Back in it's prime - Croatia AAR

[kramari]

Hi all, this is my first AAR. I juts got my hands on EU2 again. I played it before but with very little success. Then came HOI 1&2, played that a lot. So I am back to EU2 and making an AAR.
I'm playing without any mods, no cheating and all that stuff (well maybe reloading). Difficulty normal/normal.
That's it lets get started

[kramari]

Part 1.

January 1, 1419.

It was early in the morning and King Hracovec was woken up by his royal roosters.

Royal rooster

He had a dream that night. In which he saw that Dalmatia will become Croatian. The war betweem Veneto and Croatia troubled him. He was drawn into the war by Hungary. Soon he spoke to his military advisors.

-I have a dream where Croats will go swimming in the Adriatic and I want you to make it happen. Take Dalmatia from Veneto. Take back what is ours.
-Yes, my king I will send our army at once – advisor replied – I just hope that Hungary will protect our borders.
-Can’t we protect ourselves? – Hracovec asked
-Well, we could build a new army but I don’t think our economical advisor would like it.
-Then take Dalmatia and don’t build an army. I’m sure Hungary will help us.
-Yes, sir!



January 30, 1419

Military advisor (MA) enters King’s bedroom to find him doing it with his 4 female lovers (this is just an AAR this isn’t based on historical facts). MA blushed and went outside. The king called him back and asked him to join them, which he did.
After they were finished MA briefed the King about war status.

-Sir, we have initiated a siege in Dalmatia we expect them to surrender in about twelve months
-Twelve months? It will be winter again, I so much wanted to go swimming this summer.



February 2, 1419

Advisor of state affairs comes into the throne room.

-My King, situation in our country is getting better, people heard that you are taking Dalmatia back and decided to pay more taxes to help the effort. They all love you more.


-What can I say, just look at me I’m so handsome, I think I’m going to throw myself a little party. That will be all peasant.
-Sir but I’m your advisor handling state affairs
-Whatever you say peasant. Bye.
-But sir…
-Guards!!! Throw this man into the dungeon.
-No Sir!!! Please don’t
-Take him away!

February 18, 1419

King was drinking wine when his MA came into the room.

-Well hello MA want something to drink
-Don’t mind if I do
-Here have some wine, what news do you bring me?
-Well sir it seems that Veneto and Hungary are fighting on our soil. But no worries, messenger brought us news that an army of 40000 men are coming from Hungary.
-No worries then, it seems I have nothing to do then. I’m going off to bed.
-But sir it’s only 2 pm
-I need my beauty sleep, now go.

April 1, 1419

-Bring me my MA - king orders
-Yes sir.

MA enters the room.

-Guards take MA into the dungeon for treason and prepare him for execution
-Sir I didn’t do anything, I swear. Please don’t!!
-HAHAHA, LOL! I got you there! April fools day!!! HAHAHAHA
-Yea right – says MA angrily.
-Are there any news?
-Yes sir. Hungary joined us in our siege.
-Maybe I will go swimming this year. You made me so happy. You can have one of my lovers
-Thank you sir – said the MA and went outside with a smile on his face.

August 17, 1419

Bishop entered the throne room.

-King I bring terrible news, Bohemia converted to Protestant, this is a sad day for the Catholic church.
-So can the Protestants have more then one wife?
-I’ don’t think so sir, but anything is possible they are sent by the devil himself.
-Then my holy mission is to make them Catholic again.
-That’s great sir. The pope will be pleased with your decision.

March 20, 1420

MA enters the throne room

-Sir we had to build another 5000 men army, it seems that all of our infantry deserted the siege only the cavalry stayed.
-Did you catch and execute the deserters?
-We got the half of them.
-Good

Economical Advisor entered the room.

-Great news, King. A peasant told us that we could export our goods to a center of trade and get some money. What a great idea.
-Why didn’t you think of that, you are the econ. advisor.
-Well, umm….
-To the dungeon with him, and bring me the peasant that thought of the idea and make him a new econ. advisor.

[kramari]

April 2, 1419

A diplomat from Veneto enters the throne room.

-What do you want Venetian
-Your Royal dumbass
-What did you say?
-Your Royal Highness
-Oh I thought you said…never mind
-I came to offer you a peace and an alliance and we are willing to back it up with 111 gold
-Will you give us Dalmatia?
-No!
-Then no deal! Throw him into the dungeon and send some peasant to Veneto and let them know our answer.


May 5, 1420

-King, the diplomat from Hungary is here!
-Send him in!
-
Diplomat enters the room.

-Your Highness will you allow us military access?
-Well you saved out asses, why not! To the dungeon with… ooops sorry. Sure we will give you access. Just don’t touch any of our women.
-Thank you sir. My king will be pleased. He is gay anyway.
-I didn’t know that. Know I have a new pickup line for the parties. Bye diplomat!

July 9, 1420

Econ. advisor enters the big hall.

-King our 2 traders screwed up in Ile de France and failed too expand out trade.
-Those stupid idiots, when they return hang them, maybe that will be a lesson to the rest of them.
-Don’t do that sir, I beg of you. Please.
-Well…Ok, I will forgive them now.

August 1, 1420

Advisor of foreign affaires entered the room.
-King one of our peasants wondered of yesterday and discovered Kurdistan.
-Wow, Kurdistan, yeah that’s good. I love Kurdistan. Where is Kurdistan?
-It’s in the south east.
-Bosnia?
-No further
-Oh, OK

[Mettermrck]

-Well sir it seems that Veneto and Hungary are fighting on our soil. But no worries, messenger brought us news that an army of 40000 men are coming from Hungary.
-No worries then, it seems I have nothing to do then. I’m going off to bed.
-But sir it’s only 2 pm
-I need my beauty sleep, now go.

-King one of our peasants wandered off yesterday and discovered Kurdistan.
-Wow, Kurdistan, yeah that’s good. I love Kurdistan. Where is Kurdistan?
-It’s in the south east.
-Bosnia?
-No further
-Oh, OK

Funny stuff, man I enjoyed reading it. I hope you do more.

[kramari]

October 24, 1420

It was a great day for Croatia, they had a royal wedding. One of the King’s 30 sons married for an Austrian, since they are their neighbors Croatia thought that good relations couldn’t hurt.
Nothing much is happening in Croatia these days. Dalmatia is still under siege. State affairs advisor is still in the dungeons. Everything is the same.

January 13, 1421

After Venice lost Istria to Hungary they offered Croatia a new peace treaty. It was the same as before just with a bit more cash 140 gold. Of course the King said no and threw another diplomat into the dungeon.

April 15, 1421

Yet another peace offer (149 gold) and yet another diplomat in the dungeon.
King announces his plans to build new dungeons with modern torture equipment. The gathered crowd is cheering.

July 28. 1421.

Another Venetian diplomat ends up in a dungeon.

September 30, 1421

After the Venetian rejection of our generous peace offer, Croatia built 2000 infantry to join the siege.

April 20. 1422

Finally one of Croatia’s traders was successful he set up a trade in Veneto and apparently he is giving everything for free because Croatia has no income from it.

September 20, 1422

Diplomatic advisor comes into the throne room with a diplomat from Hungary

-You Highness the King of Croatia, on behalf of my King I invite you to join our alliance.
-What do we get if we enter the alliance?
-A strong ally!
-That's not enough
-We offer women too!
-Sir I think we should accept, we could use the women, oh yeah and a strong ally.
-Absolutely, I agree. – said the king
-Let’s sign the papers then



July 16, 1423

Croatia took a loan, they spent it all on parties. Still the siege of Dalmatia continues. King is furious that he can’t go swimming yet. The second dungeons are full. There are plans for even more dungeons.

September 1, 1423

-My sir!! – Diplomatic advisor screamed as he was entering the room
-Hungary wants us to declare war on the Serbians, what should we do?
-Well my dear advisor, we will declare war and maybe send in an army right before Hungary enters Serbia so we could lead a siege.
-Wow, you are so clever sir.
-Thank you.



September 2, 1423

MA enters.

-King we are screwed I have received reports that Serbia has an army 14000 strong, if they decide to attack…
-I have to offer them peace

Later next day

-Sir our diplomat arrived, he was unsuccessful, shall I send him to the dungeon?
-Of course, I don’t stand for such failure. Now we just have to hope they won’t attack us.

January 7, 1424

-Sir we are being attacked by the Serbians, they besieged Croatia!
Ok be calm we can get through this. Send an army from Dalmatia to attack them, I guess I can do without swimming for now. Order Krain to build a new army, we just have to take another loan soon. I will take charge on the battlefield
-Yes sir.


March 13, 1424

-King’s army was successful they kicked Serbian ass out of Croatia, and they did it again when they attacked. King is an absolute hero. Nobles took the advantage of war time and demanded their rights which they got.
March 30, 1424

King repelled another attacked; reinforcement is expected soon from Krain.

June 23, 1424

Wallachia offered peace demanding 50 gold, King sent them a message to screw themselves and threw their diplomat into the dungeon

July 25, 1424

Serbia no longer poses a threat because Hungary besieged them.
King has sent his army to Dalmatia again, to capture it so he can go swimming at last

November 1, 1424

-Luxemburg wants us to enter the war against The Palatinat sir!
-We will honor our alliance not like that scum from Sieberburgen


January 1425

Moldavia thinks we are idiots offering peace and demanding 25 gold. Another diplomat in the dungeon. So is a Serbian diplomat.

September 28, 1425

Serbians accepted our peace offer we got 75 gold

January 20, 1426

Bohemia became Catholic again, it seems out standing there doing nothing, sure made them thinking.

February 23, 1426

-My King, finally after 7 years of siege we managed to take Dalmatia, but Venice still won’t give it to us.
-That’s great news, first I will go swimming then I’ll send the army to attack Veneto.
-But sir it’s February and it’s cold.
-Oh, then don't send the army, I'm going swimming.

[kramari]

Why can't I attack Veneto, we are still at war but my army can't attack.

[Charles II]

If they have a navy in the seazone outside of Veneto, then its like blockading a strait; their navy has to go into port or leave that seazone for you to be able to proceed to Veneto. Very funny, by the way. You can add another reader to your list

[Gunner243]

This is hilarious! I love it.

[Singleton Mosby]

Nice start. I will check this out later...... (playing Croatia in the 1558 RPG)

[kramari]

Their navy is in the harbor but still I can't attack maybe because I want to attack from Hungarian territory

[Duke of Wellington]

Nice aar, very funny, I think you need a dungeon population count

[EvilSanta]

You should start simply executing them to spare money from making new dungeons.Funny aar,we want more.

[Duke of Wellington]

Their navy is in the harbor but still I can't attack maybe because I want to attack from Hungarian territory

It shouldn't matter if the ships are in the harbour itself there could be some in the seazone as well

[jwolf]

Nice AAR! Good luck in a tough area. I hope your king can lead Croatia to victories without taking too much time away from "affairs of state" if you follow my meaning.

You're going to have a very difficult time capturing Dalmatia, a level 2 mountain port. Until or unless you can blockade, assault, or bring in artillery or a siege leader it will be almost impossible even with no Venetian resistance. Then, even if you do capture it, you won't get enough warscore to demand it in a treaty, and as you have seen, you can't even approach Venice itself. You may want to rethink your plans and go after Bosnia and Ragusa in order to get a port, although this would be very expensive in BB points.

PS -- I'm playing a Venice game and in my game your area looks a bit different.

[kramari]

January 1, 1427

On the beaches of Dalmatia, King was enjoying the seaside
MA rode in on his horse in his big fur coat.
- My King I’ve got terrible news, Dalmatia is attacked by the forces from Venice, they got of their ships a few kilometers from here and are now engaged in combat with our forces.

- Well it’s to cold to swim today so maybe I’ll go and fight alongside my troops


By the time the King came, Croatian army repelled the attack.

February 8, 1427

Venetians fled to Bosnia and are now going back to Dalmatia, to fight some more.
Pope asked us for military access, of course we will agree. But why does the Pope have an army? I guess he is spreading Christianity.

Dungeons are overcrowded the King made a decision to make a convict army. 4000 convicts join the army. Dungeons are still overcrowded.

February 28, 1427

Venetians lost again.

July 16, 1427

- Oh my King terrible news! – said MA entering the throne room
- What is it now?
- We lost Dalmatia! It is under siege as we speak! I sent the convict army, but they were slaughtered.
- Well there is nothing we can do about it except offer white peace to the Venetians. Send the diplomat right away. What’s the state of my country? Where is my state affairs advisor?
- Sir I think you threw him into the dungeon 8 years ago
- Did I do that?
-Yes.
- Release him and send him here.

State affairs advisor (SAA) comes into the room. He is only skin and bones and he lost his will to live.

-Well SAA how are you?
- Hungry sir, really hungry
- Here have an apple.
- Screw you sir.
- What?
- Thank you sir.
- What’s the state of my state?
- How would I know? I’ve been in a dungeon for 8 years.
- And you call yourself an advisor, to the dungeons with him. Bring me a peasant so I can make him my state affairs advisor.

Later next day

- Sir Venice rejected our offer – said the diplomat
-Damn it. Take him away guards
-Shall we put him in our brand new Diplomat Dungeons?
-It’s finished already
-Yes Sir, yesterday Sir.
-Put him there and maybe torture him with our brand new limb stretcher.
-Yes Sir.

October 10, 1427

-My sir it seems another of our peasants wandered of, this time we discovered Emba.
-I love our peasants, promote them all into Royal peasants.

After people heard that there was much rejoicing, people celebrated. One more intelligent peasant came to a conclusion that they are doing the same thing only their title changed. He was thrown into a dungeon, a new Royal Peasant Dungeon.

Croatia is in lot of danger, they are losing money and Venice is on the Croatian border with a big army. The second peace offer has failed. It seems that a third loan is imminent.

A question for you guys. What will happen if I cancel vassalization to Hungary?

[Duke of Wellington]

You'll lose some stability if you cancel vassalisation (3 or 5 IIRC) but you'll get more income since you've been giving some to Hungary. I don't think relations drop and alliances should remain.

[kramari]

October 10, continued

Foreign affairs and state affairs advisors are in a meeting with the King
The foreign affairs advisor was the first to speak

-My King we cancelled vassalization with Hungary. We are not giving them any more money.
-Sir but our people are restless they really loved giving money to Hungary – said state affairs advisor – they started paying less tax and all the extra money they have, they are putting in the We Want To Be Vassals Fund.
-Go spread the word that this is better.
-Yes Sir

November 7, 1427

Bavarian diplomat comes in

-Sir we offer you lots of beer for military access
-Agreed.

December 21, 1427

Another peace rejection by the Venetians.
Venice has 21000 unit army in Dalmatia which is still under siege, God help us if they attack.

January 2, 1428

Stability increased, it seems that people don’t miss Hungary that much.
Some of them want their money back, the money they gave to the Fund.

April 23, 1428



Venice has taken Dalmatia back, and they are going to attack Croatia.
The Venetian army 16000 strong battled against 3000 men of Croatia.
Croatia one this time. I guess this will soon be the end of my AAR.

[kramari]

August 15, 1428.

I had some luck, bank gave me a new loan. I had to by a new mercenary army. Venice is attacking again. Stability increased again.

September 8, 1428

Once again Croatia beat the Venetian army although largely outnumbered. Venice rejects another peace offer.

December 28, 1428

Venice besieged Croatia, I guess that's it, laste regiment is coming out soon 4000 infantry maybe they can win.
They failed. Croatia was lost, Krain is under siege, I've gone bankrupt.
When Venetians came into Croatia they freed 10000 people from the dungeons.

- My King I guess this is over - said MA
- Yes I guess so, thank you for being with me all the way
- It was fun my King, I suggest that we pack and flee to Hungary, there we will be safe.
- Agreed let's go. I can't wait to go swimming in the Balaton lake. Goodbye Croatia, I'll be back when someone invents the time machine.

That's it, hope you enjoyed my first AAR.

[Duke of Wellington]

That was a brief aar but enjoyable. Hope to see another one soon

[Matija]

hehehe hilarious