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Thread: The Crusader Mafia: a Neapolitan AAR

  1. #281
    Postmodern poseur Shy Kid's Avatar
    Europa Universalis 3

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    This AAR began one year ago today. In honor of the occasion, I will post a screenshot of Scotsmen in Taranto that I kept forgetting to include.
    Everybody knows, you only live a day, but it's brilliant anyway
    FINISHED: Keep on Rockin' in the Free World, an AAR of the USA.
    Pretty stale: The Crusader Mafia: A Neapolitan AAR. Winner: AARland Reader's Choice Awards Q4, CK comedy.
    I own one sixth of Henry v. Keiper's soul, 600 kenneththegreat points, 5 Pimp Shizzle Points,
    <--- a Phoenix cookie, and three anonymous4401 dollars.
    Index of "Interesting" OT Threads for your erudition. Not updated, but you'll just have to live with that.

  2. #282
    Meddler Sublime RPG Leader Velasco's Avatar

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    Congratulations. Just finished reading through this aar, this is really good, I stopped reading it way back at page 3/4, somewhere around the time I finished my own CK aars, don't know if you remember me from all the way back one whole year! Looking forward to your next work!
    War is sometimes a tool we must be ready to use to enforce upon the World the Will of God;
    We are his instruments of Divine Justice, and we shall not fear to do the Lord's work.

    Won WWMIV [as Seer] & Werewolf Lite CXCVI: Grammatical Mayhem [as villager]

  3. #283
    so has this AAR went to sleep with the fishes?
    I've got Georgia on my mind - A CK2 AAR on the far reaches of Christendom...and who worships Ray Charles

    A Sainmhíniú lann dar dáta Creidhne (The Vengeful Blade of Creidhne), an Irish AAR - A man with a mission, and a really big blade to do it with.

  4. #284
    Postmodern poseur Shy Kid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by canadiancreed
    so has this AAR went to sleep with the fishes?
    Er.... yes. I thought I gave you all fair warning....
    Everybody knows, you only live a day, but it's brilliant anyway
    FINISHED: Keep on Rockin' in the Free World, an AAR of the USA.
    Pretty stale: The Crusader Mafia: A Neapolitan AAR. Winner: AARland Reader's Choice Awards Q4, CK comedy.
    I own one sixth of Henry v. Keiper's soul, 600 kenneththegreat points, 5 Pimp Shizzle Points,
    <--- a Phoenix cookie, and three anonymous4401 dollars.
    Index of "Interesting" OT Threads for your erudition. Not updated, but you'll just have to live with that.

  5. #285
    Quote Originally Posted by the_shy_kid
    Er.... yes. I thought I gave you all fair warning....
    I must ahve missed the memo
    I've got Georgia on my mind - A CK2 AAR on the far reaches of Christendom...and who worships Ray Charles

    A Sainmhíniú lann dar dáta Creidhne (The Vengeful Blade of Creidhne), an Irish AAR - A man with a mission, and a really big blade to do it with.

  6. #286
    Quote Originally Posted by Shy Kid
    What You Need to Know About This AAR
    What is the country?
    I am playing the County of Napoli.
    I need to know the version, betas, and all that grot.
    Good for you.
    And?
    The game is Crusader Kings 1.04a, no betas, 1066 scenario. Fog of War is off. The writing style will be log-ish, with occasional outbursts of dialog. I took some screenies but cannot post them at the moment.

    The Crusader Mafia
    Part 1, in which it is revealed counts are at the bottom of the feudal food chain.


    Observe: the continent of Europe. Look closer. See the little county of Naples. Even closer, and you will see the Count of Naples, Sergio Spartenos. He is a vassal of some dude in Byzantium. You need not worry about the Byzantines, all they do is blunder about stealing sieges. Our Count, Sergio, is 41 years old, and is rated at 7/5/4/6. He is a Greek Orthodox Christian. Currently, he is observing his realm.
    Count Sergio Spartenos: How come our realm seems to be nothing but a hill fort and some grass?
    Advisor: Because you haven't spent any money on improvements.
    Count Sergio: Then build some!
    Advisor: We don't have enough money.
    This was the fundamental Neapolitan problem. They had no money, little prestige, and some piety, but piety wasn't good for much anyhow. Sergio had a son, also named Sergio. This Sergio becomes the County's marshal, even though he is only 17. A marriage is arranged between him and a Foteine Spartenos, who is made spy mistress.

    Now, the County of Naples wasn't likely to get far with just one province. Military expansion was a neccessity. There were two independent one-province duchies next to Naples, but Sergio didn't have enough prestige to claim their titles. Sergio Jr. didn't help in this regard, as he kept on demanding land.

    On July 1, 1067, Neapolitans awoke to find they had discovered light crossbows.

    Meanwhile, the Muslims were fighting the Muslims, and the Christians too. This didn't matter terribly much until Sergio discovered something.
    Count Sergio Spartenos: Hey! The Kingdom of Zirid has 666 men in one of their regiments! That's the satanic number! They're EEEEEEVIL! To arms! But they might be too strong, let's just declare war on Malta instead.

    And on August 29, 1068, it was done. Zirid joined the fight on the side of the Maltese, and Apulia and the Byzantines joined on the side of Naples. Sergio immediately shipped out to Malta along with the Neapolitan army. They wipe out the Maltese defenders, but at considerable loss. Around 600 Neapolitans start a siege. Meanwhile, Zirid is under attack from Cyrenaica, Genoa, and zillions of others, but they refuse to make a return to status quo peace with the Neapolitans. On April 3, an Apulian army headed by Robert de Hauteville lands on Malta.
    Duke Robert de Hautville: When dis city falls, de flag of Apulia best be over it... or....
    Count Sergio Spartenos: Or else what?
    Duke Robert: .....Sergio sleeps with the fishes.
    So when the fortress on Malta fell, it became an Apulian island. Thus stymied, Count Sergio's dwindling army moved to Mahdia, where Genoans were besieging the Ziridian fortress. Unfortunately, Sergio was unable to steal the siege. On May 27, a pretty wench caught Count Sergio's attention.
    Pretty Wench: Hi.
    Count Sergio: I'm restraining the passion. Guards, put her in chains and throw her in the dungeon!
    Pretty Wench: Are you sure that's what the event choice text implies?
    To give his tired army a morale boost, Sergio shipped them to Salerno, where a 47-man Zirid "army" was "besieging" the local fortress. By this time, paying the army has left Napoli with -7 gold, so the army is disbanded and peace is sought. Unfortunately, Neapolitan diplomats can't find Zirid's capital. Eventually, they stumble upon it in Nubia. On March 7, 1070, peace is agreed to with Zirid.

    *weeps
    *weeps
    *weeps

    and I thought I was original...
    SPARTENOS, Princes of Sicily
    [I]was...
    King Of Sicily Anyone for a multiplayer game?

    "At some point after Ill Communication came out, Mike got hit in the head by a large foreign object and lost all of his memory. As it started coming back he believed he was a country singer named Country Mike. The psychologists told us that if we didn't play along with Mike's fantasy, he would be in grave danger. Finally he came back to his senses. These songs are just a few of many we made during that tragic period of time" Adam "MCA" Yauch of Beastie boys

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