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Thread: The Adventures of the Crovan Clan

  1. #461
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    Eams: Oh I dare! And thanks

    Sokraates: Wow, the Ninjas were a hit...now if I could only work in some pirates...

    Murmurandus: Not for long!

    kalenderee: I wondered if that scene would work...I'm glad it did.

    I'll miss the Crovans as well. It's hard to believe there is only a century left!

  2. #462
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    1344-1349

    Wulfhere “The Saxon” Haraldsson Crovan

    King of All Norway of Sweden, of Denmark and of Serbia



    Ruminations on the middle years, 1344-1349











    I dare.













    And it seems my German vassals are in trouble again. Since it isn’t their fault this time, I will send some help.









    The Sheik of Plauen is defeated and absorbed in short order. I don’t know what the little guy was thinking! Like the King of Germany was going to try and stand up to Norway?











    And Byzantion falls! I immediately sent word of my conquest to the Pope. He, of course sent back a note to inform me that while he might have said “Crusade to liberate Constantinople,” what he really meant was “Crusade to liberate Antioch.”

    I hate that guy.












    William de Montfort, one of my most disloyal, vile and just all around pissy courtiers (he is English, you know), has committed Murder Most Foul. Traditionally, Crovan monarchs have looked upon court murderers with affection and favor. In fact, William murdered his brother Alfred, thereby destroying another disloyal and vile English courtier.

    Usually, this would be cause for promotions, but I think I will hang him instead. It will keep the other courtiers on their toes and, really, William is just the kind of guy you want to kill.












    Halland seems to have acquired some Heretics. They are tax-paying Heretics, so I’ll probably just ignore it for now.











    Edric the Monkey Boy stumbled into my offices today.

    He loudly demanded to know the reason why he cannot have some lands to rule over and then launched into some monologue about how he is unappreciated and how I’ve always loved Thurcytel more and how he can’t eat with the corks on his forks and on and on and on.

    I ever so quietly rose from my seat and slipped past him and out the door, leaving Edric alone in the room.

    The last thing I heard as I tip-toed out the hallway was him blathering on about how the Count of Hasingland has offered him a job and if I’m too mean to want to help my own son he might just…blah blah blah, you get it.










    In the hallway were emissaries from the King of England requesting a formal alliance. I cut them off and asked who the English were at war with.

    The emissaries looked a little embarrassed. “Enemies of the faith sire, The Shieks of El Bierzon and Plasencia, the Emir of al-Murabitids, Scotland.”

    “Scotland?” I replied.

    The emissary cleared his throat, “I think I head the Scottish King say that Jesus was crucified on an ‘X’ shaped cross rather than a T-Bar…so…you know…he is kind of a Heretic.”

    I turned and went back to my office. Better Edric’s prattle than this.












    When I returned Edric was involved in a spirited argument with an armoire. Apparently it did not hold him enough as a child. I slipped up behind him and yelled “Boo!”

    Edric collapsed on the floor clutching his chest. I’d forgotten he had a heart condition.

    As he writhed, I tried to lighten the moment with some humor.

    “Good news Edric, you will get your lands to rule over now…all six feet of them!”

    This was a good plan, because I certainly had a hearty chuckle and I’m sure Edric would have too if he wasn’t so busy expiring on my floor.













    Edric’s death got me thinking about my own mortality, which of course led me to consider the future of the family Empire. Elective Law was fine for Bard, because, let’s face it, I was by far the mightiest vassal. No one was going to mess with Wulfhere the Saxon.

    My boy Thurcytel is another story. He has done well in England, although he has picked up a couple of unpleasant habits, but…well…let’s just say there are some powerful Norse Lords who wouldn’t mind making a solid play for the throne.

    This is going to anger the nobles, but then, they’re always pretty mad anyway.






    Constantinople has fallen to Wulfhere’s armies, he has secured the succession for his son and even managed to execute an Englishman (the ancient Crovan foe). Not a bad day for the King of Norway. Join us when Leofwine annoys his father on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!

  3. #463
    Crusader for Fun and Profit Murmurandus's Avatar
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    Mmm, it seems those vassals aren't what they were anymore... damn sissies, I'd say...
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  4. #464
    Detective Lt., Police Squad Eams's Avatar
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    Ehum, what's with Wulfhere's wife sporting a veil?
    And congratulations, you've really managed to get him across as a total, heartless bastard who'd sell his soul to the devil for a tenner and kill his own mother just for laughs.
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  5. #465
    I am the Law Sokraates's Avatar
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    Wulfhere the Saxon has certainly brought a new type of Crovan into this AAR: a sensible and nonchalant Crovan. It's funny what a few years far away from most of the other Crovans and the castle of Viken (does it remind anyone else of "wicked"?) can do to your mental health.
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  6. #466
    Zealous Firebrand Snugglie's Avatar
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    It just doesn't feel right that Wulfhere is actually related to men such as Ossor and Bawd. He seems to be of another breed.
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  7. #467
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    Murmurandus: They sure aren't - but they will be making a comeback soon enough!

    Eams: His old wife died and he remarried a random woman at court. The events were documented, but left on the cutting-room floor

    Sokraates: This is true...Thurcytel, on the other hand, has been living in the British Isles, which is were the crazyness began...

    Snugglie: This is true...but then he is also the first non-Norse Crovan King.

    Yesh...it has been a solid week since I last posted. Not good! I let my buffer run out some time ago and have been sucked into a very good EUIII game over the last week - the purpose for the buffer!

    So, today is devoted to recreating that buffer!

    And now, lets get things back on track around here.

  8. #468
    Off Again Alfred Packer's Avatar
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    1349-1351

    Wulfhere “The Saxon” Haraldsson Crovan

    King of All Norway of Sweden, of Denmark and of Serbia



    Ruminations on the later years, 1349-1351











    Leofwine interrupted a cabinet meeting to announce that, since he is a man, he should have some responsibilities around the Kingdom.

    Having compared his strengths and weaknesses to the various jobs in the Royal Cabinet, he declared that he would make an ideal Steward and should be promoted over the “wretch currently mismanaging the Kingdom.”

    I think my face twitched. I know it was getting red.

    Steward Aethelhild, who was, of course, sitting right there at the table coughed twice.

    Spymaster Aethelthryth shook his head as he rubbed his eyes.

    Chancellor Mangus just rolled his eyes and went back to planning treachery.

    Marshal Sigtrygg wisely chased Leofwine from the room before I murdered him.












    With Leofwine gone from the room, we went back to the day’s business. It would seem the Count of Adger has rebelled against his liege lord, the Duke of Vestlandet. I like it when the Dukes get a taste of their own medicine, but I still sent the Marshal and an army to crush the upstarts.











    The next item on the agenda was finding a successor to rule the Duchy of Uppland, based at the far off island of Aland. It is so cold, unpleasant and lonely up there that many noble families would consider it an insult to be assigned such domains.

    Steward Aethelhild had a great idea.

    That’s why she’s the Steward.











    Dealing with Leofwine made me seriously consider becoming a celibate, but it is about 19 years to late for that.












    And now the rebels have begun to appear. The Duke of Jamtland makes the first declaration.












    I’ve decided to just crush him with overwhelming force, maybe scare the others into line.











    Good news from Byzantion. It seems that in the sunny south, obeying one’s liege lord is the order of the day for the Turkish citizens have all spontaneously and without coercion embraced Catholicism at once.

    You Vikings could learn a lesson or two from them.










    And, of course, in the German Lands: rebellion. I knew there were going to be problems here eventually.












    Another dead Duke’s son just about falls over his father’s corpse begging for his life in exchange for eternal (ha!) fealty and a big bag of gold.













    The Count of Hellas has clearly been spending too much time hanging out with the Norse Lords. He must not be aware that I command the Byzantion Garrison. Perhaps a visit by 30,000 well armed emissaries of wanton destruction will teach him the proper obedience.





    Oh goody. Rebellious vassals again. Who would have seen that coming (I mean besides everyone). Join us when Wulfhere collects some large cash rewards on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!

  9. #469
    Crusader for Fun and Profit Murmurandus's Avatar
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    Ah, back to daily routine...
    "May the Earth tremble with Beer... euh, Fear"

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  10. #470
    I am the Law Sokraates's Avatar
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    Oh goody, goody! The Crovan Curse (AKA vassals) returns! That's what you get from living in Viken castle.

    Have you ever considered splitting the Saxon Crovan line? The miserable failures should keep Norway and western Europe with all its problems while the most competent heir to Wulfhere's throne should get Byzantion and rule in the warm, mediterranean climate.

    Surely Wulfhere should by now have realized that Viken castle is no place for smart, energetic people. And those vassals should get what they deserve: everything but a good king.
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  11. #471
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sokraates
    Oh goody, goody! The Crovan Curse (AKA vassals) returns! That's what you get from living in Viken castle.

    Have you ever considered splitting the Saxon Crovan line? The miserable failures should keep Norway and western Europe with all its problems while the most competent heir to Wulfhere's throne should get Byzantion and rule in the warm, mediterranean climate.

    Surely Wulfhere should by now have realized that Viken castle is no place for smart, energetic people. And those vassals should get what they deserve: everything but a good king.
    no comment

  12. #472
    Crazy Crusader Kings Creator jordarkelf's Avatar
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    For someone who's both a Saxon AND a Crovan, Wulfhere isn't doing too bad.

    Love the "promotion" of Leofwine!

    And how/when did Byzantium turn Turk?

  13. #473
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    Quote Originally Posted by jordarkelf
    For someone who's both a Saxon AND a Crovan, Wulfhere isn't doing too bad.

    Love the "promotion" of Leofwine!

    And how/when did Byzantium turn Turk?
    Pretty early on...Byzantium collapsed in rebellion before 1100 (1080's I think) and the Turks overran the whole lot...once Germany and Hungary all collapsed (Hungary dissolved right after Byzantium) Turks and Fatimids overran all of the Balkans

  14. #474
    Zealous Firebrand Snugglie's Avatar
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    If Leofwine keeps on with his outrageous demands, you could eventually promote his to chief commisar of Byzantion; I'm convinced there will be trouble down there within a not all too distant future.
    Stand up, all victims of oppression,
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  15. #475
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    Haha, Crovans, still working hard at pacifying Norway.

    Some work is never done.
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  17. #477
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    1352-1353 : 300 down, 100 to go

    Wulfhere “The Saxon” Haraldsson Crovan

    King of All Norway of Sweden, of Denmark and of Serbia



    Ruminations on the later years, 1352-1353











    The Duchess of Messien decided that she wanted her realm overrun with Vikings, her castles, serfs and farm animals destroyed, her portable goods hauled off, her not-so-portable goods either trampled by horses or burned to the ground (whichever is easier) and her children, grand-children, cousins, brothers, uncles and aunts massacred.

    Well, she called it “Attempting to Overthrow the King of Norway.”

    You know… Tomayto - Tomatto












    With her lands pillaged beyond recognition, the Duchess has decided to show her renewed loyalty with a large cash reward, which I was happy to accept.











    Hellas also enjoyed a nice pillaging followed by a nice contribution to my coffers.

    I would normally celebrate this, but I have taken to my sick-bed with rather serious pains.

    Also, the old Ninja wounds are itchy, red and painful.










    Well, this is it. The doctor has just left. He informed me that the problem seems to be an almost absurdly slow acting poison introduced into my system during the Ninja attack. There is no cure. I will be dead in a fortnight. Had I not already revenged myself on Voislav ten years ago, you know, when I was stabbed by the Ninjas, I would probably be more upset. Anyway, this is the end. I guess I will send for Thurcytel.

    Good lord, this dying thing is awfully boring. Nothing to do but sit here in my room and stare at the ceiling.

    I wish I wasn’t illiterate.





    And so Wulfhere the Saxon slips the mortal coil. What sort of Monarch will Thurcytel be? What were those “bad habits” he picked up while living in England? Will there be rebellion? That last was a silly question! Find out the answers on the next exciting episode of The Adventures of the Crovan Clan!

  18. #478
    I am the Law Sokraates's Avatar
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    All hail King Wulfhere! Thou shall be missed and remembered as the only sensible Crovan King of Norway in History.

    Regarding rebellions, I can imagine the discussion:

    Vassal1: The King is dead, long live the KIng!
    Vassal2: Wait a second. Long live the King?
    V1: That's what we are supposed to shout, aren't we?
    V2: Normally, yes, but have you taken a look at our new King?
    V1: Now that you mention it ... Thurcytel is a funny name. But nevertheless he's a true son of Wulfhere. A legitimate son, mind you.
    V2: True, but have you considered his upbringing?
    V1: Cruel and unusual?
    V2 *nods*: Exactly: England.
    V1 *shudders*
    V2: Not to mention that they have men running around in skirts.
    V1: Belly dancers?
    V2: Warriors. And not to mention the food.
    V1: The horror ... and this man shall be our liege?
    V2: It seems so ...
    V1 and V2 exchange glances.
    V1+V2: The King is dead, burn the new King!

    P.S.: I imagine people from London running for their nearest bomb shelter when the short "names" of the vassals are read aloud.
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  19. #479
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    Personally, I'd say that Wulfhere was the maddest of the lot.
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  20. #480
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    Between Kwikwetlem and Qayqayt
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    5,575
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    Waiting to die must be worse than waiting for the dentist. And you can't even read the National Geographic while at it...
    The Russia Megacampaign - See my other work at my Inkwell

    A YeAAR's Education - Rurikovich in Crusader Kings 1066-1393

    From Rus to Russia - Kiev in EU3 1393-1836 - Get the Loading Screen Pack - Weekly Showcased AAR, 6/6/09 and 7/7/10 - WritAAr of the Week, 27/7/10 - Ambitions are denied and tasks appointed - Check out the first installment of the Medieval Atlas!

    Duke of Bonbon, and also Chevalier Grand Croix of the Ordre Militaire du Saint Christophe.

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