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Thread: The Deconquista: A Granada AAR

  1. #1
    Chairman of this board Dysken's Avatar
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    The Deconquista: A Granada AAR

    30 May 1453

    Dear Diary
    My name is Muhammed IX and I drew this myself.



    I went for an avant garde style painting; I should have been an artist.
    My advisors also suggested that I include a more conforming painting. I told them they were all narcs but they forced me to draw it. So now I'm sulking in my room writing depressing poetry. Sometimes diary I think you are the only one that understands me.



    2 June 1453

    Our neighbors Castille are coming to visit us; with their army... But I'm really hurting right now so I don't feel like meeting anyone. I'm going to go on a vacation on the Canary islands; I need to get away. The advisors are so demanding. They want me to build an army and manage the state's budget but I don't feel like it. Why can't they understand. I left them in control of those boring things.

    23 October

    OMG OMG OMG I love the Canary Islands!!!!!!!! In fact I'm keeping them. I ordered the entire army to come with me on the boat and seize it for me.



    Meanwhile back home:

    Advisor 1: Holy Crap, Castillians are coming out of every orifice!
    Advisor 2: Quick take a loan and raise an army!
    <100 gnomes appear with two bags of money each>
    Advisor 1: Wow that went quick.
    Advisor 2: Yeah I have them on speed dial.
    Advisor 1: Now we really need an army, but where can we find the manpower?
    Advisor 2: Aren't you forgetting something? The king has captured the Canaries for us! We have all the German tourist manpower we need. In fact we can pay them in beer. Which is excellent since we don't drink it.
    Advisor 1: We don't know how to make it either genius.
    Advisor 2: Well then we have to import it, in any case get the drunken tourists here now.
    <4000 drunken German tourists appear with their horses>
    Advisor 1: Do you have them on..
    Advisor 2: No...
    German Tourist: If zere iz zumsing zat travels faztehr zan ze zpeed of sound itz an offer of ze free bier ja.
    Advisor 1&2:

    Voiceover: By keeping the Germans in a drunken rage the Granadans pushed back the Castillian invasion in a matter of days. Once beer was running out the Granadan Muslims convinced the Germans there was beer inside the Castillian fortresses and Castles in southern spain. The disheartened defenders could not hold out for long. When there was no beer to be found the Germans exacted a horrible revenge.... on the spaniards.



    Overly excited historian fellow: The Castillians although superior in numbers could not compete with the sheer feriocity of the drunken rage charges of the Granadan troops. This was a completely new style of warfare and it took the Castillians completely by surprise. Disheartened they retreated to the mountain provinces. Foolishly bringing their liqour and beer supplies with them.
    Unbeknownst to them is that a full grown German male can smell beer from two medium sized provinces away. The German horsemen would feriociously hunt down the Castillian soldiers and put them to death. It must've been a grisly sight.



    In the war the Kingdom of Castille was utterly defeated and subjugated by the *ahem* Granadan troops... anyway the Castillians decided to offer peace for pretending to not think that some of the Granadan provinces were not theirs and some dirt poor plains provinces. That was not to be however:

    Granadan Diplomat: Give us Andalucia, Cordoba and Murcia. AND Vassalization!
    Castillian Diplomat: NO! How about León, Viscaya and we'll pretend you are the rightful owners of Granada and Almeria?
    Granadan Diplomat: What are you nuts? Why would we want core reduction from you? We want you to attack us remember?
    Castillian Diplomat: Oooh. Well how about León, Viscaya and we'll pretend you are the rightful owners of Granada and Almeria?
    Granadan Diplomat: Are you even listening to me? How about just Andalucia and Cordoba?
    Castillian Diplomat: Nah not really. How about León, Viscaya and we'll pretend you are the rightful owners of Granada and Almeria?
    Granadan Diplomat: Fine! You want to play hardball?! We want all Andalucian provinces!
    Castillian Diplomat: Dealio! Yay, I'm a whizz at negotiations!
    Granadan Diplomat: *sigh*



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    Last edited by Dysken; 30-01-2007 at 18:43.
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  2. #2
    Field Marshal Olaus Petrus's Avatar
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    Poor Spaniards, defeated by German tourists.

    BTW nice progress in Andalucia.
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  3. #3
    cool! the drunken german part is very funny.. a new type of war.. ha ha ha

  4. #4
    Non sufficit orbis Lord E's Avatar
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    That was funny. Very nice to see you managed to survive, using German beer loving tourists were a very good idea. Great work
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    Eternal leader of all Ducks The Great Duck's Avatar

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    A very good AAR!I cant wait for the part 2.
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  7. #7
    Compulsive CommentatAAR stnylan's Avatar
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    Very funny indeed. Roll back the Reconquista!
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    GunslingAAR coz1's Avatar
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    Very funny. I particularly enjoyed the over excited historian fellow.

    You are doing well. I was wondering how long it would take someone to give us a tale on Granada and you have lifted the banner high. Keep it up.
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    Remember Carcosa! Fiftypence's Avatar
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    Very fun. Good to see Granada surviving and doing well.

  10. #10
    Chairman of this board Dysken's Avatar
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    Ok, next part of the AAR already played. Update coming in a few hours. I'ma go see "the last King of Scotland" now. Just to keep you on the edge of the seat. I can reveal that someone dies in the last update.
    Last edited by Dysken; 28-01-2007 at 17:55.
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  11. #11
    Chairman of this board Dysken's Avatar
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    Oh and thanks for all the encouragement
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  12. #12
    Field Marshal Flooper X's Avatar
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    this is great!! I especially loved the negotiations part

    Birds flying high, you know what I mean
    Sun in the sky, you know how I feel
    Dragonflies out in the sun, you know what I mean, don't you know?
    Butterflies all havin' fun, you know what I mean
    Like sleeping in peace, when the day is done
    And this old world is a new world
    And a bold world
    For me
    And I'm feeling good!


  13. #13
    Khan of the Crimea Hajji Giray I's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dysken
    Update coming in a few hours. I'ma go see "the last King of Scotland" now.
    Oh my gosh, please tell us how it is! I've been dying to see it for months...

    Oh, by the way, I'm a diehard Moorish Spain fan; good luck
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  14. #14
    This calls for a Homer Simpson quote: "To Alcohol: the cause of and solution to all of life's problems " They've certainly solved a few of Granada's problems, let's hope that the Germans now do not become content with a life of sunbathing and drunken debauchery on the newly (re)aquired Iberian coastlines.

    Looking forward to more.
    you have 1 chance to give back the clay

  15. #15
    Going very well, a nice AAR. At this rate Spain will be yours quite soon. Can you please post about the AAR here.

  16. #16
    Chairman of this board Dysken's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hajji Giray I
    Oh my gosh, please tell us how it is! I've been dying to see it for months...

    Oh, by the way, I'm a diehard Moorish Spain fan; good luck
    It was teh aw3xome, solid acting, believable characters, interesting subject and a moving picture all in all. If you have not already booked tickets, do it now!
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  17. #17
    Chairman of this board Dysken's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duke of Wellington
    Going very well, a nice AAR. At this rate Spain will be yours quite soon. Can you please post about the AAR here.
    Done, thanks for letting me know. Would have forgotten otherwise.
    "Success seems to be connected to action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit." - Conrad Hilton

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  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by Dysken
    Done, thanks for letting me know. Would have forgotten otherwise.
    No problem and thanks, it just makes the task a little easier

  19. #19
    LOL ncie start, good for giggles, and beyond the original blitzkrieg; fueled by biere!
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  20. #20
    Alhambra. Granada is a good land.

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