Lurken and Rythin in the land of sand - The wacky Mzab adventures.

[Rythin]

Introduction

Mzab, a four-provinced sand country giving an annual tax of twenty-five ducats a year.
Bad? A vassal of Tlamcen.
Worse? The only Shiite country in the world of 1419.


Rythin: Lurken, what's our aims?
Lurken: Expand the shia faith... and to survive.
Rythin: And conquer Beijng.
Lurken: Are you mad? That would require to annex China basicly.
Rythin: True.
Rythin grins evilly.
Lurken: And the true Rythin spirit comes forth once more...


1. We play Mzab in turns, twenty-five years each.
2. No reloading.
3. Never dow countries for gamey reasons (fight only with those countries that normally real medieval/baroque monarch would fight with).
4. Stick to your historical area of colonization.
5. Never exchange discoveries.


AGCEEP+MyMap
Eu2 1.09 normal/normal

[Lurken]

1419-1444 of Mzab

(Image coming soon)
How drunk was I yesterday? My head...shouldn't have gone to that party with the professor, shouldn't have been talked into it by Rythin...

As I sit up, I notice sand. A lot of sand. Where am I? As I gather more of my surrounding I notice even more sand. And Berbers....Berbers? Africa? Oh righty then...I try to communicate with the locals, using the only phrase I know of, "Durka durka Muhammed Jihad"*. Which is working, quite well. Before I know it, I am head advisor to the king. As my arabic improves, so does my duties. What have I done and how did I end up here?

Mzab is not an easy country. It is poor, as only poor provinces nearby and is generally poor. I managed to convince the king to DoW the african tribe south of Mzab and take one prov from them. Went quite well. Not only that, if I concentrate the power around the king (a total of +2 CENT), I can get more goodies and more attractive ladies to my harem, which is currently empty.

Then it was the Iberians who wanted war. Mzab joined, mostly to keep her alliance alive and kicking. Mzab need every help they can get.

Built up tax collectors, I want some more gold to play around with, and infrastructure was improved. I mean, really, you hade camels wondering around aimlessly, and now I've organized them into camel trains. (+1 Infra).

That african tribe had one more berber province south of us, and we had an alliance with Marroco, Tunisia, Tlemclen and Granada, they were alone. What can go wrong?

Okey, freeze here. When uttering the phrase "What can go wrong?", you will see that fate will hump your leg and drool on your fine Armani shoes. Everything will go wrong. Tunisia dishonered, and joined the tribe against us. Not only that, the iberians DoWed us, again. Scheize....

We managed to get a WP in the end, well...maybe not, Tlemclen got vassalized by Tunisia, which can't be good.

In the end, Mzab is poor, a little bigger, a little more centralized and +1 in LT, TT and IT.
(Image coming soon)

*what the terrorist say in the documentary "Team America"

[Fnuco]

lol, nice one.

But really... china?!?!

Go kick some more african ass!

[Lurken]

But really... china?!?!

That was Rythins idea, as usual. Nothing is to impossible for him.

Go kick some more african ass!

That is what I intend to do, how else can you spread the shiafaith?

[Rythin]

That was Rythins idea, as usual. Nothing is to impossible for him.

I have just finished my turn. I hope I will be able to post an update todays evening, but if no, it'll be here tommorow.

[Rythin]

1444-1469 of Mzab

Rythin The Skullcracker, a famous barbarian, fighter and womaniser, was sitting in the tavern in Athkatla, a city just few hundred miles to the southwest from Baldur's Gate. Drinking like a mad, he was seeking a person who could give him a quest, and most importantly, a prize that would suit his sophisticated needs. A shaby thug approached his table.

"Are you Rythin the Skullcracker? I may have a work for you."
"Oh? I'm all listening then."
"The job is simple. You have to arrange my date with Vanessa, a chick from the Slums district."
"Sounds simple."
"... But you have to eliminate her boyfriend, Jack Kelfarn."
"Still not so bad."
"He is protected by the magic golem made of steel."
"Killed few of those. Not that bad..."
"The golem is protected by the most secret spell of Higher Magic. To cancel it's effects you have to obtain a Stone of Desacration."
"That's like tough, no?"
"To get it, you have to complete an ancient Ritual of Terror. You will need a skin of a red dragon, a blood of a drow and a scroll of Four Elementals."
"Scroll of Four Elementals?"
"It's in the deepest dungeon of all times, hid in the anus of Great Ancient Wyrm. To kill it, you have to get the special sword, called..."
"Gosh, wouldn't be simplier for you to become a gay? Gosh, those games are so linear..."

His cellphone started to ring.

"Whatsup? Oh, hi Lurken... Nah, not busy... No, nothing special... Okay, I'll be right there."

***

And that's a story. Along with Lurken, we take turns in managing Mzab, probably the toughest shiite country in the world of 1419. Ah, right, THE ONLY shiite country in the world of 1419.

The disturbing thing was, we were vassals of Tlemcan. I didn't really like the idea of giving half of our income to the most annoying neighbour, so I soon broke the vassalage. Before a year passed, being a mad warmongerer, I decided to set out for a campaign against Tunisia, an evil camel country in the northeast.

***

"Gosh, I am so bored. General Abid, how's the campaign going?"
"Your Majesty, we are currently approaching the enemy. After a sixty-five-day-long travel through a desert, we shall engage the Tunisian forces in less than three weeks. I just hope their secondary units won't encircle us and ambush on the way back. They've been spotted three foremoons ago near a city of Linda."
"Woah? Six weeks ago? How could they ambush us?"
"Near some oasis, for example. Anyway, I am also afraid of possible raids. I think they could reach our positions in less than fifteen days!"
"That's more than two weeks!"
"That's an art of manouvering, sire. Quick, rapid and unexpectable manouvering."
"Right."

***

A peace was signed on 10th July 1448. We managed to capture and secure a poor province of Gafsha. A year later, I made a click towards Land, to improve the weak morales and make forces cheaper. Most unexpected event came in 1451.

***

"Your Majesty, this is Muhammad. He has a gift to your most magnificient court."
"What is it?"
"A pineapple."
"A pineapple?"
"Hey, we are on the desert, okay? It's not easy to get a pineapple here!"

***

Gift to State, how fortunate. It allowed me fortify a newly acquired province of Gafsha. Two years later, I declared war upon Tunisia again, which gave me a province of Ghadames just a year later - how pleasant it is to raid an enemy who has no fortifications at all!

After nine years of relative peace, the war broke out. It coincidented with another event of extreme importance - deflation.

***

"What is an inflation again, Abid?"
"A decrease of the money's value."
"When does it happen?"
"When there are too much money on the market, more or less."
"Okay, so what were those things you wanted to talk to me about?"
"A raid of Tunisian troops captured our convoy and took some of the annual income."
"Most terrific."
"Why?"
"Less money on the market means less inflation, no?"
"Uh."

***

Unfortunatelly, Castille dowed Tlamacen. We couldn't afford the two-fronts war, so dishonoured the alliance, with a strong desire of rejoining it as soon as the war ends. By 1469, after six years, it hasn't yet.

This war with Tunisia was the most fruitful one, giving us Ghat and Sfax. And Sfax means an access to the sea!

**

A room was dark. A messanged from Tunisia was sitting in the middle and bowed deeply when Rythin approached.

"What do you want from Tunisia?", the messanged asked in Arabic, a language that Rythin did not understand.
"What are you talking to me? God damn it, it's fu*k shit, I don't understand you."
"Ghat? Damneet? Sfu*cksheet? Sfuxeet? Sfux? Ghat and Sfux? Sounds fair."
"What?"

***

[Snake IV]

Yeah, bejing is nice these days.

[Duke of Wellington]

Good AAR Interesting nation to play and a hard region too.

[Lurken]

1469-1494 of Mzab

Okey...loads up as Mzab...to inspect what Rythin has done...not shabby at all...

We are still dirtpoor, I bet that if you would look up "dirtpoor" in a dictionary, you would see a me and Rythin standing amongst a lot of sand. But we are still richer then last time.

What to do?
1. Go into homocidal rage over your allies backstabbing you.
2. Convert the masses.
3. Go into homocidal rage over your allies settling peace for spare change when winning.
4. Fiddle with my thumbs.
5. Conquer Bejing.
6. Build stuff.

What did I do?

Basicly, I saw that the truce between Tunisia expired...joined my allies! Bwahahaaha. Winning my battles, sieging along, pillaging and having fun. What do my alliance leader do? They chicken out! And settle peace for spare change. Item 3, check.

Found that I hade enough cash to convert a pagan province...woohoo! And to build a fort, double woohoo. Item 2 and 6, check.

Fiddle my thumbs while I centralize the realm. Item 4, check.

After five years or so, the truce expire with Tunisia and I DoW them again. I really want that berber province that they have. The war is going peachy. Then, disaster. Morocco, who have only sieged and conquered one prov, peaces out with one prov! ARGH! Item 1 and 3, check.
And Tlemclen follows up with settling peace once more for spare change. *sigh*

Starts a conversion in a berber province. Which later on succeeds! A little more shia faith to the world. Item 2, check.

After five more years I, guess what I DoW Iberia, France, Mamluks, OE and England. And Mzab got annexed. The end.


...Not really. Just kidding. I DoW Tunisia once more.........ARGH! I hate Morrocco! They did a Tunisia. On a grander scale. They had Tlemclen as vassals, and dishonored the alliance, cancelled the vassalization and joined Tunisia against me and Tlemclen. Schieze...Item 1, check.

Tlemclen manages to get some ducats from Tunisia for peace. Pweh...Then I didn't do much. But Tunisia got a bad event. Giving two provinces to Tlemclen and recieving a +14 RR. Which results in Tripolitana revolting away. Tunisia and Tripolitana settles for peace.

Now I have one province nation, no allies, in my neighbourghood. I want it. DoW, and annex.

The last thing I did was to start a conversion in my last non-shia berber province, with 56% chance of success.

Check list.
1. Check.
2. Check.
3. Check.
4. Check.
5. Not yet.
6. Check.

[Rythin]

That's Mzab after Lurken's rule (with our richest province highlighted ):

[Montemurro]

Quite excellent.

[Rythin]

Mzab 1494-1519

"Dear Abid, please tell me what's the situation."
"We are a part of an alliance with Tlamacen and Marocco. As before."
"Lovely."
"But we have a new member - it's Tunisia."
"Hey damn, how am I supposed to war anyone now? Surrounded by allies and terra incognita?"
"Advisor Lurken suggested to fortify provinces and call some bailiffs."
"Do bailiffs win the battles? NO! We need cavalry, more cavalry!"
"But, like you pointed out, there is no one to fight with."
"My poor Abid, that's exactly why you are a random-name non-player-character in this chapter. We have good relationship with Tlamacen, while awful with Marocco and Tunisia. Tlamacen is a leader of the alliance and is in the good terms with Marocco. We shall declare war upon some southern tribe, the alliance will fall apart, as Tunisia and Marocco won't honour it. We will then declare a war upon Tunisia, Marocco will join in and the only thing that will be left is to quickly peace out with a tribe."
"Most exploiting, my sire."

***

It was in 1495. By 1497 the peace was signed, giving Mzab the provinces of Biska and Bizerte. Unfortunatelly, some European powers joined gangbang and now there are some Venetian and Templar provinces in Maghreb. Anyway, not a year later, Ahggar, a poor province of Karem-Borr, our southern neighbour, revolted away and joined our glorious realm. The same thing with Sirt in 1501 and Barka in 1505 (this time from the Mameluks).

In 1506 I made this alliance trick again, this time against Marocco. Seemingly mighty sand country fell quickly, mainly because of my most couragous Tlamacen allies. Figuig and Sijilamasa to Mzab!

***



"It's now 1519. My majesty, what do you regard as your most successful military campaign so far?"
"Ah, what a clever idea to start an informative dialogue, my dear random-named advisor. Of course, it is a war against Algiers. In early 1512, Tlamacen released it as a vassal and not a month later our most sandy troops invaded the coasts. Unfortunatelly, Order of St. John, led by some Polish general declared war upon us."
"Polish? Like polish shoes?"
"Nah, Polish like from Poland."
"My shoes are not from Poland."
"Anyway. They were peaced out quickly thanks to our superior manouvering skills. Marocco dowed too, but quickly peaced without a real reason. The worst was to come - France first warned us and then captured Bizerte, a province newly gained from Tunisia. It was poor, giving only two ducats a year to our budget, so I decided to give it up, as they were two CRT above us."
"CRT, sire?"
"Whatever."

***

Peace was signed in the late 1518. And that's how Mzab looks now:

[Lurken]

"Do bailiffs win the battles? NO! We need cavalry, more cavalry!"

Priceless, and quite describing of the Rythin spirit.

[Lurken]

Mzab 1519-1544

Oh boy...we do a whole lot of work here in the sandy realm of Mzab.

Okey, let's be frank. I don't have time right now to post a good AAR. When I have more time, I will edit my AAR into a more elegent version.

Was DoWed by the Knights, they beat us bad. Us (10K) versus 500 knights...they win. Fudge!

And the same time was DoWed by Morocco. Double Fudge! But the AI just massed inf at a siege and suffered baaaad attrition. While I circled around and sieged. Once more my former liege and current alliance leader settled peace for spare change from both Morocco and Knigths.

Got a good defection to me. A random conversion. One succesful missionary. And 5 conversions started. A couple of events and dp-clicks gave Mzab more Plutocratic, fully Centralized, a little more Free Subjects and Offensive.

On other news, Mamluks got shafted.

And Ak Konalyu was beaten badly by the Safvavids, the so far only know shiite realm besides Mzab. Future allies I say!

[billy bob]

This is a very enjoyable aar I think. I shall be following.

[Fnuco]

you guys crack me up!

[Duke of Wellington]

You are very lucky with the defections Otherwise nice to see the sand empire growing well.

[Rythin]

I played my turn already, but as Lurken won't be able to play his till Saturday, I am gonna post it a little later. Just to keep the balance.

Thanks for the voices of support!

[fudd_bopo]

Lovely AAR was quite some time since I read one but I'll have to see this til the end.

[Rythin]

Hehe, thanks fudd_bopo. I am sure you will like the next part