Really, the leaving of Olaf should have made the commoners flame up in positivity... Wellwell, guess those Greeks have always been trouble, no matter who conquers them. Tsk tsk tsk.
The Adventures of the Crovan Clan
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1367-1370
So Eadbert has ended his civil wars rather quickly…or has he! Tune in next time when Wiglaf annoys the King, we get a picture of a Crovanless Scandinavia and someone gets murders. Who is the lucky victim? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!
Eadbert Thurcytelsson Crovan
King of Norway and of Serbia, called “The Mover”
Reflections on the middle years, 1367-1370
Lancaster sets a rebellion record. Not for speed, but for pointlessness. I mean, I gave him those lands specifically so that I would never have to worry about the place.
For the record, I am still not worrying about it.
And here is why: This is my new Kingdom of Norway and Serbia. I found that a good way to end your vassal problems is to simply destroy all of them. Of course, I can’t rule this whole place myself, but now I can take my time and put people I know I can trust into positions of minimal power.
For example, my dear son Edwy, whom you’ve never met before. He is now Duke of Athens. See that cute little mug? He won’t be betraying his pop!
I promoted the loyal Count of Naissus to the Dukedom of Viden and my trusty and beloved brother, I made him Duke of Dyrrachion. You will note, however, that no one has a power-base strong enough to threaten my grandmother, let alone the whole kingdom.
There are, of course, a few problems involved in ruling over a nation of heretics. I can only see one way out of their demands and that is to kill peasants until they accept Jesus. Then we will all share the same faith.
This is really annoying. I lead my troops into battle one lousy time and I get stabbed. And does it heal? No, of course not. It festers and swells and gets so red it glows.
And now this green gunk is oozing from the wound. The doctor says I shouldn’t worry because it is merely the residue demons leave behind when fleeing from the body, but I have my doubts.
My advisors have advised me to abandon my claim to the title of Essex. I was shocked.
Who the Hell thinks I want Exeter. I swear, it is easier to dump a clingy, drunk woman than it is to dump Norway and England.
The Phillipopolians have requested forced conversion. I am happy to oblige.
Hmmm…maybe we didn’t kill enough of them?
Imagine my surprise when I learned that the Duke of Lancaster and 600 men sailed all the way from England to Norway…well…not Scandinavian Norway, but Crovan Norway. You know, the place I rule over, not the geographic location. I mean, the people up in Scandinavia are Norse, true, and the people down here are Greek and Slavs…definitely not Norse at all. I mean, hell, I’m not even Norse…anyway, the Duke of Lancaster invaded my lands with a comically small army.
I sent the sheriff to arrest them.
King of Norway and of Serbia, called “The Mover”
Reflections on the middle years, 1367-1370
Lancaster sets a rebellion record. Not for speed, but for pointlessness. I mean, I gave him those lands specifically so that I would never have to worry about the place.
For the record, I am still not worrying about it.
And here is why: This is my new Kingdom of Norway and Serbia. I found that a good way to end your vassal problems is to simply destroy all of them. Of course, I can’t rule this whole place myself, but now I can take my time and put people I know I can trust into positions of minimal power.
For example, my dear son Edwy, whom you’ve never met before. He is now Duke of Athens. See that cute little mug? He won’t be betraying his pop!
I promoted the loyal Count of Naissus to the Dukedom of Viden and my trusty and beloved brother, I made him Duke of Dyrrachion. You will note, however, that no one has a power-base strong enough to threaten my grandmother, let alone the whole kingdom.
There are, of course, a few problems involved in ruling over a nation of heretics. I can only see one way out of their demands and that is to kill peasants until they accept Jesus. Then we will all share the same faith.
This is really annoying. I lead my troops into battle one lousy time and I get stabbed. And does it heal? No, of course not. It festers and swells and gets so red it glows.
And now this green gunk is oozing from the wound. The doctor says I shouldn’t worry because it is merely the residue demons leave behind when fleeing from the body, but I have my doubts.
My advisors have advised me to abandon my claim to the title of Essex. I was shocked.
Who the Hell thinks I want Exeter. I swear, it is easier to dump a clingy, drunk woman than it is to dump Norway and England.
The Phillipopolians have requested forced conversion. I am happy to oblige.
Hmmm…maybe we didn’t kill enough of them?
Imagine my surprise when I learned that the Duke of Lancaster and 600 men sailed all the way from England to Norway…well…not Scandinavian Norway, but Crovan Norway. You know, the place I rule over, not the geographic location. I mean, the people up in Scandinavia are Norse, true, and the people down here are Greek and Slavs…definitely not Norse at all. I mean, hell, I’m not even Norse…anyway, the Duke of Lancaster invaded my lands with a comically small army.
I sent the sheriff to arrest them.
So Eadbert has ended his civil wars rather quickly…or has he! Tune in next time when Wiglaf annoys the King, we get a picture of a Crovanless Scandinavia and someone gets murders. Who is the lucky victim? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!
- 1
Thank you for that valuable insight into the theories of medieval (european) medical science.
And yes, there's still plenty of incompetence, though unusually little of it is coming from the Crovans'.
And yes, there's still plenty of incompetence, though unusually little of it is coming from the Crovans'.
The best ever was when that Child-King thought all Herald's were named Harald.
Just the way it had that bubble up top and then what the herald said about it. I'll just be walking out side or going about my daily routine, and that will pop to mind...and I'll crack up.
Just the way it had that bubble up top and then what the herald said about it. I'll just be walking out side or going about my daily routine, and that will pop to mind...and I'll crack up.
Snugglie: Energetic, and bad at math.
Eams: fear not, that will change soon enough
MechTheDane: Oh yeah, Skule was one of my favorite monarchs. I liked Skofte alot too, but Skule's early years were fun.
Eams: fear not, that will change soon enough
MechTheDane: Oh yeah, Skule was one of my favorite monarchs. I liked Skofte alot too, but Skule's early years were fun.
1370-1372
Uh oh…something is rotten in the state of Norway. Edwy’s promising career has been cut short. A father grieves. Will Eadbert lash out? Will he father a new heir? Should Alfred be concerned about this? What about the Korintiosites? Boy are they in for it! Find out what happens on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!
Eadbert Thurcytelsson Crovan
King of Norway and of Serbia, called “The Mover”
Reflections on the middle years, 1370-1372
Damn Wiglaf can’t even die usefully, willing all his domains to “The Rightful King of All Norway.”
I dropped those Norse lands like a dead ferret.
Okay, I admit it; a Musical Production of “The Home Life of Saint Hubert the Silent” will not go down in history as one of my greatest achievements.
The Beydom of Korinthos has thrown off the shackles of oppression and friend themselves from the oppressive Cyrenacian Emirs who held them in captivity. Since they are now a tiny, once province nation on the border of the mightiest country in Christendom, they should probably go ahead and start getting fitted for new shackles.
I’ve dispatched a nice little task-force of 12,000 men under Marshal Cuthbert. They should make short work of these infidels.
While all that was going on, my wife went and murdered her sister. They got into some silly, woman-type fight over whether or not disobedient handmaidens should be flogged across the back or down the spine and Aethelswyth lost her temper.
I guess I could have charged her with murder, but since her sister is English, I guess I should really reward her.
Meanwhile, the foolish Bey of Korinthios actually launched an attack on my dear son Edwy’s capital at Athens. Luckily, most of the task force was there to back him up. This is Edwy’s first battle, so I am pretty excited he will really get some glory, especially since he outnumbers the heathens by some four to one.
Of course, the lad wins a crushing victory, as to be expected. I’ve allowed him to lead the invasion into Corinthios.
I am thinking of giving the boy a parade after this is over, really make it clear that the heir is worthy of the father.
Okay, this was unexpected. I mean, the Korinthiosians were outnumbered by 12 to one, they were demoralized and defeated just days before.
Now my boy is dead.
I worked my whole life to build a new and better home for the Crovan family, my family and now, what is there? My closest living relative is my brother Alfred. I made this place, why should that bum and his heirs get to enjoy it? No. Something will have to be done about this.
King of Norway and of Serbia, called “The Mover”
Reflections on the middle years, 1370-1372
Damn Wiglaf can’t even die usefully, willing all his domains to “The Rightful King of All Norway.”
I dropped those Norse lands like a dead ferret.
Okay, I admit it; a Musical Production of “The Home Life of Saint Hubert the Silent” will not go down in history as one of my greatest achievements.
The Beydom of Korinthos has thrown off the shackles of oppression and friend themselves from the oppressive Cyrenacian Emirs who held them in captivity. Since they are now a tiny, once province nation on the border of the mightiest country in Christendom, they should probably go ahead and start getting fitted for new shackles.
I’ve dispatched a nice little task-force of 12,000 men under Marshal Cuthbert. They should make short work of these infidels.
While all that was going on, my wife went and murdered her sister. They got into some silly, woman-type fight over whether or not disobedient handmaidens should be flogged across the back or down the spine and Aethelswyth lost her temper.
I guess I could have charged her with murder, but since her sister is English, I guess I should really reward her.
Meanwhile, the foolish Bey of Korinthios actually launched an attack on my dear son Edwy’s capital at Athens. Luckily, most of the task force was there to back him up. This is Edwy’s first battle, so I am pretty excited he will really get some glory, especially since he outnumbers the heathens by some four to one.
Of course, the lad wins a crushing victory, as to be expected. I’ve allowed him to lead the invasion into Corinthios.
I am thinking of giving the boy a parade after this is over, really make it clear that the heir is worthy of the father.
Okay, this was unexpected. I mean, the Korinthiosians were outnumbered by 12 to one, they were demoralized and defeated just days before.
Now my boy is dead.
I worked my whole life to build a new and better home for the Crovan family, my family and now, what is there? My closest living relative is my brother Alfred. I made this place, why should that bum and his heirs get to enjoy it? No. Something will have to be done about this.
Uh oh…something is rotten in the state of Norway. Edwy’s promising career has been cut short. A father grieves. Will Eadbert lash out? Will he father a new heir? Should Alfred be concerned about this? What about the Korintiosites? Boy are they in for it! Find out what happens on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!
- 1
Ouch, pooer Edwy. Not only did he lack an n his whole life, but he dies in combat with a few measly Mohammedan heretics?
The Crovan blood runs true in the Saxon branch.
The Crovan blood runs true in the Saxon branch.
Edwy apparently had no stairs to fall down, so he decided to kill himself in the next best way - by idiocy in a gimme battle.
The Crovan tradition lives on.
The Crovan tradition lives on.
It takes some skill to die in an embarassing way even before you've climbed the throne. Also, Eadbert is suspiciously infertile for being a Crovan.
Also, Eadbert is suspiciously infertile for being a Crovan.
Murmurandus: Indeed he did. And his passing has brought out the True Crovan in his father as well
jordarkelf: It really does. That death was a shock (to me and the King) and will shake Eadbert to the ground
General_BT: There will be mayhem a plenty for Crovan Death's Biggest Fan in the next few episodes!
Snugglie: He really is...this is the second succession crisis in the whole game.
Without further ado, since tomorrow morning will be quite busy at work, I give you Tuesday Morning's Update on Monday Evening!
jordarkelf: It really does. That death was a shock (to me and the King) and will shake Eadbert to the ground
General_BT: There will be mayhem a plenty for Crovan Death's Biggest Fan in the next few episodes!
Snugglie: He really is...this is the second succession crisis in the whole game.
Without further ado, since tomorrow morning will be quite busy at work, I give you Tuesday Morning's Update on Monday Evening!
1372-1375 Let the Good Times Roll!
Well, that answers the question on weather or not Eadbert will lash out. Who will be the next victim of his wrath? His new wife? His Spymaster? The Royal Household? His brother Alfred? Some combination of the above? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!
Eadbert “The Unhinged” Thurcytelsson Crovan
King of Norway and of Serbia, called “The Mover”
Reflections on the middle years, 1372-1375
I have given this much thought and the only way I can see out of this succession mess is to violently murder my wife Aethelswyth, who is clearly not that good at pumping out children, and marry some nubile young thing who will pop out heirs a plenty.
No problem. I’ll just hide behind these curtains in her Knitting Room and…*shhh* here she comes.
HAHA! PREPARE TO DIE WITCH!
Oh God! I forgot how strong you are!
*stab, stab*
Ack! Those needles are like daggers!
*shove, shove*
No! NOT THE WINDOW!
OH GOD! HELP! HELP! BRING AN AXE!
*scuffle, scuffle*
THANK GOD!
QUICK, SPYMASTER GEOFFREY! HACK HER UP!
*cough* *cough* Ha! Thank God you showed up! Man, I forgot she was an experienced murderer or I’d have had you take her on from the get go!
Your majesty! We heard you calling for help throughout the castle, so we, the entire household and royal guard have…hey! What’s going on here?
Oh, hey everyone…
No, no reason to come in…no, she’s fine. Really. Um. We’re just acting…you know. Ha, ha, practicing for “The Home Life of Saint Hubert The Silent II: Hubert Strikes Back.” Yeah. The missus is practicing for the big death…scene…you guys aren’t buying this are you?
Well shit.
Oh well, at least part 2 of the plan is off to a great start.
Hm. Part 3 needs more work.
Saexred the Courtier quit yesterday. He got a new job on the Isle of Lesbos.
I can’t really blame him.
Meanwhile, some guy named Arnfast died and left me a huge pile of money. I don’t know who he is, but I hope more of his relatives die.
Off to the nannies with you, my little disappointment.
Now my wound has starting oozing a thick, black fluid. It bubbles from time to time and the skin around it has taken on a black and cracked look.
The doctor said this is what happens when Wife Murdering Dirt-Bags invite the Devil into their souls.
I think I’m going to get a second opinion.
For some reason, the Duke of Temes, who remained loyal throughout my Civil War finds it intolerable to serve under a wife-murderer. Soon enough we will see how tolerable he finds service below decks on a slave-galley.
King of Norway and of Serbia, called “The Mover”
Reflections on the middle years, 1372-1375
I have given this much thought and the only way I can see out of this succession mess is to violently murder my wife Aethelswyth, who is clearly not that good at pumping out children, and marry some nubile young thing who will pop out heirs a plenty.
No problem. I’ll just hide behind these curtains in her Knitting Room and…*shhh* here she comes.
HAHA! PREPARE TO DIE WITCH!
Oh God! I forgot how strong you are!
*stab, stab*
Ack! Those needles are like daggers!
*shove, shove*
No! NOT THE WINDOW!
OH GOD! HELP! HELP! BRING AN AXE!
*scuffle, scuffle*
THANK GOD!
QUICK, SPYMASTER GEOFFREY! HACK HER UP!
*cough* *cough* Ha! Thank God you showed up! Man, I forgot she was an experienced murderer or I’d have had you take her on from the get go!
Your majesty! We heard you calling for help throughout the castle, so we, the entire household and royal guard have…hey! What’s going on here?
Oh, hey everyone…
No, no reason to come in…no, she’s fine. Really. Um. We’re just acting…you know. Ha, ha, practicing for “The Home Life of Saint Hubert The Silent II: Hubert Strikes Back.” Yeah. The missus is practicing for the big death…scene…you guys aren’t buying this are you?
Well shit.
Oh well, at least part 2 of the plan is off to a great start.
Hm. Part 3 needs more work.
Saexred the Courtier quit yesterday. He got a new job on the Isle of Lesbos.
I can’t really blame him.
Meanwhile, some guy named Arnfast died and left me a huge pile of money. I don’t know who he is, but I hope more of his relatives die.
Off to the nannies with you, my little disappointment.
Now my wound has starting oozing a thick, black fluid. It bubbles from time to time and the skin around it has taken on a black and cracked look.
The doctor said this is what happens when Wife Murdering Dirt-Bags invite the Devil into their souls.
I think I’m going to get a second opinion.
For some reason, the Duke of Temes, who remained loyal throughout my Civil War finds it intolerable to serve under a wife-murderer. Soon enough we will see how tolerable he finds service below decks on a slave-galley.
Well, that answers the question on weather or not Eadbert will lash out. Who will be the next victim of his wrath? His new wife? His Spymaster? The Royal Household? His brother Alfred? Some combination of the above? Find out on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!
- 1
He'll take on the whole world at the same time, have a fit, die miserably and his brother will take over. That's my prophecy.
Eadbert's attempt at telling a lie was classic! Though the plan is only successful if he starts having sons...
...then again, there's the "father a bastard and declare him legitimate" route as well...
...then again, there's the "father a bastard and declare him legitimate" route as well...
I wonder what Ashild said when she found out that she was to marry a sickly twerp who murdered his last wife in a brilliantly incompetent fashion...