Real Men Do It Alphabetically: An AARgau

[ComradeOm]

Hey look! A man with an eyepatch!

Careful... he could be a pirate!

[Snake IV]

Careful... he could be a pirate!

And plunder what? English ships in the Bodensee?

[Janus Rook]

The funny thing is that he has to collect quite a lot of states to get any duke title, and until that he'll get a very nice large demensne penalty.

He could claim an all ready existing ducal title and then go to war for it. Although the prestige gain necessary would be huge, guess it's the lucky Duke that gets excommunicated.

[ComradeOm]

And plunder what? English ships in the Bodensee?

Do I look like some sort of pirate expert? Scary man with eye patch = pirate.

[Jon Young]

Do I look like some sort of pirate expert? Scary man with eye patch = pirate.

This is exactly the sort of casual patchism which is so blighting our society today. He could be an accident-prone carpenter. Or an amateur falconer. Or a peeping tom run afoul of poetic justice.

Poke him with a stick and see if he goes 'Yarrr!'. If he does, probably a pirate.

[anonymous4401]

He could claim an all ready existing ducal title and then go to war for it. Although the prestige gain necessary would be huge, guess it's the lucky Duke that gets excommunicated.

Yeah, if it wasn't for the fact that Abydos happens to be a one-province Duchy, I would have had to resort to this kind of tactic.

[anonymous4401]

Chapter 3: Abydos

As told with many pictures. And a moderate amount of words.

(All formats, fonts, layouts, and even this little disclaimer pillaged ruthlessly from phargle's
Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales))

1096-1097




Remember when I speculated that Heinrich von Habsburg, a courtier that just showed up in my court one morn, was actually a homeless vagrant that took the name 'von Habsburg' to be accepted? Well, absolutely no speculation is needed here! Because Rudolf von Habsburg is definitely a crazy homeless man that just wandered in one day. Which is fine, as I can use the entertainment that a crazy homeless man provides and I can extract prestige by marrying him off. But just what kind of ruler would let a crazy homeless man marry his daughter, much less one of his female officers? Or even more unlikely, someone who is both?




Why, Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark, of course!




I guess he is the Duke of Skåne as well.




And for Heinrich I go for a more...mature woman, with loads of...prestige...




Accepted, and why not?




A 43-year-old widow with four grown sons that dress alike in a very creepy manner... What a catch, buddy!




Yeah, I know. We'd all love to be banging a supple 18-year-old piece of Knýtling. But I let Rudolf have her instead because he's a maniac




Who thinks he's Napoleon




And will one day kill us all.




Look over there, peasants!

How many more homeless men will one day show up at the Court of Aargau somehow bearing a von Habsburg name? And to whom will they be married off to? And now that Rudolf has entertained us all and obtained a young wife with his descent into madness, will Heinrich von Habsburg also go mad, just to get a little bit of attention? And will he fall for the peasant bit? You won't believe your eyes when you read the next exciting episode of Real Men Do It Alphabetically, an AARgau!

[Cyra]

Yeah, if it wasn't for the fact that Abydos happens to be a one-province Duchy, I would have had to resort to this kind of tactic.

Damn, I forgot to check if there were 1 province duchies in the beginning of the list.

Have fun with Abydos ~

(of course, its a lot more fun to grab it if it is in personal demensne of the emperor... Just hope that they won't revolt)

[Jon Young]

Ah, the fabled Knytling breeding-pens... for the first few decades of the game they supply half the lords of europe with teenage kicks

[Murmurandus]

All Knytlings Are Real Men, Even The Women!

[Ayeshteni]

Funniest update yet. Classic.

Ayeshteni

[Lord E]

Nice update, seems like you get a lot of those homeless von Habsburg, but as long as you can marry them away, and even with a Knýtling that is jolly nice

[Duke of Wellington]

Rudolf is a strange character....

[anonymous4401]

Chapter 3: Abydos

As told with many pictures. And a moderate amount of words.

(All formats, fonts, layouts, and even this little disclaimer pillaged ruthlessly from phargle's
Knud Knýtling, Prince of Denmark (and other assorted tales))

1097-1098




And Demetrios Staphas joins the Cool Kids' Club! Which is very good for us, as if he rebels against the Emperor, we can claim his title and declare war and annex him! Sweet!




I'm not sure, but I think that I wanted the Zealous trait at this point. Does that give you extra prestige?




Well, another way to get prestige is to build a library! It won't help Abauj be any less of a black hole of financial well-being, but it gets me a 25 lump sum of prestige!




You may think that I chose that option because I value Simon Goseck's life, or because of general principle, but you would be dead wrong. It is because the other two choices come with prestige hits, and most of the negative effects of this event will likely fall on Simon instead of me. I mean, Otto.




Wow, 25 piety. Whoop-dee-doo. Since I'm locked in at >=.70 Church Donations by my realm's laws, I have enough piety to keep me positive.




And now the English just won't leave me alone! When I was but the Count of Aargau they kept swimming in my backyard lake, and now that I'm part of the Empire of Byzantium, they besiege my liege's capital!




ENGLAND!




Huh? What? Civil War? Well, I guess now we know why the secret password to the Cool Kids' Club is just being passed around everywhere. Well, the third option will lose me Cool Points (i.e. Prestige) so that's a no. And the first option will make me be at war with the Empire of Byzantium, which doesn't seem to be a good idea. So whatev.

What will happen, now that Aargau is striking out on its own? Will Otto be excommunicated and declared a heretic at the same time? Will this Byzantine Civil War offer many good opportunities for Aargau? Will Abydos ever find its true love? And just what will those crazy Englishmen do next? You won't believe your eyes when you read the next exciting episode of Real Men Do It Alphabetically, an AARgau!

[Chief Ragusa]

Hey, don't knock your transport! They're the msterious allies you don't know you have.

Another infant and this one even fails to enter the world alive. Wherever you're getting them from, try another place. The Byzantine Civil War could be just the ticket to gain Abydos.

[Duke of Wellington]

All that work gaining prestige wiped out in a single event

[Okawoa]

I don't know why, its unoriginal, copied, but this is such a cool AAR.

[Shy Kid]

Probably don't have time to read this right now, but I am posting here to subscribe, so I may get the chance later. Also to look at my sig, which I just changed and is in my opinion much cooler now.

[stnylan]

Delicate goings on in Byzantion.

[Lord E]

Seems like some events went against you there, but at least you are free again I think that is good. Still the Emperor might still give you some trouble, so I guess we just have to wait and see how well the English do and if the Emperor can move against anyone…