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Thread: Real Men Do It Alphabetically: An AARgau

  1. #1121
    Non sufficit orbis Lord E's Avatar
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    The Emperor has misunderstood something I think, this is no way to act against fellow players. But now that he can fight for you why not declare on the evil Turks? Real Men should just close their eyes and DO IT!
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  2. #1122
    On the look-out for Grues... MagisterMundi's Avatar
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  3. #1123
    Pantomacatalasecesionanis ta

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    Quote Originally Posted by anonymous4401


    Very well. My new Steward is Hugo von Habsburg, Stefan's nephew and husband to my Spy Mistress!
    Let me guess... the BSO of this AAR is "We are family", perhaps?
    "Pequeño Padawan Kurtizacoal, por qué me has salido tan cabrón?" - me dijo mi Maestro.
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  4. #1124
    AARlander
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    Excitement Al around.

    Chapter 16: Al Bichri

    As told with many pictures. And a moderate amount of words.

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    Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales))



    1150-1151



    La dee da da, going to a shrunken Poland to find a wife for Ernst von Habsburg...




    And the child-count of Al 'Aqabah makes peace, which is really nice because then I don't have to worry about that lousy province!




    Ah well, it could be worse.




    And now we know where my 331 ducats went.




    TurkWatch: 1151: The Seljuk Turks have added Mesopotamia to their domains, thus making them slightly more undefeatable than they already were! (Which is completely)




    Oh no Stefan can't get sick ;_;




    Well at least he's healthy enough to move his army to Hama!




    Oh yeah there was another reason for marrying Stefan to Juliana Torchitino besides her great stats and her nubile teenage body. She was also one of the older daughters of her father, the Count of Arborea, which meant that any son she bore would be next in line for the Countship! That way I could plan long-term to inherit the province when it was next on the list! However with Al Bichri it looks like it will be a long time before it's next on the list anyway.




    All right BenMuman off you go back to your homeland of Wales. Yes it's Wales not some remote Central European province I promise you now go




    Meanwhile Stefan's army goes to battle against the Arab! I bet this exciting fight will be a cliffhanger!



    Okay seriously? A battle where the enemy is outnumbered 10-1 is supposed to be a cliffhanger? Just what is this AAR trying to pull? Is it even trying anymore? This is just ridiculous and I won't stand for it! Just how gullible does this author think we are? Really now! That's it man. I quit. I quit this AAR. It's an insult to the readers to call something with an outcome so obvious a 'cliffhanger'. Don't miss the next exciting episode of Real Men Do It Alphabetically, an AARgau!
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  5. #1125
    Crusader for Fun and Profit Murmurandus's Avatar
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    Real Men Hate Cliffhangers, Especially Bad Ones...
    "May the Earth tremble with Beer... euh, Fear"

    "Never change a winning avatar..."

    "Si hoc legere scis, nimium eruditionis habes."

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  6. #1126
    After you have defeatedthe Arabs for which they will pay handsomely, Aaarhgau or the D o A (Duke of Abydos not dead on arrival) will be able to pay to be restored to health - faith-healers, don't you just love them? - and start assasinating various Seljuk appanages until the realm falls apart.

    I'm not surprised Stefan is sick, he was making such fine progress towards his gaols and now look at him, about to throw his valiant warriors to a suicidal death.

  7. #1127
    Pantomacatalasecesionanis ta

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    Quote Originally Posted by Murmurandus
    Real Men Hate Cliffhangers, Especially Bad Ones...
    Let's hope that something doesn't turnb bad and he gots defeated.
    "Pequeño Padawan Kurtizacoal, por qué me has salido tan cabrón?" - me dijo mi Maestro.
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  8. #1128
    Wow! i just read it all keep up the good work!

  9. #1129
    Can you show whos next in line after this duke there are so many deaths and births im a bit confused?

  10. #1130
    General JimboIX's Avatar

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    I think your only real option is to wade in, if Real Men can't succeed, real men die trying.
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  11. #1131
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    It's Al Wonderful Life.

    Chapter 16: Al Bichri

    As told with many pictures. And a moderate amount of words.

    (All formats, fonts, layouts, and even this little disclaimer transferred unattentively from phargle's
    Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales))



    1151-1152



    Haha! In the middle of the battle I take Stefan's army out of Hasa! I bet you didn't expect that, READERS.




    Now those Tripolitan dudes will have to fight it out themselves!




    Meanwhile the Abydosans go to Tell Bashir! Why would they do such a crazy thing?




    Sorry Hama, but the 25 piety I lose for making peace with you is certainly worth more than 17 ducats! Well I do have over a thousand piety already but whatevs.




    Every time a marshal with a tiny regiment takes a province with the mysterious aid of a larger one, a duke gets his wings. That's right, that's right. Attaboy, Stefan.




    New Spymaster! This one's almost as good as Dublemna Dunkel was, and the latest in the trend of Irish and Welsh immigrants taking all our jobs!




    Ernst! I didn't send you to the army to laze around! I sent you to become a Brilliant Strategist or whatever they have there so that you can lead my armies instead of the Martial Clerics I scrape up!




    Hehe. An Arab Catholic is now the independent count of Crete.




    Hehe. I bet 'Ffraid' is 'afraid' to die of her pneumonia, which in medieval times was a long, protracted, and painful affair that ended in complete and agonizing misery!




    And now we have TurkWatch: 1152. Note that the Byzantines have managed to annex all those Arab statelets in the Caucuses, which is what I was hoping for from the start.



    I bet lovable ol' Ernst von Habsburg starred in his own movie called Ernst Goes To Army Camp which details his formative years of not becoming a Knowledgeable Tactician and perfecting the perfect thumbs-up through endless practice. And guess what will be a sequel to that movie, Ernst? That's right, Ernst Fails To Become Even A Historical Footnote As His Low-Martial-Rating Self Gets Completely Forgotten As Another Faceless Male Von Habsburg By Both The Player And The Readers! It will be direct-to-video. Don't miss the next exciting episode of Real Men Do It Alphabetically, an AARgau!
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  12. #1132
    AARlander
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bad Santa
    Can you show whos next in line after this duke there are so many deaths and births im a bit confused?
    Hermann the Ugly is first in line.

    Quote Originally Posted by JimboIX
    I think your only real option is to wade in, if Real Men can't succeed, real men die trying.
    No real men wait until the Il-Khanate arrives. It's called being opportunist!

    And it's quite disturbing how few people have voted in the AARland Choice AwAARds, or even read the AARlander. This makes me quite sad.
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  13. #1133
    Pantomacatalasecesionanis ta

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    From the last update I see that the Selucids have 6,000 soldiers less than in the previous chapter. So, cheer up, Brian! In 20 years you'll be at odds with them, if they keep this pace
    "Pequeño Padawan Kurtizacoal, por qué me has salido tan cabrón?" - me dijo mi Maestro.
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  14. #1134
    Quote Originally Posted by Kurt_Steiner
    From the last update I see that the Selucids have 6,000 soldiers less than in the previous chapter. So, cheer up, Brian! In 20 years you'll be at odds with them, if they keep this pace
    Time-travelling Selucids? I thought time-travelling was a different AAR. anew line for real Men: When in trouble, Real Men bring other historical armies to fight for them. Selucids declare war on the Seljuks a case of the same land, different time, declaring war on itself. The idea brought a gleam to my eyes.

    [The Selucids are named for the Macedonian General of Alexander who took and kept most of the conquests in Asia. His successors proceeded to lose chunks of it until Pompey ended their last remnant in Syria and added it to Rome.]

    Ernst plaintive cry, "I wanted to be a steward. I 've never had the faintest clue which end of a sword to hold."

  15. #1135
    Pantomacatalasecesionanis ta

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    Er... you got me...
    "Pequeño Padawan Kurtizacoal, por qué me has salido tan cabrón?" - me dijo mi Maestro.
    Palo Dixit: posible Anticristo, vacalentacialanonanista, Culé y Salido que provoca manifas por donde pasa.
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  16. #1136
    General JimboIX's Avatar

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    Ernst movies are pretty awesome....can you even imagine how much better they would be with inbred Hapsburgs starring?
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  17. #1137
    Crusader for Fun and Profit Murmurandus's Avatar
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    Real Men Can Take It Al...
    "May the Earth tremble with Beer... euh, Fear"

    "Never change a winning avatar..."

    "Si hoc legere scis, nimium eruditionis habes."

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  18. #1138
    Chairman of this board Dysken's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by anonymous4401
    Hehe. I bet 'Ffraid' is 'afraid' to die of her marriage, which in medieval times was a long, protracted, and painful affair that ended in complete and agonizing misery!
    You really should check these things before you post them. You can't expect me to always fix them for you.
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  19. #1139
    AARlander
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    Shows how much you know, Dyskman! Ffraid was never married in her short and painful life as that would have either required me wasting a male von Habsburg on her low base-stats, or a foreigner asking for a choleric girl's hand in marriage!
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  20. #1140
    Chairman of this board Dysken's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by anonymous4401
    Shows how much you know, Dyskman! Ffraid was never married in her short and painful life as that would have either required me wasting a male von Habsburg on her low base-stats, or a foreigner asking for a choleric girl's hand in marriage!
    Trying to cover up the truth is not what Real Men do.
    "Success seems to be connected to action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit." - Conrad Hilton

    Bring back the American Politics Megathread.

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