Real Men Do It Alphabetically: An AARgau

[Duke of Wellington]

A 64 year old wife! That is scary.

[Llywelyn]

Well, it's pleasant to see Stefan aiming to set himself up for the Mecklenburg Book of Game Records "most married" title. Does he have any male relatives to take up the slack of actually, yknow, inseminating fertile women, though? or is he playing roulette with his dynastic fortunes?

A 64 year old wife! That is scary.

Mostly because if you don't already buy them damaged they (unlike any character you ever try to keep around) can last for another decade or two...

j.

[GrimPagan]

Dunno. When you marry someone that old, odds are that the reasons for their old age will make them pretty tricky to get rid off.

[Judas Maccabeus]

I don't care about roleplaying and I'd click Yes to an event about feeding you to a grain thresher piece by writhing piece if one of the effects was to gain me the next province in my alphabetical list.

#The Achaians will join you if you feed your ruler piece-by-piece into a grain thresher#

character_event = {
	id = 12345

	picture = "event_agriculture"

	trigger = {
		condition = { type = ruler }
		condition = { type = age value = 16 }
		condition = { type = title value = C744 } #Abydos
	}

	mean_time_to_happen = {
		months = 90
	}

	action_a = {  #In you go!
		effect = { type = death }
                         effect = { type = gettitle which = C476 } #Effect does not actually exist.
                          effect = { type = addtrait for = player value = cruel }
	}
             action_b = {  #Nah.
                          effect = { type = random chance = 25
                                effect = { type = addtrait for = player value = merciful }
                          }
}

[JimboIX]

The hag will backfire I think- and traumatize Stefan. But he's a Hapsburg, he'll recover by marrying his cousin or aunt.

[Murmurandus]

Real Men Don't Need Nifty Events...

[Shuma]

And with that last prestige earned through blood, toil, sweat, and tears, I can finally claim Achaia!

Marrying off your courtiers to the sick and elderly? Damn that is so bloody.. erm.. toilish?, and sweaty that it surely made you cry a lot. Or not. Brilliant!

(and yes, I voted)

[anonymous4401]

Chapter 4: Achaia

As told with many pictures. And a moderate amount of words.

(All formats, fonts, layouts, and even this little disclaimer taken unconsentingly from phargle's
Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales))

1113-1115




I reward my Marshal generously because he's my brother. I think. I mean, Stefan von Habsburg's brother. I think. Maybe he's my uncle or something. I mean, Stefan's uncle.





And Stefan celebrates as his elderly wife dies, as it surely means that I'll marry him off for realzzies this time, to a pretty 16-year-old with great...stats?




WRONG! Hahaha. I love my job. I mean, my hobby. My hobby that certainly does not have more time and care devoted to it than my job.




And not only do I get to collect prestige twice, but marriage duty twice as well!




Rudolf von Habsburg finally admits that he was only pretending to be depressed for attention.




Hey, I remember you! You're that guy that I spent a very large amount of CK-bucks on to join the court, but turned out to be useless! Get lost!




And Hajnal Oeroesur gets lost as well, for some reason. Oh well, at least I no longer have to have umlauted names in my court.




All right, my road network is done! Now it will... not help movement at all... because my empire is completely noncontiguous...




And furtherm- Wait, WHAT!? Drago Cherven, Count of Achaia, declared independence from the Byzantine Empire!?!?! It's a temporary situation for sure, as he's bound to ask to rejoin the Empire soon, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity with a very narrow window of opportunity! And I intend to peek through that window. Yes. I'm pretty sure that's how the saying goes.

What fortunate luck, what lucky fortune! Taking Achaia by force will shorten the time it takes to take that province by decades, perhaps even more! But it is certainly not without risks. The wrath of the Byzantines might descend upon us if, say, Achaia asks them to be their liege almost immediately. Which is what probably will happen. Will it happen? Who knows. Come back next time for the next exciting episode of Real Men Do It Alphabetically, an AARgau!

[RGB]

Amazing. It's like they're Acha-ing to be Annexed.

[Murmurandus]

Real Men Create Their Own Windows Of Opportunity...

[Chief Ragusa]

Marrying old widows for their prestige is an old Byzantine trick! They'll admire you for declaring war on Achaia. Go for it!

[Shuma]

Maybe Stefan is marrying old women because he really does like old women? Really old. Preferably sick. Perv!

[Llywelyn]

And furtherm- Wait, WHAT!?

Isn't that the wise trait he's sporting there? Not very apropos... or maybe he's just counting on that 18 martial stat to keep your slavering Germanic hands off his eggo...

EDIT: Be funny to see the Habsburgs become a little bit more like the Knytlings by blowing their one chance in a generation to take the next letter in their transgenerational spelling contest.

j.

[JimboIX]

Achaia is toast, the empire prospers. The new wife is even older than the first- Stefan's dreams must be terrifying. Finally, do you think he'sfaking the schizephrenia too? If so- impressive.

[EightDeer]

Real Men Don't Care About Consequences.

[Snake IV]

WRONG! Hahaha. I love my job. I mean, my hobby. My hobby that certainly does not have more time and care devoted to it than my job.

In Scandinavian Marsvin is Guinea pig, and you gain prestige by marrying the poor guy to her?

[Lord E]

Its alive, the AAR is once more alive. Great to see it return. Seems like you have a lot if interesting guys at your court and now that you have a chance to grabbing that province by force you should move at once, start the war and crush them…

[Ayeshteni]

In Scandinavian Marsvin is Guinea pig, and you gain prestige by marrying the poor guy to her?

and she is lustful. yikers.

And go smush Acheia IMMEDIATELY!!!!

Ayeshteni

[Fnuco]

In Scandinavian Marsvin is Guinea pig, and you gain prestige by marrying the poor guy to her?

courage IS prestigious, no?

and it took balls to marry a lustful grandmama, didnt it?

[Dysken]

and she is lustful. yikers.

And she has a disease. I wonder what kind .