Chapter 28, 2nd Season
Ramon was busy making a son to her beloved wife, Douce of Savoy, duchess of Zaragoza and countess of etc...
Thus a problem arose.
Kurt: I'm bored.
Ramon: I'm making love.
Kurt: There are things I don't need to know.
Ramon (naked, as now Kurt can see): Don't care. I'm the king.
And goes away.
Then came the problem.
Kurt: I'm still bored.
Ramon: I'm still having sex.
Peti: I'm a dog.
Ramon Berenger, earl of Urgell (cousin of the king): I'm independent.
Ramon: Fuck! (no pun intended)
Ramon and Ramon Berenger: Who?
Peti: Good question.
Kurt: Not you! Him!
Ramon Berenguer: I think he's pointing at me!
And he was right. Kurt was pointing at him. With a dagger, by the way.
Then the results of Ramon's sexfrenzy came:
Ramon: I need a boy.
Peti: Are you bisexual?
Kurt: He means he needs another boy to have a replacement for his heir.
Ramon: Time for sex!
Douce: What the fuck?
Kurt: She got it!
Then they went. Then Ramon Berenguer died. His son and heir didn't take nicely, so Kurt had to kill him too. To be sure that the following in the line got the message, Kurt also killed his mother. And his grandmother. And his pet (to Peti's anger). Then the boy got the message, but the rest of the nobility was, for unknown reasons, quite angered (perhaps killing the pet was a mistake. Perhaps he killed the worng pet and leaving Peti alive was a mistake. A mistery, indeed).
Just to take care, in case someone may bother about it, Ramon stopped making boys to make his son Ferran count of La Mancha and Girvais d'Urgell, already count of Foucalquier, count of Provence, too (there would be plenty of time to kill him and to got the lands back, Kut said).
Ramon, the king of sex: Why is everybody talking dirty about me?
Kurt: Perhaps because some people got killed.
Ramon: The king of murder: I didn't do it.
Kurt: I did it for you.
Ramon: Well, that changes everything. I was worried about everybody talking about me because I'm alwasy having sex.
Kurt: That helps, too.
Ramon: Really? Oh, time to make boys again. See ya.
Kurt: I need a dagger...
Peti: I need a pizza.
Canonized: I need a shower.
Kurt and Peti: What the heck?
The Pope had sent an special bishop to take charge of Comma's son. It was a Cardinal -I said it was a quite special bishop- Olaus Petrus, who had been recently promoted.
Locked on his cell, Comma's son, called Commie, wasn't in the mood for no one paying a visit to him, so he told that to Cardinal Petrus, who, filled with kindenss and tender spirit, kicked Commie's balls with his boot a few times. Thrice, to be exact.
-If it doesn't hurt, it doesn't count. Remember that.
Had Commie been able to say something he would have earned himself a few kicks in the balls. Luckily, he wasn't able to say nothing but the sacred word.
-This -began Petrus- is a letter from the Pope. That letter makes you my prisoner. Understood?
-Fug you -replied Commie. Then Petrus kicked his balls again as a reply. Again, with care and Christian mercy, of course.
-I guess so -Commie managed to whisper.
-Good, now you're my prisoner. I'm going to take you to Rome. Prepare to take leave.
-What if I don't want to go?
-I'll kick your balls.
-I knew it. When did you say we were departing?
(BIG THUNDEROUS VOICE): Thou!
(BIG THUNDEROUS VOICE): Yes! Is any other dog around that thou canst seest?
Pet: Mmmmh... I guest no. What do you want?
(BIG THUNDEROUS VOICE): Thou'vest been selectedest...
Peti: To test the HOI3?
(BIG THUNDEROUS VOICE): ...to findest the Holy Pizzast!
Peti: My Goshness...
(BIG THUNDEROUS VOICE): Thou shall depart to the West...
Peti: Are you nuts? To the East there is only water!
(BIG THUNDEROUS VOICE): What? Erm... Lemme check... Oh yes. Got the map in the wrong direction, sorry.
Peti: I see.
(BIG THUNDEROUS VOICE): Thou shall depart to the East, where the land where the moon meets the sun...
Peti: I love clear instructions, really helpful, you know
(BIG THUNDEROUS VOICE): ... to find the Holy Pizza!
Peti: I think you've already told me that.
(BIG THUNDEROUS VOICE): ...and when you findest the Pizza...
(BIG THUNDEROUS VOICE): No idea. I'll tell you then.
Peti: Bugger. Kurty has gone nuts again.
(BIG THUNDEROUS VOICE): Indeed.
Peti: By the way. Do you know what meant the reference of Kurty to Keira Knightley?
(BIG THUNDEROUS VOICE): Indeed.
(BIG THUNDEROUS VOICE): They have something in common...
Peti: Really? What a sob! What is it?
(BIG THUNDEROUS VOICE): The K.
(BIG THUNDEROUS VOICE): Kurt. Keira. Knightley.
Peti: The worst joke. Ever.
(BIG THUNDEROUS VOICE): Jurl, jurl, jurl!!!!
Peti: What a ...