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Thread: Genghis Returns

  1. #1

    Genghis Returns

    Scholars have long attributed the gap between Genghis Khan's death in 1227 and the ascension of Ogedei in 1229 as being due to the need for secrecy to secure the empire and the dynasty. It was in fact due to other causes. For one Genghis may have died in 1227. But it wasn't exactly a proper death, well not an entire death. As the ruler of the largest land empire ever known he wasn't exactly willing to give it all up due such an inconvenience.

    So instead of going peacefully Genghis maintained some hold on life, tenuous as it was he remained hanging around at the imperial court and directing affairs as what we would now call a zombie. The arrangement worked for a while as long as the horrific state of the khan was kept quiet from the population.

    However after two years of his constant demands for 'Brainssss' and characteristic rotting flesh odour it was too much for even the most dedicated courtier to stand. The unfortunate khan was forcibly dragged off to the holy mountain of Burkhan Khaldun and buried deeply after having his legs cut off to prevent him running away.

    It seemed all well. Ogedei took over and the rest from there was history. The Mongol Empire expanded, split up and then went into decline and the legend of Genghis continued with the last two years of his rule omitted and forgotten by all.

    Forgotten until one night in 1492 that is. On the outskirts of the Golden Horde capital of Samara two guards were alerted to a terrible smell. Upon investigation they came across the rotting body missing its legs but still equipped with a full vocabulary of abusive words with which to hurl and demanding to be taken to the usurper in charge. Thinking the incident rather noteworthy the guards complied and Genghis was brought before Sayyid Ahmad.


    Genghis at the height of his power


    265 years and 4146 kilometres have not been kind to the khan's complexion


    Overcome with horror and revulsion at the sight before him Sayyid accepted the claim from the zombie that he was Genghis and gave up his throne simply in order to escape the area. So it was that Genghis once again rose to the throne. It mightn't be the huge empire he had left last time but he had started small then too. Then for the first time in over two and a half centuries he issued his first imperial order.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zombie Genghis
    'Genghis wants brains'

    The Golden Horde upon Genghis' ascension. It might have ruled over a massive area earlier but apparently all knowledge is now lost. This is al lthe world that is known


    Oh and Warsaw


    Big on war and brains, Genghis' current odour and manner leave something to be desired regarding diplomacy


    But he hasn't let a lack of legs hold him back from being a great general


    Religion is a tricky problem for the Horde. Its a Sunni nation ruling all Orthodox Christians.


    And when it comes to money, Samara's gold mines are almost the only source of income. But they provide plenty of inflation too, to the tune of 1% a year

  2. #2
    Angel of Death germanpeon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duke of Wellington
    ...two years of his constant demands for 'Brainssss'...
    Classic!

    This looks to be an interesting, if not impossibly challenging AAR! Good luck, sir.
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  3. #3
    Roman LibrAARian comagoosie's Avatar
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    I can't believe you are starting an EU1 AAR, you got some guts (but Genghis doesnt)

    I don't own EU1 but maybe this will spark my interest, I'll keep a close eye on this one.
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    Alien Space Bat PrawnStar's Avatar
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    On board - when was the last time someone started an EU1 AAR?

    I like retrogaming - I still play ZangbandTK (Part of the gaming genre called Roguelike and available as a free download if anyone wants to go seriously old school - it's also f**king difficult).

  5. #5
    Non sufficit orbis Lord E's Avatar
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    Cool to see a new EU1 AAR Duke. Interesting nation as well, but I am sure you will do very well with Zombie Genghis as your ruler. Looking forward to follow this story
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  6. #6
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    You really are a genius Duke, looking forward for more!

    And good luck!
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  7. #7
    GunslingAAR coz1's Avatar
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    It's been a loooong time since I read an EUI AAR, but since it's you Duke, I'll give it a go. And with Zombie Genghis, how can you go wrong?

    Good luck.
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  8. #8
    Lt. General merrick's Avatar
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    Why EU1? Zombie game for zombie ruler?

    But this looks fun, if a trifle icky.
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  9. #9
    Zombie Khan on EU1. Another Golden Horde rides. Just EU3 to spread the wisdom of the Horde across. Perhaps Zombie Khan should convert to Orthodoxy or try for a pagan empire. He's a way to go before he recreates his Empire. It's not like you'll need a xsuccessor, now is it? Unless decay turns him to dust.

  10. #10
    A et Ω Deus's Avatar
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    Wohoo. I'm gonna ride this one with you (although its probably going to take 2-3 years ).

    Go Genghis!
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  11. #11
    Camorra Potentate Mangudai's Avatar
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    Wow, a Mongol sensation!
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  12. #12
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    Looks great so far, Duke.

    It's kinda funny, though, how the Horde starts off not knowing about lands they had ruled just a short while before. And why Warsaw?
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  13. #13
    The crazy little mushroom billy bob's Avatar
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    Rawr, BRAINZZZZZ!

    I for one welcome our New zombie khan overlords.
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  14. #14
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    That was really funny, I am going to follow this for sure.

  15. #15
    germanpeon - Thanks and glad to have you on-board.

    comagoosie - EU1 is a good game, not as polished as the later titles but with some good features like being able to annex any country in one go.

    PrawnStar - Theres been a few started in the last year, but not many thats for sure.

    Lord E - Thanks, always a pleasure to have you commenting.

    Saulta - Genius eh? I'm not sure I deserve that but oh well I'll take it.

    coz1 - Great to see you here coz, I will look forward to your comments.

    merrick - Zombie game indeed I guess. Actually I started it because this is the game that got me into Paradox, it is great and after many attempts it finally worked on my comp again for no apparent reason.

    Chief Ragusa - Convert to Orthodox? Never. Actually shouldn't Genghis be pagan? Well we'll see how it goes.

    Deus - I promise this shan't be as long.

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    Amob_m_s - It's an odd situation. Warsaw is known because we know one other province of theirs so need to be able to see the capital.

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    CountArach - I'm glad to hear that.

  16. #16


    Genghis brooded. It had all come to him easier than he'd thought it would. Not that he'd really thought about it much. He thought about brains mostly to be honest. A speck of drool dropped from the Khan's lips as the tasty cranial snack once again came to the forefront of his attention.
    "Genghis want brains", he yelled to a nearby courtier who jumped visibly.
    "Yes sir, brains sir", he replied then scampered off to carry out the khans wish.

    The kitchen staff had already worked out that a mixture of dog liver and pigeon feet achieved the same consistency and appearance as brains whilst be much easier to obtain. The Khan, who lacked a tongue, couldn't taste the difference and at the end of the day everyone was happier and more alive.

    Silence returned to the throne room as the last of the bowl of brains was washed down with a glass of blood (really a mixture of urine and rose petals). The khan, who had to be strapped into his throne to prevent falling off due to lack of legs, was feeling rather bored. The empire had gone to the dogs in his absence. In the past boredom could easily be fixed by an invasion of Europe or some similar such place. Now that was difficult and there remained only brains to fill the void. More drool dripped from the Khan

    "Genghis want...", then he stopped, thought again, "want something to do. Bring the activities manager. Now!"

    Within thirty seconds the minister was before the Khan and looking suitably obedient and tasty. Genghis had to remind himself once more that ministers were off the menu, he didn't want to be buried deep in a hill simply for the sake of a dish of politician au vin

    The traditional zombie khan dish of politician au vin


    "Minister, I am bored", Genghis said, sounding somewhat like a spoilt brat.
    "Well, sir", began the minister, "I'm sure there is plenty you sir can do with improving this great nation, sir."
    "Hmmmmmm, I hate these infidels who inhabit our land, not only to they worship incorrectly but their brains tend to the tough and chewy. I ought to remove them."
    "Sir, a fine idea sir, but how will you do that. Sir."
    "Why quite simple, I'll send out men to tell them the correct way and things will be fixed shortly."
    "Sir, I like the idea, but I must inform you there is no way we can possibly send out men to do that. It's entirely reasonable, sir, but we simply cannot do it."
    At this point the Khan's eyebrow would have begun to twitch had the sinews controlling it not long been rotted way.
    "GENGHIS WANT MISSIONARIES"
    "Out of the question, sir."
    "In that case let us shift our domestic orientation towards intolerance. Let us drive them out of our land!"
    "I think you're a bit too much of a visionary sir. That kind of shift in policy is unheard of sir. I'm afraid it won't be happening sir, we're entirely set in our way of thinking. Sir."

    The Khan's eye twitched, such rage is not held back by lack of sinews.

    "Build an army", the Khan ordered. His voice was cool but his nostrils would have been flaring, were they present that is. "The neighbours hate us already don't they?"
    "Sir, they do sir", the minister replied quietly whilst eyeing up the nearest exits.
    "Build it now then."
    "Sir.", came the ministers final reply and with that he ran as fast as his legs could carry him out of the throne room. As he left he heard the Khan's voice rise again calling for brains.


    An expansion to the army is underway

    The neighbours hate the Horde enough that they won't want to play peacefully. Other ways to alleviate the Khan's boredom must be found.

  17. #17
    A et Ω Deus's Avatar
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    LOL. Genghis want a lap dance!

    Great update.
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  18. #18
    Non sufficit orbis Lord E's Avatar
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    Hehe politicians au vin sounds like an interesting dish. I must say I am glad that the kitchen staff has discovered something that look like brains, but isn’t brains. Although I am sure there will be many brains in the future at the present time I think the Khan needs all the men he can get in his army, not on his plate… looking forward to war. It is about time this empire grows again
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  19. #19
    GunslingAAR coz1's Avatar
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    Sounds like you'll need that army. One bright spot - at least the ranks of the undead will swell as your enemies war with you. Genghis has to like that.
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  20. #20
    Roman LibrAARian comagoosie's Avatar
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    Genghis seems to have a temper, which he can't express that well. That must be bad.
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