Skule Half-Dansson Crovan
King of All Norway of Sweden and of Denmark
Thoughts on his reign – the latter-latter years, 1318 – 1324
Another hot young lady requested a little Skule-Time.
The chicks still
dig the hair.
It should not surprise you, since I am a walking bag of human fertilizer, that this coupling has also produced a Royal Bastard.
The Papal Nuncio stopped by and pointed out that having 8 (maybe 9, I think I've lost count) children by 8 or 9 different women is a sin, no matter how many die or are brutally murdered.
I apologized and went to church once to appease him.
The Papal Nuncio didn’t leave like usual though. Instead he stayed around Viken Castle, just kind of making a nuisance of himself.
A few inquires revealed that Mr. Big-Shot Papal Nuncio’s visit might have been prompted more out of homelessness rather than the usual holier-than-thou shenanigans of the Papacy.
I had the washer women chase him out with brooms.
As we watched the Papal Nuncio flee on his gilded horse, little Sigurd looked up at me as asked, “Daddy, why are the priests all so fat and rich and ride such nice horses if they are supposed to be helping the starving poor people?”
I looked down at Sigurd. “I don’t see you donating any of your crap kid.”
Then I went back into the castle.
The Duke of Uppland, who lives in Aland, and his 1000 retainers just declared war on me, King of Norway and commander of up to 120,000 “loyal” demesne and vassal troops.
He should have tried his luck a few decades ago.
At the big War Council, I was meeting with my top vassals when the Knights and Barons of Viken, the home province, made a suggestion.
Apparently, in France and England, the King and his nobles get first crack at all nubile young brides.
I was shocked at first. We can do this? And the Pope is cool with it?
I put the war plans on hold and went scouting the churches for local weddings.
The embarrassing part of acknowledging Agnes’ claim isn’t that I’ve produced yet another Bastard. No, it is admitting I slept with Agnes “Man Hands” Oland.
The guys will never let me live that down.
And Duke Erik Noforesight of Uppland surrenders.
Now the Duke of Bergslagen has rebelled. Well, as long as nothing major happens, I should be able to stamp this all out without too much difficulty.
I don’t know who is to blame for this flurry of official dispatches cluttering my desk, but I think it means I’m at war with England again.