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Thread: Golden Horde - Scourge From The East

  1. #1521
    Wow. I finally made it to the last page of this AAR

    I just spend 3 days reading it from begining to end!

    Great job!

  2. #1522
    Colonel Saulta's Avatar
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    Poor uzbeks. Now that they´re "gone", it feels kinda empty. May them "prosper" in the new world, because even people like the uzbeks deserves to go to a new place,a new world, were angry bears, hostile Indians, and a cold, cold, cold climate will kill them. Maybe it would´ve been better if all of them just commited suicide?
    One does not simply walk into Mordor, but if one did, it would probably be the shortest walk ever.

  3. #1523
    World Conquest Fanboy Grundius's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saulta
    Poor uzbeks.
    This is a dangerous opinion if it is not sarcasm.
    Bah weep graaagnah wheep ni ni bong!

  4. #1524
    Rotten Venetic - And always will escape the ai of this game I'm afraid

    Grundius - No Ust Urt is not actually uzbek in the first place. I just included it in the revolts because it was old uzbek land. Maybe they will revolt.

    Max A - We'll see about that.

    J. Passepartout - Not very far I can tell you that much.

    Chief Ragusa - A very bad combination for anyone unlucky enough to be Scandinavian.

    SunZyl - I'm not sure at all at the moment who'll be next. Turks maybe? They keep springing up.

    GrimPagan - Well at least they're efficient at catching something.

    lilljonas - Exactly. Mongol Hordes are so much cooler in so many ways.

    Storey - It was time to end the uzbek problem but maybe they'll be back. I too really look forward to an improved EUIII ai.

    stnylan - But it's better to have the old world uzbek free.

    GregóriodeMatos - I think I'd prefer a Polish DOW. Provinces are easier to take and richer too.

    Bismarck1 - Nothing too spectacular. France and BWB dominating urope. The strangest thing in Malacca have colonies near Kamchatka.

    coz1 - Yeah right . The fars army actually marched as far as Olonets then turned around. Marched back home then sent antoher one north. This war really has been a showcase of ai stupidity.

    billy bob - Something like that might just happen.

    Rotten Venetic - I hope they don't become the next uzbeks.

    Amric - They're sure to be back in some form. The ai never gets the hang of winter.

    The Real Deal - The sprites are quite nice though in that pic it reminds me of a ganster with a tommy gun.

    vertinox - Good effort, thanks for taking the time to do it. Glad you like it.

    Saulta - A good many of them did by revolting. As Grundius says though watch that mouth, poor uzbeks shuldn't be uttered around here

    Grundius - Quite right.

  5. #1525
    Chigakka : Part 2
    Chigakka had to laugh at the Swedes. They'd spend all summer moping around Finland like a bunch of bored teenagers apparently just waiting for the snows to herald the right time to invade. Perhaps this was some proof of Karma? The removal of the uzbeks had led to a stupidity void that was just begging to be filled.

    You can't teach an old dog new tricks- Sweden invades again. Chigakka has wisely pulled his army out of Finland


    The Swedes, or as Chigakka bluntly referred to them Scandidiots, certainly were persistent. Not happy with invading one wintry province they sailed the icy seas all the way to Caniapiscau to seize it. No doubt they were pleasantly surprised to find the largely uzbek population actually dumber than themselves.

    Populated by uzbeks and Scandidiots Caniapiscau has an average iq of 45.3


    Chigakka was actually considering giving Sweden Caniapiscau to forever get rid of every last uzbek from the lands of the Horde. But fortunately he was distracted from this unwise move by a letter arriving from Hadramut containing a story involving a tunic, three carrots, Chigakka and a llama. The story was particularly unflattering to both the llama and Chigakka. It was clear this was a diplomatic insult if ever there was one. Unfortunately acting on the insult would prove difficult for though Hadramut bordered the Horde at Mekkah their capital was protected by oceans and the unfriendly Sultanate of Aden. It was a tricky situation but Chigakka was forced to bide his time and only close the border between Medina and Mekkah.

    That move soon proved unpopular as many travellers on their Hajj were unable to complete it. Soon a rebellion developed.

    Filthy pilgrims


    Even Chagatai were getting in on the act as they invaded Sweden. They met little resistance following the destruction of Sweden's main army shortly after it captured Kexholm once again.

    Even Chagatai get involved


    But a few months later Chagatai's men were pushed out. It was becoming clear to Chigakka that this was a war that would achieve very little. He sent a diplomat to Stockholm, the home of the head Scandidiot. A white peace was offered and readily accepted putting an end to the whole stupid episode.

    With that care removed from his shoulders Chigakka was free to focus upon his latest hobby. Brewing. Wit the taxes taken in 1673 he began construction of the Off-White Brewing Co. Located in Saleharo they would use only the finest water taken from icebergs to brew fine beer dedicated to the memory of the Horde's early explorers and the alcohol related deaths they met.
    Last edited by Duke of Wellington; 21-09-2006 at 10:19.

  6. #1526
    Compulsive CommentatAAR stnylan's Avatar
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    Sweden does seem to be a perennial thorn in your side.
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  7. #1527
    Banned The Real Deal's Avatar

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    Nothing can stand in your way now, call the Horde to arms...Western Europe beckons

  8. #1528
    A et Ω Deus's Avatar
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    I hope that some useless bloodshed will fill the following episodes.
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  9. #1529
    World Conquest Fanboy Grundius's Avatar
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    Uhm.. Duke... you once stated that Muscovy would be dealt with. I believe we have seen many Khans come and go but none had the guts to take on Muscovy. Is the Horde afraid of her former subjects and wannabe Tartars ?
    Bah weep graaagnah wheep ni ni bong!

  10. #1530
    Colonel Bismarck1's Avatar
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    go get the swedes, what does the world look like?

  11. #1531
    A faulty cog GrimPagan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duke of Wellington

    Populated by uzbeks and Scandidiots Caniapiscau has an average iq of 45.3
    Sadly, it's actually total, not average...
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  12. #1532
    Colonel Saulta's Avatar
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    Sarcasm Grundius, that´t what it is
    One does not simply walk into Mordor, but if one did, it would probably be the shortest walk ever.

  13. #1533
    StoreytellAAR Storey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duke of Wellington
    But a few months later Chagatai's men were pushed out. It was becoming clear to Chigakka that this was a war that would achieve very little. He sent a diplomat to Stockholm, the home of the head Scandidiot. A white peace was offered and readily accepted putting an end to the whole stupid episode.
    Just curious as to what your land tech level compared with Sweden was during this snowball fight in the snow?

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  14. #1534
    Ust Urt is still Uzbek culture isn't it?

    What is the population of Caniapiscau?

    How did the Hadramut know about Llamas? It's time the Horde took to the water.

  15. #1535
    Field Marshal SunZyl's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Saulta
    Sarcasm Grundius, that´t what it is
    I sense anti-swedish propaganda in this AAR. Let's go get him!

    Funny update nevertheless.
    EUII AAR: Aragon

  16. #1536
    Disciple of Peperna CatKnight's Avatar
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  17. #1537
    I would like to point out tha llamas are very nice if you get to know them and that any reference to llamas in that story are utterly baseless, false, and slanderous.

  18. #1538
    World Conquest Fanboy Grundius's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saulta
    Sarcasm Grundius, that´t what it is
    Are you certain of that Saulta? Don't make jokes about the evil teachings of the uzbek, my friend .
    Bah weep graaagnah wheep ni ni bong!

  19. #1539
    Quote Originally Posted by Grundius
    Are you certain of that Saulta? Don't make jokes about the evil teachings of the uzbek, my friend .
    You're sure the Uzbeks can teach? The Horde hasn't let anyone of the Uzbek persuasion learn to read in centuries. Their horses have a more extensive understanding of words than the Uzbeks.

    The chances of anything intelligent coming from Uzbek is a million to one.

    The Horde may not know what llamas are either. Chigakka would have been much more insulted if the Hadramut had said that he had an Uzbek mother.

    A few personal rugs and the Swedes will be begging to part of the Horde alliance. If nothing else that shoould guarantee a war with Poland and Muscovy and who knows, they may attack all sorts of strange people - just like the Iraqis.

  20. #1540
    Second Lieutenant draik's Avatar

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chief Ragusa
    You're sure the Uzbeks can teach? The Horde hasn't let anyone of the Uzbek persuasion learn to read in centuries. Their horses have a more extensive understanding of words than the Uzbeks.

    The chances of anything intelligent coming from Uzbek is a million to one.
    Umm... I think you'll find that it is uzbeks - plus, it's not fair to compare horses to uzbeks. After all, horses know not to revolt non-stop for 100 years - the uzbeks clearly don't...

    By the way DoW - awesome AAR. It's a bit of a tome to get through by now, ut well worth it. Keep up the good work!
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