Real Men Do It Alphabetically: An AARgau
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Albarracin for Impact.
And why wouldn't they be, considering I only want to take that one province? Also I just used up my last ecclesiastically-educated male courtier on making a Bishopric. I should have saved him up until I got a replacement for him because now I have no court bishop! Of course my court bishops never actually did anything but whatever. The adventures of the von Habsburgs continue in the next exciting episode of Real Men Do It Alphabetically, an AARgau!
Chapter 27: Albarracin
As told with many pictures. And a moderate amount of words.
(All formats, fonts, layouts, and even this little disclaimer plagiarized guilelessly from phargle's
Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales))
1165-1166
Yeah that's right! Those guys totally arrived!
Meanwhile Johann gets a worthless daughter.
And I keep disbanding the Al Djazair regiment so that I can recall it under Alfonso any time!
Of course this time reinforcements arrived from the sea, and all the way from Ireland at that!
But that wasn't enough to defeat good ol' Alfonso!
Those pesky pagans!
Well whatever. Yet another victory by Alfonso will cheer me up. It is getting a bit crowded down there though, with all the regiments retreating, regrouping, and attacking again.
Which is why it is fortunate that I can end this war now!
And I make a Bishopric out of it.
They are only happy to oblige.
As told with many pictures. And a moderate amount of words.
(All formats, fonts, layouts, and even this little disclaimer plagiarized guilelessly from phargle's
Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales))
1165-1166
Yeah that's right! Those guys totally arrived!
Meanwhile Johann gets a worthless daughter.
And I keep disbanding the Al Djazair regiment so that I can recall it under Alfonso any time!
Of course this time reinforcements arrived from the sea, and all the way from Ireland at that!
But that wasn't enough to defeat good ol' Alfonso!
Those pesky pagans!
Well whatever. Yet another victory by Alfonso will cheer me up. It is getting a bit crowded down there though, with all the regiments retreating, regrouping, and attacking again.
Which is why it is fortunate that I can end this war now!
And I make a Bishopric out of it.
They are only happy to oblige.
And why wouldn't they be, considering I only want to take that one province? Also I just used up my last ecclesiastically-educated male courtier on making a Bishopric. I should have saved him up until I got a replacement for him because now I have no court bishop! Of course my court bishops never actually did anything but whatever. The adventures of the von Habsburgs continue in the next exciting episode of Real Men Do It Alphabetically, an AARgau!
anonymous4401 said:
.. who has higher martial stats than any other living von Habsburg.
Hooray for warrior princesses!
and a base 9 in Stewardship.
don't worry about the lack of a Court Bishop, one will turn up.
don't worry about the lack of a Court Bishop, one will turn up.
Sokraates said:.. who has higher martial stats than any other living von Habsburg.
We promptly choose to ignore that since we are all male-chauvinists here.
You should equip your guys with this thing, will certainly help more than your regular Bishops: http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bild:IWM-E-17430-Bishop-SP-gun-19420925.jpg
Albret and Butter.
This is the province of Albret, in southwestern France.
This is the Occitan count of Albret with a Swedish-sounding last name. And more importantly: He is the vassal of a Duke!
But that won't come into play yet as I must reject this offer of losing 220+ gold for a mediocre bishop.
Also because my armies aren't there yet.
And now it comes into play! Because Skillsplatter here isn't a direct vassal of the King, when I declare war on him my liege joins in, causing his Duke, the Duke of Oxford, to declare war on both myself and him! A tactic used many times before.
And so the proud regiment of Alfonso marches forward to meet the enemy head-on.
Meanwhile the much-less-proud regiment of some loser from Agen fights the enemy because it was standing in a province that turned out to be theirs!
And what? Alfonso lost?
Meanwhile the other regiment wins?
And the update ends with a cliffhanger? This doesn't make any sense!
Well there's no reason why the last part shouldn't make any sense but Alfonso losing that battle really was confusing because not only did his regiment outnumber the enemy but so did his martial skill! And that's all that ever matters in battles in Crusader Kings, right? God himself tells the von Habsburgs what to do in the next thrilling episode of Real Men Do It Alphabetically, an AARgau!
Chapter 28: Albret
As told with many pictures. And a moderate amount of words.
(All formats, fonts, layouts, and even this little disclaimer robbed criminally from phargle's
Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales))
1166
As told with many pictures. And a moderate amount of words.
(All formats, fonts, layouts, and even this little disclaimer robbed criminally from phargle's
Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales))
1166
Code:
[b][color=lime] Aargau ✓
Abauj ✓
Abkhazia ✓
Abydos ✓
Achaia ✓
Acre ✓
Adana ✓
Adrianopolis ✓
Agder ✓
Agen ✓
Agrigento ✓
Aintab ✓
Akershus ✓
Al Alamayn ✓
Al Amarah ✓
Al 'Aqabah ✓
Al Bichri ✓
Al Djazair ✓
Al Habbariyah ✓
Al Hasa ✓
Al Jawf ✓
Al Jazira ✓
Al Mafraq ✓
Al Miqdadiyah ✓
Al Nadjaf ✓
Al Nasiryah ✓
Åland ✓
Alania ✓
Albania ✓
Albarracin ✓[/color]
[color=yellow]Albret[/color][/b]
Alcacer do Sal
Alcantara
Aleppo
Alexandretta
Alexandria
Algeciras
Almansa
Almeria
Altmark
Amida
Amiens
Amisos
Amman
Ancona
Andernach
Ångermanland
Angouleme
Angus
Anhalt
Ani
Anjou
Ankyra
Annaba
Ansbach
Anti-Atlas
Antiocheia
Apulia
Aquileia
Aracena
Aral
Ar'ar
Arborea
Archa
Argyll
Armagnac
Arques
Árta
Artois
Asas
Ascalon
Asturias de Oviedo
Asturias de Santillana
Aswan
Asyut
Atheniai
Atholl
Atlas Mnt
Attaleia
Aukshayts
Austisland
Auvergne
Auxerre
Avhaz
Avranches
Az Zarqa
Azerbaijan
Azov
Baalbek
Bacs
Badajoz
Baden
Baghdad
Bahrein
Barcelona
Bari
Bashkirs
Basra
Bearn
Bedford
Beersheb
Beirut
Bejaija
Belgorod
Belgrade
Beloozero
Benevento
Benghazi
Beni Yanni
Bereg
Beresty
Bergenshus
Bern
Berwick
Besancon
Bezhetsky Verh
Bihar
Bilyar
Bira
Birlad
Biskra
Bizerte
Bjarmia
Black Clobucks
Blois
Bologna
Bordeaux
Bornholm
Boulogne
Bourbon
Bourges
Brabant
Braganza
Brandenburg
Braunschweig
Breda
Breisgau
Bremen
Brescia
Bristol
Brugge
Bryansk
Buchan
Buhairya
Bukhara
Bulgar
Burgos
Burtasy
Byzantion
Caceres
Cadiz
Cagliari
Cairo
Caithness
Calatayud
Calatrava
Canarias
Capua
Carcassonne
Carrick
Castellon
Castelo Branco
Cebta
Celle
Chaldea
Chalkidike
Chalons
Chandax
Charolais
Chartres
Cheb
Chelminskie
Chernigov
Cherson
Chester
Chortitza
Chud
Chur
Chuvash
Cieszyn
Coimbra
Compostela
Consenza
Constantia
Constantine
Cordoba
Corfu
Cornouaille
Cornwall
Corsica
Cremona
Crimea
Csanad
Cuenca
Cumberland
Cyrenaica
Czersk
Dailam
Dal
Dalarna
Damascus
Damman
Danzig
Darab
Darum
Dauphine Viennois
Deir
Delta
Demetrias
Denia
Derbent
Derby
Desht-i-Kipchak
Desmumu
Devon
Dihistan
Dijon
Djerba
Don portage
Dorostotum
Dorpat
Dorset
Dorylaion
Druz
Dublin
Durham
Dwin
Dyfed
Dyrrachion
Edessa
Eilat
El Bierzo
El Rif
El-Arish
Emba
Empuries
Ephesos
Épieros
Esfahan
Essex
Esztergom
Eu
Euboia
Euphrates
Evora
Evreux
Exeter
Faereyar
Famagusta
Farama
Faro
Fars
Feher
Fejer
Ferrara
Fes
Fife
Figuig
Finland
Finnveden
Firenze
Foggia
Foix
Forcalquier
Forez
Franken
Frisia
Fürstenberg
Fyn
Gabes
Gabiyaha
Galatia
Galaz
Galich
Galich Mersky
Galindia
Galloway
Galway
Gästrikland
Gelre
Gemer
Geneve
Genoa
Gent
Gevaudan
Gilan
Gizeh
Glamorgan
Gloucester
Gnieznienskie
Gorodez
Gotland
Göttingen
Granada
Grassland Cheremisa
Grisons
Guines
Gurgan
Guria
Gwent
Gwynedd
Hainaut
Halland
Hålogaland
Hälsingland
Hama
Hamadan
Hamburg
Hampshire
Hanyan
Hdemark
Hebron
Hellas
Hendjan
Herakleia
Hereford
Herjedalen
Heves
Hijaz
Hlynov
Holland
Holstein
Homs
Hormuz
Hradec Kralove
Hum
Ifni
Ikonion
Ilam
Ile de France
Imeretia
Infa
Innsbruck
Irbid
Isle of Man
Istria
Itil
Jaca
Jacwiez
Jaffa
Jamtland
Jerusalem
Jülich
Jylland
Kabilia
Kairwan
Kaisereia
Kajanaborg
Kakheti
Kaliopolis
Kaliskie
Kalmar Län
Kama
Kaneia
Kara-Kum
Karbala
Karelen
Karin
Kärnten
Kartli
Karvuna
Kasogs
Kemi
Kempten
Kent
Kerak
Kerman
Kexholm
Khopyor
Khorasan
Khozistan
Khwarizm
Kiev
Kirkuk
Kleve
Kola
Köln
Kolomna
Koloneia
Korchev
Korinthos
Korsun
Kostroma
Krain
Krakowskie
Krizevci
Kuban
Kufa
Kujawy
Kuma
Kurdistan
Kurs
Kuwait
Kyzikos
La Mancha
La Marche
Labourd
Laigin
Lancaster
Laodikeia
Lappland
Laristan
Lausitz
Lecce
Leicester
Leiningen
Lemdiyya
Leon
Leon
Leptis Magna
Lesbos
Lettigalians
Liberec
Liege
Limisol
Limousin
Lincoln
Lisboa
Livorno
Livs
Lleida
Lombardia
Loon
Lorraine
Lothian
Lower Dniepr
Lower Don
Lower Silesia
Lower Volga
Lübeck
Lubusz
Lucca
Lukomorie
Lüneburg
Luristan
Lusignan
Lut
Luxembourg
Lykandos
Lykia
Lyon
Lyubech
Maan
Macon
Madaba
Mahdia
Maine
Mainz
Malaga
Mallorca
Malta
Mangyshlak
Mantua
Manupura
Manych
Mar
Marienburg
Marmaros
Marrakech
Massat
Maverannahr
Mayo
Mazandaran
Mecca
Mecklemburg
Medelpad
Medina
Medjerda
Meissen
Melitene
Memel
Menorca
Mertola
Merv
Merya
Mesembria
Mesopotamia
Messina
Methone
Metz
Mide
Minsk
Modena
Molina
Monemvasia
Monferrato
Monreal
Montpellier
Morava
Moray
Mordva
Moskva
Mosul
Mountain Cheremisa
Mozhaysk
Mstislavl
Münster
Murcia
Murom
Mzab
Naissus
Nantes
Napoli
Narbonne
Närke
Narva
Nassau
Naumadal
Navarra
Naxos
Negev
Neuchatel
Nevers
Nice
Niebla
Niederbayern
Nikaea
Nikomedeia
Nikopolis
Nishapur
Nisibin
Nitra
Nizhny Novgorod
Nordgau
Norfolk
North Dvina
Northampton
Northumberland
Novgorod
Novgorod Seversky
Nubia
Nürnberg
Nyland
Oberbayern
Ochrid
Oka
Öland
Oldenburg
Oleshye
Olvia
Onega
Onega
Opava
Opole
Oppland
Orania
Orava
Orbetello
Orkney
Orleans
Oromieh
Orsha
Orvieto
Ösel
Osnabrück
Osraige
Österbotten
Östergötland
Österreich
Ostfriesland
Ostrava
Oxford
Padova
Palermo
Palmyra
Paphlagonia
Parma
Passau
Pavia
Pecs
Pelusia
Penthievre
Peremyshl
Peresechen
Pereyaslavl
Pereyaslavl Zalessky
Perfeddwlad
Perigord
Pest
Petra
Pfalz
Philippopolis
Piemonte
Pinsk
Piombino
Pksov
Plasencia
Plauen
Plock
Plzen
Podlasie
Poitiers
Polotsk
Porto
Powys
Poznanskie
Praha
Pressburg
Pronsk
Provence
Prusa
Qazwin
Qohistan
Qom
Quattara
Quena
Qwivir
Ragusa
Rama
Rashka
Ravenna
Rayy
Reggio
Reims
Rennes
Reval
Rhodos
Rioja
Rogaland
Roma
Romny
Rosello
Ross
Rostock
Rostov
Rouergue
Rügen
Rummah
Ryazan
Ryn Desert
Sacz
Safed
Saintois
Saintonge
Salamanca
Salerno
Salisbury
Saluces
Salzburg
Sambia
Samos
Samoyeds
Sandomierskie
Santiago
Saray
Saris
Sarkel
Sarpa
Sarqihya
Satakunta
Savoie
Savolaks
Scalovia
Schwaben
Schwyz
Seleukeia
Semender
Senj
Senoussi
Sens
Serdica
Severin
Sevilla
Sharukan
Shemakha
Shetland
Shiraz
Shirvan
Shrewsbury
Siena
Sieradzko-Leczyckie
Silves
Sinai
Sinjar
Sinope
Siracusa
Sistan
Sjaelland
Skåne
Slesvig
Sligo
Slupsk
Småland
Smolensk
Smyrna
Snassen
Södermanland
Somerset
Sopron
Soria
Southern Ural
Sozopolis
Split
Spoleto
St. Gallen
Starya Russa
Steiermark
Stettin
Sticht
Strathclyde
Strymon
Sudan
Sudovia
Suenik
Suffolk
Sugrov
Sundgau
Surrey
Sussex
Sutherland
Suwaida
Suzdal
Syria
Syrj
Syrt
Syrte
Szekelyföld
Szekezfehervar
Tabaristan
Tabriz
Tabuk
Tadmor
Tana
Tangiers
Tao
Taranto
Taron
Tarragona
Tarsos
Tavasts
Telemark
Tell Atlas
Tell Bashir
Teluch
Temes
Terebovl
Terra Incognita
Tharasset
Theodosia
Theodosiopolis
Thessalia
Thessalonike
Thouars
Thrake
Thüringen
Tiberias
Tigris
Tir Connail
Tir Eoghain
Tirgoviste
Tirol
Tlemcen
Tmutarakan
Tobruk
Toledo
Torki
Tortosa
Torzhok
Toulouse
Tourraine
Trans-portage
Trapani
Trapezous
Trencín
Trent
Treviso
Tripoli
Tripolitana
Trøndelag
Troyes
Tuadmumu
Tunis
Turkmen
Turnu
Turov
Tver
Tyana
Tyrnovo
Tyrus
Uglich
Ugra
Ulaid
Ulm
Unused
Upper Silesia
Uppland
Urbino
Urgell
Urmumu
Usora
Usti nad Labem
Usturt
Uzens
Valais
Valencia
Valladolid
Vannes
Varadzin
Värmland
Vas
Vaspurakan
Västerbotten
Västergötland
Västmanland
Veglia
Velikiye Luki
Veliky Ustug
Venaissin
Vendome
Venezia
Verdun
Vermandois
Verona
Vestfold
Vestisland
Vexin
Viborg
Vidin
Viken
Viscaya
Vitebsk
Viviers
Vladimir
Vladimir Volynsky
Vodi
Vologda
Votyaki
Vyazma
Warwick
Weimar
Werle
West Dvina
Western Isles
Westfriesland
Westmorland
Wolgast
Württemberg
Yaik
Yaroslavl
Yatvyagi
Yazd
Yegorlyk
York
Yperen
Zachlumia
Zadar
Zagreb
Zamora
Zaozerye
Zaragoza
Zeeland
Zemigalians
Zeta
Zhmud
ZyrianeThis is the province of Albret, in southwestern France.
This is the Occitan count of Albret with a Swedish-sounding last name. And more importantly: He is the vassal of a Duke!
But that won't come into play yet as I must reject this offer of losing 220+ gold for a mediocre bishop.
Also because my armies aren't there yet.
And now it comes into play! Because Skillsplatter here isn't a direct vassal of the King, when I declare war on him my liege joins in, causing his Duke, the Duke of Oxford, to declare war on both myself and him! A tactic used many times before.
And so the proud regiment of Alfonso marches forward to meet the enemy head-on.
Meanwhile the much-less-proud regiment of some loser from Agen fights the enemy because it was standing in a province that turned out to be theirs!
And what? Alfonso lost?
Meanwhile the other regiment wins?
And the update ends with a cliffhanger? This doesn't make any sense!
Well there's no reason why the last part shouldn't make any sense but Alfonso losing that battle really was confusing because not only did his regiment outnumber the enemy but so did his martial skill! And that's all that ever matters in battles in Crusader Kings, right? God himself tells the von Habsburgs what to do in the next thrilling episode of Real Men Do It Alphabetically, an AARgau!
Real Men Wonder Why The Development In South-Western France Has Been At Least Semi True To History.
Albret from the Heavens.
HELLO I AM GOD AND I AM TELLING THE VON HABSBURGS WHAT TO DO. VON HABSBURGS KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING. ALSO THE LAST LINE NEVER ACTUALLY HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT THE NEXT UPDATE'S GOING TO BE IF YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT YET. ALSO GOD ALWAYS TALKS IN ALL-CAPS THAT'S JUST HOW HE IS. God himself tells the von Habsburgs what to do in the next thrilling episode of Real Men Do It Alphabetically, an AARgau!
Chapter 28: Albret
As told with many pictures. And a moderate amount of words.
(All formats, fonts, layouts, and even this little disclaimer robbed criminally from phargle's
Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales))
1167
And as I send a mediocre von Habsburg to church school, I lose the battle in Bearn to the Duchy of Oxford and the County of Albret at the same time!
And to add insult to injury, this happens while my armies are still retreating.
I sigh and accept Oxford's offer, as I might as well. Also Alfonso has to boat a new regiment from Al Djazair back up to Bearn because when that battle was lost his regiment disappeared despite there being English land right next door to retreat to. Though I guess it could be because the victorious Albret regiment participating in Bearn counted as running the enemy down.
And I'm not about to let some 'peace treaty' stop me from getting my next Alphabetical province!
The Duke of this German count I agree to marry Klementia von Habsburg to looks a hell of a lot like Johann...
I also got this bastard from an Irresistible Wench event! The event also gives Johann the Lustful trait, which takes away Diplomacy but does not give Intrigue as I thought it would.
Oh and the King of England accepted peace with Albret as I was sieging the province! So not only do I break a peace treaty but I also get the BB hit for declaring war with troops on enemy soil!
And this happens again, as I am sieging. However what happened was that the King of England took his Duke title away, thus becoming the direct liege of Albret, but did not change the status of the war!
Which is why it makes perfect sense for some Balkanized Byzantine Principality in the middle of Anatolia to declare war on me just now.
Long story short, the province is liberated and Albret is forced to give me his everything.
As told with many pictures. And a moderate amount of words.
(All formats, fonts, layouts, and even this little disclaimer robbed criminally from phargle's
Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales))
1167
And as I send a mediocre von Habsburg to church school, I lose the battle in Bearn to the Duchy of Oxford and the County of Albret at the same time!
And to add insult to injury, this happens while my armies are still retreating.
I sigh and accept Oxford's offer, as I might as well. Also Alfonso has to boat a new regiment from Al Djazair back up to Bearn because when that battle was lost his regiment disappeared despite there being English land right next door to retreat to. Though I guess it could be because the victorious Albret regiment participating in Bearn counted as running the enemy down.
And I'm not about to let some 'peace treaty' stop me from getting my next Alphabetical province!
The Duke of this German count I agree to marry Klementia von Habsburg to looks a hell of a lot like Johann...
I also got this bastard from an Irresistible Wench event! The event also gives Johann the Lustful trait, which takes away Diplomacy but does not give Intrigue as I thought it would.
Oh and the King of England accepted peace with Albret as I was sieging the province! So not only do I break a peace treaty but I also get the BB hit for declaring war with troops on enemy soil!
And this happens again, as I am sieging. However what happened was that the King of England took his Duke title away, thus becoming the direct liege of Albret, but did not change the status of the war!
Which is why it makes perfect sense for some Balkanized Byzantine Principality in the middle of Anatolia to declare war on me just now.
Long story short, the province is liberated and Albret is forced to give me his everything.
HELLO I AM GOD AND I AM TELLING THE VON HABSBURGS WHAT TO DO. VON HABSBURGS KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING. ALSO THE LAST LINE NEVER ACTUALLY HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT THE NEXT UPDATE'S GOING TO BE IF YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT YET. ALSO GOD ALWAYS TALKS IN ALL-CAPS THAT'S JUST HOW HE IS. God himself tells the von Habsburgs what to do in the next thrilling episode of Real Men Do It Alphabetically, an AARgau!
Real Men Speak In Semi All Caps. Hence We Are Both Divine And Human, Yep Much Like Jesus.
Real Men really needs to get some better overlords, like one that won’t destroy your war every time you are trying to grab the next alphabetical province from some silly count… Still in the end Real Men win that is always good to see
Dysken said:
No, in order to speak like Jesus you'd have to speak entirely in caps and entirely in lower case at the same time. Not sure how that works...
I wAs ThInKiNg AbOuT tHiS oNe FoR aWhIle. To WrItE iN cApS aNd LoWeR cAsE aT tHe SaMe TiMe Is AfTeR aLl ImPoSsIbLe, A pArAdOx If YoU wIlL. sO i NaTuRaLlY hAd To SeTtLe FoR tHe NeXt BeSt ThInG. wRiTiNg LiKe ThIs Is NoT oNlY pOsSiBlE, mAnY pEoPlE dO. wHaT I aM iN eSsEnCe Is TrYiNg To SaY hErE iS tHaT rEaL mEn WrItE lIkE a Cs PlAyInG tHiRtEeN yEaR oLd WiTh AdD iF tHeY wAnT tO hOnOuR jEsUs.Judas Maccabeus said:No, in order to speak like Jesus you'd have to speak entirely in caps and entirely in lower case at the same time. Not sure how that works...