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Thread: For to make learning of Great Moldavia history

  1. #1
    Chairman of this board Dysken's Avatar
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    For to make learning of Great Moldavia history

    Disclaimer, read this before you call us xenophobic d*ckwads: Any stereotyping of slavic or eastern european peoples are done purely in jest and is aimed at the westerners who hold these misconceptions rather than perpetuating them. This is largely inspired by the Jetlag travel book to Molvania, A land untouched by modern dentistry. Don't think of these people as Romanian as that is not our intent.

    "Foreign policy is like class reunion, it end with shoot out." - Moldavian saying

    Great Nation of Moldavia exist on luxcsious plain of east Danube. There great people of Moldavia grew substinence crops such as like Wheat and Apple. Mainly Wheat as Apple go to liqour produce. Much to joy of populace.

    In 1836 Great Nation of Moldavia was ruled by Great king of Moldavia, Great King Antoncescu. The Great King was inspire by republican France and instead of merely being King for life, he abolish monarky and make himself President for life. Great improve!

    Great People of Moldavia, very proud of main export and it fill every part of daily live. It even adopted as national emblem.



    After making more people produce more food. Great President Antoncescu sell for more money. Great economic genius he was remembered as. With newfound money steps against crime were taken. Great president institute death pennalty for all crime. Crime drop fast, population drop faster. Ammunition for army now large part of budget.


    note population growth at bottom

    At 1841 military coup was organized against Great president. Coup was put down at cost of 503 human lives and 5 gypsies. Ensuing celebration of coup failure cost 647 lives, mainly of alchohol poisoning and gunshot wound. Among them great president, who was shot 37 times in freak celebration accident.

    A new president claims seat and steer Moldavia to water not covered in dead fish.

    Sourze: Buscheks History of Moldavia 2nd Edition p.34-36
    Last edited by Dysken; 06-12-2007 at 02:15.
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  2. #2
    Tzar of all the Soviets RGB's Avatar
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    Well Borat's from around there originally for all his Kazakhstani claims. And the village really WAS shot in Romania I think.

    But that grammar is confusing me.....
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    Basileus Romaion Nikolai's Avatar
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    Great start!
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    Angel of Death germanpeon's Avatar
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    Yeah the village Borat is from is actually in Romania.
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    "For every leader, lurking behind are ten men who are wanting to be." -National Motto of Molvania

    Chapter the Second


    After celebrations for glorious vanquishing of coup, noble president was now dead. Commander of Presidential guard nobly stepped forward to be new leader. Much laughing and drinking out of grief.


    Best way to honor memory of fallen Glorious Leader



    New President inherit great country from Fallen leader. Now make much better through power of God.



    Much more priests now are having. Religions helping to be making think the people. What could being wrong going? With much more thinking because of Jesus, we are having many new technologies.



    Our military now much larger staff is having. Staff of Moldavia is envy of all Balkans!




    Basic Chemistry and Mining Machines we are now having. Element "Fruitium" identified. Most plentiful element in ALL Moldavia! Much better mining for fruit we can now be doing!



    Finally, better guns are we now having. All world is now respecting Moldavian army!

    Then, however, tragic event being happening. Government mining of Fruitium threatened Mafia control of product. Using new Muzzle Loaded Guns, ride-by shooting of Presidential palace occurred. President killed in cowardly attack when walls of office collapsed, along with five others people and one filthy Turk. New President is here to build a bridge to next glorious disaster.
    Last edited by HannibalBarca; 06-12-2007 at 03:12.
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  6. #6
    Chairman of this board Dysken's Avatar
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    Chapter the Third - the beginning


    "To steal mans donkey is to steal his income. To sleep with mans donkey is to steal his dignity." - Moldavian proverb.

    At 1846 the Great Nation of Moldavia lie in ruins. Great improve from 1841! Progress being made in all fields, especially fruit fields, they produce more apple than ever before! Economy was flourishing and Moldavian GDP per capita reach 10% of Europe average. Citizen afford to buy food and not make it into vodka. Things we're good.

    But although great time it were, foul smell linger at horizon like bedsheet at Iasi five star hotel. Great President take step to maintain equilibrium and outlaw public meeting, political parties and party's, labor unions, state press, bestiality and alphabet. While filthy lieberal oppose having political freedoms removed most accept new order. Few years after, great president could market Moldavia as least political aware country in Europe. With only 15% knowing what name they are. Many new priest educated from wheat field growing. Priest equally unaware of what going on, therefore evil circle of enlightenment age broken.



    But disaster happen in 1848 when filthy turk strike at heart of Moldavia. Students of Istanbul university of teknology strike under cover of darknes and construct experimental railroad in Iasi province. For to make easier turk troops get into Moldavia in conquer spree no doubt. Great president know what exactly to do in face of foreign aggressor. We must annex neighbor country of Wallachia!

    Diplomatic genius though Great President was he was not to be long live. With great economic prosper palace guard become complacent and allow foreign assassin to enter palace. In sleep he kill Great President with alchohol poisoning. Sneaky assassin never found, in honour of sneakyness December 31 renamed Independence day, New years day, Christmas, Easter and spring break.

    New President is chose by national lottery, may his years of life be as plentiful as his face have warts!

    Sourze:
    Buchkeks complete history of Moldavia, 2 and 2/3rd edition p.45-67.
    Last edited by Dysken; 07-12-2007 at 16:18.
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    Mostly Harmless oddman's Avatar
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    Interesting. Wonder how long it'll take for the illiterate masses to rise up against their clerical masters.

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    Interesting start...
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    this will be very different and stran....... *erhum* interesting AAR


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    Quite intetresting indeed...

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    "Woman like horse, it works if you hit enough." -Moldavian axiom

    Chapter After Third-War that we gain from despite no dying!


    Old president die like every good Moldavian hopes to-Vodka causes body to stop working. Over week of Spring Break, (1st January to 7th January) country chooses new leader through national "Moldavian lottery." Much Vodka is drinking in lottery. Hobo off streets of Iasi is winner! All hail New President!


    You're winner, Mr. President!

    New glorious hobo leader many great plans for Moldavia having. First, free Vodka for everyone! Second, all lay down and be real still!



    Now for brief tour of great continent Europe, courtesy of Moldavian Informational Ministry! Germany accepted proposal of Frankfurt, thereby weakening it in every way imaginable. We laugh at Germans and their soap. Belgium is satellite Germany, despite having no border. Belgians much smarter less than we! All hail Moldavia, second most powerful Romanian satellite of filthy Turks!

    Meanwhile, Filthy Turk is at war with the Russians being. Ivan too much drinking on the job is doing, and Turks are winning to begin. Recognizing powerful achievements of Great Moldavia, Ivan signs humiliating alliance treaty. Too drunk to notice Alliance excepts Ottoman Empire. Treaty signed in mixture of Ink, Vodka and Gypsy Blood. Much happy!



    However, war is soon ending being. Filthy Turk too stupid to notice that we are allied to Ivan. Now, Turkey give us free port on Baltic sea! Much drinking and celebration as new brothers welcomed to Moldavia. 342 dead.



    In 1856, though, national finally realizes President is not sleeping and has for the past 5 years dead being. People only noticing stench to begin. However, dead president accomplished much in his term. Even less peasants know own name, down to 8%. Also, many new technologies we are having. Moldavia now much better. All hail Moldavia!
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  12. #12
    Perpetually Confused likk9922's Avatar
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    Much better!
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    Chairman of this board Dysken's Avatar
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    Chapter the five - infiltratoring infidel!


    "Give a jew money and he will make a profit. Give a jew what he deserves and he will scream" - Moldavian national anthem.



    In year of 1851 Moldavia was at crossroads, literally. Great President decide whether to lead railroad into Austria or Russia. Stupid filthy turk will not know what happen until train stop in Vienna. Great President in stroke of genius and heart failure decide for both and neither. Train drives of cliff at end of railroad. Maintainance cost very high.


    In 1858 Wallachia is bought for 20 litre soup broth and a magazine with jokes about poles. King of Moldavia go into retirement and live happily ever after. Great President found realm of Romania, more important is that however now great Moldavia look like sideways duck. National flag is changed in honour of National sport "Tic-tac-toe" Prestige of Romania never been higher before. Now our name no longer cause laughter and vomit attacks.


    But disaster strike at unexpected opportun! Great Moldavia is now ruled not by great President but by not great king. Quickly reform is made and normal way return. Great President organize pogrom to find culprit whomever they be, he is amaze and shocked at what he see. Jews have infiltrate our most important industry of fish. Fish is important source of mercury and other heavy metal for chemical industry, jew are sabotaging industry for profit. Great President force them to go into hide. Wherever they may have gone....


    In 1861 fatal connection of sewage pipe in Bucharest flood President Palace with excrement. Sad time for Moldavia and Romania but great fun for skiing and children playground!

    Sourze: Bulchochs 1st edition of Romanian story of happened things, p.35
    Last edited by Dysken; 07-12-2007 at 01:23.
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  14. #14
    Chairman of this board Dysken's Avatar
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    Oddman: No of course I won't. It's just very exhausting to travel around the world to get good X for the Korean industry to function.

    Also if anyone else wants to play a presidency (5 years) just post here and we'll pm you where you can download the save. You'll need the latest version of VIP - revolutions to play though.
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  15. #15
    This is beyond genius. I'm loving every minute of it I think this ranks up there with Rustican's German RiskAAR.

    Much Vodka is drinking in lottery. Hobo off streets of Iasi is winner! All hail New President!
    High five!
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  16. #16
    Perpetually Confused likk9922's Avatar
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  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by HannibalBarca
    However, war is soon ending being. Filthy Turk too stupid to notice that we are allied to Ivan. Now, Turkey give us free port on Baltic sea! Much drinking and celebration as new brothers welcomed to Moldavia. 342 dead.
    Baltic?

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Tribolute
    Baltic?
    Better would be the Adriatic Sea. ^^

    Edit: Oh wait. Moldavia isn't even in the Balcans, is it? So it would be the Black Sea.. : /

  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by Kräutertea
    Better would be the Adriatic Sea. ^^

    Edit: Oh wait. Moldavia isn't even in the Balcans, is it? So it would be the Black Sea.. : /
    Baltic is the one with Sweden and Estonia/Latvia/Lithuania
    Adriatic Sea is the Balkan one.
    Black sea is the one we want here

    I have a feeling Moldavia will get to the Aegean before it gets to the Baltic.

  20. #20
    Lt. General HannibalBarca's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tribolute
    I have a feeling Moldavia will get to the Aegean before it gets to the Baltic.
    Much Vodka cartographers being having.

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