stnylan: …For I have an appointment with King Louis.
magnificent finish !
magnificent AAR ! !
magnificent finish !
magnificent AAR ! !
Rensslaer said:I have just re-read #4. This author is very good, and puts elements and threads into even such a small scene that color it very well.
I think the point of view is a bit jarring, because I cannot conceive of how the story is being told. It's not a diary, nor a story to someone else. It's most like he's living the scene out in his own mind, which may be what is intended. In any case, it is well done.
The first time through, I didn't catch the exact phrasing at the end. And in a tale such as this, the exact phrasing is what matters. Is this man, Jean, suggesting that he would betray his king once his final duty is done? And I must further wonder about the friendship Carlos and Jean have -- it seems quite strong, and as a reader I am intrigued as to how it developed!
Another critiquer said he would like to know what the disaster was, of which they speak. Naturally, I would too. But for a scene of this nature, within these limits, I believe it actually adds to the story, and the mystery, to leave it to our imagination.
Very well done!
:rofl:Amric said:Well done, Stnylan. You've crafted an amazing tale here and one that will stand the test of AAR time.