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Gen. Ruchachevejsky: Iosef! Iosef! Ze Germanz ave taken Leningraz and Stalingraz!
Stalin: ZEY TOOK ZTALINGRAZ!?!?!?! I just put in a new swimming pool!
Gen. Ruchachevejsky: Intel. reportz zat ze Jermanz ave turned ze pool into a waterparck. Zey ave also banned our Ruzian familiez from uzing eet.
Stalin: Zis iz an outrache! Vhy do I ave a Frence accent?
Gen. Ruchachevejsky: And why iz my nem so long? No one carez! We muzt take back Ztalingraz!
Ztal- I mean, Stalin: Quickly! Zend wav after wav of troops, until zere iz none levt!
Gen. Ruchachevejsky: Yezzir!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Over in southern Russia, Rommel is greeting the troops that helped take Southern Russia.
Rommel: Lifeless and Hannibalbarca, you have outdone yourselves. In honor of this achievement, you have recieved 2,000 Hitler Funbucks each. Also, a new member is joining your squad. Say hello to kramari!
Hannibalbarca: Kalamari?
Lifeless: I think he said Kramaree.
Kramari: No, it's kramari.
Hannibalbarca: Whatever. Let's go kill someone!
Lifeless and Kramari: Yay!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hannibalbarca, Lifeless, and Kramari all walked into a village. There, Hannibal showed the other two his special moves.
Hannibal pulled out a tablet, which had "Zombie Napoleon" written on it. He said a few things, and a bright light came out of the tablet. In a flash, a big French zombie stood in their presence. Hannibal ordered the zombie to kill everyone in the village, and the zombie went to work.
Russian kid: Who are you?
Zombie Napoleon: Braaains!! BRAAINS!!
Russian kid: Hello brain- *chokes*
Zombie: Froglegs! FROOGLEEGS!!!
Russian kid: Brainz...BRAINZ!!
Russian worker: Hey, SHUTUP!! I gotta work in the morning!
Zombie:...*whispers* brains...brains.
In a few hours, everyone in the village, except the worker, has been put under zombie mind control. The worker was promptly abducted, his brain eaten, and his body burned into a billion ashes.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lifeless: Okay, next village, I show you MY skillz!
They walked to another village, which looked exactly like the one they were just at. In fact, there was even a worker who tried to sleep, but yelled at anyone who blinked too loudly.
Lifeless walked towards a kid, and inhaled. The kid, who was confused, poked lifeless with a stick. Lifeless didn't like this, because his balls were sensitive, so he grabbed the stick, and whacked he kid's head off. Then, he summoned a huge monster, which kicked everyone in the balls. Then it ate em.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kramari: Yay, my turn to show my zki11z.
They walked to yet another look alike village, who had clones of the people who were at blahblahblah. Kramari approached a kid, who ran at Kramari, and kicked him in his knee. Kramari punched the little kid, rubbed his knee, and continued. He simply beat up everyone there, except the body builders, and left.
Lifeless: That was stupid.
Hannibal: I liked my zombie better.
Kramari: Screw you guys.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rommel: Tank, how are my troops doing?
tank: The soldiers have managed to capture towns ahead of Stalingrad, but the russians pulled a whiny baby move, and encircled the units there. Also, in Leningrad, Russians built a secret underground tunnel, and keep killing our soldiers. There is atleast 8 deaths an hour there.
Rommel: That sounds bad.
Tank: Yeah...the good news is, the U.S. declared war on us.
Rommel:...I must go kill myself now.
Tank: No no! The thing is, Japan allied with us!
Rommel: *stops stabbing himself* Really!? Maybe we can use some of their soldiers! YAY! Oh yeah. I have a mission I must go do. *puts on sunglasses* Tank, load the guns.
Tank loaded the guns, and soldiers who were standing at the wrong distance from Rommel were killed by the rushing of 500mps, 1/2 ton shelves filled with guns. Nelson appeared after the shelves stopped moving, pointed at the bodies, and laughed. Then, rode away, leaving everyone confused.
Rommel grabbed a spear, which had his name on it, and the German Iron cross. He clicked a button, and the spear turned red, and started humming. A soldier ran into the beam, and recieved 6th degree burns ( which means his arms were severed ).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rommel walked into a dark alley, and saw a cloaked figure standing at the end. He walked towards him, and the man dropped his cloak. It was Zhukov. the music, duel of the fates, played.
Zhukov: Hello Rommel. We finally meet.
Rommel: *gasp* What are you doing here?
Zhukov: I'm here to end your life. Prepare to die!
Zhukov pulled out a scythe, which started glowing red. Not the same red as Rommel's spear, but a more communist red.
Zhukov jumped at Rommel, who countered with his spear. Rommel swung at Zhukov, only to be blocked, and then, Zhukov reverse swung the scythe under Rommel's beam, and cut off Rommels sleeve. The battle continued for 10 minutes, with both jumping, swinging, countering, and a whole lot of other Jedi, Karate moves. Until-
Zhukov: Haha, I am up here, and there's nothing you can do about it!
Rommel: OH YEAH!? *throws spear*
the spear his Zhukov right in the heart. He exploded, and the city was covered in darkness. Over in Moscow, Stalin collapsed. Then, he stood up from the toilet. He then collapsed, and sensed something had gone amiss.
Stalin: ZEY TOOK ZTALINGRAZ!?!?!?! I just put in a new swimming pool!
Gen. Ruchachevejsky: Intel. reportz zat ze Jermanz ave turned ze pool into a waterparck. Zey ave also banned our Ruzian familiez from uzing eet.
Stalin: Zis iz an outrache! Vhy do I ave a Frence accent?
Gen. Ruchachevejsky: And why iz my nem so long? No one carez! We muzt take back Ztalingraz!
Ztal- I mean, Stalin: Quickly! Zend wav after wav of troops, until zere iz none levt!
Gen. Ruchachevejsky: Yezzir!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Over in southern Russia, Rommel is greeting the troops that helped take Southern Russia.
Rommel: Lifeless and Hannibalbarca, you have outdone yourselves. In honor of this achievement, you have recieved 2,000 Hitler Funbucks each. Also, a new member is joining your squad. Say hello to kramari!
Hannibalbarca: Kalamari?
Lifeless: I think he said Kramaree.
Kramari: No, it's kramari.
Hannibalbarca: Whatever. Let's go kill someone!
Lifeless and Kramari: Yay!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hannibalbarca, Lifeless, and Kramari all walked into a village. There, Hannibal showed the other two his special moves.
Hannibal pulled out a tablet, which had "Zombie Napoleon" written on it. He said a few things, and a bright light came out of the tablet. In a flash, a big French zombie stood in their presence. Hannibal ordered the zombie to kill everyone in the village, and the zombie went to work.
Russian kid: Who are you?
Zombie Napoleon: Braaains!! BRAAINS!!
Russian kid: Hello brain- *chokes*
Zombie: Froglegs! FROOGLEEGS!!!
Russian kid: Brainz...BRAINZ!!
Russian worker: Hey, SHUTUP!! I gotta work in the morning!
Zombie:...*whispers* brains...brains.
In a few hours, everyone in the village, except the worker, has been put under zombie mind control. The worker was promptly abducted, his brain eaten, and his body burned into a billion ashes.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lifeless: Okay, next village, I show you MY skillz!
They walked to another village, which looked exactly like the one they were just at. In fact, there was even a worker who tried to sleep, but yelled at anyone who blinked too loudly.
Lifeless walked towards a kid, and inhaled. The kid, who was confused, poked lifeless with a stick. Lifeless didn't like this, because his balls were sensitive, so he grabbed the stick, and whacked he kid's head off. Then, he summoned a huge monster, which kicked everyone in the balls. Then it ate em.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kramari: Yay, my turn to show my zki11z.
They walked to yet another look alike village, who had clones of the people who were at blahblahblah. Kramari approached a kid, who ran at Kramari, and kicked him in his knee. Kramari punched the little kid, rubbed his knee, and continued. He simply beat up everyone there, except the body builders, and left.
Lifeless: That was stupid.
Hannibal: I liked my zombie better.
Kramari: Screw you guys.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rommel: Tank, how are my troops doing?
tank: The soldiers have managed to capture towns ahead of Stalingrad, but the russians pulled a whiny baby move, and encircled the units there. Also, in Leningrad, Russians built a secret underground tunnel, and keep killing our soldiers. There is atleast 8 deaths an hour there.
Rommel: That sounds bad.
Tank: Yeah...the good news is, the U.S. declared war on us.
Rommel:...I must go kill myself now.
Tank: No no! The thing is, Japan allied with us!
Rommel: *stops stabbing himself* Really!? Maybe we can use some of their soldiers! YAY! Oh yeah. I have a mission I must go do. *puts on sunglasses* Tank, load the guns.
Tank loaded the guns, and soldiers who were standing at the wrong distance from Rommel were killed by the rushing of 500mps, 1/2 ton shelves filled with guns. Nelson appeared after the shelves stopped moving, pointed at the bodies, and laughed. Then, rode away, leaving everyone confused.
Rommel grabbed a spear, which had his name on it, and the German Iron cross. He clicked a button, and the spear turned red, and started humming. A soldier ran into the beam, and recieved 6th degree burns ( which means his arms were severed ).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rommel walked into a dark alley, and saw a cloaked figure standing at the end. He walked towards him, and the man dropped his cloak. It was Zhukov. the music, duel of the fates, played.
Zhukov: Hello Rommel. We finally meet.
Rommel: *gasp* What are you doing here?
Zhukov: I'm here to end your life. Prepare to die!
Zhukov pulled out a scythe, which started glowing red. Not the same red as Rommel's spear, but a more communist red.
Zhukov jumped at Rommel, who countered with his spear. Rommel swung at Zhukov, only to be blocked, and then, Zhukov reverse swung the scythe under Rommel's beam, and cut off Rommels sleeve. The battle continued for 10 minutes, with both jumping, swinging, countering, and a whole lot of other Jedi, Karate moves. Until-
Zhukov: Haha, I am up here, and there's nothing you can do about it!
Rommel: OH YEAH!? *throws spear*
the spear his Zhukov right in the heart. He exploded, and the city was covered in darkness. Over in Moscow, Stalin collapsed. Then, he stood up from the toilet. He then collapsed, and sensed something had gone amiss.
Zombie Napoleon has achieved greatness. It has been mentioned in another AAR.
ALL HAIL.
ALL HAIL.
Alexus said:
NO SPAMMING!!
Oh, and if you don't like it, don't post about it. Just PM me.
Also:
In Stalingrad, everyone was discussing what to do about Moscow. They couldn't capture it, because the Soviets had created a 20meter high, 12km long, 60meter thick Human wall, filled with atleast 2 million people and various farm animals.
Everyone: BOMB IT!
Rommel: No.
Everyone: WHY NOT!?
Rommel: Because, we dont' have the equipment required. Just to put a hole big enough for a panzer, we would need:
300 bombers
200 tons of bombs
620 tons of aviation fuel
3,000 pilots w/ crew
and, for the final assault, 400,000 people.
Now, does anyone have any- ANY!! idea how we can get rid of the wall, WITHOUT wasting all this crap?
Kramari: I have a plan!
Rommel: Let's hear it.
Kramari: OKAY!
First of all, the supplies we will need will be drastically reduced:
6 people *everyone gasps*
18 charges of C4 *more gasping*
3 cars *a lot more gasping*
and...*dead silence*
Rommel:...and?
Kramari:...
Rommel:...
Kramari:...
Rommel:...:wacko:
2 hours later
Everyone: *snoozing*
Kramari:... a hellicopter
Everyone jumped at his voice, and applauded.
Rommel: So, we only need a helicopter, explosives, 6 people, and, what else?
Kramari: Yeah, we need...
Rommel:......
Kramari:...
Rommel:...forget it, that's all you get.
Kramari: Oh yeah, the cars.
Rommel: OK, I'm sending you, Lifless, Hannibalbarca, robo-hitler, a monkey, and the Swiss army to do this. Can you do it?
Kramari: Yessir. *walks out* *stops* Why the Swiss army?
Rommel: Eh..they had nothing better to do. After all, the ARE Swiss.
Kramari: Can they fight?
Rommel: Can they?...CAN THEY!?...*to guard* Can they?
guard: I don't know.
Rommel: Oh...*to Kramari* Definitely! Now, sign this release that states that wewillnotbeelligibleforanylossessustainedbytheswissarmy BYE!
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Everyone got on the Helicopter (except for Robohitler, because he's too big, he was airlifted) and set out to destroy the Human wall. The pilot was a French guy who was cought in the war, and was forced to fly them there.
Lifeless: I want a gun
Hannibalbarca: Me too!
Everyone else: Yeah!
Pilot: Not til' we get there.
Kramari: *shoots pilot*
Lifeless: Uh, asshole, we weren't supposed to shoot him til' we landed!
Kramari:...oops.
Helicopter: I'm gonna crash! WHEEE!
The helicopter span out of control, and fell into the volga river.
Hannibalbarca: That's it. I SUMMON THE ZOMBIE NAPOLEON!
Zombie Napoleon spawned, and everyone's eyes began to show BF2 format.
Zombie_Napoleon has entered the game
Lifeless has entered the game
Hannibalbarca has entered the game
Monkey has entered the game
Kramari has entered the game
Stalin has entered the game
(32) guards had joined the game
Kramari: *on radio* Ok, let's move out
Everyone: yessir, lock and load, roger.
Stalin has entered hack = no_clip
...
Stalin has killed Monkey
Monkey: YOU HAXXOR!
Stalin: Haha, n00b.
...
Monkey has entered hack = slap Stalin's bitch ass
Stalin: HEy! OW! Stop it! Ow!
Monkey has spawned at point: guard towers
Lifeles has killed Guard numba 1.
Lifeless has killed Guard numba 2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10
Hannibalbarca: Jeez!
Lifeless: Keke, grenades.
Stalin has turned on Human_Wall
Everyone: WOAH!
...
Hannibalbarca has killed guard numba 11
Kramari has killed Robo_hitler
Kramari was punished for a teamkill.
Kramari has exploded
Kramari: WTF?!
Monkey has blown up guard towers.
RoboHitler has enabled hack = win battle
Axis forces have won the game
Everyone: BOMB IT!
Rommel: No.
Everyone: WHY NOT!?
Rommel: Because, we dont' have the equipment required. Just to put a hole big enough for a panzer, we would need:
300 bombers
200 tons of bombs
620 tons of aviation fuel
3,000 pilots w/ crew
and, for the final assault, 400,000 people.
Now, does anyone have any- ANY!! idea how we can get rid of the wall, WITHOUT wasting all this crap?
Kramari: I have a plan!
Rommel: Let's hear it.
Kramari: OKAY!
First of all, the supplies we will need will be drastically reduced:
6 people *everyone gasps*
18 charges of C4 *more gasping*
3 cars *a lot more gasping*
and...*dead silence*
Rommel:...and?
Kramari:...
Rommel:...
Kramari:...
Rommel:...:wacko:
2 hours later
Everyone: *snoozing*
Kramari:... a hellicopter
Everyone jumped at his voice, and applauded.
Rommel: So, we only need a helicopter, explosives, 6 people, and, what else?
Kramari: Yeah, we need...
Rommel:......
Kramari:...
Rommel:...forget it, that's all you get.
Kramari: Oh yeah, the cars.
Rommel: OK, I'm sending you, Lifless, Hannibalbarca, robo-hitler, a monkey, and the Swiss army to do this. Can you do it?
Kramari: Yessir. *walks out* *stops* Why the Swiss army?
Rommel: Eh..they had nothing better to do. After all, the ARE Swiss.
Kramari: Can they fight?
Rommel: Can they?...CAN THEY!?...*to guard* Can they?
guard: I don't know.
Rommel: Oh...*to Kramari* Definitely! Now, sign this release that states that wewillnotbeelligibleforanylossessustainedbytheswissarmy BYE!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everyone got on the Helicopter (except for Robohitler, because he's too big, he was airlifted) and set out to destroy the Human wall. The pilot was a French guy who was cought in the war, and was forced to fly them there.
Lifeless: I want a gun
Hannibalbarca: Me too!
Everyone else: Yeah!
Pilot: Not til' we get there.
Kramari: *shoots pilot*
Lifeless: Uh, asshole, we weren't supposed to shoot him til' we landed!
Kramari:...oops.
Helicopter: I'm gonna crash! WHEEE!
The helicopter span out of control, and fell into the volga river.
Hannibalbarca: That's it. I SUMMON THE ZOMBIE NAPOLEON!
Zombie Napoleon spawned, and everyone's eyes began to show BF2 format.
Zombie_Napoleon has entered the game
Lifeless has entered the game
Hannibalbarca has entered the game
Monkey has entered the game
Kramari has entered the game
Stalin has entered the game
(32) guards had joined the game
Kramari: *on radio* Ok, let's move out
Everyone: yessir, lock and load, roger.
Stalin has entered hack = no_clip
...
Stalin has killed Monkey
Monkey: YOU HAXXOR!
Stalin: Haha, n00b.
...
Monkey has entered hack = slap Stalin's bitch ass
Stalin: HEy! OW! Stop it! Ow!
Monkey has spawned at point: guard towers
Lifeles has killed Guard numba 1.
Lifeless has killed Guard numba 2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10
Hannibalbarca: Jeez!
Lifeless: Keke, grenades.
Stalin has turned on Human_Wall
Everyone: WOAH!
...
Hannibalbarca has killed guard numba 11
Kramari has killed Robo_hitler
Kramari was punished for a teamkill.
Kramari has exploded
Kramari: WTF?!
Monkey has blown up guard towers.
RoboHitler has enabled hack = win battle
Axis forces have won the game
kramari said:
Sorry, only updates once a day.
Hannibalbarca: Yeah, you kinda need to land first. Because of Gravity.
