Skofte Ossorsson Crovan
King of Norway
Grumblings about the early years, 1142-1143
So, I’m King of Norway now. It’s kind of exciting and cool. All the chief vassals and nobles met with me to form the regency council, but they decided that it would be way better if I was in charge all by myself. They all smiled a lot and talked about how having a boy king would be really, really good for them. I guess they think I’m going to be really good as a king!
The good news started quick when one of my vassals (I don’t know all of their names yet) captured Lappland for me. He said he’d just keep it for himself, since I was so busy with the rest of Norway. He promised to give it back when I wasn’t so busy, which was very nice of him.
Sick Magnus, my little brother, told me he had some really cool new friends. They call themselves the “Almighty Latin Kings.” I guess they are big fans of Jesus – or maybe the Kingdom of Jerusalem, either one is great for Magnus. I told him that he should spend lots of time with them. He just made this weird hand gesture at me and said “Peace Out.” I don’t know what that means. Maybe the Latin Kings want to be pacifist monks?
One of my Irish vassals declared war on me today, saying he should be king and claiming all my Irish territories. This really surprised me since the Earl of Urmumu was one of the guys who really didn’t want a regency council, so I thought he liked me.
Magnus is really getting into this group he joined. He always has his friends, the Almighty Latin Kings, over and they stay in his room for hours listening to really loud lute music with the door locked.
The chambermaids have reported the strong smell of glue coming from the room, but Magnus assured me they are just building crafts in there.
He has seemed really nervous the last few weeks though. He is very jumpy and uneasy when in public and he goes everywhere surrounded by his friends.
I guess that drive by arrowing of those Trodelag Crips at Ye Olde Mall last month has him really nervous, but I don’t know why though, church groups don’t really need to worry about gang wars.
I got so distracted worrying about my brother, I forgot to mention that the Earl of Oppland, the Earl of Rogaland and the Duke of Orkney have all risen up in rebellion, claiming the throne for themselves.
I am really starting to think that the great vassals aren’t so great after all.
Now Jamtland has rebelled. Guys, we are still at war with Sweden, can’t you all betray me after that gets settled?
I don’t know who the Narkes are, but they just conquered one of my few loyal vassals. I’d give him another territory to rule over, but I never did learn what his name was.
Today a short tubby man with giant mustaches and red overalls came into my court. He unrolled a scroll and announced, “Today-a de mighty Count of Cremona has declared-a war upon you because-a he is de rightful king-a of all-a Noway.”
I was shocked. Cremona? Was this some sort of gag? I had him chased out of the castle by dogs.
Now the Duke of Karnten declared war on me and so did the King of Burgundy. I don’t know why. Maybe they’re friends with the Cremona guy?
Also, Jamtland offered me a whole pound of gold if I would let them go in peace.
I took it. I got bigger problems right now.
I got some more good news today: Osraige finally was recovered. Yep. Sweden, my traitorous “great vassals”, Burgundy, some pagans, a German Duke, and those Cremona guys are all planning to dismember the country, but good old Osraige has been recovered. We’re saved now fellows!
Well, Skofte’s reign is off to a promising start! No regency? Peace with mighty Jamtland, Great Osraige laid low? What’s left but to finish off the remnants of his enemies. Ha ha, but I jest. Will Skofte keep his throne? Will he manage to find some vassals who won’t betray him? Will we ever find out why Cremona, of all places, would declare war on Norway? What about Sick Magnus? What are they making in his room? Popsicle stick bridges? Find out the answers to each and every one of these questions (and more you didn’t dare to ask!) on the next exciting episode of