Real Men Do It Alphabetically: An AARgau

**anonymous4401** · 30-10-2007 22:23

Originally Posted by Chief Ragusa

It is perhaps time to start the great Habsburg marriage bureau to prime provinces to fall to Johann and his successors without the need to fight as their own lack of martial ability indicates.

I don't think I'll ever be doing that again after Abauj!

**Alfred Packer** · 31-10-2007 00:29

Originally Posted by anonymous4401

I don't think I'll ever be doing that again after Abauj!

Why not? It only took, what, 37 years to get it through marraige? (give or take a decade)

**Farquharson** · 31-10-2007 03:56

And the Count of Algeciras does appear to have a daughter of marriageable age. Just a few sons and the Count to assassinate and Bob's your uncle... or something...

**Murmurandus** · 31-10-2007 09:32

Real Men Always Crush Bruning Angry Bald Men...

**HoldYourFire** · 31-10-2007 19:54

Admit it. You had an ulterior motive for giving Alexandria to a girl. I mean, the alternative is unthinkable, right?

**anonymous4401** · 01-11-2007 13:06

no comment

**Snake IV** · 01-11-2007 13:36

Originally Posted by anonymous4401

no comment

In difference to all other times?

**anonymous4401** · 01-11-2007 14:01

Yes, because I comment on things all the time. For example:

**anonymous4401** · 02-11-2007 02:09

Chapter 34: Algeciras

As told with many pictures. And a moderate amount of words.

(All formats, fonts, layouts, and even this little disclaimer bartered wisely from phargle's
Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales))

1171-1172

Now that the business with the Medinans is taken care of, we can go on to the business of Algeciras. Wait this isn't Algeciras! This is Almansa, the province after it!

This is Algeciras

And this is Almeria, the province after Almansa. In this screenshot you can also see Almansa. So the next three provinces are all owned by England and all in southern Spain. Quite convenient.

I cannot resist the call to convince my darling of her erroneous ways.

Oh Alexandria, why must you test our love?

You know what this means? Free wife-money!

And well-statted wives. But since she's a Martial Clericess that high Martial score is misleading.

And the Kingdom of England begins to fall apart just as my Swedish regiments are sailing in! How timely!

The Al Djazairis also arrive at their destination.

And the Pope reestablishes himself in southern France. In Avignon, in fact. A couple centuries early but why not?

That's what, the second wife of Johann to die of childbirth in a decade? There can only be one and only one conclusion drawn from this: Johann von Habsburg is too much of a Real Man for any mortal woman to handle! Truly befitting the Turk-Slayer. My only worry is that future von Habsburgs will not be able to match up to his Manly name and will kill themselves in shame. Tune in next time when we see Johann roust himself in the name of a good crusade in the next exciting episode of Real Men Do It Alphabetically, an AARgau!

**Judas Maccabeus** · 02-11-2007 02:26

Wooo! Babylonian Captivity of the Papacy!

And I definitely agree with you on your conclusion regarding the deaths in childbirth. Clearly they were not woman enough to bear the children of a Real Man.™

**El Pip** · 02-11-2007 08:57

Real Men celebrate the death of their wives as a way to gain free money.

**Chief Ragusa** · 02-11-2007 10:12

Hapsburgs haven't seen stats that good - ever. Elisabeth may be just the woman to handle Johann. Typically, the war against England occurs just as the realm disintegrates. Chaos flows through the veins of the Hapsburgs.

**Lordban** · 02-11-2007 11:00

It spreads, too

**JimboIX** · 02-11-2007 13:58

Hey, it's always possible the English AI will pull it together and put a real fight....right..? I mean that happens all the time in CK.

**anonymous4401** · 03-11-2007 22:22

Chapter 34: Algeciras

As told with many pictures. And a moderate amount of words.

(All formats, fonts, layouts, and even this little disclaimer bartered wisely from phargle's
Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales))

1172-1173

Everything's in its place. The war begins!

Woo!

Here you can see the regiments of Adrianopolis, Akershus, and Agder were waiting in England's capital for the war declaration so that they could begin sieging it immediately. Also after eighty years in the wilderness, the House von Habsburg returns to the German crown. Well technically Stefan's youngest son Werner became the Count of Arborea under the German king decades ago but who cares about him.

The regiment of Agen does battle with the Count of La Mancha!

But the Count of La Mancha is not as eager.

And Almansa really did fall to the Badajozs. So now I am at war with both Badajoz and England, who are at war with each other!

Though neither are putting up much resistance.

Almeria down...

And Algeciras!

And as a one-province count who is fully occupied by me, Algeciras must agree to annexation. I think I'll keep the province though; it's nice.

So I guess England's armies have been quite depleted on their adventures in Spain and Medina. Because England is at war with Medina isn't it? I have no idea how that's going. But something has to explain why there aren't any English armies. At all. Anywhere. There are no Badajozs either but the explanation for that is that the English killed them all. Seriously though, my three regiments in England pretty much besieged every English demesne province without a fight. It was pretty neat. Tune in next time when we see Johann roust himself in the name of a good crusade in the next exciting episode of Real Men Do It Alphabetically, an AARgau!