"Guess-the-Author" Analysis and Critiques

Thanks to Amric and Redwolf for getting this wonderful idea started again, and also to the four contributors for all actually turning in their assignments! The last one never did get off the ground, as I was the only one with a submission.


Author #1 (Dandy Dan)
A very entertaining work. An old style detective story from the future, brilliant twist. The direction of the narrative seems to change: At the beginning he is speaking to the reader, and later he's relaying his story directly to Marguerie the Truthseeker, or so it seemed, and it seemed hard towards the end to realize who exactly was being spoken to. In the beginning: The dame was Marguerie the Truthseeker (where do they come up with these names?), a novice journalist of little repute but much power and at the end: What I am? If you, as a Truthseeker, cannot see the simple answer to that and know to shut up about it, then perhaps you have chosen the wrong occupation. At the very least the latter part should have been in quotes to help clarify this. Outside of this little nitpick, it was certainly entertaining.

Author #2
As others have said, this comes across flat and really unimaginative. The story dealt directly with this month's topic of "A Duel" and dealt with specifically the duel itself, and not really with the surrounding issues or the things leading up to it.

Author #3
Just like with Author #2, the story dealt with this months' topic directly, with very little else surrounding it. I'm not a big Star Wars fan, and I don't fully understand the ending.

Author #4
Clearly the best of the four. Very thorough writing style, and the "story" around the "story" was very well developed (which is what was lacking in Author #2 and #3's pieces. My one main critique, I found the fourth paragraph a bit hard to follow: Then came the night Sarah told him about Ari. The jeweler‘s son was promised Sarah's hand. The night she came to Joe in tears, he swore they would be wed. Joe went to Ralph that night, to tell him what had been happening. That's when the violence started. Ralph felt it was an affront to him and his crew. There were too many things being introduced here too quickly, and each in just a few short words. It should have been expanded a bit more. After such a well written and thought out piece, it's a pity it ends in a cliff hanger. I demand a sequel!


As to "Guessing the Author" I haven't any clue to any of them, though I'd guess the fourth writer has submitted works for GTA in the past on several occasions.

Oh, and Peter Ebbesen gets an A+ for his incredibly in depth review of all four stories, making every thing I just wrote above look like junk by comparison! I think one of the best things about GTA is not just reading the stories, but reading other's critiques of the story, because 90% of the time, these are things I entirely missed myself.

Author #3

This was an enjoyable story... It would have been more so if I didn't feel like I'd heard it all before. I agree with Peter Ebbessen -- no originality. But a reasonably well-crafted story. Kind of different seeing Star Wars in a Paradox setting -- kind of nice, actually! I've not seen Star Wars fiction like this online.

I like the way it jumps into the story -- right into the middle of a battle in fact! That's a stylistic choice which I think was well made here. Evidence of an inherent talent for setting, which is actually a relatively rare skill for non-professional writers. You could have spent a sentence describing the setup, where they were and why, etc. But you didn't (and you didn't need to!). It turned out much better for starting at exactly where the personal action started, and the rest of the picture filled out nicely from there.

I'll also agree with Ebbessen that the action is well-described. That's another relatively rare skill. I lost the stream of action from time to time, but not often.

One thing I noticed early in the story that distracted me and put me off -- the term "master" is used to describe his dead master 3 times in one paragraph. A little variety is a must for good descriptive fiction -- it's just a matter of professionalism. Writers in general have a bugboo for this, so you should pay attention and correct it when you see it. There are lots of ways to mix it around -- you could use master once, you could another time refer to him as a teacher, another time as the man who had trained him from... Etc. That would add poignancy, too, rather than just referring to him as master again. What's the master mean to him (you do this elsewhere, but you might as well use this opportunity to mix it up while explaining this...)

All in all, a good story! The author needs to reach out more, next time, though -- more depth to the story, because I suspect you're capable of that.

I'm guessing this is a younger, less experienced writer, because some of the trademarks of young writers exist within the story. That said, this is also a writer with lots of talent! Develop that talent, and correct the minor deficiencies, and you're on your way!


Author #4

First off, not a bad story. Seriously -- you took on a tough subject matter and a complicated scenario, neither one of which is easy to write, and you did very well with it.

But I'm going to be honest, in hopes that this comes across as constructive and supportive criticism. I was really uncomfortable reading this, as a reader, because so much of it struck me as corny. Like it was attempting to re-write a TV show about gangsters, but with more effort to make it like a tv show, than to make it realistic.

In these GtA criticisms, I'll often mention either being impressed by the research evident, and the evident knowledge, or by the lack of it. Several things struck me as off in this piece, which just made it seem off from a realism perspective.

[gun nut on]The author makes a big deal about some guns, but refers to a ".45 automatic", which to my knowledge doesn't exist. I think you meant a ".45 semiauto" (Colt 1911 or similar), but any automatic works like a machine gun -- not what you wanted, I think. A little research would have eliminated this distraction.[/gun nut]

Also, the racial setup didn't feel right to me. Mixing strong ethnic bonds like Italians and Jews together into a story I think requires more research into how they really interact. The girl's father is Jewish, yes, and yet he refers to the kid by his first and middle name, which to the best of my knowledge is more an Italian mafia thing... But I may be wrong -- maybe this is me getting too far outside my own knowledge base!

I know this is GtA, and there's not a whole lot of incentive to do major research to make everything feel right, but at the same time, that's good reason to choose a genre or setting that's closer to what you know. Reaching too far beyond what you know -- either from personal knowledge, or from research -- is dangerous. I always loved sci-fi, and I cringed every time my teacher told me this, but in the end she was right. This is probably what Ebbessen was getting at with that book recommendation. When I write sci-fi, I'm careful to either do research, or to use tried-and-true formulae to make sure it sounds okay. Maybe that's what you meant to do with the gangster/mafia motif -- using a familiar TV show -- but any good mafia show has major researchers and experts working to make sure there aren't loose threads or missed chords, which is something an average viewer will never pick up -- you only notice if you're familiar with the lifestyle, or whatever.

One more nitpick, and then I'll lay off. Sorry. As in the previous story, repetition of a word or phrase rubbed me the wrong way. The phrase "grime of the street" was used early in the story, and then again later on. Maybe you were editing and didn't realize it had been used twice, which is something I do too, if I'm not paying close attention. It's a cool phrase, which is why I noticed when it was used a second time.

Here, again, evidence of a talented writer who isn't very practiced. Things like this are necessary for learning the craft, and refining ones' stories -- I was there several years ago, getting the same sort of critiques, and learning the same sorts of lessons. I think this could be a really good scene, and even a really good story, if more time were spent smoothing off these rough edges, making sure everything fits okay, etc. I offer this to you meaning to be helpful, not to discourage you, at all!

Thank you, all four writers!

Rensslaer

Rensslaer said:

Thank you, all four writers!

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o Where are my manners? Thank you! I enjoyed reading all four, and I look forward to seeing future work from the same authors.

I think, RW, that you should do the reveal this weekend of the four writers....That way we can start a new search for four new writers to submit stuff for August....

Amric said:

I think, RW, that you should do the reveal this weekend of the four writers....That way we can start a new search for four new writers to submit stuff for August....

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I was actually waiting for you to finish your comments on Author 3 and 4 before revealing the name of the 4 authors.

Hell, I forgot about that....Let me do that now....

Author 3:

A duel in the midst of a battle? Why not. However, like others, I am not a Star Wars fanboy. I liked the original three movies okay, but the last three sucked. Just my opinion, personally. Which isn't the point. I agree with others who mentioned the ongoing use of the word 'master'. A bit overdone, the use of the word. It is a well written piece in spite of that. The action was pretty decent and the dialogue didn't detract from the action.

HOWEVER, I also feel that the piece feels unfinished, somehow. The walls collapsing ends the story and we do not know if either duelist survives that. It leaves everything up in the air.

All in all it was a fine piece of writing, but it wasn't my cup of tea.


Author 4:

Another well written story. Boy loves girl. Girl is daughter of rival gang leader. Instead of having him whacked, the cripple gives Joe the chance to spurn his love and live. He refuses. Admirable of him. He loves her. Capone is mentioned in passing. So this story is set in Chicago in the era of prohibition I suspect.

The cripple mentions the Tsar's pogroms. Which means he just might be Jewish. Joe's thoughts as the countdown continues are very much stream of conscious. I liked it. However, once again there is no conclusion to the duel. The count reaches ten and we are left wondering....does Joe indeed win and live? Or does he die, lying bleeding in the street? Don't know. Would LIKE to know.

It's a very well written piece in spite of the hanging conclusion. Well thought out and I could feel that it was cold. And dark. Likely a windy winter night in a dark alley somewhere near Wrigley Field. Which wasn't called that until AFTER the time of Capone, btw. Joe's determination shines through. Ari is a null. We learn nothing about him other than the cripple is fond of him, like a son....perhaps he would like Ari to court his daughter instead. But we never find out. That part doesn't bother me. Again, a well written story.

Alright, it's time to announce the identities of the 4 writers.

Author #1: Peter Ebessen

A couple of Peter Ebessen's OscAAR award winning AARs:
The Timurid Scientists AAR
World Conquest for Dummies: An Introduction


Author #2: Redwolf

Redwolf's work: Journey to the Far East - A Free Company Spin Off (2008) co-authored with Amric


Author #3: English Patriot

English Patriot's works: Ink Well link


Author #4: Estonianzulu

Estonianzulu's works: Ink Well link


A big thanks to everyone who have participated in this edition of Guess the Author. With that, I will pass the floor back to Amric for the next edition.

I want to thank Redwolf for his yeoman work, not only as one of the writers of this month's GtA, but as my surrogate during my recent health issues.

I'd also like to thank Peter Ebbesen, English Patriot, and EZ for their contributions this month as our authors. They did wonderful work and I appreciate their efforts.

I'd also like to thank Renss, Miral, Forzaa, comagoosie, Peter, and dharper.

I had hoped JP would write his reviews as well...but since it is summer and a total restart for this iconic initiative I guess I can't be too surprised. So it is time to let the authors respond to their reviews and I will post a new topic for the next GtA in a couple of days....

Congrats to the authors. I would of never of expected 2,3,4 and when Peter posted I knew something was up, so I guessed it was him who did #1.

comagoosie said:

Congrats to the authors. I would of never of expected 2,3,4 and when Peter posted I knew something was up, so I guessed it was him who did #1.

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Yes, I guess I am predictable that way. It should be noted, however, that it is an improvement over last time when I was responsible for two of the entries.

I find it incredibly difficult not to participate in the commenting when I am an author in GtA. The hardest part is to not break in with a post explaining just what is going on when somebody else posts a review where he has misunderstood or overlooked something in my entry leading to an erroneous conclusion, which is usually a sign that there is something that I really have not written well enough. I have found that posting a review of all the participating stories helps keep it at bay as well as giving me a good second (or third, fourth, or fifth) look at my own work. There are always so many things that I could have written better.

Comments on reviews coming up in a day or two as well as an explanation for the Harry Sky, P.I. story - which was most definitely not the sort of story I had in mind when I signed on with Amric to write in this round.

I feel somewhat embarrassed at my comments about #3 and #4, as I know both English Patriot's work and Estonianzulu's, and like both! o Other respected authors critiqued less harshly, so maybe I was having an off day!

I had strongly suspected Peter for #1, after ForzaA's comments...

And very good work, Redwolf!

Congratulations and thanks to everyone! Looking forward to the next round...

Rensslaer

Not at all Renss! Not at all! I'm very glad and grateful for the critiquing (is that a word?), it has been immensely helpful personally. I had been umming and ahhring about the piece since I'd written it, and had originally written a larger introduction and planned a more definitive ending, but decided to cut it, as I feared I'd gone too far off course in terms of the topic. As I gather, some liked it, some would have preferred more background and closure, I think I belong in the second group, but I already know pretty much the whole story I'm working with radar while you chaps are walking around with flashlights! And for that I apologise, but now, down to some more individual feedback!

Peter Ebbesen - I thought the same way about the referring methods, but as you could tell, I was massively stuck, on one hand, if I gave away his full name, Bev Thrama, it could be a good clue to anyone who was acquainted with my Woodhouse Dynasty AARs about who wrote the piece, that said I'm glad it stuck out, at least it meant I was onto it, I just need to find a way to sort that problem out! Thank you for the FB!

dharper - Interestingly, as far as I know, it doesn't conflict at all, it's probably a matter of semantics, but Karn Sarlo is a dark side adept, much like Sev'rance Tann who was also around at this very battle and mentioned a fair few times outside the films. The characters in this piece were made for a Star Wars RPG I play with a group of friends, it's been going on 2-3 years now, and we've tried to keep it as inoffensive as possible in regards to the canon. As for the sentence structure, I shall endeavour to refine it! Thanks for the FB!

comagoosie - You have a good point with the Clones, I was thinking more in terms of visuals, but thats not much of an excuse for what pretty much was a forced ending, as I mentioned before, the original was stretched out, but I really was worrying about the length (doh!) So, I am in full agreement with you, and thank you for the FB!

Rennslaer - On the one hand, I too enjoy the straight into the action, but on the other, like many have said, I did drop everyone into the deep end, and to this day, I'm still unsure of what beginning I prefer.. Thanks for your compliment on the action, though I still lost you a few times, so I'm going to keep vigilant, I know the same thing can happen to me when reading certain books, and some excellent points on the repetition of "master", it also plays into coma's "sparse information" comment, but anyway, thanks again for the FB, incredibly handy!

Amric - Funnily enough, I will agree with you on the quality on the new movies! Will go over the word repetition, since this seems to be my biggest problem, and thanks for pointing it out! The Ending, I feel was unfinished, I do wish I'd gone for the full Directors cut, but that would be cheating Anyway, thanks for the FB!

A big thanks for everyone for commenting, and especially to Amric and Redwolf for keeping this going and my fellow entrants! The feedback is very much appreciated, and I hope I will see you again!

Amric said:

Likely a windy winter night in a dark alley somewhere near Wrigley Field. Which wasn't called that until AFTER the time of Capone, btw.

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Cub's Field was renamed Wrigley in 1926. The story takes place in the mid 30's. So... I'll respond to critques shortly.

Damn, EZ, you're right...I was thinking of Weegham Field<or however it was spelled>...

All right....I've decided to do something a little different this time around....The topic will be 'random'. What does that mean? It means you can write about any subject within the games. From Rome to HOI2. Sky's the limit! So let's have four authors step up and PM me with their interest in writing for August's GtA!

We've two authors lined up already! They did express some tredipation at the idea of random. What I meant by this is that there are various random events within each game. The author is to pick whichever one they wish to build a story around. That's it. Pretty simple, actually. As an example, EU3 MMG gives you at various times a monopoly on certain products such as tobacco, wine, etc. You could build a story around it...or around another where there is a noble family feuding with another. Those are just two examples. Feel free to use any event within the various games.

We need just one more author to step up to the plate, folks!

And we have our fourth! Wonderful. I hadn't actually said anything about a time table, except to the writers. So I should do so now. Submissions are due on the sixth of August. I will post over that particular weekend. This ought to be really good, folks!

And here are the first two authors!