Discomb Update 4: All the Ghosts of Mozambique
Change of plans. Forget the Benelux. Italy is the next biggest conquest, and I had just the perfect plan. All my infantry were retreating from Spain to the Italian border, and they needed a good rest from all the campaigning in France and later the Iberian. 4 tank corps, however, strategically redeployed to Bulgaria and Romania, preparing for operation “DIE YUGOSLAVIA DIE”, very covertly named so as to confuse enemy spies should they come across this top secret file.
Me showing Myth my plans for the liberation of Yugoslavia.
The liberation went according to plan. There were very few setbacks and very soon I was on the border with Italy, eating their pizzas. However, I also had the random idea of taking out Hungary while my tanks were in the area. Oh what a terrible idea that was…
My displaying my less than awesome siege of Budapest with tank corps.
Yes, yes, mountains, urban province. My tanks practically… well… the official version is that they drove on vigorously and in fact ended up on the other side of where the city was marked on the map, because they could not believe that the crumpling dwellings of mud and dung were in fact the capitol city of a European nation. Realistically though, my tanks rammed fruitlessly against a brick wall and weren’t getting anywhere. I eventually had to pull back and lure the enemy out of the capitol to crush them elsewhere, and then resume the siege. It was unpleasant to the core and Myth laughed so hard that I could hear him through the wall. I don’t remember this actually, but I can clearly imagine that this would happen.
In fact to be perfectly honest I feel that Hungary (though to a lesser extent in comparison to Austria) is populated entirely by Satyrs and Centaurs. The former are (according to Myth) actually the product of Chinese-goat symbiosis. They were prosecuted and opted to migrate to Greece through India and the Arabs, who have no records of them because they slaughtered everyone on their way. They became joyous hedonistic forest dwellers as they could not stop celebrating the onslaught. The centaurs, on the other hand, were in fact the Mongol hordes, and there are records of them in many places. In any case, regardless of what Myth may think, Austria is full of them. You’ll see why in a moment.
This is the map of Europe prior to the liberation of Italy.
Everything went according to plan. The infantry pushed in from France, and the armor, driving in from the Yugoslavian border, cut off the entire Sudtirol region. Then we drove down the spine in uninterrupted victory. Now, rewind back to the part where I declared war on Italy. Guess who else declared war on me! AUSTRIA!!! And, well, Colombia, or someplace like, far away over there. Actually it may be Ecuador or Venezuela. The three of them routinely declare war on me when I play Germany, so take your pick.
Let’s be honest now, I didn’t think the Austrians would do it, it didn’t even begin crossing my mind. I simply had no troops to contain them. Hence, I hereby declare myself OWNED.
This is the map of Europe at the end of Italy’s liberation.
Austria, oh Austria. They occupied Czechoslovakia and a good chunk of other nations. They ran over Munchen and destroyed all 8 of my tactical bomber squadrons. They held on to a lot of territory that is mine, even after I had occupied the entirety of the original country of Austria. I spent a month (probably) running around catching all their runaway divisions. It was… unpleasant… *sigh*
Well that out of the way, I’m up for the invasion of the Benelux, and subsequently Poland. My brother should be preparing for his landings in Norway as well, so we won’t be giving a single province of Scandinavia to the soviets. That’s really it for my war plans. Sorry this update is a bit short, I’m low on humor today. I mean, I can go on about how much I like girls and sex. That’s always interesting, but slightly off topic.
Oh yeah, one last thing.