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Ninja Lenin! said:
It means you appear in the AAR. I've already applied..I demand to be killed off in an amusing way...

Oh thanks, well then I change my mind and would like to be included. Since I once was the "Duke of Saxony" (before Havard gave me a cosmetic surgery) this would be the suiting alter ego inside the AAR :D !
 
OOC: This is a short update. Two cameos have now been reserved, by Ninja Lenin! and DoS.

The Crusader Mafia
Part 5- in which courtiers get antsy
On February 15, 1084, construction began on a training ground in Capua. The tile factory that already existed there made construction quicker.
On March 2nd, a sinister gang of criminals began preying on the prosperous citizens of Salerno. This Thieves Guild was brought to the attention of Sergio Prince of Campania.
Advisor: My Prince, it appears organized crime has appeared in Salerno. Gangs of hooded theives extort peasants for protection money, rob merchants, and do other Mafia-type stuff.
Prince Sergio Spartenos: Do you know who leads this vile syndicate?
Advisor: They call him.... Ninja Lenin! *jarring chord*
Prince Sergio Spartenos: Seems like a confused kind of guy. If he's a ninja, he should be in Japan, and if he's Lenin, he should be.... wherever Lenin goes.
Advisor: I know, my liege. I know.
In response, Prince Sergio approved the construction of a Court of Justice to try and convict all evildoers. Construction took a year.
In August, Neapolitan soldiers discovered the "longspear."
Neapolitan Soldier: It's like a spear, but longer! *wink*
Two months later, an unrelated development saw the discovery of "musical instruments" in the province of Napoli. The result was the first popular music, recorded by a certain noble called "Elvis." The trouble was that people started to call him "the King." The result was his execution. However, rumors continued to circulate concerning "Elvis sightings." (1)
On December 16, 1084, the training ground of Capua was completed.
On March 18, 1085, the Two Field System spread to Salerno.
In an unrelated story, Sergio still had his claim on Consenza, now a county whose liege was Calabria. However, no war broke out, because Calabria was allied to Apulia, who was allied to Hungary, who was allied to Poland, who was allied to Norway, who was allied to England, who was allied to both France and Germany. (2)
April 16th saw the current steward of Campania seeking reward for his prestige and skill.
Steward: I want some money and prestige!
Prince Sergio Spartenos: No.
Steward: It would be awful if your only courtier with 8 stewardship left to a different principality, wouldn't it?
Prince Sergio Spartenos: Here's some cash. Now go do whatever it is stewards do.
On April 30th, Anna Spartenos, the daughter of Sergio Sr., began a court education.
By this time Sergio Sr. was sixty, and his grandchildren started complaining that they could be better spymasters, or getting marriage proposals. This was a source of annoyance.
On June 9th, 1085, the inhabitants of Salerno decided that their clergy shouldn't be filthy rich. This advance was called Apostolic Poverty.
On June 13th, the Court of Justice in Salerno was officialy completed.
In January 1086, Romanos began wandering in strange places. He found someone with interesting knowledge, in this case how to kill someone with a pencil eraser. Naturally, Sergio Sr. discourages him from trusting strangers.
On July 6th, 1086, this update concludes.

Footnotes
(1)Really all that happened was the discovery of musical instruments, but Elvis sightings are always funny.
(2) :eek:
 
pencil erasers are veeery dangerous, yup, i tried one myself. severe child trauma, i tell you :D that's prolly why i applied for the AAR appearance thingy ["cameo" sounds funny so i dont like the word and wont use it :D]
 
Is taht the full extent of my cameo? Or am I going to come back? Not that I'm complaining. They were right, how on earth did Lenin become a ninja? Even I don't know, and I'M Ninja Lenin.
 
I've also once seen Elvis...yeah really he just lives around the corner :rofl: . Nice Update ;) !
 
Great updates Shy-Kid..!
Funny and exciting... :) (I don't know what more to say! :eek: )
Just Great! :D
 
God help your enemies now that you've learned how to make a spear longer! Maybe one day you'll make a spear long enough to stick enemies without even leaving the comfort of home. :D

Ascetism involves renouncing the world, living in poverty, praying often, etc. ;)

Really entertaining updates, as always. I'd love to make an appearance in this, even if I have to lie about not currently living in Mongolia to do it. :D
 
Hi all, I'm back from skiing... I will see when I can get my hands on the other computer (it's a laptop that lots of people use) and then you'll get more.
von Loch Ness: Yes, under recent legislation pencil erasers must carry a warning label... or maybe it's just a "made in China" label. :p
Ninja Lenin: Currently, your character is tied to the theives guild in Salerno. If anything theives-guild related comes up, you will be back. :)
DoS: As I recall, Elvis never "died." He was simply abducted by aliens. He comes back every now and then to check up on us. But don't quote me on that.
Northern Viking: Thank you for your kind words.
Paranoid Tsar: Yes, and our "researchers" are also seeking to make bows longer, swords longer, and parties longer. :D
 
I just discovered this great AAR (I don't normally frequent the CK section) and I love it! And that's before I've even played the game, so I can only half-understand half the jokes. Anyway, it's an education for me as well as great entertainment - keep it up! ;)
 
Here we go again, peoples!
The Crusader Mafia
Part 6- In which there are more silly jokes about pencil erasers
Our first item of note occurs when Helena Spartenos, the granddaughter of Prince Sergio, is formally married to a Devilitzenos Manin, who was a disgusting old man-
Devilitzenos Manin: Hey! I'm only 34!
respectable middle-aged gentleman of 34. The issue here is that Helena was 17. The other issue is that the only other courtier Helena could marry was ten years older that that.
Now, earlier in this AAR, I mentioned Campanian "researchers" making an effort to discover longbows. This is not entirely correct. In Capua, they were actually working on shortbows. They perfected them on January 8th, 1087. In addition, they discovered soft leather a few days later. I will not make a joke about this, it would be either stupid or full of innuedo of some kind.
In the beginning of February, Isaakios Spartenos catches some kind of illness. A month later, his sister Helena caught pnemonia. This leads me to believe courtiers of this period did nothing but pass illnesses between each other.
On March 10, Konstantinos, the son of Prince Sergio Spartenos, finished his martial education. He was judged as a "tough soldier." He enjoyed promoting this image of toughness by juggling swords.
On August 7, 1087, Romanos Spartenos, the one who had previously cavorted with a man who could kill with a pencil eraser, was called "forgiving" by his teachers. Apparently, seeing death by pencil eraser had chastened him, and he now sought compromise not conflict.
On August 22, a fishing wharf was begun in Napoli.
Advisor: You see, if we have a fishing wharf, peasants can fish, and so we can tax the fish they catch.
Prince Sergio Spartenos: I see.
Advisor: Also, we can sell naming rights.
On November 27th, 1088, tragedy befell the Spartenos crime family. Er-family.
Helena Spartenos: COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH....
Courtier 1: Helena is coughing.
Courtier 2: Should we do something?
Helena Spartenos: ....COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH....
Courtier 1: Nah, she'll get over it.
Helena Spartenos: ....COUGH COUGH cough....*dies*
Courtier 2: Oh dear.
Yes, if you could not*understand the implications of that, Helena died of pneumonia.
On the bright side, some new technologies appeared the next year. For example, in April 1088, Neapolitan citizens discovered business was better when traders were allowed to sleep indoors instead of on park benches. These Local Merchant Houses boosted income nicely.
On August 22 1088, the Halliburton Corp® Fishing Wharf of Napoli opened for business.
On October 3rd, an insane court jester pretending to be the Duke of Saxony was killed with a pencil eraser by Anna Spartenos. Her teachers duly observed, and the November 1088 edition of Who's Who in Southern Italian Feudal Courts listed young Anna as "cruel."

OOC: I'm tired and bored. I have notes for more, but it will come later.
 
Yea, kill that pretender with the pencil eraser, bastard :rofl: !!! OMG Halliburton Fish Corp., just be cautious, they may try to sell you that fish for incredible prices :D . Great update, keep it going, but don't burn yourself out AAR writing is tiresome work ;) .
 
The Crusader Mafia
Part 7- the smell of a successful war. And drunk Scotsmen.
On October 5th, 1088, two days after Anna Spartenos killed the false Duke of Saxony with a pencil eraser, the popular art of chronicle writing spread to Salerno, with the publication of A History Book which is Actually A Political Diatribe, published by some noble from "Washington DC."
Not entirely coincidentally, on October 27th, the two Sergios mobilized their armies for battle. By December 7th, 1088, around 2,000 men were assembled in Salerno. On that day, war was declared on the count of Consenza, whose name is too obscene to be published in this account. (1) This stirred up the entire continent. To be specific, the Duchy of Calabria declared war upon Prince Sergio. The Byzantine emperor, Issakios Paleologus, joined in against both Calabria and Consenza. Hoping to beat him to the punch, Sergio's three regiments marched into Consenza, and a 2 week battle began, during which the Consenzans were completely destroyed. The next couple of months were spend lobbing livestock at the local hill fort, which gave in on March 27, 1089. Prince Sergio steered his armies toward Taranto, the province of Calabria.
In the meantime, the same Anna Spartenos who had been dubbed "The Bringer of Pencil Eraser-Related Death" was listed as "forgiving" by Who's Who in Southern Italian Feudal Courts.
Perhaps more important developments began to appear in April.
Sergio Spartenos Jr., Marshal of Campania: You know Dad, I have to confess something to you.
Prince Sergio Spartenos Sr.: Anything, son.
Sergio Spartenos Jr.: You know, this whole war thing- raping, looting, conquest- it's really starting to get me down.
Prince Sergio Spartenos Sr.: What do you mean?
Sergio Spartenos Jr.: I'm kinda stressed about it all.
Prince Sergio Spartenos Sr.: It happens to everyone, son. Here, have a torch. Set that cottage on fire.
The pleasures of burning things notwithstanding, (2) Sergio couldn't shake the stress issue. But the war continued. On April 19, 1089, the hiding Count of Consenza gave up his title, as well as a handful of gold.
In a few months, the Sergio and Son Army arrived in Taranto and took it. Unfortunately, the Byzantine emperor had gotten control of the province when he arrived. (3)
To make the best of the situation, Sergio agreed to peace with the Duke of Calabria, making him give up his claim on the title of Capua. The army went home en masse, having done its job of adding another province to the Principality of Campania.
Incidentally, remember how I said this war had shaken Europe? Apparently, it shook up Scotland enough to send some soldiers all the way to Italy. The leader of this regiment was interviewed by News 5 Campania.
Newscaster: As I understand, you and your men are from Scotland.
Scotsman: Yup. (4)
Newscaster: Can you tell us your name?
Scotsman: Uhhh.... I'm pretty sure its von Loch Ness.
Newscaster: Thank you. I think we're all curious as to why you're here in Taranto. Can you explain for us?
Scotsman: Well, we kinda went a little heavy on the drink.... yeah that's it..... yuk, yuk.
Newscaster: I appreciate your time.
In purely domestic matters, in August 1089 Prince Sergio noticed an alarming trend in the behavior of his son Romanos.
Prince Sergio Spartenos: As I understand, you've spent a great deal of gold buying gifts for your friends.
Romanos Spartenos: Yes.... that's true.....
Prince Sergio Spartenos: I really ought to stop giving you money at all!
Romanos Spartenos:.... though actually I was about to buy something nice for you!
Prince Sergio Spartenos: Oh, okay then. Have some cash.
On October 15th, the two Sergios had an important conversation.
Prince Sergio Spartenos Sr.: My son, I think it is time you learned how to manage your own tract of land.
Sergio Spartenos Jr., Marshal of Campania: Uh, don't you think it's a little overdue? I'm thirty-nine.
Prince Sergio Spartenos Sr.: Well, in anycase, here's Capua for you to manage.
Thus the problem of Sergio Jr. always asking for land was solved.

Footnotes:
(1)Either that, or nobody remembered.
(2)Actually, I don't pillage provinces.
(3)As of this writing, the Byzantines are still occupying the province, not settling peace.
(4)This is true. I have a screenshot. And, I have no idea how Scotsmen talk.
 
I think an executive stress ball might have been more helpful than a torch, but this was a very different era. :D

Scotsmen usually mangle words beyond recognition and say "aye" and "laddie" a lot. ;)

This is just a great AAR. Don't worry about the speed of updates, it's worth waiting for.
 
Paranoid Tsar said:
I think an executive stress ball might have been more helpful than a torch, but this was a very different era. :D

Scotsmen usually mangle words beyond recognition and say "aye" and "laddie" a lot. ;)

This is just a great AAR. Don't worry about the speed of updates, it's worth waiting for.

Be serious. Let's say you had a hard day at the office. Would you rather squeeze a rubber ball or set something on fire? :D
 
Oh those strange intervention tactics used by the ai, Scotsman in italy, tssss :D . Maybe in one of the following updates you could post a screen with a territorial map of your posessions? However, great entertainment! :)
 
the_shy_kid said:
Newscaster: As I understand, you and your men are from Scotland.
Scotsman: Yup. (4)
OK, i admit i say Yup. all the time :D
although i'm not a scotsman :p
Newscaster: Can you tell us your name?
Scotsman: Uhhh.... I'm pretty sure its von Loch Ness.
Newscaster: Thank you. I think we're all curious as to why you're here in Taranto. Can you explain for us?
Scotsman: Well, we kinda went a little heavy on the drink.... yeah that's it..... yuk, yuk.
Newscaster: I appreciate your time.[/color]
lol, i was heavy on the drink :cool:
 
Hey, I'm a Scotsman and I say "yup" quite a lot! On the other hand I don't say "aye" or "laddie" very much. Just goes to show, eh? Please keep going with this great tale, and I agree, a screenie would be much appreciated, yup laddie.