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Tories on Warpath Following 'Bungling' of Scots War by Labour Government

A Sunne Exclusive, from our correspondent in the White Tower

Confidence in His Majesty's Labour Government is at an all time low, following the outcome of the recent war with Scotland. News of England's Pitiful Capitulation to the Barbarians of the North was greeted with Jeers and Booing in the House of Common Lords this evening.

Several of our most venerable Lords, including the Leader of the Tory Opposition Lord John "Fitzy" Fitzgerald, stormed from the chamber as their Estates in Meath were handed over Lock, Stock and Barrel to the hairy Scots. Yet the most vociferous of the Tory and Liberal opposition barrackers focused on the ongoing absence from London of the Prime Minister, whose whereabouts still remain unknown.

Sources within the Tory party suggest that a Tory-Lib pact in 1424 may well be on the cards, with the express aim of removing the Ineffectual and Lack-lustre Labour government from Power. Something which this reporter, a proud wearer of the Standard of England and supporter of continuation of the War against France, thinks would be NO BAD THING.

For full report of the near riot in Parliament, see page two, (opposite page three, of you can tear your eyes away...)
 
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Lord Haberdasher has been awaiting his moment, and he thinks it has arrived...

"My Lords,

I feel that a grave injustice has been done to the people of England (and of course our royal crown). It is time to think of peace with some of our neighbors, and an expanded diplomatic effort with all the neighbors and great powers. There are enough Royals for us to commit to several marriages, treaties of friendship and the like. Do this. My foreign minister will provide some details I am sure.

Further, we need to expand our war in France! Especially since the loss of our brave sovereign we need to show the French and their attachments the resolve of our people. Expand this war! Raise up troops of cavalry to drive their lances into French hearts!

I am saddened by the failure with Scotland, and take great interest into how Labour intends to rectify this.

Increase the quality of our troops! Has this even been done?

Slash the budget! We are not moneylenders, or coin-mongers! We are the English, and England does not need to prop herself up with runaway inflation and fitful spending.

Raise more troops! Raise more troops!

I thank you for your time."

Lord Haberdasher, obviously exhausted from this diatribe, collapses back into his bench. He is seen being carried from the House in a chair later.
 
Outside the entrance to the House of the Speaker:

"Lord Haberdasher! Lord Haberdasher! Ariel of Manchester, correspondent for Ye Sunne. Would you care to comment on the rumours of a Tory-Lib pact? Lord Haberdasher?"
 
Lord HJ rased up.
"Earl John, for keeping peace in the House of Lords, i give you until we have reconquerd Meath, my own family estate on the island of Man.
But lords we mustn't forget we are at war, we are at war for almost hundert years, we should't spoil our time on fighting with our landsmen.
We have to fight the friends.
We have money enough so let us rais troops.
 
May I suggest, Lord Speaker that you carefully recall the events surrounding the peace treaty with Scotland. It was not our kings decision to make, for it was Lord Faeelin's plan to give Meath to the Scots. How dare you accuse me of speaking against our noble king, God rest his soul? I demand a recant or your harshly spoken words!
 
The leader of the opposition returned to Parliament the next day, clearly drunk off his ass.

"First and foremost, Lord HJ, I will not accept any of your bribes to have me ignore the insults this Labour government has hurled upon wise King Henry, God rest his soul, and my family's honor, nor will I accept any of your bribes to ignore Labour's inept handling of this war. What kind of whore do you take me for, sir?

"Secondly, Lord Maines, you have neglected to remember that the noblemen and populace of Meath, by and large, are not Englishmen! When, and if, we recapture Meath, we will have to deal with decades of nationalistic revolts. Who do you expect will suffer the consequences, sir? You and your family in your comfortable English estate? Hah! Furthermore, our enemies, and for that matter, our allies do not see it as a propre English domains themselves, and would not take kindly to any reannexing of the province.

"This is quite simply an insult at Lancaster, the Tories, and my house, and any fool can plainly see it as such.

"Secondly, who are you to speak of treason!? You, who gave away Lancastrian domains to the damned Scots while our beloved sovereign was still fresh in his grave? You who have implemented this idiotic Labour monetary policy, shooting Lancastrian finances to hell? It would be wise for you to keep in mind that you are not King, and that you are nothing without the backing of your fellow nobles."

This time the Earl sat down to watch the final collapse of the Labour-centered government. Meanwhile, a private letter had been sent to the leader of Liberal Party.

Lord Haberdasher,

Due to the total incompetence of Labourite policies, I propose a Tory-LibDem coalition to knock their gov't out of power.

Earl John
 
"I must condemn you for such foolish words Lord John. It was none other than your parties defense Minister who suggested that we secede the lands to the scots. I demand that your party accept responsibility for these foolish actions, and further that you submit to this Parliament a suggestion on how, pretell, to correct your foolish actions."


With this, Lord Joseph Manderville stormed out of the session, utterly annoyed that he missed the vital meetings on what to do with Scotland. He was now convinced that the Party that served as the opposition was doing nothing other than screwing themselves over with their cluttered and chaotic thinking.
 
i say we need a different approach perhaps our southern irish neighbours should do it forus a tactful diplomatic move to eire and they could march an army onto meath and defeat the scot's i beleive that we could diplo annex them soon as well.

I think that the way the governement has gone about this peace treaty is disgraceful and believe the prime minister should be pushed to resign
 
While Lord Manderville was leaving, Earl John quickly retorted, "It may have been one of my Party members who suggested the diplomatic maneuvre, but it was the Labour-controlled government which has implemented it. If you recall, the majority of the Tories have declared their opposition to this insulting and supremely rash act.

"As for remedying this act, the damage has already been done, and is in the short term, quite irreversible. We must first focus on bringing Paris into English control."
 
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Lord Joseph, with his imfamous "Lord Joseph" grin, quickly turned to Earl John.

"Sir, since you have so accurately established cause for blame on both the Labour and Torie parties, perhaps would would agree that it might be a time for a change of power. My own liberal democrat party has taken no such blame for the blunderous way in which this government has carried out its making of peace. I could not agree with you more, sir"

With a laugh, Lord Joseph exited. While catching a few grins from members of Parliament on the way out. Appearently, Earl John had made a rather foolish boast :D
 
With a sadistic smile, John composed another letter:

Lord Joseph,

Sir, you have not the support among the nobles to implement your policies without our help. Only by compromising with us, can your tiny faction have any influence.

Earl John
 
Letter to Earl John:


Good Sir, you certainly speak the truth about the relatively small influence our faction might have in the political workings of this great nation. It is my sincerest wish that you continue your bull-headed foolishness, for that is the single greatest way for our tiny faction to rise to power. I bid you a good day now, kind sir, and consider discussion on this matter closed.

Quite Sincerely,

Lord Joseph Manderville
 
The next day, Mr. Thameswet, an MP and chief friend of Lord Haberdasher arose to speak:

"While My Lord Haberdahser is convalescing at his home, I have been given the honor to read this statement by him.

At this time the Liberal-Democratic party stands alone. We of course deplore the policies of the Labour party, but feel that the voters will make their own decisions as to which party should be in power when the time comes.

On this note, I would like to reiterate the Liberal-Democratic policies:

Expand the war with France. Take Paris.

Peace with our other opponents.

Royal marriages, especially with Venice.

Trade in Flanders, in Venice.

Improve the quality of our army.

Slash the enrichment of the royal treasury. The people's tax should go to infrastructure for the people. Make England a land fit to live in."


With a glare at the Labour party members, Mr. Thameswettakes his seat.

O.
 
Drunk as a Lord - No idle metaphor

The Labour party, still sans Prime Minister as far as the Reporter can tell, must be laughing up their sleeves at the foolish antics of their two main opposition Party Leaders, who today saw fit to air their Dirty Laundry in Public in a manner most unseemly and intoxicated, in their efforts to Unequivocably deny and possibility of a Tory-Lib Pact.

This news will surely come as a great relief to the Prime Minister - wherever he may be. For with the Tories and Liberals squabbling amongst themselves like so many insufficiently-beaten children, the Labour Party - Craven Surrenderers of Meath and its environs to the Heathen Irish - can now regroup and regather their momentum.

Good King Henry is dead and gone alas, but France is still the enemy and is there for the taking. Unless, of course, the Prime Minister is secretly planning to hand over the rest of our continental domains to the perfidious King Charles? Perhaps that's where he is - enjoying the luxury of the Parisian banqueting halls, while English families in Dublin are put to slavery by the Scots?

Well, ENOUGH, says this reporter. Down with the traitors to the English Crown! Ye Sunne calls on all true English Nobles to vote for a motion of No Confidence in the Labour Party Leadership! A General Election must be held At Once!
 
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"Earl, i didn't want to bribe you.
But you say that you don't want to be another John Landless.
I don't care if i'm landless, i only care of England.
Nobody likes you Tories, with your big estates and big parties.
I think that the Liberals have made the right choice.

No about real important things.
The war isn't going bad for us but it can be better.
We have to improve the quality of our man.
If we go for quantity we can make big armie's.
But if such a army of mayby 50.000 man is defeated by a army of 10.000 man, what does that matter?
 
Ignoring Lord Henry-John's words, Earl Hugh rose and nodded with paternal approval towards Messieur Thameswet.

"The good cityman speaks well, we must admit. The Chancellery of the Tories most particularly supports the economic policies of the Liberal Democrats. We would also recommend improving relations with the Burgundians, and most especially our vassals the Bretons. If we are ever to bring our vassals into the English fold, we must woo them with coin now; otherwise, we may never have the opportunity, for they may quit our alliance and collude with the hated French."

As Hugh continued on regarding the French, a runner rushed in and deposited a copy of Ye Sunne before him. A quick glance at the frontispiece caused him to break into a grin of... could it have been glee? The Earl nodded, once, to the Speaker, and retook his seat.
 
Englands Position Jan 2nd 1421

Lord Maines strolled into the chamber with an easy gait gently shaking his head but with a smile on his face. His robe trailing behind him he got up into his seat and surveyed the, now standing, house of lords. He cleared his throat, gestured for the standing lords to sit, and started his annual speech of the realm.

"Gentlemen this year started off on a confusing, and frankly distressing, note. Our forces besieging Paris, now sanse King Henry, were routed all the way back to Caux by the newly raised Royal Armee of France. This sparked a panic among our armed forces and the decision was to develope advanced training methods for our troops (OOC Quality +) this of course meant a little disorganisation in our realms but this was soon rectified. The army from caux marched to Orleans and joined up with General Beuchamp."

DP Settings and English holdings 1421

"Potential french allies Aragon started a war with its allies Naples against their neighbours Castille and Navarra thus engulfing Southern Europe and meaning that Iberian intervention in our struggle with france is now unlikely. Also, on the advice of Lord Haberdasher, we engaged in marriges between Burgandy and also a noble of Kleves was taken with a certain Cheryl Haberdasher and they left together, reports from kleves say they married in record time. We thank Lord Haberdasher for his contribution to the state." (OOC: :D)

"The next few months were pretty uneventful, the scots consolidated their hold on meath by sending 10000 troops to garrison the province. We sent a message to the scots saying that if the estates of Lord John were touched the war would be started up again. They remarkably took this pretty well and our negotiator was sent back with nails through his feet, i think this is a good result people. Now onto the later half of the year."

"As the clock struck midnight on the day of July 2nd the walls of Orleans were finally struck down to the point of no return and the mayor of Orleans surrendered the city, and in a harsh, but fair treaty, the entire province of Orleans was added to our empire. Leaving local militia units to garrison the province the Army of Beuchamp immediately marched to Paris again to resiege the city."

"On another note the tax reforms sweeping the south of the country were enlarged to the north as the results from the south look encouraging, the amount of capital flowing into the treasury doubled almost overnight, the populus wasnt that happy but there are no signs of rebellion. With this new capital we raised new armys on the continent to join the siege of vendee which was astounding our siege experts, as you know they suggested that it would fall in three months at the start of the year, however at the end of it it is still standing. The experts have all been sacked and secretly shipped to meath."

English Budget as of now

"On December 1st Venice sent us an offer for a marrige between one of their buxom beauties and one of our old fashioned gentlemen, we of course accepted, now gentlemen which of you lucky guys wishes to be the recipient... But enough of that, its time to talk about the momentus event of last year which happened a scant 7 days ago because of December 24th Beuchamp engineered the surrender of Paris!!! Gentlemen the capital of France is ours, our sources have reported no new troops being trained because of lack of french funds, we have the enemy on the ropes gentlemen, now lets finnish them off. Oh yeah and Beuchamp immediately started to marching to champagne, obviously wishing to sample the fine wine they produce there, and of course add it to our empire. A peace treaty by Avuegune was turned down and that ended the years action gentlemen. I thank you all for your time."


GAME INFO:

Stability: Just hit +3

Continetal Holdings: Normandie, Caux, Calais, Orleannais, Poitou, Gascogne.
Occupied Provinces: Picardee, Ile De France.
Sieged Provinces: Vendee, still!!!
 
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After the meeting Lord HJ talked with Lord Cook.
"Say Dannie, do you have any idea where the Prime minister is, we need him!
 
Mr. Thameswet stood up, regarded the smiling Lords, and spoke:

"Indeed, this is news well spoken, but some matters of importance to the Liberal-Democrats have not yet been enacted. We deplore the state of our budget, and reiterate our desire to stop shovelling money into royal coffers and start building roads, hospitals, and poorhouses. In short, my Lords, we must build infrastructure!"

Mr. Thameswet mopped his brow, and took his seat.
 
"This was what I was waiting for. We were chased out of Paris! May I remind you, from the very beginning I told you, my gentlemen, to take Orleans first, and Paris then. Now we had to do this a year later instead. Not a very clever decision, in my opinion.

The budget looks rather good, but I agree with Mr Thameswet, that we should invest more in our infrastructure. We should also send our merchants to Flanders, as we will be able to earn a lot of money that way.

Thank you, Mr Speaker"

Lord Cunningham sat down again.