History As It Should Be - The lamest French AAR

[Le Ran]

I wanted to take a short break from my Tibetan grand campaign so here it is, the one, the only :

History as it should be
The shortest and probably lamest French AAR

Chapter 1

Warsaw, 1st September 1939

Felicjan Sławoj-Składkowski : Oh noes ! The Germans attack us ! And our allies are at the far end of Europe !

Edward Rydz-Śmigły : Fortunately we can use our position as a buffer state to our advantage !

Felicjan Sławoj-Składkowski : You never quite understood what a buffer state was, did you ?

Chapter 2

Metz, French headquarters

Edourad Daladier : General, can your troops enter Germany while carrying the bunkers of the Maginot Line on their backs ?

Maurice Gamelin : Of course not, what a silly idea.

Edourad Daladier : Then what are you waiting for to roll across the German border with your tanks ?!

Chapter 3

Berlin

Knock! Knock!

Adolf Hitler : Who dares disturb the Führer in his personal study while he is absolutely not reading comics ?

Général Le Gentilhomme : Ah! Ah! Here we are at last ! Either you surrender !

Adolf Hitler : ... ? Either we surrender or WHAT ?

Général Le Gentilhomme : Muhahaha ! I love to torture you German maniacs of order with incomplete sentences ! It makes me feel like !

Adolf Hitler : ?... Aaaarg ! Damn you French devils !

Chapter 4

Nürnberg, 1940

Magistrate: Adolf Hitler, for your pathetic, half-witted attempt at committing a crime against peace, you’re hereby sentenced to personnaly visit every house in Poland and say that you’re sorry and promise not to do it again. And propose your help for eventual repairs.

Adolf Hitler: Isn’t that a bit harsh for one single man ?

Magistrate: Hermann Göring will accompany you.

Adolf Hitler: Uh, can I have death by hanging instead ?

Magistrate: Shut up and start walking.

Chapter 5

Warsaw, 1940

Edward Rydz-Śmigły : Thank God you’ve arrived ! It was getting really hot around here, I thought you would never make it on time !

Maréchal Juin : Ah! Don’t be kidding, we’re the French Army, we always arrive on time to save the day !

All French and Polish soldiers (holding hands): Kumbaya, my Lord ! Kumbaya !

Epilogue

Sitted on the border of a road, nearby, cooking beans on a camp fire...

Rudolf Hess : My feet are killing me. But now we only have to say “sorry” 15.458.913 more times.

Adolf Hitler : Someday I will have my revenge !

Rudolf Hess : Isn’t that what you said last time already ?

Hermann Göring : Adolf, if you’re not eating, do you mind if I finish your beans ?

THE END

[Le Ran]

Behold, people : my first completed AAR

[Razor]

Well what can I say, it's an AAR but you might add a chapter or two when you take on the Red army. Germany and Soviet, the evil bastards, had a pact didn't they?

[Le Ran]

Well what can I say, it's an AAR but you might add a chapter or two when you take on the Red army. Germany and Soviet, the evil bastards, had a pact didn't they?

Uh, no, because :
- it would take me more than one evening to play the game...
- it would drive me away from my main Tibetan project...
- and if I did that and added other chapters and turned it into a real AAR, it would eventually no longer qualify for the prestigious "lamest ever French AAR" title

[Myth]

quite interesting, I'd say I'm watching this but I think I've finished. it went so quickly by me, though, that I'm not sure yet whether I've really finished or not

[JdB001]

- it would drive me away from my main Tibetan project...

While this was an enjoying AAR, please get back to work on the tibetan project. almost a week since yer last post ...

tibetians are way cooler than those frenchies

[Tribolute]

What happened to Africa and the Middle East.. What were the restructuring plans there!

[rcduggan]

this reminds me of "The Shortest AAR Ever" by Black-Lightning.
only this is a little longer.

[Le Ran]

Myth: In Soviet AARland, the AAR finishes YOU ! (OK, overused joke, I know...)

JdB001: Don't you oppress me, or I turn next update into a sentimental drama ! More seriously, I somehow lack time actually, but I will see to it that an update comes... someday soon, hopefully.

Tribolute: Uh... In fact I wrote a very detailed thesis about that topic when I was at the university, and I tried to sum it up for this AAR into 3 lines of dialogue including one sit-com joke, but I failed. So I scrapped the whole part

rcduggan: That's too bad... But anyway it demands less effort to fail at writing the shortest than to fail at writing the longest AAR

[hito1]

I wanted to take a short break from my Tibetan grand campaign

NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[hito1]

Edward Rydz-Śmigły : Fortunately we can use our position as a buffer state to our advantage !

Felicjan Sławoj-Składkowski : You never quite understood what a buffer state was, did you ?

Awesome AAR!!!

Congratulations on your first completed AAR!

[Graymane]

Something which I never accomplished even starting from EU 1. Congrats on a completed AAR =)

[Marchalk_Zjukov]

Funny

[lifeless]

well that was quick! and yes this is lame since theres so much left to do and youre not doing it!

[General Jac]

well that was quick! and yes this is lame since theres so much left to do and youre not doing it!

Cosign , well good AAR anyways

[JdB001]

Don't you oppress me, or I turn next update into a sentimental drama ! More seriously, I somehow lack time actually, but I will see to it that an update comes... someday soon, hopefully.

Noo, please no drama ! I'll just pray you find time soon and treat us with more tibetian adventures

[Le Ran]

Thank you all for your kind comments ! This AAR was certainly not a masterpiece but I wanted to know what it felt like to complete an AAR... Now I can tell that it feels like uh... well a bit like eating a clafoutis, but not exactly like that either. Hmm. I wonder if other AAR writers think of clafoutis too ?

Anyway I'm glad you enjoyed it. And I hope that you appreciated the amount of historical research and cultural value of the story, too. Hopefully next time your girlfriend/mother/wife comes at you yelling to stop reading idiotic stuff from the internets, you will show her that AAR and say "look, this is not entertainment : this is culture !"

Or maybe I didn't get the notion of "culture" right. My bad then

[grayghost]

Ok your silliness, I have just found this. You wrote it so quick that it slipped off the radar before I got back. Nice little funny story but good stuff none the less.

[Kurt_Steiner]

Congrats! You managed to being and end an AAR!!!!

Not everybody can say it aloud and proud... Very funny, BTW.

[linque]

Finaly AAR where i can easily find all the chapters.


Nice work