Calling in the Old Guard: Austria 1936

[KURT]
He's not coming.

[WILHELM]
I'm sure he will. His armies are only delaying the inevitable.

[MIKLÓS]
[offstage] One could say the same about you, now with Italy well within your country.

[enters with other HUNGARIANS]

[KURT]
And one could say the same about Italy, now with Germany in the war.

[MIKLÓS]
Don't overplay your hand. There's no way you're giving Germany military access. They'd conquer Italy and surround you.

[WILHELM]
We don't have to give them access. All they have to do is retake our provinces across the border, and then they can stay put like good little allies until we've finished with you.

[MIKLÓS]
Not likely. You may eventually break our front lines with enough effort, sure, but you can't hope to stand up against Benny's army alone.

[a brief silence from the Austrians]

[KURT]
[sighing] We know. We are not powerful enough to face Italy. In most likelihood, Hitler will rush to our defense...

[WILHELM]
...annexing you in the meantime...

[KURT]
And consume all of us, claiming the title of Fascist-Grand-Pumbah or whatever.

[MIKLÓS]
What do you expect us to do about it? You started this whole mess with your invasion.

[EGON]
[finally speaking up] Yes, but we never planned to destroy you completely. In fact, if I may point out, we've been very careful not to advance too quickly, you know, just in case one of your divisions accidentally gets destroyed.

[a HUNGARIAN]
That doesn't make any sense.

[KURT]
But it's true.

[EGON]
What has Hungary accomplished, since becoming a republic? Why, your land's been stolen from two different countries!

[MIKLÓS]
Three.

[EGON]
Don't you miss your place of power? Don't you miss your coastline? Your part of something great, something mighty?

[a HUNGARIAN]
Just spill it, guys! What are you driving at?


[EGON]
Oh, the Austro and the Magyar should be friends
Oh, the Austro and the Magyar should be friends
One just wants to press some claims
The other one has global aims
But that's no reason why they cain't be friends

A former empire should just stick together
Former Central Powers should be pals
Magyars look out for the Austro interests
Austros make sure Magyars don't go foul

[ALL AUSTRIANS]
A former empire should just stick together
Former Central Powers are comrades
Austros always stand by faithful allies
Magyars stick it out through goods and bads

[WILHELM]
I'd like to say a word now fer the Austros

[KURT]
Represent!

[WILHELM]
They kept Imperial subjects well in check

[an AUSTRIAN]
Jawohl!

[WILHELM]
The Dual Monarchy gave Hungary great power

[MIKLÓS]
But only after Magyars gave 'em heck!

[Hungarians jeer in agreement]

[a HUNGARIAN]
Why don't you lousy German wannabes go home where ya came from?

[an AUSTRIAN]
We got just as many historic claims here!

[other Austrians begin shouting]

[WILHELM]
Shut up!
The Austro is a masterful tactician

[a HUNGARIAN]
[cough"bull****"cough]

[WILHELM]
Our armies fought off Turkey, France, and Russia
We ruled over German Confederation

[MIKLÓS]
Until you picked a fight with little Prussia!

[a HUNGARIAN]
Ooh, burn! [high-fives Miklós]

[other Hungarians join in the laughter]

[EGON]
Oh, the Austro and the Magyar should be friends
Oh, the Austro and the Magyar should be friends
One unites ethnicities
The other oppresses minorities
But that's no reason why they cain't be friends

[ALL AUSTRIANS]
A former empire should just stick together
Former Central Powers should be tight
Magyars fight for Austro hegemony
Austros fight to secure Magyars' rights

[KURT]
I'd like to give a shout out to the Magyars--

[MIKLÓS]
You would?

[KURT]
Their people settled near the proud Carpathians
From there they've laboured, sweated, and since triumphed

[an AUSTRIAN]
To be, at best, a mighty third-rate nation!

[KURT]
The Austro should respect the Magyar culture

[an AUSTRIAN]
[rolling eyes] Oh, yeah

[KURT]
Recognise sov'reignty and do not knock it

Perhaps then there'll be a place
For some brotherly embrace

[an AUSTRIAN]
Just make sure we guard the change inside our pockets!

[Austrians laugh. Both sides exchange insults, and the convention degenerates into fighting.]

[AUSTRIANS and HUNGARIANS]
Oh, the Austro and the Magyar should be friends
Oh, the Austro and the Magyar should be friends

[AUSTRIANS]
One smells like he'll make ya sick

[HUNGARIANS]
The other's 'bout dumb as a brick

[AUSTRIANS and HUNGARIANS]
But that's no reason why they cain't be friends

[Fighting continues. KURT pulls a revolver from his jacket and fires it into the air.]

[The fighting stops. A small chunk of ceiling falls to the ground.]

[KURT]
Ain't nobody gonna kill anyone. This here's a negotiation! You folk cause any more trouble an' we'll smash your armies an' annex you outright. So sing it, Regent!

[holds the revolver to MIKLÓS's head] Dum-dah-dee-um-dum-dum!

[MIKLÓS]
Oh, the Austro and the Magyar should be friends

[ALL]
Oh, the Austro and the Magyar should be friends
Both have muscles left to flex
No one needs to be annexed
So there's no reason why they cain't be friends



[WILHELM]
And when this re-Ausgleich becomes official
We'll fin'lly have a chance for sweet revenge
When our combined armies turn west and southward
And take it to the scum Italians!

[a HUNGARIAN]
Right on!

[an AUSTRIAN]
Dirty opportunists!







[KURT]
We'll teach those Italians a little lesson
For whatever good it might happen to do 'em
If they're gonna start a fight they best make sure they got the might
Or they're gonna have their bootheels handed to 'em!

[ALL]
If they're gonna start a fight they best make sure they got the might
Or they're gonna have their bootheels handed to 'em!


NOTE: This treaty was rejected.

A former empire should just stick together
Former Central Powers should be buds
Magyars hold Italians from behind
While Austros punch Italians in the gut!



[KURT, WILHELM, and MIKLÓS]
Long live the Austro-Hungarian Empire!

Much thanks for the vast support! I haven't abandoned my Manchukuo AAR, but I am having more fun with this one.

Game is 1.3a, Normal/Furious, Unmodded.

As you can see, however, some worldnames have been changed to protect the interest.

Puppets may be military controlled, but only puppets.

Red Boxer: Yes, for that song Haile was Collins. There will be more Rent songs, and someone will have Mimi's "part"... but I don't think you really want to know who gets it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! Remember, Christmas Season officially lasts until 6 January!

EDIT: Ahem. Some slight modification has indeed been done since this post. Just read along to see.

NOTE: Europe and Africa after the Treaty of Naples, 5 March 1937. Nations within the Vienna-Berlin-Addis Ababa Central Axis are labeled. Map colors are the same for Austria and Ethiopia, but the two empires share no land border.





[WINSTON CHURCHILL]
They start a war to expand more without casus belli

[ANTHONY EDEN]
Then with the krauts they journey south and smash up Italy

[WINSTON CHURCHILL]
And in the end, I’ll bet Ben’s face was quite the sight to see

[LÉON BLUM]
The headlines even gave a worthy title

[EDWARD DALADIER]
“The Fascist Civil War”!

[ANTHONY]
They’ve built quite the reputation

[WINSTON]
Kept Lombard, Piedmont, Libya too

[LÉON]
Freed Ethiopia’s nation

[WINSTON]
Yet, all in all, I’m sad to say I have my reservations

[WINSTON, ANTHONY, LÉON, and EDWARD]
Austria-Hungary’s not an asset to democracy!

[NEVILLE CHAMBERLAIN]
I'd like to say a word, at your discretion

[GEORGE VI]
Then speak, Minister Chamberlain

[NEVILLE]
They've stopped Italian aggression!

[GEORGE]
How do you solve a problem like Austria?
How can you tell if they are good or bad?

[NEVILLE]
How do you find a word that means Austria?

[LÉON]
An anachronism

[ANTHONY]
A wildcard

[WINSTON]
A cad

[GEORGE]
Many a thing you'd like to have ascertained
Many a thing you'd wish to understand

[WINSTON]
But how do you rest these apprehensions
and find out their intentions?

[GEORGE]
How do you get a grease stain off a pan?

[NEVILLE]
How do you solve a problem like Austria?

[GEORGE]
How do you make a nunchukus out of sand?

[WINSTON]
What?

[ANTHONY]
When I press them, they're demure
with motives both vague and unsure

[EDWARD]
Unpredictable as can be

[LÉON]
They're as jumpy as a flea

[NEVILLE]
They're a balance

[WINSTON]
They're a spectre

[NEVILLE]
They're the man!

[ANTHONY]
A Dual Monarchy they'd remake with a fascist head of state

[EDWARD]
Or perhaps they're less fascist than we'd infer

[NEVILLE]
They were restrained; they were wronged

[LÉON]
Well now they're threatening; now they're strong

[WINSTON]
They're a menace

[NEVILLE]
They're a people

[GEORGE]
They're can-cer

[ALL]
How do you solve a problem like Austria?
How do you make an A.I. always WAD?
How do you find the word that means Austria?

[LÉON]
An anachronism

[ANTHONY]
A wildcard

[WINSTON]
A cad

[ALL]
Many a thing you'd like to have ascertained
Many a thing you'd wish to understand

[GEORGE]
But how do you rest these apprehensions...

[WINSTON]
...and find out their intentions?

[NEVILLE]
How do you separate the sky and land?

[ALL]
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Austria?
How do you make a nunchukus out of sand?

Oranje Verzet said:

Somewhere in Austria

Yodola Hi-ti
Yodola Hi-ti
Yodola Yodola
Hi-ti

Hurray to this AAR
The sounds of this AAR
We are the Austrians in this AAR
What fun we have in this AAR

Click to expand...

Alright! Success has the people singing in the streets and the mountains!

If only they knew of the disasters that are coming in the next update...

EDIT: I have some errands to run before the next update. At earliest, it will be up this evening, but it may not be around until later tonight.