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Thread: Lo Llibre dels Feyts - The Book of Deeds

  1. #501
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    Quote Originally Posted by Murmurandus View Post
    We must please the pope indeed...
    And Mom too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Enewald View Post
    Omg, the pope must be ugly because he turned the 16 old Ramon Aragorn into a negro boyz!
    Art thout suggesting that the Pope is a wizzard?

    A heretic! Burn him!

    I must say something: wrong order of pics, now I realize, as the event of the Pope being pleased by the barbacoa thing took place some months before Ramonet came to age.

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  2. #502
    Roman LibrAARian comagoosie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kurty
    While we must concede that the Pope Comma Goosie, of the Goosie clan, was quite hard to look at, it was into a question of not angering Rome.
    Blasphemy You shall burn in the seven circles of Candy Land and then you shall be dipped in chocolate. Little children will find you delicious. Muwhahaha

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  3. #503
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    Quote Originally Posted by comagoosie View Post
    Blasphemy You shall burn in the seven circles of Candy Land and then you shall be dipped in chocolate. Little children will find you delicious. Muwhahaha

    Actually, the ladies of half of the world find me now delicious, with no need of being dipped in chocolate.
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  4. #504
    Human Enewald's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kurt_Steiner View Post
    Actually, the ladies of half of the world find me now delicious, with no need of being dipped in chocolate.
    So they are cannibals or you are not a human, but a beef?

  5. #505
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enewald View Post
    So they are cannibals or you are not a human, but a beef?
    I'm almost divine, indeed.

    Erm... I think you'll need another update...
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    Chapter 24, 2nd Season
    Et dimitte nobis debita nostra

    We, Bernardus Guidonis and Konrad von Marburg, following our sacred duty to Our Lord Jesuchrist and the orders of the bishop of Barcelona, in the day of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary, in the second year since Conrado von Mainz raised the banner of rebellion against the Holy Father in Rome, we decree that what Enewald of Finnish Landas, son of Finnishwald of Ene Landas and Landasia of Waldania, has declared in this Holy Trial are truly and inspired by our Lord.

    This Trial has been ruled by our lord the bishop of Barcelona. In this writting we are going to explain the events related with the fall of the evil and ugly Kurt Steiner, a Satanic being as his works had trully shown, with the help of his succubus and followers, as evil and uglier as him. It has been ordered that all the witnesses related with this case must be heard by Church. The judges thus have nominated our lord the bishop of Barcelona to head the following process. In his very presence confessions and penance will be heard and registered.
    From the Volumen 2567th from the Holy Inquisition's archives of Newcastlane upon Tynytoys, under the command of the blessed bishop Ikus Imperator, on September, 1390.


    January 21th, 1213.

    Lo Ferran March: Good morning, sir.
    Lo Steiner: Good morning to thee, too. What the heck do you want?
    King Ramon: What is a heck?
    Lo Ferran March: Nothing really. I just wanted to say that our Lord...
    Lo Steiner: Which Lord?
    Lo Ferran March: Our Father in Heaven, God Almighty.
    Lo Steiner: I see, THAT lord. Ok, go on.
    Lo Ferran March: Well, our Lord...
    Lo Steiner: You can skip that part.
    Lo Ferran March: ...has called me to His Holy Service. Well, I'm the Mesiah.



    Lo Steiner: Thank you Shakie...
    King Ramón: Why is he black?
    Lo Ferran March: Who? The Lord?
    KingRamón: No, the Shakie thing.
    Lo Steiner: Too much sun-bathuing, you see.


    Von Shaka having an intuition of how this whole affair is going to end.


    Lo Ferran March: All in all, as I was saying, I'm the Messiah, you know.
    Lo Stenier: I know.
    King Ramon: I don't. What is a Messiah?
    Lo Ferran March: Well, in short.
    Lo Stenier: Wait.
    Lo Ferran What?.
    Lo Stenier: No what but wait, oh gosh, that's sillier than arguing with the Monty Python about Plato!!!! Let's make that shorter! Do you see that big window?



    Lo Ferran March: Yes... I see... You're going to tell me to jump. Angels and all that jazz.
    Lo Stenier:Yesssssssss... are you going to do it? To prove it to me, please?
    Lo Ferran March: Of course, good fellow.
    Lo Stenier: The window is all yours.
    Lo Ferran March: Here I go!

    POM!

    It seems that the angels were quite busy that day. Thus was over the Messiah file.


    Ferran March, after "landing".

    The Tiber river was covered by large chunks of ice as big as a Venetian gallion that hellish winter. Not as bad as in the Nortern countries, that winter was quite unpleasant in Rome.

    That morning the members of the Roman Church kept themselves busy, in spite of the cold. Members of the Guard, called Provisa Res, were deployed in the place and the streets that led to Letran, the Palace of the Pope.

    One of his youngers soldiers, Murmur of Andus, was walking along the stairs that led to the palace. He looked as all the young soldiers, a reall noobie as the veterans called them: eager to please but not knowing how. He was a clever boy, nevertheless, and wasted no time to see a tall man who was strolling up and down, looking at the stairs and unable to decide what to do next. Suddenly, with a firm countenance in his eyes, the tall man went to the stairs.
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  7. #507
    Human Enewald's Avatar
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    I am still alive?
    And proven to be divine by the church?
    God speaks trough me!
    Or Satan, I don'r know which Lord you mean.

    So the Messias dies, just Jesus, understood by none when he lived and then some years after his 'followers' create a culr based on what they think he might have done.

    How did the ethiopian arrive into Spain?

  8. #508
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enewald View Post
    How did the ethiopian arrive into Spain?
    That's a good question, you know...

    He was brought to Barcelona by some Venetian merchants who found Shakie's ancestors during a discovery trip to Africa while they attempted to find a way to China. They tried to conquer the realm of von Shaka ancestors and ended having von Shaka's grandpa as a souvenir. As they returned to Venetia, their countrymen were scared of the WTF-man, as they called him. So the Venetians had to run to Germany, as the Germans were used to many marvellous things, so they didn't give a damn about the WTF-man. There von Shaka's grandpa married a blind nun, Henrietta von der Heimat. Thus the von Shaka saga started. Some day, the grandsons of the former Venetian merchants, fed up with the WTF-clan went to Barcelona to sell the young von Shaka and get some money for all the bussiness. When he saw him. Steiner was amused by his locuacity, so he recruited him. As the Venetians asked for money, Steiner just send them to the gaol. It was free and less expensive, you see.

    No one knows neither from where the WTF expresions comes nor what it means nor if it has a purporse. It is believed that it's the sacred name of the deity of von Shaka's ancestors, the God or Goddes WTF.

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  9. #509
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    so this is your CK AAR

    And how many messiahs can you get in one lifetime?
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  10. #510
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    Quote Originally Posted by comagoosie View Post


    so this is your CK AAR

    And how many messiahs can you get in one lifetime?
    That depends, I guess, on the luck, on the mess and on the rocks.

    Peti, fetch me my book of good jokes! I'm running out of ideas!
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  11. #511
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    Ahhhhh lunatic heretics on the loose XD i'm with von Shakster on this XD
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  12. #512
    Crusader for Fun and Profit Murmurandus's Avatar
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    WTF????

    ...

    Heheheheh...
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  13. #513
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    Quote Originally Posted by canonized View Post
    Ahhhhh lunatic heretics on the loose XD i'm with von Shakster on this XD
    Von Shaka is back for good. And don't worry. The heretics will burn. And the loyal followers of orthodoxy too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Murmurandus View Post
    WTF????

    ...

    Heheheheh...
    You've seen the key word, good...

    but...

    You're not surprised reading the beginning, when two of the worst inquisitors ever appear?!?!?! What are you hidding, you, heretic!
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  14. #514
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    Me??? But, I am innocent!!
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  15. #515
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    I see that Mr Steiner is supporting heresy by encouraging false messiah to perform his false miracles.
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  16. #516
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    Quote Originally Posted by Murmurandus View Post
    Me??? But, I am innocent!!
    The Grand Inquisistor will tell.

    Quote Originally Posted by Olaus Petrus View Post
    I see that Mr Steiner is supporting heresy by encouraging false messiah to perform his false miracles.
    Suppwhat? But.... the false messiah ended like a tree, fixed on the ground with his head in the place of the roots!!!!
    Last edited by Kurt_Steiner; 15-01-2009 at 11:10.
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  17. #517
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    Chapter 25, 2nd Season
    Fader unser du ard in heofnu


    January 2, 1214

    Inquisitor Konrad von Marburg: Gooz Morninz! Nobody ezpeztz za German Inquisizion, mwhahahaha!
    Lo Steiner (to himself): f****... a crazy German.
    Lo Peti: Then we have to crazy Germans here.
    Lo Steiner (not amused): Funny, really funny... thy last words, perhaps, Peti?
    Lo Peti: I think I need a Pizza.
    Lo Steiner: I think so...
    Lo Steiner (to von Marburg): Good Morning for thee, holy man, thou beer drinker, saussage eater, inquisitor of inquisitors, uglier than the uglies being of the Baldrick saga...
    King Ramon: What is a Baldrick?
    Inquisitor Konrad von Marburg: Zo zu rememzer the zelony of Zerran March, who dazed to call zimself Messiah?
    Lo Steiner (to himself): Good... an inquisitor with a speech problem.
    Lo Steiner (to von Marburg): Doest thou needest a Pizzast?
    Lo Steiner (to himself): Gorgeous, now it's me with the speech problem. Damned screenwriter...
    Inquisitor Konrad von Marburg: Zen we haze anozer hezetic here!
    Lo Steiner: No prob. I've lot of axes. Who's the hezetic... erc... the hereic, my good lord inquisitor, great burner of innocent and rapist of teenagers...
    Inquisitor Konrad von Marburg: Vidal de Moncada.
    Lo Stenier: How amusing! He's called like our Chancellor!
    Inquisitor Konrad von Marburg: It's your Chancellor, inded.
    Lo rei Ramón: That's what some people call 'owned', isn't it?
    Lo Steiner: Zut up, pleaze.



    Inquisitor Konrad von Marburg: Gize it zim to the Zoly Inquisizión!!!!
    Lo Stenier: Zoly? Has the french Zola joined the ranks of...
    Inquisitor Konrad von Marburg: Ok, let's make a zeal... zou forgezt about my zpeech problem
    Lo Steiner: And we can have a fair trial about our Chancellor?
    Inquisitor Konrad von Marburg: Indeed. Open za window...
    Lo Steiner: What?
    Inquisitor Konrad von Marburg: Letz uze the local tradizions, don't you think? If the accuzed zurvivez, he's guilty. If not, he's innocent.
    Lo Steiner: That way he dies in any case.
    Inquisitor Konrad von Marburg: But if he'z innozent, he'll be a marthyr... Are zou against marthyrdom?!?!?!
    Lo Steiner: No at all, provided it's the marthyrdom of zomeone elze...
    Lo Steiner (to himself): shit! I'm going nutz!
    Inquisitor Konrad von Marburg: Zen?
    Lo Steiner (to von Marburg):: Are zou changing thy faith?
    Inquisitor Konrad von Marburg: Whatz!?!?
    Lo Steiner: Zorry...
    Lo Steiner (to himself): Shit!
    Lo Steiner (to von Marburg): Just a ... forget it. Ok, I know the name of a witch, can I name it and have her burned instead of my Chancellor.
    Inquisitor Konrad von Marburg: No, buz zell me za name anyway...
    Lo Steiner: Britney Spears.
    Inquisitor Konrad von Marburg: Who?
    Lo Steiner: Eat that, Britney!
    Inquisitor Konrad von Marburg: What? I'm growing tirez of thy zilly...
    Lo Steiner: Open the zucking window, for Goz's zake!

    POM!

    Inquisitor Konrad von Marburg: He waz a zolly good fellow...
    Lo Steiner: Erm... now what?
    Inquisitor Konrad von Marburg: We have yet to find the hezetic, then.
    Lo Steiner: Zuck.

    ... Suddenly, with a firm countenance in his eyes, the tall man went to the stairs.

    With the movement of his body, his black robes were open for a moment
    and Murmur of Andus could see the shape of a sword that the unknwom man tried to disguished. That settled the issue.

    Murmur of Andus had his orders: no one could enter into the papal cuarters with a weapon, under he was allowed to do so with a special dispensation. Thus he blocked the way of the stranger.

    -Stop there! -his warning went unnoticed, so he repeated- Stop there, I said!

    Then the intruder stopped and looked at him. It was a elder man, with a face hard as a rock, a sharp look in his eyes, which were blue as the sky. Suddenly, Murmur of Andus felt that he was facing a real hunter of souls.
    "Pequeño Padawan Kurtizacoal, por qué me has salido tan cabrón?" - me dijo mi Maestro.
    Palo Dixit: posible Anticristo, vacalentacialanonanista, Culé y Salido que provoca manifas por donde pasa.
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  18. #518
    Heartbreaker canonized's Avatar
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    ROFL the speech problem is epic XD very well done .
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  19. #519
    Pantomacatalasecesionanis ta

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    Quote Originally Posted by canonized View Post
    ROFL the speech problem is epic XD very well done .
    Blame "Red Phone" for that... I think I've found a heroe...
    "Pequeño Padawan Kurtizacoal, por qué me has salido tan cabrón?" - me dijo mi Maestro.
    Palo Dixit: posible Anticristo, vacalentacialanonanista, Culé y Salido que provoca manifas por donde pasa.
    Palo Dixit redux: Escatológico bipolar

    AARs en curso o acabados -Ongoing and finished HoI2 AARs-
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  20. #520
    Crusader for Fun and Profit Murmurandus's Avatar
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    Ohoh, I'm in trouble... Maybe time zo learn ze Zerman...
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