and perhaps even settle it by negotiation.

    Jover (Catalonia): Hello... I represent the free people of Catalonia, and we would like to apply for membership in the League of Nations.

    Alcala-Zamora (Republican Spain): No way! Are you nuts? You guys are gonna be annexed before he even gets the paperwork filled out!... now what? Partisans? WTF is going on with my country???



    Hitler (Germany): Man, youíre really screwed... good thing nobodyís attacking you.

    Mussolini (Italy): Lol, heís attacking himself.

    Hitler (Germany): Say, Benito... got any extra Rares? Iím running in the red already.

    Mussolini (Italy): No way. Iíve only got, like... a few.

    Hitler (Germany): Youíre useless. Anybody? Anyone got some Rares to trade?

    Chiang (Nationalist China): I do, but... uhhh... Iíd need some help.

    Hitler (Germany): What kind of help?

    Chiang (Nationalist China): Iíll need help, like... digging them out of the ground. To start with.

    Hitler (Germany): Cool... Iíll send you some engineers. Here.



    Chiang (Nationalist China): Thx.

    Roosevelt (USA): OK, everybody... big Naval Conference coming up in London.

    Hitler (Germany): Cool...

    Roosevelt (USA): Not you.

    Hitler (Germany): WHAT???



    Hitler (Germany): You pricks. Iím not gonna put up with this much longer...
    "To punish me for my contempt for authority, they made me an authority myself" - Albert Einstein

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  5. #5
    Resident Iranien Fanatic
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    Is Blue Emus humor worthless?

    I donīt know, but Iīm certainly going to stick around and find out

    Good concept btw

  6. #6
    Lt. General Laurwin's Avatar
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    well, bring it on! *subscribes already*

    are you still going to feature some kind of visual representation of the overall situation in the game? What I personally found to be funny, was the way this Danish guy used speech bubbles for the German generals in the famous cartoon AAR.

    I would prefer that to a simple chat log of course, but that's very time-consuming naturally. But you could ponder that and somehow integrate such funny pics together with the chat log, in such ratio as to keep the update rate of the AAR reasonable.


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXN-hRh_rIY
    just for the laughs, hopefully to fuel your inspiration, I just found it from youtube yesterday, it along with the other numerous Der Untergang parodies (like the CoH one for example) is just awesome.

    this video is also a parody of this "du bist deutschland" campaign thingy which has its own original cheesy commercials somewhere there also.

    BTW you can't use youtube tags to directly link to paradoxplaza forums I suppose?

    EDIT: ARGGH bloody forums are indeed updating slower than a Maus heavy tank brigade would advance through siberia...
    Last edited by Laurwin; 15-04-2008 at 22:46.

  7. #7
    Strategy Cognoscenti Demi Moderator Myth's Avatar
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    Ooh! Give each of the characters a portrait avatar that reveals their mood at the time!

    And ahh, the Naval Conferences. I was just learning about those today in my Sea Power seminar
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  8. #8
    Immer bereit theusje's Avatar

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    Very good start. Will be following this.

    Good luck.
    Wir kšmpfen nicht fŁr Vaterland
    Und nicht fŁr deutsche Ehre
    Wir sterben fŁr den Unverstand
    Und fŁr die Millionšre

  9. #9
    Made in the USSR Foxbat's Avatar
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    The Mod34 AAR and funny one too! Subscribed.

    Good luck btw(especially with tech tree, got me confused couple of times ).

  10. #10
    Resident Iranien Fanatic
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    Cool. I press the submit button and when the server returns theres been an update

    A good one even, I will clearly follow this

  11. #11
    Lt. General Laurwin's Avatar
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    Indeed, an overall update on the techtree would be awesome, I'm kinda pondering about downloading this mod also , but I'd like some more info, especially on the gameplay side.

  12. #12
    GroFAZ Demi Moderator blue emu's Avatar
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    Mussolini (Italy): I must protest to the League of Nations! The treacherous Ethiopians have attacked one of our forts at Ual-ual! This could mean war!



    Avenol (League of Nations): Errr... please, letís discuss this calmly...

    Selassie (Ethiopia): But Ual-ual is in Ethiopia. You built your fort inside my country!

    Mussolini (Italy): Ha! Then why is it called ďItalian East AfricaĒ? Hah? Answer that!

    Selassie (Ethiopia): But youíre the only one who calls it that!

    Hitler (Germany): No heís not... Iíve always called it that, too. Just like Austria is usually called ďSouthern GermanyĒ... right, Benito?

    Mussolini (Italy): ... ah... I suppose... yes, thatís right!

    Hitler (Germany): There, you see?

    Avenol (League of Nations): They... errr... they have a point...

    Selassie (Ethiopia): WHAT? No they donít... are you nuts? You canít give my country to this madman just because he makes up a different name for it!

    Hitler (Germany): Sure he can.

    Selassie (Ethiopia): Donít push me, Mussolini... youíre not gonna just walk in and annex my country.



    Avenol (League of Nations): Gentlemen, please... thereís no need for this.

    Selassie (Ethiopia): Well look... either you get this nutcase to back off, or I will.

    Avenol (League of Nations): Iíll... Iíll put it on the agenda for our next General Meeting. Please, if everyone would just stay calm...



    Hitler (Germany): Say, Avenol, are you done with my province yet? Can I have it back? I want to redecorate...

    Avenol (League of Nations): The... uhhh... the referendum is coming up in a couple more months.

    Hitler (Germany): I donít need a referendum. I already know that I want it back.

    Avenol (League of Nations): If youíll just be patient for a bit longer... Iím pleased to announce, however... that the League has made a firm ruling on the Catalonian conflict.

    Alcala-Zamora (Republican Spain): Yeah? What a coincidence... so have we.



    Alcala-Zamora (Republican Spain): Now for those frigginí Partisans...

    Hitler (Germany): Chiang! Where are those Rares you promised me? I sent you those engineer dudes months ago.

    Chiang (Nationalist China): Well, I got some here for you, but itís pretty slow going... we have to carry the Rares three thousand miles in wheelbarrows to get them to the ports.

    Hitler (Germany): Sheesh! Canít you build a railway or something?

    Chiang (Nationalist China): Ummm... could you send us somebody who knows how to build a railway? It would really speed things up.

    Hitler (Germany): OK, whatever... hereís some more engineers. Now get me those Rares, Chiang... my stockpileís practically at zero.



    Avenol (League of Nations): Excuse me... but the Saar referendum?...

    Hitler (Germany): Yes? This had better be good...

    Avenol (League of Nations): Theyíve voted to rejoin Germany.



    Hitler (Germany): Woo-Hoo! I got my province back... I mean, ONE of my provinces. What about Danzig? When do I get Danzig back?

    Pilsudski (Poland): Lying dog! Danzig is ours!

    Avenol (League of Nations): The... errr... Danzig question is still in the hands of the Special Committee.

    Hitler (Germany): Fine, fine... Pilsudski and I can probably settle it just between the two of us anyway... heh.

    Pilsudski (Poland): Yeah? You and whose Army? Ha-Ha...

    Hitler (Germany): Good point... good point. Weíre gonna need an Army, arenít we?



    Lebrun (France): Hey! You canít do that!

    George V (England): Thatís not on, old man!

    Hitler (Germany): Bite me, both of you. I just need a few Divisions to guard my borders. Relax.

    George V (England): Well, I suppose thatís fair enough.

    Lebrun (France): What? You upper-class twit! He doesnít care about defending... heís gonna build a huge death machine, roll across our borders, and crush our cities to rubble!

    Hitler (Germany): Jeez, Iím not Godzilla. Take a pill, Lebrun. Tell you what... Iíll build mostly Militia. Youíre not scared of Militia, are you?

    Lebrun (France): Well...

    Hitler (Germany): OK then. Sheesh... relax.

    Chiang (Nationalist China): ... ummm...

    Hitler (Germany): NOW what? Do you have more Rares for me?

    Chiang (Nationalist China): Yeah, right here. That railroad sure makes it quicker... but... ummm... the Japanese are really starting to talk tough, over here. If they do invade us, I wonít be able to protect the mines. My Army is total crap.

    Hitler (Germany): Well, what do you expect me to do? Iím on the other side of the world.

    Chiang (Nationalist China): Send me one of your dudes to train my Army, and Iíll be able to keep sending you Rares.

    Hitler (Germany): Mmmm... OK, deal. Take this guy. Here.



    Chiang (Nationalist China): Cool, thx.

    Hitler (Germany): Alright... next, Iíll need some Luft-waffles...WTF???



    Hitler (Germany): Chiang, you bloodthirsty retard! Did you just kill that dude I sent you?

    Chiang (Nationalist China): What? No! Why would I do that?

    Hitler (Germany): How would I know why? Did you?

    Chiang (Nationalist China): I said no! Heís fine... heís right here, eatiní some noodles.

    Hitler (Germany): Well... is he chokiní on them? Says here heís dead.

    Chiang (Nationalist China): Thatís bullshit, man. Heís fine. Iíve got him teachiní our kids how to shoot.



    Hitler (Germany): Well... all right... but you look after him.

    Chiang (Nationalist China): If...

    Hitler (Germany): What?

    Chiang (Nationalist China): If he did... like... choke on his noodles or something, would you send us two or three more dudes? We could really use...

    Hitler (Germany): NO! Youíre not getting any more of my guys.

    Chiang (Nationalist China): OK, OK. Never mind.
    "To punish me for my contempt for authority, they made me an authority myself" - Albert Einstein

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  13. #13
    Lt. General HannibalBarca's Avatar
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    This is great.
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  14. #14
    Lt. General Kaiser_Mobius's Avatar
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    This is awesome. You should throw in some l33t speak too.

    Keep it up!
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  15. #15
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    this is pretty funny, Ill be following your AAR!!

  16. #16
    British Unionist trekaddict's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaiser_Mobius
    You should throw in some l33t speak too.
    This would be the beginning of the end for these forums.






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  17. #17
    Strategy Cognoscenti Demi Moderator Myth's Avatar
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    Oh, that Mussolini! And that Chiang!
    Read about my full body of AAR works here!

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  18. #18
    Major Michaeru's Avatar
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    Keep it coming, this is great.

  19. #19
    This reminds me of that old internet post about WW2 as an AOE multilplayer game which made me laugh every time I read it

    found one version of it here

    http://www.strategypage.com/humor/ar...s_20057151.asp

    So far Emu has captured that very well, keep it up I find its funny

  20. #20
    Colonel wilegfass's Avatar
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    Looks interesting. It's better than any of my jokes.
    Ultra Nationalist American and Greek
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