Lo Llibre dels Feyts - The Book of Deeds

canonized said:

born in the USA of course XD American pride ! hurrah haha

Click to expand...

I thought you would have chosen Booty Time.

OH SH*T!

I forgot to give some lines to you, cardinal Petrus, Judas et al!

I'm going to commit suicide!

Really?

Of course not, Peti.

Oh shit.

comagoosie said:

It is ok, you can forget the country stuff. I perfer rock

Click to expand...

and roll?

JimboIX said:

Baldness and gray 16 year olds are a terrible terrible tragedy.

Click to expand...

I tihink so. The poor prince is going to be a bad tempered man for that, methinks...

And if not ofr this, for having Steiner too near.

Enewald said:

Peti... what is it?

Click to expand...

Peti Niebla, Peti for short, it's my imaginary pet here, in Paradox. He's a tender puppy -since he was born in this forum, three years ago...-, pizza eater, as fat as the Titanic and, all in all, sometimes is the saner of the two. Sometimes... well... it's just a god.

Enewald said:

And why must this aar be so insane?

Click to expand...

Dunno, that is what I keep asking them...

Murmurandus said:

Seems to be some kind of a therapy for some raving lunatic...

Click to expand...

And, what is more, for free...

comagoosie said:

No, rock and tumble

Click to expand...

Interesting option...

Olaus Petrus said:

I'm pleased to see that Iberia is freed from all heathens (except Castilians, who must be dealt with reasonably soon.).

Click to expand...

In due time, my cardinal, in due time...

King Alfons: England has declared war to France...
Steiner: Why?
King Alfons: Dunno...
Steiner: Wait... did m'lord said France?
King Alfons: Yes...
Lo Steiner: Then you have a reason: France.
Lo rey: Oh, yes.

Then the king remember how dearly he wanted to rule Occitania. Then Raymond, duke of Toulouse, remembered how much he hated the Catalan king and, in a preemptive strike, he invaded Roselló. In a very daring move, he saw the cream of his knights slaughtered in the battlefield -200 of them, for just 50 Catalan ones- and then he run as fast as he could to hide himself behind the walls of Tolouse.


Alfons of Aragon, then, as a part of his plan of adding Occitania to his crown, declared war upon Roger de Comminges, earl of Bearn. Then Raymond of Tolouse declared war to Aragon, for the sake of protecting its overlordship upon Bearn.


Steiner: Wait... first he has invaded our Roselló. And... he declared war on us... NOW?!?!?! Is it my impression or someone has changed the order of the events?

Then the war take a real funny mood.

Alfonso d'Aragó: Let's see... he has defeated us...
Steiner: ... and he surrenders to us...
Petiniebla: My fartings have nothing to do with it.
Steiner: Really?


The French king, quite unhappy by this turn of events, send one of his minor nobleman with an army to invade Catalonia, reaching so far as to Urgell, y where the French warriors were kindly slaughtered by the local army. Meanwhile, the duke of Toloose, er... Toulouse offered some gold in order to put an end to the war while Alfons went for his next prize: Roger-Bernard, earl of Foix.


Meanwhile, the new Hundred Years War kept going. Richard the Lionheart conquered Maine while his younger brother John was expelled by Phillipe le Beau from Poitiers.


...and Roger of Foix surrendered after a brief campaign. It was time to pay a visit to Toloose... er... to Raymond.


Then king Alfons, while the siege of Tolouse was going on, decided that the next stop of his campaign would be in a northern city...

Then Steiner had an idea.

He called his favourite gentlemen:




-Gentlemen -Steiner began-, I have a mission for you three. If it goes bad, you all get killed. If it goes well, you also get all killed. For that reason, I want you to be honest and clear, I have no time for "yes but..." answers. Do you want to volunteer?

The three "volunteers" felt the halberds of the royal guards at their necks and didn't feel quite in the mood not to take the mission. However, they made some questions.

-What do we have to do? -they asked at the same time.

-When you are there, you'll know it -it was the enigmatic question of Steiner.

-Where are we going? I don't want to go to a land pested by lusty tea drinkers because -thus Cardinal Petrus started.

-Fine! -Steiner replied, smiling in the most outrageous way- You'll go to England then!

-Shit -it was all that Petrus could answer.

-Excuse me, my dear sir -thus Canonized began-, were I to choose, I would like to go to...

-Germany -Steiner answered-. That was what you were going to say, wasn't it?

-Somehow... -Canonized replied in a diminishing voice.

Finally, Judas uttered:

-If you don't mind me saying so, I would rather prefer to go to hell, if you don't bother too much...

-Fine!!! -Steiner shouted wildly, full of happines!- I needed someone to go there!

-To hell? -replied the three volunteers!

-Why? To France, of course!

-Oh shit... -Judas muttered, in a quite depressed mood.

Enewald said:

I wish they all die while attempting their missions.

Click to expand...

That's the idea... er... No, no, no, they are sent to be victorious and succ...

Ok, I've send them to die, what the heck!

Enewald said:

But a nice chapter!

Click to expand...

Thank you!

English Patriot said:

You made canonized the Scotsman!?

Click to expand...

I was doubting between Angus, Baldrick and Princess Leia...

Oh, by the way, now I think, I need two volunteers: one to be send to Italy and the other one to Castille.

Enewald, English Patriot... Do I see some hands raised?

Thank you!



I'm a bitch, I know... :rofl:

English Patriot said:

Well, if its going to be that way, can I chose Italy?

Click to expand...

Ok, Italy for you, Castille for Enewald.

I love those willing comrades, so eager to meet a terrible dea..., a terrible dear pussy cat, so lovely, I mean...

Enewald said:

Castille???... whateva, you can't die in a aar... or can you...

Click to expand...

You can end as Judas did, on the verge of death...

Murmurandus said:

Hahhahahahah, canonized... hahahahahahah...

Click to expand...

Murmurandus...

Petrus...

Maccabeus... (I should have made MACcabeus the Scotsman, now I think...)...

mmmh... another "us". There you go! Murmurandus, for the power that the Lord of the AARland has given me, I send thee to Byzantium ! Thou wouldst not return from there under pain of death until they haven't changed their name to Byzantius! Be glorious or be a corpse!