The Adventures of the Crovan Clan
- Thread starter Alfred Packer
- Start date
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In the mean time there seem not to be any vassals rebelling... I feel something is bound to be going really bad really soon... 
Murmurandus said:In the mean time there seem not to be any vassals rebelling... I feel something is bound to be going really bad really soon...
The current king is a direct descendant of a mad saint ... so I'd say that something really bad is already happening.
Sokraates said:
As long as he doesn't declare himself Jesus as well how bad can it get?
RGB said:
Declaring himself a Crovan should be bad enough but rather than Jesus I think he will go for the Antichrist. Damien Crovan, anyone?
It Lives!
Okay, so we didn’t find out much about the wars, but he did father another child and we did find out about the idiot son. What will Skule the Simple do to screw things up for himself next time? And will the new wife pump those kids out faster? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!
Bard II Goals play-at-home checklist!
Things to surpass:
1 - Going from Duke to King
2 - Famous Crusader – getting close!
3 - Out-conquer King Half-Dan – complete Episode 119
4 - Father 14 Kids – currently tally: 8 born (5 still living)
5 - Rule longer than 59 Years
6 - Sweet Hair – complete Episode 116
7 – Sweet catchphrase – complete Episode 119
Bard II Torbjornsson Crovan
King of Norway and of Serbia
The Early Years, 1399-1402
My latest war has concluded, with somewhat predictable results. And if you can’t remember what would be considered “predictable” after this long wait, let me remind you that I am the greatest Crovan of them all, or will be soon enough.
Yes, Skule the Simple gave away the largest city in the world, no strings attached, last time I put him in charge of something, but as my heir, I’ll have to trust him sooner or later with authority and I won’t miss these lands much if he screws up again.
Ka-Ching! That’s eight!
Well, well…it seems the Turks have surrounded me with their vassals…time to go “Half-Dan” on their asses…er…I mean time to “Take the Bard II them!”
Wow…sweet catchphrase…check!
I’m totally adding that to the list.
If I win this one, I am crossing #3 off the list.
Off we go…time to “Take the Bard II them!”
Oh yeah…that works.
We’ll sum this war up nice and quickly: It starts
With little guys
Giving me all their land and ends
with the Khwarizmi Shah giving me a ton of lands.
The war is still going on, of course, but this is where I lost interest, since I think I can claim #3 at this point.
King of Norway and of Serbia
The Early Years, 1399-1402
My latest war has concluded, with somewhat predictable results. And if you can’t remember what would be considered “predictable” after this long wait, let me remind you that I am the greatest Crovan of them all, or will be soon enough.
Yes, Skule the Simple gave away the largest city in the world, no strings attached, last time I put him in charge of something, but as my heir, I’ll have to trust him sooner or later with authority and I won’t miss these lands much if he screws up again.
Ka-Ching! That’s eight!
Well, well…it seems the Turks have surrounded me with their vassals…time to go “Half-Dan” on their asses…er…I mean time to “Take the Bard II them!”
Wow…sweet catchphrase…check!
I’m totally adding that to the list.
If I win this one, I am crossing #3 off the list.
Off we go…time to “Take the Bard II them!”
Oh yeah…that works.
We’ll sum this war up nice and quickly: It starts
With little guys
Giving me all their land and ends
with the Khwarizmi Shah giving me a ton of lands.
The war is still going on, of course, but this is where I lost interest, since I think I can claim #3 at this point.
Okay, so we didn’t find out much about the wars, but he did father another child and we did find out about the idiot son. What will Skule the Simple do to screw things up for himself next time? And will the new wife pump those kids out faster? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!
Bard II Goals play-at-home checklist!
Things to surpass:
1 - Going from Duke to King
2 - Famous Crusader – getting close!
3 - Out-conquer King Half-Dan – complete Episode 119
4 - Father 14 Kids – currently tally: 8 born (5 still living)
5 - Rule longer than 59 Years
6 - Sweet Hair – complete Episode 116
7 – Sweet catchphrase – complete Episode 119
- 1
Not only that, he's updating!Snugglie said:
Though Khwarizmi sounds like something that Bard just made up.
I hold a special place in my heart for the Khwarizmians, after the King of Germany decided to go crusading there -- and subsequently got himself killed -- in my own AAR. Ah, memories.Eams said:
I can hardly believe this is back, but now it is. Onwards to glory!
Yes, yes we're back for at least 50 more years of Crovan "Glory!"
Sorry for the delay.
Sorry for the delay.
The Holy Rollars Got Nothing on Bard
Well, well, so Bard II has actually allied with the Pope. Another Crovan first. Not that it has helped Skule any. Will King Ossor’s record fall? Will child number 10 arrive? What about Goal #1? Hasn’t that been completed already? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!
Bard II Goals play-at-home checklist!
Things to surpass:
1 - Going from Duke to King
2 - Famous Crusader – getting close!
3 - Out-conquer King Half-Dan – complete Episode 119
4 - Father 14 Kids – currently tally: 9 born (6 still living)
5 - Rule longer than 59 Years
6 - Sweet Hair – complete Episode 116
7 – Sweet catchphrase – complete Episode 119
Bard II Torbjornsson Crovan
King of Norway and of Serbia
The Middle Years, 1403-1408
I was busily assigning fiefs to my five year old son Erik, when I noticed there was another child in the Royal Nursery. This came as a surprise to me, but it would seem it is one of mine. I guess I lost count, but this means nine offspring! I’m getting closer Skule, you bastard.
Little Hakon gets the wild and woolly Border Province of Lower Dnieper. That should toughen him up some. And also insult the local nobility. A win-win, if you ask me.
And here is the reason I have suddenly been forced to take interest in my other offspring. Skule the Simple, the same 13 year old who just gave the entire City of Rome, its surrounding villages, farms, fisheries, and nunneries to the Pope for free has managed to get himself excommunicated.
Did I mention that the current Pope is both my personal confessor and dear friend?
He won’t say what Skule did to piss him off, just that he “deserves all the miseries Hell can inflict upon him.”
The Crovan Blood must run a little too strong in him.
Of course, having the Pope as a personal best friend has many uses. For example: did you know that the Duke of the Aegean Islands was a Godless Heretic whose total destruction has been sanctioned by the Church?
Neither did he.
And I need just one more county to form the Duchy of Bosnia. Uh oh…guess who’s just been outed as a closet Albigensian?
Well, we took the Bard II the Bosnians fast enough.
Somehow, the Countess of the Canary Islands has survived as a free and independent nation, even though vile Saracens have completely surrounded her. Fear not, gentle Countess, King Bard will protect you from any thrusts from the vile hordes. The arms of Crovan Norway will wrap about your sweet and nubile lands, rising – no – pusling forth from the arms of the warm, moist seas which surrounds…your…
Quick! To the Royal Bedchamber!
And summon the missus.
I think I feel child number 10 burning my loins.
My personal and best friend the Pope has been sitting back on his laurels for some time. If I am to out-Crusade King Ossor, I need to do more than just beat up on local Christian Lords with Church sanctioning. I also need to beat up on local Muslim Lords with Church sanctioning.
With that in mind, I have asked my good friend to call a Crusade against the Saracen Hordes in Jerusalem.
To help finance the Crusade, the Pope even made me an Authorized Indulgence Dealer.
Indulgences are kind of hard to explain, but think of them as a Lottery, in that the poor people all give me their cash in hopes of a better future, except that I don’t have to give any of it away.
And perfect timing! I was concerned the Aegean Crusade wasn’t going to end before I could launch the Jerusalem Expedition.
That would have messed everything up because the Crusades can’t overlap in any way, shape or form otherwise we can't just conveniently number them. And how will future historians be able to reduce each to a small story, isolated from context, and make sweeping generalizations about the Crusading movement as a whole if two Crusades went on at the same time, or small groups of Crusaders trickled into and out off the Holy Lands throughout the period? No, it is better this way. Each Crusade must have a beginning, middle and end.
King of Norway and of Serbia
The Middle Years, 1403-1408
I was busily assigning fiefs to my five year old son Erik, when I noticed there was another child in the Royal Nursery. This came as a surprise to me, but it would seem it is one of mine. I guess I lost count, but this means nine offspring! I’m getting closer Skule, you bastard.
Little Hakon gets the wild and woolly Border Province of Lower Dnieper. That should toughen him up some. And also insult the local nobility. A win-win, if you ask me.
And here is the reason I have suddenly been forced to take interest in my other offspring. Skule the Simple, the same 13 year old who just gave the entire City of Rome, its surrounding villages, farms, fisheries, and nunneries to the Pope for free has managed to get himself excommunicated.
Did I mention that the current Pope is both my personal confessor and dear friend?
He won’t say what Skule did to piss him off, just that he “deserves all the miseries Hell can inflict upon him.”
The Crovan Blood must run a little too strong in him.
Of course, having the Pope as a personal best friend has many uses. For example: did you know that the Duke of the Aegean Islands was a Godless Heretic whose total destruction has been sanctioned by the Church?
Neither did he.
And I need just one more county to form the Duchy of Bosnia. Uh oh…guess who’s just been outed as a closet Albigensian?
Well, we took the Bard II the Bosnians fast enough.
Somehow, the Countess of the Canary Islands has survived as a free and independent nation, even though vile Saracens have completely surrounded her. Fear not, gentle Countess, King Bard will protect you from any thrusts from the vile hordes. The arms of Crovan Norway will wrap about your sweet and nubile lands, rising – no – pusling forth from the arms of the warm, moist seas which surrounds…your…
Quick! To the Royal Bedchamber!
And summon the missus.
I think I feel child number 10 burning my loins.
My personal and best friend the Pope has been sitting back on his laurels for some time. If I am to out-Crusade King Ossor, I need to do more than just beat up on local Christian Lords with Church sanctioning. I also need to beat up on local Muslim Lords with Church sanctioning.
With that in mind, I have asked my good friend to call a Crusade against the Saracen Hordes in Jerusalem.
To help finance the Crusade, the Pope even made me an Authorized Indulgence Dealer.
Indulgences are kind of hard to explain, but think of them as a Lottery, in that the poor people all give me their cash in hopes of a better future, except that I don’t have to give any of it away.
And perfect timing! I was concerned the Aegean Crusade wasn’t going to end before I could launch the Jerusalem Expedition.
That would have messed everything up because the Crusades can’t overlap in any way, shape or form otherwise we can't just conveniently number them. And how will future historians be able to reduce each to a small story, isolated from context, and make sweeping generalizations about the Crusading movement as a whole if two Crusades went on at the same time, or small groups of Crusaders trickled into and out off the Holy Lands throughout the period? No, it is better this way. Each Crusade must have a beginning, middle and end.
Well, well, so Bard II has actually allied with the Pope. Another Crovan first. Not that it has helped Skule any. Will King Ossor’s record fall? Will child number 10 arrive? What about Goal #1? Hasn’t that been completed already? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!
Bard II Goals play-at-home checklist!
Things to surpass:
1 - Going from Duke to King
2 - Famous Crusader – getting close!
3 - Out-conquer King Half-Dan – complete Episode 119
4 - Father 14 Kids – currently tally: 9 born (6 still living)
5 - Rule longer than 59 Years
6 - Sweet Hair – complete Episode 116
7 – Sweet catchphrase – complete Episode 119
- 1
It will be interesting to see how a king manages to go from being a duke to becoming a king, indeed. And please, please, please tell me that Skule is the heir to the throne!
He'll have to get himself un-excommunicated first
On another note - here is a teaser shot of Crovan Norway on 1 January 1453.
You can't see it on the map, but 4 Centuries of Crovan mis-rule have left about 2/3 of Europe without even a level 1 fort and the place is dirt poor. I can barely afford the 9,000 troops the converter gave me (of course, the 30 ships are costing a pretty penny too)
I've played about 2 months of the game and it is going to be pretty interesting. I never really thought I'd go for a Crovan mega-campaign because EU didn't really lend itself to characters the way CK does, but I think I might try...the new missions and other features of IN can be used to give a character some character, if you will.
On another note - here is a teaser shot of Crovan Norway on 1 January 1453.
You can't see it on the map, but 4 Centuries of Crovan mis-rule have left about 2/3 of Europe without even a level 1 fort and the place is dirt poor. I can barely afford the 9,000 troops the converter gave me (of course, the 30 ships are costing a pretty penny too)
I've played about 2 months of the game and it is going to be pretty interesting. I never really thought I'd go for a Crovan mega-campaign because EU didn't really lend itself to characters the way CK does, but I think I might try...the new missions and other features of IN can be used to give a character some character, if you will.
- 1
Bard ought to un-excommunicate him (communicate him?) himself, for great justice. The guy is so ineffective and generally absurd that he has to be some sort of Crovan scion.
Glad to see you back, Alfred Packer! And I'm even gladder to see you continuing the sage for a few hundred years more.
How I yearn to see the Crovans meeting the Chinese Emperor. I'm sure one or two meetings will convince the Son of Heaven that he actually does not want to be the ruler of all under heaven.
How I yearn to see the Crovans meeting the Chinese Emperor. I'm sure one or two meetings will convince the Son of Heaven that he actually does not want to be the ruler of all under heaven.