Fear Russia! A Bukkhara AAR Redux

[anonymous4401]

Redux. That's a funny word. Redux. I don't even know what it means. Just saw it on Prufrock's AAR and decided that it sounds cool.

Anyways, this AAR is a Redux, whatever that means, of my original Bukkhara AAR, which everyone will forget about....now.....(nothing changes)

Well, it seems that my work is done.

Anyways, this AAR is about one of the suckiest nations in all of Victoria. Imagine a very sucky nation. Hold that image in your mind. Now multiply its suckiness by ten. No, by a hundred. NO! By three hundred and fifty-seven.

Now you have a nation that is three hundred and fifty-seven times suckier than your original nation. Now that wasn't a very productive exercise, was it? Punish yourselves for being fooled.

Seriously, Bukkhara teh scuk. It's pretty self-explanatory, really. You're basically a backward, very backward, nation in Central Asia with only sheep for company. Some may argue that that is not so bad, but I shall not name them. You are also right next to, well not really right next to but right on the to-annex list, of arguably the strongest nation in the game. In addition to this, you have very bad body odor. And no girl/boyfriend. And you spend all your precious time reading AARs about strategy games when you could be doing far less geekier things.

So why did I start this AAR? Or rather, re-start this AAR? Was it for challenge? Was it to show what was possible with Bukkhara? Was it to pen a work of great literary achievement? Was it to add to the total sum of human knowledge?

Goodness no! I just wanted a second AAR in which to plug my first, Delusions of Grandeur I: Abyssinia Triumphant. Read it now, and comment in it. The link is in my sig. I figure I'll spend about .001% of the effort I do on this AAR than I do on my first, and I'll double the amount of readership of my first!

Anyways, game-specs. It will be Victoria 1.03c, no mods. I will be Bukkhara, Normal/Normal. My goals:

1) Fear Russia
2) Make jokes at the expense of those less fortunate than I
3) Point and laugh at said people
4) Cry like a newborn baby when Russia finally annexes me

[anonymous4401]

Well, here's the first update of my AARgh. Yes, the screenshots are recycled from my first non-existent Bukkhara AAR. I don't care. Go away.



As you can see, Tajihks rule. They really do. Go ask them.



As you can see, we are poor. Very poor. So poor that we can't afford to pay attention! rimshot
We're so poor that when you step into the front door of our house, you at the same time step out the back! rimshot
We're so poor that we're...that we're...Bukkharans! rimshot
Thank you, and good night!



Bukkhara's neighbors. All of them are inferior to Bukkhara. Don't let their obvious superiority fool you.

There. That should be enough to last you a while. Worship me for a few days and I'll give you more.

[Henry v. Keiper]

Hopefully you can prevent Russia from ever annexing you.

BTW, I have a sweet Taijik hat my dad got me when he was over in Afghanistan. But you can't have it, its mine! My precious...

[Skymning]

So it has begun...

[GoblinCookie]

Love the scribbling, I'm suprised one of your literate people (statisticly 1 in 100) wrote the stuff on the map. to the AAR.

[JoshWeber]

I have a feeling this may be a Nerfix-style AAR.

[anonymous4401]

I have a feeling this may be a Nerfix-style AAR.

Really? Where do you get that idea?

[anonymous4401]

Hopefully you can prevent Russia from ever annexing you.

BTW, I have a sweet Taijik hat my dad got me when he was over in Afghanistan. But you can't have it, its mine! My precious...

Sorry, Henry v. Keiper. The price of admission is one Tajihk hat....or your eternal soul! Bwahahahahahahaha!

I'm updating tomorrow.

[Lt.Col.Kilgore]

You're basically a backward, very backward, nation in Central Asia with only sheep for company...

In addition to this, you have very bad body odor. And no girl/boyfriend...

It seems to me that these two cancel each other out. Good luck, though...

[anonymous4401]

It seems to me that these two cancel each other out. Good luck, though...

You can have a sheepfriend without having a boy/girl-friend.

[Lt.Col.Kilgore]

You can have a sheepfriend without having a boy/girl-friend.

I prefer to keep my beastiality monogamous, but thats just me. And when is the update or were you annexed within a few minutes of play?

[anonymous4401]

I prefer to keep my beastiality monogamous, but thats just me. And when is the update or were you annexed within a few minutes of play?

I SAID TOMORROW!!!

NO ONE SHALL QUESTION THE DECISIONS OF ANONYMOUS THE GREAT! RULER OF BUKKHARA! SPITER OF RUSSIA! FINISHER OF

[JoshWeber]

Shhhh! Shhhhh! It's OK. We just want to see you smashed by the Russians.

[anonymous4401]

Shhhh! Shhhhh! It's OK. We just want to see you smashed by the Russians.

DO NOT DOUBT MY ABILITIES, ONE-CALLED-JOSH! FOR THEY ARE MIGHTY AND FEARSOME INDEED!!!

Well, I haven't been annexed so far, and I will ensure that I'll never be. Heck, if I do get annexed, I'll just start making things up, and pretend that Bukkhara's empire stretches from the Indian Ocean to the edge of Siberia by 1920.

[anonymous4401]

But hey, even though Bukkhara is poorer than a Democrat in Utah, I'm it's supreme, unrelenting ruler, so I demanded that my citizens build me a capital city, a glorious city, one that is worthy of me!

Unfortunately, due to the poorness and general idiocy of my populace, all I got was New Jersey.

*Insert picture of New Jersey

Lousy populace....


On a lighter note, our armies arrive in Merv! I am assuming that means that they have acquired some Merv, whatever the hell that is.

[Semi-Lobster]

Bukkhara has a really nice flag, and now that I've said that, I'm sure you'll now decimate it with tons of scribbles with MSN paint

[anonymous4401]

The Lumber is coming! The Lumber is coming!

Brave Bukkharan peasants come to the defense of their towns against this mysterious new threat. Cotton, cattle, grain, and sheep (especially sheep) are well-known amongst the Bukkharans, but this new good called 'lumber' that is now surrounding their capital must be a new threat!

The war evolves, from Bukkharan peasants poking the stacks of lumber with sticks, eventually to Bukkharan peasants poking the stacks of lumber with larger sticks. Eventually, one of them figures out that the stacks can be burned. Hordes of torch-bearing Bukkharan peasants begin to mobilize.





I cry tears of frustration as I explain, very slowly, what lumber is to my peasants and how it is not here to burn their women and rape their villages. A collective "Oh!" sounds throughout the realm as they put down their torches in peace. Unfortunately, they do not put out their torches before setting them down, eventually causing a brushfire that quickly spreads and burns everything in the land.

I slap my forehead, hard, wishing that I picked a better country, like Zululand. Of course, since the Bukkharans had hardly anything to begin with, they did not lose much in the Great Fire. Life goes on.

[Wämö]

Great AAR, Anonymous.

[Kaiser Franz]

My god...the wood is finally taking back whats rightfully theirs! We must be ready for the Wood redemption......
TURN THOSE WOODEN B*******'S Into Match sticks!

[GoblinCookie]

Fear the woods!!! WOOOOOOOH!!!!