For I am Death, Destroyer of Worlds

[Honour_Shogun]

Well, I have decided that I should get back on the horse as it were, and have a go at another AAR. I have decided to try Ethiopia again. However, where the last one was silly, this one will be a mixture of silly and serious. Setts are Normal/Normal. Should I get my country wiped out, I shall change to another relative unknown. And so on, if I should not have much luck-or Veince to cover my ass like they did when I played Ethiopia before- I shall keep playing different countries. But for now, I will take Ethiopia as far as I can. As always, comments, critiques and what have you all weclome. So, enjoy...

[Sharur]

Will Jumbalaya be making an appearance

[Honour_Shogun]

Yes, well, hello. Perhaps I should introduce myself. I am DEATH, DESTROYER OF WORLDS!!! But most of my friends call me Bob, but never Bobby! Anyone who calls me Bobby dies. Now you may wonder why I have some down, revealing myself to you mortals. Well, it seems that I made a boo-boo. For you see, I decided, for a larf, I would help guide a fledgling country to greatness. Course, I had had a bit too much Ambrosia-nectar of the Gods my ass! More like the refuse of the Gods!- but I digress. I was asked which country I would like. Well, I just threw a dart on the map of your planet, and lo and behold, I get Ethiopia. Bloody Hell! Well, I am stuck with it. At least for now…

So, since I am stuck with it, you, the puny mortals that you are, shall be regaled by me. You should be honoured. Not many mortals get a glimpse of Death like this. Call it a “Behind the Scenes” type of glimpse, hmm-save there is no cheesy MTV soundtrack.
Oh, sorry, you see, as Death, I exist outside of Time. So I experience all time periods as though they were one. Really a bit of a pain in the ass, if you ask me. But again! I digress. Where was I? Oh yes, Ethiopia. Well, I took the visage of a young Ethiopian, Bob was my name-what, you expect Death to always be original?

So it began, my life-ha!- with Ethiopia as Bob the Guy who Helps in Matters of Great Importance, or simply “That Guy”.

I came to this land in January of 8740, err , I mean 1419. First thing I did was to tell the King he needed to focus on his army. Now though it pains me to say so, I actually argued for better troops, and so, they army was improved [DP Slider: Land +1].

Then I had the King call up 10000 men in the capital. Why? So that we could have some real fun…

Those lazy Ethiopians! It takes them two whole months-Earth Time(ET)- to call up the troops? And! And they are not even ready! Frightened of mice, for crying out loud! Do you know what it is like to see 10000 men all scream at once when a rat enters the camp? Not good. Not good at all.

Well, at least I can convince the King to commence a massive undertaking. The hostile lands around us, filled with what these foolish mortals call ‘natives’ will be taken into our fold.

I require the army to train furhter until it is safe to send them out. Safe?! I am getting soft in my time upon your planet. Damn you Humans! You are wicked,evil, nasty, smelly, horrible creatures! But you make a good meat pie, so I guess it evens out...

On August 1st, 1419 ET, I suggested to the King that we begin cleansing the lands of any troublemakers, and that we shouls send the main army into Issas. And maybe I can work something into the mix so that our armies are victorious.

Our?! Damn! But i am getting softer and softer. Oh well, I only hope I do not grow so soft I forget who I am and my staion in the Universe.

Between September 23 1419 ET and October 3 1419 ET, the armies of the Ethiopians fights against a much smaller force in Issas. And they win, the Ethiopians I mean. Good, because if they had not, I would have been right pissed off. I let the King know, and he thanked me

"Yeah, Bob! We won, huh? That is good!"

To which I just nodded, and left the King in his own World. Strange. You Humans seem to need someone to control you. Why? You have it in you to lead yourselves, yet all I see during this timeperiod are Kings and Queens. And Before that, Despots and Tyrants, Triumvirates and Chiefs. And in the future, still someone must lead you. Presidents, Prime Ministers, Strange haired men who wear wildly coloured clothing and scream to the sky...Forget that last bit. That does not happen for a while. Damn! I shouldn't have mentioned it! Oh Crap! I certainly shouldn't have said it happens in the future! Oh Crap!! I certainly shouldn't have said that he wore wildly coloured clothing. Ahh, it's too hot here!

Umm, where was i? Oh yes, well, the armies of Ethiopia, the First Army(FA) was victorious in Issas, and perpared to wipe out the remainder there. And I suggested to the King that he call up 7000 men and 2000 horse. Where did they get the horses? Ah well, ours is not to question why, I am just a simple guy, eh?

And so, on October 4 1419, ET, the call went out for more men to come to the aid of the King. Good, they could take the lands to the south.

Well, you remember how I mentioned that mouse before? Seems that they still hate mice. The FA attacked the remainder of the natives in Issas, some 8500 of Ethiopia's troops versus 147 natives. Well, a mouse appeared, and lo and behold the FA ggave way and ran with their shields between their legs back to Welo Province. I wonder if I made the right decision in choosing this land. Maybe I can change my decision later on. I hope.

On November 1st 1419, the first settlers were sent out. They were to go to Mogadiscio. If they survive the trip, then good. if they also set up a new colony, even better...

As I watch these things, both in the guise of Bob the Guy and Death Bob, I wonder why it is that I should be forced into this job. The last guy, he was good! He was there at the very beginning, but after the dinosaurs, he "claimed" he needed a vacation. Vacation my ass! He just wanted to go and visit the flying Elephants on Planet Disney! Bastard! So now here I am, Death, Destroyer of worlds, and what am I doing/ Babysitting a little kingdom that may not survive the century! Ah well, my bad luck I guess?

On December 12, 1419 ET, the Cowardly Army,err, I mean the First Army, arrives in Welo, complaining that the "mouse had big ears and tried to dart in between them. Cowards! I would kill them all, but that would be a waste. Besides, they may prove themselves useful later on.


1420 ET

January 1st sees some good news. Our colony in Mogadiscio is sttled without incident. Another will be sent, if the King can find the money for it. Meanwhile, the Armies, both the First and Second Army, will clear out the lands around Ethiopia.

January 14 sees the army called up so long ago assembled, and we see that these cowards are born that way. They seem not to have any strength in them, at least when they first arrive. Raw recruits1 More like fodder for the furnaces! Well, I shall see if they cannot be put to good use.

To shore up support for ourselves, I suggest to the King that we offer one of his daughters to the King of Nubia. Although the King of Nubia has 20 wives already, what can one more hurt? And the King of Nubia agrees with me-I knew he would, for who would stand against Bob, Mr. Death, hmm?- and so the relations between the two countries grows evermore. Good!

April 4th sees the two armies on the move. The First Army heads from Welo Province to Massawa to engage the natives there. The Second Army sets out for Welo Province to use as a waypoint on their way to Keren Province.

The only thing sadder than a beaten army is one that cannot win. Ever. The First Army, nowforever known as "Mouse" claims that they saw another mouse in their battles in Massawa Province. Yeah, and I am the King of Pain! So "Mouse" heads back to Welo Province on May 24th. Not good! Not Good at All!

Secodn Army heads to Keren, and it is sorely hoped they shall prove more capable than "Mouse" has.

July 24th through August 4th see much fighting between Second Army and the natives in Keren Province. And the natives are obliterated. Second Army heads to finish the job that "Mouse" failed to do in Masawa Province.

Though I am loathe to do it, the King orders that 1000 men be called up in Welo Province, to join "Mouse", and that 8000 men are to be called up in the Capital. What plans he may have elude me, for the moment.

Septemer 13 through the 24 see Second Army, heretofore known as "Victory" beat the natives in Masawa Province and sees them also returning to the Capital, to join up with the force that is assembling there even as we speak.

1421- beginning...

This year sees the king of Ethiopia asking me for my adivce. The treasury is nearly empty, and there is not enough to even send a settler to claim new lands. I advise him to sleep upon it for the night, and discuss it more in the morning. To which he agrees...

[Honour_Shogun]

Originally posted by Sharur
Will Jumbalaya be making an appearance

ya know, since Bob-Mr.Death- exists everywhere and nowhere, yes, Jambalaya will be making an appearance, I think. The others I do not think so. Only Jambalaya, as a hairy commander who only speaks in guttural growls and farts.

[Sharur]

Oh, goody! Great stuff so far, HS You certainly know how to write a wacky aar. Very entertaining

[MrT]

/* clicks "subscribe" */

I just KNOW I'm gonna love reading every installment of this one!

[shawng1]

HI BOBBY!

[Honour_Shogun]

Originally posted by shawng1
HI BOBBY!

What did I say? Bob is ok, even Mr. Death, but NEVER Bobby. It is the cause of a deep seated psychological hurt that was caused to me by the last guy who had this job. Man he was a bastard! But I digress. I should continue with this story just as soon as I see fit. Which may be-oh I don't know- very shortly...

[Lord Durham]

H_S posted:
this one will be a mixture of silly and serious

Now that you got the serious stuff out of the way...

Ring Announcer: In this corner, weighing in at a svelte 253lbs is Bob, DEATH, DESTOYER OF WORLDS. And in the far corner, weighing in at a slightly overweight 302lbs is Joe, GOD, CREATOR OF WORLDS. This will be a 15 round title match scored on the 10 point system...."

[Idiotboy]

Ho, Ho, very funny AAR. Of that mixture of fun and serious I´d say you are leaning towards fun. Another AAR I will follow closely. Good Job.

[Sorcerer]

Cool! A EU-Douglas-Adams-Terry-Pratchett-Black&White AAR! Very good! This should be a pleasure to read...

[Honour_Shogun]

to LD:

God? She is over-rated. Lost a bet to Doug(The Devil, Satan. Guy with Horns on Head).

BTW, her name is Cybil. Who names such an all encompassing being Cybil? Sounds like her parents had problems, if you ask me.

to Idiotboy:

Well, you know the saying:

"All work and No Play makes Mr. Bob Death a dull entity."

And I am glad that people are recieving this well. If it goes well, I think Death will be trying others as well, later on.

Oh, and that continuation I promised?


Here it comes...

[Honour_Shogun]

Well, where was I? Oh yes, Me-that would be Mr. Death, Bob to my friends, but NEVER Bobby!!!- I was the King of Ethiopia’s Guy, The Guy who Makes All the Big Decisions Type Guy. I had let the King sleep on his decision, and he had foolishly sent out an offer of Alliance to Nubia! Why?! That King may like the women, but he does not like the Alliances. A refusal is given, and as is the custom of the area, a pile of camel dung is sent in a brown sack and lit on fire and placed upon the entrance to the King’s Chambers. Now, I know that this is done, so I never accept-or stomp- brown sacks. Nevertheless, the King is not so smart. He saw the fire, and stomped the sack. Sufficed to say, he hates the Nubians now more than ever, and has vowed to ‘take care of them’ . I know that I must do something to help, and so, I left the palace to visit “Victory” . There I found a creature that may have been a man at one time, but was now nothing more than a mess of hair and dirt. When I inquired as to the creature's name, I was told it was Jumbalaya. Such a strange name for a creature. But I went to him(it?) and offered my thanks for a job well done. For he had led “Victory” into battle, and had seen them through to victory every time. And so, as the Voice for the King, I made Jumbalya Leader of “Victory” and gave him orders to use “Victory” as he saw fit. For a response, I smelt a rank stench coming from behind Jumbalaya, and covering my nose, I wondered what I had done to deserve such a punishment. But let us continue this story, before something untoward should happen.

1421 ET

On January 13th, at the same instant that Nubia rejects the King’s offer of Alliance, he orders that 1000 men be called up in Welo Province, and that 4000 be called up in Gonder Province. It seems the King has plans perhaps? I pity the fool who doesn’t respect the King!

This action, unfortunately leaves us with little available to fund anything other than minor expeditions to the lands around Ethiopia, although, since we cannot claim them right away, I worry that clearing them will open them for other nations to take from us, and so, they shall be left as they are, and we shall use the Natives as a wall of bodies to surround us.

March 15 of this year sees my fears confirmed. Men from Oman set up trading posts in Malindi and Mudugh, and although this gives us introduction into their realm, it does little to ease the feeling that soon there shall be hostile neighbours all round Ethiopia. I can only hope we can make some offer to Oman to make them see we are not their enemies-not yet at least, but maybe in due time- and that friendship between our two lands can perhaps lead to a strengthening for both of our countries.

While all this is going on, the troops in Malindi and Mudugh finally assemble, and set out training to ensure they do not become like “Mouse” and more like “Victory”. The remainder of this year shall be an interesting one, as Ethiopia is poor now, and must wait for the New Year to see what they will see.

1422 ET

It seems that this King is not all together bright. The New Year sees another diplomat ready for us, fresh out of diplomat school, and what does the King do with this raw recruit? Sends him to Nubia again. And can you guess what he was sent to ask for?
Yes! A brown sack! And he got it! I think, next year, I shall send the diplomat where I would. And I think that I shall have the King save up the funds gained at the beginning of this year and put it towards next years efforts.

Throughout this year, I am forced to watch as the troops train, and as the King acts like he has no idea which way is up. Nevertheless, I suffer it, even though I, Mr. Death- Bob to my friends- am so above all this. Why? Because if nothing else, I am stubborn.

1423 ET

I have a word with the king as 1422 ET turns into 1423 ET.

“King. You have to let me handle matters of great import, all right? I cannot have you stomping any more brown sacks. Leave matters of war, peace, diplomacy and everything else to me, all right?”

To which the King obviously and naturally objected. I was then forced to pull out the big guns.

“You remember that time, about 2 years ago? When you were out with the animals? The sheep and cattle, to be precise? In addition, how you had that wacky idea? Yeah, I know, King. So! If you do not let me take over I will be forced to reveal that little tidbit of info to your subjects, and your wives.”

Moreover, the King hummed and hawed and let me take over complete control. I used our inflated treasury to order troops called up in Welo Gonder Provinces. I had 1000 foot be called up in Welo-it seems they are wise to my plans in that province and refuse to allow me any more than that amount each time I make the call- and 1000 foot and 2000 mounted troops to be called up in Gonder. I also happen to notice, seeing as I am all encompassing, that the group calling themselves the Marmelukes has shown a great deal of skill with their armies. They gain possessions from Tunisia in the form of Tripolitania in February of this year. I shall have to watch out for that, ensure that nothing untoward happens that should see them gain too much power. But damn! If only I had been given a land with more prospects. Perhaps it is those damn Fate Sisters. I tell you, reject one of them simply because she is ugly as a dog, and they all get touchy about it! Sheesh! I think maybe that they forced the dart to land on Ethiopia when I was choosing my nation. Well, I will do what I can with what I am given. And who knows? Maybe I can show them how effective I can be, if I put my mind to it.

The remainder of this year is just one of drinking umbrella adorned drinks and sitting in the sun working on my tan. Do you know that as Death, I am rather pale? I think it has to be to whole “Oh Look at me! I have a bony hand! And I wear only black! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Boo!” It’s enough to make a grown entity cry, I tell ya! Always, having to come dressed as it is expected! I can never come and visit someone on their deathbed with jeans and a T-shirt. It isn’t fair! Not fair at all!

But I digress. July 30th sees a great bit of news. Our relation with Oman is improved greatly, mainly thanks to me and my knowledge of the ruler of Oman and his penchant for camels and scorpions-don’t ask- and there is even talk of possible alliance ties or something along those lines. [OOC: + 75 to relations with Oman and a diplomat. So now I have 2! Hot Damn! ]

I decide to see whether an alliance is possible between Ethiopia and Oman.

Nope. Oh well, it was worth a try, huh?


1424 ET

This year shall be one of introspection. I will rest, and let the treasury gain enough to send a settler out. But that shall take four or five years at least, and so, I will wait. Thankfully, I am not worried about growing old. One of the benefits of being Death.

I visit Jambalaya in the Capital, and find he has trained the men of “Victory” into a true fighting force. He still talks using farts and guttural grunts. He is his own symphony of bodily noises. It is quite entertaining to listen to him explain how he trains his men. The easiest way to think of it is to remember a time when you let a massive fart go. Remember that sound? I know you do-and I know some of you are blushing involuntarily at the memory- and if you take that fart sound, and multiply it by 10 times, and repeat it over and over again in the place of your speech, then you can understand how Jambalaya talks.

This year sees me talking with Jambalaya, and covering my nose until I finally acclimatize myself to his farts-scary isn’t it? - moreover, we spend many a day talking about military maneuvers until late into the night. I am beginning to like this character.

1425 ET

This year sees our treasury grow somewhat [to 38d ] and so, another year shall pass until I can send a settler somewhere. At least I hope I can. This year will be once again a year of repose.

For the most part of this year, I spend it drinking and practicing my farting- Jambalaya understands the spoken word little- and it comes to my surprise on a warm December night, December 28th to be precise, that the peoples in Welo province have claimed more land. The population grows by 5000 souls, the amount of taxes we can gain from them increases slightly as does the amount of men we can call up there. “Good news deserves a Good Fart.”

1426 ET


What is it about the month of December? Again, a great bit of good news happens to Ethiopia in this month. Oman offers us entry into their alliance with themselves and the Hedjaz. Now we have powerful allies. This can only lead to greater things, or so it is hoped.

On December 15 1426 ET we enter this mighty alliance. It is hoped that we can aid the men from Oman, and they can do likewise. I still think a strike against Nubia would be most rewarding.

1427 ET

In May of this year, the 1st to be precise, the first merchants are finally sent to Alexandria to improve our trade relations[ Trade level 1 reached finally] and much is hoped from them. Perhaps that land can be claimed by Ethiopia in the future?

December 2nd sees the navy reformed, and good for it! Even though we have no proper port, well, it has to be useful, right?

1428 ET

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why must I be forced to sit on my ass all day? Why must I be forced to live in such a boring place? Ethiopia is the place that should be designated as Purgatory. Nothing happens, you sit around every day, and wait for something to happen, but nothing does. It’s enough to drive an entity to drink. Speaking of which, where are those umbrellas?

This year sees diplomats sent to Nubia, Oman and the Marmelukes. Simply to improve the relations between Ethiopia and these three powers. They improve, only slightly.

January 5th of this year sees the response to our offers. The three powers accept these gifts, and I am glad. The King grumbles about “Natural Selection” and gives me leave to do whatever I want. And I let him work with the sheep and cattle. Who knows, maybe he will succeed?

June 1st of this year sees good news in the form of our non-existent navy. They have learnt some more skills, and will fight better [Navy Tech 1 reached]

1429 ET

I send out all three of our merchants to Alexandria, and await word of their success. I only hope that they will bring back good news. I would hate to…

Crap! Have to leave for a second. A guy in Jersey has just been shot. Got to go and take him away. Death’s work is never done…


A Little While Later

… “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

Oh, sorry. Finished that bit of business. You ever have one of those millennium where nothing seems to go right? And it isn’t as though I should expect any less, especially from Jersey. But could they give me a small rest? Nope.

Where was I? Oh yeah, so it is 1429 ET, and I had just sent out the merchants.

I also decided that a more centralized government is better than what is presently available [ +1 to Centralization. Maybe that will lessen the time it takes to get new techs]

Of course, as with any major policy change, there are some who do not like it. Fie on them! I will do what I want! I am Death, right?

February 1st sees word that our merchants succeed in setting up shop in Alexandria. So, when the next merchant comes, on March 1st, I use the remainder of the Treasury to send him to Alexandria. He had bloody well better succeed, or else I may do something rash to his family.

Well, I guess he did not get the message. The merchant failed, and so did his family. Pity. The daughter was kind of hot, even if she was a Human.

August 2nd sees the old King die, and a new one brought into power. This one has a penchant for fishes. I do not worry about any loss of power now that a new monarch is in the picture.

The year ends, and a new decade begins. I only hope this one shall be more fortuitous than the last one. I wonder if I can get to St. Louis in time to watch the football game. I hope Philly wins. Did I ever say that the one plus about being Death is existing in all time periods, in every nook and cranny of the universe? It means I can get good seats for any sporting event I want. You ever look down, at the people who sit in the best seats at any sporting event? 10 to 1 that the person’s name is Bob. And that Bob is this Bob.

[Sharur]

Dammit, H_S! I knew I shouldn't have rated the aar after only one update! Here I am, happily reading the aar (and laughing), not at all questioning my five-star rating, when BANG! I read that you want Philly to win Someone as important and all-powerful as Death ought to not only want the Rams to win, but ought to know that they will! Sheesh! These immortals can be so full of themselves...

[MrT]

Originally posted by Honour_Shogun
I pity the fool who doesn’t respect the King!

Hey! That's my line!

Great installment...*holds gut laughing*

[Sharur]

H_S, I spit on your Eagles! *spits* Where was all that pressure on Warner?

*thbbpt*

[shawng1]

Bobby know nothing about football.

[Sharur]

That's right! Since the almighty Broncos couldn't be there, the almost almighty Rams will have to do

[Honour_Shogun]

Well, Mr. Bob Death-seriously, don't call me Bobby , unless you want a shortened life, like that guy, you know, that guy? Wassisface? Osama something or other - in accordance with a bet I made with Cybil and Doug(God and the Devil respectively) I will now perform "I'm a Little Idiot" sung to the tune of "I'm a Little Tea Pot". Here goes:

I'm a Little Idiot
Hear me cry
Asking myself "Why oh why?"
Did I ever think it would be
Pittsburgh and Philly in the Super Bowl?
I knew beforehand who would win,
but I'm an Idiot, see me grin

There! Never ever bet with Omnipotent Entities, and especially not when you yourself are Omnipotent. Stupid human emotion! I actually hoped that it would be Pittsburgh and Philly. Well, at least I have some consolation in knowing they will win in 2010 and 2014, the latter giving rise to the phrase "I did a Philtman Flop!". But have said too much already. Now that I have that little unpleasantness out of the way, I will continue the story of my work in Ethiopia. Just not this very moment...

[Honour_Shogun]

Answer? You Curse, and wait for the next installment to do it. Stupid crashes!

Enough OOC. Now on with the story.

______________________________________________

Well, back to the JOB, eh? So, where was I? Oh yeah, so here it is 1430 ET and I have just ordered two merchants head out to Alexandria. And these two were given the same warning I give to everyone.

“Fail me, and you lose your family.”

Sounds harsh, no? Well, I am Death aren’t I? Bad for business if I did not do something to instill fear into the underlings around me.

So! Here it is, January of 1430 ET, and I send out the merchants. Well, the treasury is non-existent. So I will save up from now on until I can finance another expedition, perhaps to Massawa. So it looks to be another bout of incredible boredom. Lucky me!


February 1st sees a new King. Now, the skinny on this one is that he has a real love for Cow Pies. What is a Cow Pie, you ask? Ever notice the little present a Cow leaves in the field? That is a Cow Pie. I must say, humans and their eccentricities are so very useful to entities such as myself! Almost makes me glad that Cybil (that would be your God) gave you free will. Makes interacting with you so much more interesting!

So, new King, I still have the power, and what am I going to do? Besides teaching Jambalaya how to speak fluent Burp, I learn how to Fart like a pro. Jambalaya and myself spend hours farting away, talking about many interesting things. Did you know there are four thousand seven hundred and sixty-two things you can do with human excrement? It’s true!

Well, those merchants I sent out? One of them set up shop, the other had his throat cut. Lucky bastard! And so, there are three merchants in Alexandria. I want there to be five! And there will be, if I have my way!


1431 ET

Well, I send out three merchants on January 1st, and they had better bloody well succeed. Or else!

As it stands, if I am lucky, by 1440, I will have enough money to finance another expedition. Damn! That’s no good!

Well, the merchants succeed. Good for them. They kick out some poor sod from Karaman, whatever that is.

In September, while speaking with one of the supposed “geniuses” of the Court, I am informed that it is now possible to enact tax reforms in the provinces, but that it will cost at least 3 years worth of taxes to enact even one! Lovely![Infra tech level 1 reached!]

On this day, I am farted that Jambalaya has increased the effectiveness of the army to the extent that they are less inclined to run when they see a mouse.[Land Tech 1 reached!]

On October 12th, the navy, which does not exist, is improved again[+250 to Naval Tech? Why?]

1432 ET

I broke a nail on the 23rd of October! How do you humans put up with these things? If they fall off, it hurts like all hell! I think I will ask God why she put them on you?

Oh, nothing happens in Ethiopia, save for that Cow scare in Welo Province, where the Cows take up arms(or is it hooves?) and demand less hours, threatening to form a “moo-nion” Yeah, I speak Cow. I speak all languages. I am so bored!

1433 ET

If everything goes well, by January of next year, I should have enough to enact tax reforms in the Capital. Hopefully that will do something to improve the sorry state of the treasury. You would be surprised how few nations accept Dung as payment. Or bits of bone. Oh well!

May 2nd sees another monarch. This one, well I do not think I am allowed to mention what it is he likes. I still have the power.

October 9th brings sorry tidings. The Clergy demands that they get back some of the power they had of old, and I refuse them. And this doesn’t sit well? Why?[Stab to +2]


1434 ET


January 3rd sees new tax reforms ordered for the Capital. I am informed it takes 12 months to complete. Thankfully I am patient.

Maybe me being in Ethiopia is the cause for the amount of monarchs who die? June 2nd sees another monarch. This one is very competent, but not enough for me to cede any power. I know he wants to have a ménage a trois with a camel, a sheep, and himself. Why are all these monarchs so bestial?

Well, more power for me, which is good!

1435 ET

January 3rd, a year from when it was started, and the tax reforms are completed in the Capital. They had best start paying dividends quickly. I cannot afford any wastage.

In February of this year, the 5th to be precise, I send out 6 merchants to Alexandria. And warn them of the price of failure. I need the money for my grand Scheme.

March finds the population of Welo Province decreased by 23 people. The combined amount of family members from the merchants who failed in Alexandria. Too bad, as there were some very fine looking women in those families. Oh well, their loss I guess.

December 1st is a dark day for me. I am accused of concerning myself with petty things, and as a result, I have to clear space in the Trade Sector and the Infrastructure Sector. And this clearing results in people having less faith in me? The bastards! [-1 Stab, -250 to Infra and Trade. The entire amount for them both, so they start at zero again. Joyous news, eh?]

1436 ET

Well, this year is one of monotony. I think, next time, I will choose a better nation to lead. But I am in this for the long haul. Thankfully, time flies for me, and so, it is not so long as it seems.

March 2nd sees the Alliance we had with Oman expire. Good! I want to get Nubia to our side, so that perhaps I can convince them to be part of our nation much later on. I will send a diplomat to them to see what they think of a True Alliance. I am not hopeful, though, of anything good coming from it.

And I am right! Nubia rejects our offers, and I am seriously considering taking them by force. In fact, by 1445 ET, I will make certain they are part of Ethiopia one way or another. If some have to die for it to be so, so be it!


1437 ET

This is going to be a bad year. I know it.

In September, on the 14th, a group of farmers comes to me asking to give them redress. I accept. The upheaval caused by this decision reverberates around the country. I fear that revolts may occur because of it, even though the government is now more centralized than it ever was. [-4 stab, +1 centralization]

I order all funds put into restoring order, and only hope it is enough.

1438 ET

Well, I know it is not popular, but I order tax reforms for Welo Province. I am relieved to find that order is slowly being restored. The years seem to fly by, with little to do but exchange farts with Jambalaya. I learn that there is unrest in the army, and so, I think, perhaps, it is time to sever all ties with Nubia and prepare the invasion. On January 11th, I send word that Nubia is not worthy of even a fart of disgust. Let the preparations begin in earnest.

The 1st of February, April, July and September see further gains in stability in the realm. By the beginning of September, people are asking questions like : “What redress?”

I must now annoy Nubia into hating us. Soon, I feel. So very soon.


1439

Well, this year sees more focusing of power in the hands of me.[+1 centralization,-1 stab]

I also will save up funds to insult Nubia into war with us. Hopefully, by 1440 ET, I will be at war with Nubia. They have such pathetic armies, I know we shall prevail. Or else!

June 5th sees some incredible news! Byzantium, the seat of Orthodoxy, becomes Catholic! Incredible. Even though we have nothing to do with them , is it not marvelous? I spend the rest of the year pondering the ramifications of this move

1440

Well, what luck!

January 6th sees a new Company formed. All I care about is that the treasury is tripled! I will enact tax reforms in two more provinces, and still have enough to piss off the Nubians! Sweet!

Gonder and Kefa province get tax reforms, and Nubia gets pissed off. I inform Jambalaya of my plans, and Victory and Mouse prepare for the coming storm. I only hope that they see it through to success.

To aid in the coming attacks, I call up 2000 troops in Welo Province. By April, I should be fully prepared. And may God have mercy upon their souls! Hear that Cybil? Give them a break, would you? Please?


But I will wait until next time to tell you what happens. I am cruel, no?