Chapter 10 - Refining the art of Liberation
Lets return now to the not-yet-big Principality that can. Once again we find them at war with a distant country of which there is little interest. Nobody really cares about wars between idiotic Lithuanians and psychotic Baltic Knights. So I'm sure you won't mind of we focus on a much more pressing matter, Hygiene (
that's with a capital H and don't you forget).
Alexander was relaxing on the balcony of his palace enjoying a salon quality shampoo and rinse while sipping on a nice '88 vintage xinomavro (
red wine). But his merriment was soon shattered when he discovered dirt in his delectable drink.
The offending clump of dirt, it was promptly taken outside and shot
Alexander was disgusted and immediately set about cleaning up the wine industry with the establishment of a refinery in Doros to remove all impurities.
The refinery is begun, soon if there's one thing Theodorans will pride themselves on it will be the purity of their wine
Early in 1503 a distressing message arrived from Abkhazia. They referred to the Theodorans as a
"fashion obsessed people more concerned over cleanliness, hair, nails and sunsets making them one very lily-livered nation". Alexander took as quite as insult because he didn't think himself at all fussed over nails. But given his status as liege over Abkhazia he found himself oddly powerless to even reprimand them.
More exciting news arrived in 1504. Hungary had declared war upon Lithuania. It was exciting because it offered Alexander a golden opportunity to free some faithful Orthodox Christians from the vile filthy grip of Catholic Hungary.
Montenegro is invaded by Theodorans who marched in proudly with their fantastic hair streaming behind them.
The population of Montenegro was soon freed liberated and shampoo distributed as a token of good will. Conditioner would come later if the population remained peaceful. From their the brave Theodorans marched on into Hungary itself. They were unopposed by the Hungarians who clearly recognised the superiority of their foe.
On into the heart of Hungary
The campaign was a great success and within a year even the capital was held by bold Theodorans. The Hungarians were desperate to get the Theodorans out of their lands lest the idea of
'bathing' and
'soap' catch on so readily accepted a peace deal in which they gave up Montenegro.
New lands are liberated
Alexander was proud of his exploits and so were his people. They liked having a ruler willing and capable of spreading Hygiene even against all odds. But the odds were getting worse for all the latest military reviews rated Theodoros army poorly both in numbers and technology. Luckily a wealthy gentlemen made a donation to the army which succeeded in reforming it somewhat but it was only a beginning. Much more would be needed if Theodoros was to avoid being overrun in the coming years.