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Indeed, Steiner is too much for a simple wooden stake. And I knew I was sensing a little Apocalypse Now in there and it was confirned with the horror. The Horror indeed. ;)

By the way - killing your own son. Now that's heartless. Good thing the Queen likes to flirt. :D
 
Dammit Kurt, I love Apocalypse Now References
 
Ding Dong! The Steiner is dead. Which old Steiner? The Kurt Steiner!
Ding Dong! The Kurt Steiner is dead.

I'm celebrating now, but I know that the wretched fiend will return in the sequel.
 
Olaus Petrus said:
Ding Dong! The Steiner is dead. Which old Steiner? The Kurt Steiner!
Ding Dong! The Kurt Steiner is dead.

I'm celebrating now, but I know that the wretched fiend will return in the sequel.

The sequel? Why Bride of Steiner! of course :D
 
Murmurandus said:
Troubles, troubles, so many troubles... :D

And the worse of all of them is Judas, trust me. :D But there is something waiting for him

Judas Maccabeus said:
I'd like to think I succeeded, but I know better than that. And too many queens for Steiner's good, methinks... ;)

Oh, really? Wait and see the results of thy success, my little boy...

wahahahahaha!!!!! :D

coz1 said:
Indeed, Steiner is too much for a simple wooden stake. And I knew I was sensing a little Apocalypse Now in there and it was confirned with the horror. The Horror indeed. ;)

The best thing of writting this kind of thingsis leaving these kind of tricks behind the lines to be caught. More to come, I promise...

It's a bit of Apocalypse Now and of Dracula, but a special one, so to speak.

coz1 said:
By the way - killing your own son. Now that's heartless. Good thing the Queen likes to flirt. :D

Er... yes... but he was on my way to rearrange the kingdom. Anyway, his stats killed him, not my poison. He was too bad for anything, so... Well... :D

And the queenie... charming, of course.

English Patriot said:
Dammit Kurt, I love Apocalypse Now References

Me too, English Patriot. Me too. I'm in love with that film. And with Kurtz.

Olaus Petrus said:
Ding Dong! The Steiner is dead. Which old Steiner? The Kurt Steiner!
Ding Dong! The Kurt Steiner is dead.

I'm celebrating now, but I know that the wretched fiend will return in the sequel.

I have a big doubt now... I don't know to whom give my special gift. To Judas? To thee, my dear Cardinal? :D

Don't know. Yet. But Judas is going to have a nice present. And you.

Too, but with a twist.

English Patriot said:
The sequel? Why Bride of Steiner! of course :D

The Brides of Steiner did appear in the Spanish version. Let them rest... Or not. :rofl:
 
Just in case my readers are preparing a charming gaol for me...

There will be -soon, I hope- an update and Judas will meet his... fate. :D The Brides of Steiner, I swear it, well appear -briefly or not... dunno yet...

And the Catalan saga will go on, of course. There are a lot of work still to be done.
 
After an unwanted delay, for which I deeply apologize, but life sometimes is a b***

here it comes...
 
Chapter 18th: La belle France

Thank God the French didn't either know a word about the Bastille nor had a celebration that day. Otherwise...

July, 14th, 1166.

The earl of Santogne declared his county as an independent state, send packing the king and, as he was awfully bored, declared war on Poitou the same day. Goes without saying that the French king didn't like the move so he declared war to Santogne. Some few days later, a French messenger arrived to Barcelona to ask his Catalan ally for a bit of help.

ScreenSave121.jpg

-Let's see... er... Kurt, just a question...
-Tell me, Peti.
-I was going to ask something about an animal who likes water and so on, which beggins with f...
-Better don't ask.
-So it's not the same a f... than a French...
-What? About which f...-word are you talking about? Oh, about that f...-word, methinks... I would say that they are only f... if they are the enemy. But let's...
-Let's change the topic... So the French are our allies...
-Indeed, Peti.
-When they have troubles the ask us for help, am I right, my clever and charming lord?
-Yessssssssss.... so?
-Why, I ask myself, are they so quiet when it is US that are the ones with troubles?
-Good question. I'll ask the Frater Rible of the University to think about it.
-There is no Frater Rible as there is no university, Kurt
-Good point... So let me answer you. The French are like that.
-So?
-Give me time.

The war was short.

Judas, face still red with Steiner's blood, is back in his room at the inn in London. He stands in front of the mirror.

Judas's Voice: They were going to make me a saint for this, and I wasn't even in their fucking church any more.

Judas looks deep into the mirror.


The war was ugly.

He has no reflection.

Judas's mouth forms the words, and the words go between two sharp fangs... the voice is Steiner's.

The horror ... the horror ...


But the worst of all this issue that it didn't end as Steiner had planned.

Steiner's voice: Nor as Judas had planned...

March 4th, 1167: Leaded by Bertran de Montsoriu, the Catalan army storms the walls of Santogne while the French army sits outside playing cards. After a brief but bloody fight, the city is conquered and its lord hanged as a traitor. Santogne, then, becomes part of the Catalan kingdom -it goes without saying that the French king wasn't pleased at all about this-. Thus, Bertran de Montsoriu became the new count of the conquered lands. In good mood, the king gave to Perpinyà, duke of Palestine and -in due time- future king of Jerusalem, the dukedom of Tire and the county of Baalbek.

Hardly two weeks later -March 20th, 1157- Bertran has the brilliant idea of turning his son Froilán into the new count of Santogne. The very next day Froilán changes his oath of loyalty and choose as his overlord...

...the king of France.

Steiner wondered how much gold was used in this game. Looking at a little bottle labelled "Poison", he pondered about how long was poor Froilan going to live...

ScreenSave124.jpg

The darling of France... the owner of a neck which was asking to be broken....

Goes without saying that neither the king nor Steiner were in good mood these days. As the queen wasn't there -he was doing some silk bussiness somewhere-, just to forget about the Santgone issue, the king and his loyal advisor went for a walk to Portugal, to pay a visit to the king's son, Ramón Berenguer. The time was good, the food was fine, the ladies were excellent and the king recovered his good mood, so he invested his son as duke of the Algarve, Braganza and Viseu.

(1) Steiner, just in case you were thinking about PetiNiebla. Ok, Peti is the real heroe, as he has to stand Steiner, but you know...
 
Mmm, it seems I can't come up with a decent comment...

...

...

So, I stick with: "Interesting"... ;) :D
 
Glad to know, sir ;) ... Good old Judas is still thinking his comment, I see... :rofl:

Surprised, perhaps? :D
 
Judas Maccabeus said:
I don't know what I could possibly say in repsonse to something like this. :p

Nor I :D Oddily enough, there are no knives no axes no spears flying to my back. :D

Peti, for God's sake, stay quiet!!!!







:D
 
Hi all folks! Well, let me apologize for being lazy and the lack of updates, but soon you have bad news... er... an update, I mean. New characters, new adventures, new plots, old habits... more to come, in short.

Now, serious matters.

canonizedkurt_steiner.png

I Was Canonized! December 2, 2007!

So, if you want to know what poor good old Canonized, the writer of Timelines: What if Spain Failed to Control the World, had to endure when he interviewed me and Peti, go and read
the interview!

In it you get to learn more about me and Peti, some of my doings here in these forums, my opinion about the Timelines and some other AARs, an explanation about why I am so damned sexy and many more!!!!

Go read it! You won't be disappointed!

Well, unless you have some really high standards, in which case you might be disappointed, but you shouldn't be reading this post and this AAR if you had high standards, so if you're reading me... then you're a quite sensitive and well-learned reader with an incredible taste for good things. The Prize Nobel isn't enough for you...

So, what are you doing still here! Go to read it anyway, for God's sake!

And, of course, come back and let me know what you thought of it, please, even if it's too say "Kurt, you're a damned fool" or "I knew it, Peti is the wise element of the couple".

And as soon as possible, an update, with some new cameos, some new girls, some new silly situations and, above all, Catalonia conquering the world :D
 
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chapter 17: Surprise!!!!

Later on, it was siad that it was a divine punishment for killing his own son. However, the truth behind this gruesome event was quite simple. Tired for trying to awake the moral conscience of king James, his loyal bishop Gui lost his stress. The problem is that he won, instead, a schizofrenic schizofrenia. Steiner, who was unable to get rid of him in the traditional way -it was a cold winter and all the windows in the castle were closed, so there was no way to help Gui to fly-, attempted to get himself busy. So he killed a paradoxian fellow, Lord Spain (1). It was nothing personal but a sheer case of contradiction. How an English lord could be called Spain "What if Lord Spain Failed to Control the World?", he asked, so he killed..

ScreenSave153.jpg

Then something silly took place. The duke of Provence died, poor him. The big surprise came when his last will was readed and good old king James became his heir, so near half of the south of France was incorporated to the Catalan kingdom.

Sprocket_Stuck3.jpg

Even Petiniebla didn't know what to do about it​

King James was amazed and Steiner happy. The duke of Milan, who saw himself surrounded, wasn't so enthusiastic about the issue.

ScreenSave155.jpg

Meanwhile, Gui's illnes go from bad to worse. Now he said that he was talking with angels and that God had send him an special angel called Canonized to guide him to put order into the world.

It was madness, but not Sparta. Then, suddenly... Steiner found the love of his life. It was the very Catalan Queen. As James was busy with his 16 lovers, she got bored to sobs and... stop! Don't look at me! The chaste one is Gui, not James nor me! And Gui is crazy, by the way. Take your own ideas aobut the issue.

alfonsine.jpg

The Queen after recovering her happines.

And some sad day...

Jaume, king of Aragon, of Mordor and...

er...

Jaume, king of Aragon, Castille, Jerusalem, León, Navarre and Portugal, duke of Badajoz, Catalunya, Coimbra, Petra, Pronvece, Switzerland, Seville, Schawabelnad, Tunis, Valencia, Castille and Morocco, and count of Barcelona, Valencia, Cadiz, Algeciras, Provence, Castellón, Dènia, Tarragona, Malaga, Seville, Lleida, Urgell, Granada, Empuries and Rosselló, died when being 51 years old, leaving to his son, Ramón Berengue, his kingdom, his treasure and his hareem.

And to Steiner.

Well...

alfonsine.jpg

The sad widow
.


Psst... Judas...

Tell me, Kardinal Petrus...

What about us...

Soon we'll resurface...
 
ROFL I feel like my name will live on in this immortal tome now XD XD
 
Kurt_Steiner said:
Psst... Judas...

Tell me, Kardinal Petrus...

What about us...

Soon we'll resurface...

*waits patiently to resurface*


With a name like Gui Salah, I'd go insane too. :p
 
canonized said:
ROFL I feel like my name will live on in this immortal tome now XD XD

That's the beginning... just the beginning...

Judas Maccabeus said:
*waits patiently to resurface*

With a name like Gui Salah, I'd go insane too. :p

*That's the spirit...

That's what I though, too.

Murmurandus said:

Couldn't resist... :D

God Save Freddy! We still love you.
 
Kurt_Steiner said:
...

Couldn't resist... :D

God Save Freddy! We still love you.

Thanks, there goes my lunch... ;)
 
Haha. Cool interview.

And madness doesn't always have to be Sparta, Catalonia is often enough.

By the way, the widow has a very expressive face.