There might be Vikings out there! Or: how I accidentally traded my wife for a halibut
Warning: Stop reading until you’ve read the following warning (…)
This AAR is know to contain trashes of sarcasm, sex, foul language, unnecessary violence, bad jokes and overall hints of cynicism and insanity. The minimum age for reading this AAR is roundabout 25 with guardians attending, it should be considered safe for people over the 40.
This AAR could be considered offensive by: Norwegians, French, Swedes, Dutch, British, Russians, Finns, Germans, Austrians, Vikings, Turks, Hungarians, coloured people, mythological gods, native Americans, Japanese (though I don’t see how), Chinese, Swiss and human beings in general.
Any resemblance between any person, happening, location or item, real of fictional is purely intended, coincidental and accidental and should be considered as homage to the work or person in question. The author takes no responsibility for any damage physical, psychological or material, real, imminent, likely or purely imagined that could possibly occur from reading this AAR
or from any other possible source.
All rights reserved, nothing of this production is allowed to be reproduced, copied, corrupted or used as reference material in any other way than intended by the writAAR, except for anyone who reads it, their grannies, sisters, mothers, brothers, fathers, uncles, cats, dogs, fruit bats or halibuts.
Now back to our AAR.
In a long long time, in Norway, which is pretty far far away…
We start our story in the beautiful country of Norway… land of the free and brave, daring Vikings, mother of the most murderous, barbarous, cruellest, most vicious and certainly most smelling bastardly sons of motherless bitches the world has ever seen. Well at least it used to be… Now it’s a boring small, but still smelling country. Where the fjords outnumber the inhabitants and the times a year those inhabitants wash themselves outnumbers the amount of ducats in the treasury. Did I mention already that it was a smelly country?
(Sudden female voice) Norway is changing, I feel it in the vodka, I feel it in the fjords, I smell it in the air... (Not that the smell is getting any less or something) Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember what it was like to be a Viking…
(Back to the original narrator voice) Yea, right, as I was saying. We write the year 1453 A.D., the Byzantine Empire has finally collapsed under the might and fury of the Ottoman Turks (actually, they cheated by using cannons), the 100 years war is about to end (The French are just soooo much cooler than those smelly British), a goldfish with three heads is found. And in Norway a new prince is born. But because it would be extremely boring to hear how his first burp was, when he first eat a living dog or that his first two words were ‘beer’ and ‘women’ we will fast forward to his 20th birthday, when the young Harold Hammerhoft had a very interesting vision…
Next: The interesting vision