"Guess-the-Author" Analysis and Critiques

Great to see some more comments. As for my own, I just feel that it would be unfair for me to comment knowing who wrote what. I certainly do enjoy commenting and would readily pass this off to someone else to run if for anything to allow me to do said commenting, but as long as I am aware of which submission is which, I would fear being perhaps misunderstood due to the impersonal nature of the internet. You just never know when something might be misconstrued and I would not want to run such a risk. Besides, we have plenty of great commenters around here. If only they would join in the fun.

Hajji Giray I said:

Oops, I'm very sorry if my critique came off that way . I meant to illustrate the vivid imagery of the whole piece, by showing that even the shortest paragraph had great depth to it. It was simply an example. My apologies, Nil (and author #1).

Click to expand...

Okay, I should not have enrolled you in my critique!

Hajji Giray I said:

though it seems the majority of our critiquers always seem to know at least one of the authors ... themselves

Click to expand...

We are unfortunately only a small bunch commenting here. But we cannot know if that's because readers are unaware of the GtA or because they don't like it. The problem is the same with AARs harvesting only sparse comments: you can't know what lurkers think. Damn, you can't even be sure of what posters think. Do posters know themselves what they really think anyway? :wacko: YES! I'm paranoid! But that doesn't prove everyone is not after me!

Author #1

I have to disagree with J.Passepartout. There are many reports of music, symphony size and smaller being played during desperate times. The beginning probably had a great deal to do my interpretation of the style of writing, which for me was lyrical in nature. Relying on powerful images to build to a simple task of eating a meal was well done. My favorite of the four. A suggestion might be for the author not to identify what war was involved. That way the reader could place it wherever they felt it belonged.

Author #2

An amusing story that was all too brief. It builds to the climax so quickly that I was left scratching my head wondering what had just happened. Still I enjoyed it and to tell the truth I don’t know what I would add to the story to improve it.

Author #3

Very surreal to put it mildly. We start off with Squanto being warned about the newcomers and the danger they represent. But who gave the warning? Then we have Squanto saying “We will take care of you.” Followed by the implication that the natives were now eating the strangers. And then the little boy stumbling into the forest, or should I say larder, of bodies. I had to read it twice to get my mind around the story, which isn’t a bad thing. Why should the author give the reader everything in a neat clear package? It was worth the effort and I found myself appreciating the story the more I thought about it.

Author #4

I enjoyed this tale of the sea a great deal. A sailor asleep who it suddenly thrown into the sea? Did he see a real sea monster of was it part of a dream? He makes it to shore and finds cannibals! The story was well constructed and a pleasure to read even if it did involved roasting humans, lip smacking cannibals who do what cannibals do so well.

Joe

Hajji Giray I said:

I was a bit baffled that nobody would applaud for the concert (and that the musicians didn't expect anyone to),

Click to expand...

The people in the story have reached a point of exhaustion from what looks to be a long difficult struggle. At this point any action they take requires a great deal of what energy they have left. Just showing up to listen and conversely just having the courage to show up to play an instrument is an act of defiance to their desperate situation. They try to maintain whatever normal social functions they can in the face of the madness they find surrounding them. At least that is how I read it.

Joe

Author #1: In terms of setting, this seems to be taken from the siege of Leningrad in WWII, though knowledge of the setting is unnecessary to understand the point of the tale, IMHO.

The most powerful part is the addition of the stale bread to the luxurious spread. 'And I’ve managed to save that these last days' was the line I thought was most effective in the passage. This isn't to say that it was the only effective line, quite the contrary, as the passage is very well written.

The orchestra, at first glance, seems unnecessary to the story. However, once I read the passage a few more times I determined that it is necessary, not just in terms of the actual happenings, but also in terms of the general theme of a civilian population under siege. Is the orchestra realistic? Probably not, but it doesn't really matter.

Author #2: :rofl:

That says it all, doesn't it?

For this sort of passage, timing and proper word choice/placement is necessary. Author #2 did it almost perfectly. Good job.

Author #3: I'm still confused about this one. 'Ship in the sky' sounds like aliens. The tin toy soldier has significance, though I am uncertain exactly what it is. Perhaps Squanto is trying to keep the pilgrims from taking up firearms, but I am just guessing.

The story is confusing, though it is possible this was intentional. If so, it worked.

I'll get to Author #4 a little later.

Hajji Giray I said:

I've just thought of this: perhaps the ship in the sky is simply a ship in the water which, through its sheer gigantic size, appeared to come from the sky or a mystical land?

Click to expand...

...or ALIENS!

Hajji Giray I said:

Thanks for critiquing and bumping the thread, fj44!

Click to expand...

No problem. I just got back from my wonderful vacation, and decided to critique and bump with vengeance.

Here comes Yogi-come-lately to offer his critique!

#1 I found this piece believable and touching, albeit a bit heavy on the metaphors. I get the impression the writer is not used to writing in such a poetic fashion and maybe he tensed his bow a little too far this time.

When I read of the joy the revealing of the can of aubergines produced, I was reminded of a traumatic experience my dad had with a canned ham during the siege of Madrid, probably in 1938 or early 1939. My grandad had saved a huge canned ham all through the war for the most dire emergency, hidden away in the attic. Finally he couldn't stand to watch his wife and young son starve any more and announced that that was it, the ham was coming out. My dad (aged seven or eight) couldn't believe his luck. When the can opener pierced the lid, a geyser of putrid liquid exploded out of it - the ham had gone bad and was entirely unedible. My dad always said it was one of the sadest days of his life.

War sucks.

#2 Very funny! I would have liked some further elaboration on exactly what the hell happened last year between Mr O'Neal and Mr Flaherty, to prepare the ground for the final letter. But on the whole, I found it very amusing. I always loved the comedy inherent in hearing only one side of a conversation (or as in this case, correspondence).

#3 Will comment later

#4 This story captures the feel of earlier times perfectly, although perhaps more that of 19th sailor stories than 15th century travellers. In its gruesomenness it reminds a wee bit of Lovecraftian cannibal stories (Anzique feasting, anyone?), which together with the very skillful writing makes me point the finger at my prime suspect - cthulhu, did you do this?

Hajji Giray I said:

I've just thought of this: perhaps the ship in the sky is simply a ship in the water which, through its sheer gigantic size, appeared to come from the sky or a mystical land?

Click to expand...

Good point Giray. That would make sense. Between the two of us we may be able to figure out what's going on.

Joe

Alright, a very late comment on Author #4, who I had forgotten about:

This one reminded me, not of the renaissance exploration tales, but of the eighteenth century-type. The author made an effort to put the setting in the renaissance, but the writing style more closely mirrors that of later writers.

Overall, this story was put together pretty well, and the various surprises (Leviathan, cannibals, shipwreck victims) seem well-timed. A nice piece.

Anyone coming by who has not yet commented, please do so! This is an excellent way for authors to improve their writing, and they greatly appreciate criticism of their work.

The Yogi said:

When I read of the joy the revealing of the can of aubergines produced, I was reminded of a traumatic experience my dad had with a canned ham during the siege of Madrid, probably in 1938 or early 1939. My grandad had saved a huge canned ham all through the war for the most dire emergency, hidden away in the attic. Finally he couldn't stand to watch his wife and young son starve any more and announced that that was it, the ham was coming out. My dad (aged seven or eight) couldn't believe his luck. When the can opener pierced the lid, a geyser of putrid liquid exploded out of it - the ham had gone bad and was entirely unedible. My dad always said it was one of the sadest days of his life.

War sucks.

Click to expand...

A touching story indeed! From what you say, I can just imagine his horror and disappointment, though I'm sure I really can't compare.

Yogi, I vote that you have the most interesting family history and personal background of anyone here! You're a brilliant Swedish writer who stopped through (or at least whose family stopped through) Madrid on the way to American pop culture alley! You've got to tell us more about yourself one of these days.

The Yogi can't be contained within a 2-3 page interview -- he must be given a book!

Rensslaer

Rensslaer said:

The Yogi can't be contained within a 2-3 page interview -- he must be given a book!

Click to expand...

I agree, we'd definitely like to hear more



My great-uncles, three brothers, got hanged during the 2nd World War in the forest outside Bilzen (in Limburg, Belgium). They'd been denounced by their neighbours,who with the cash created huge chains of furniture (and so forth) stores...
Bilzen was full of sympathisants at the time, and was nicknamed Little Berlin, whilst Liège 30km to the South was Little Paris (shops, restaurants, the Las Vegas sort of life ).
Nothing to do with the 4 brilliant authors, but wanted to share in The Yogi's storytelling phase



I really enjoyed the style of Author 2, letters, but don't quite understand...did O'Neal kill mr flaherty for the friends george betty n bob?
Author 3 was cool, I like the foreshadowing but even more than that the little boy's contrasting effect.

Unfortunately I have little experience on most writers here and thereofre shan't dare guess who they were

AmbassadeBelgie said:

I agree, we'd definitely like to hear more

Click to expand...

Well, there's not much to tell really. My dad was from Spain, grandpa was originally from Granada but settled in Madrid long before the civil war. My dad studied medicine, but like many others who did at the time in Spain (the 50s) couldn't find a job and moved to London for a few years, then to Sweden where he met my mum (also a doctor) working at a hospital in northern Sweden, where she's from. They had three kids, of which I'm the oldest and lived happily together for 38 years.

Great job by everyone!

I am revealing the four authors just a bit early because I don't know what kind of time I will have during the week and I want to make sure the authors have plenty of time to respond to their feedback.

This round worked quite well, I think. In future, this is probably how we will work this project. I'll start a new round in February and let it run through that month and the next. It may not stay that way, but with the release of EUIII, I imagine most peoples pursuits will be elsewhere. We'll see how it works. Now, on to our four writAARs:

1. Nil-The-Frogg

2. J. Passepartout

3. Wopkins

4. fj44

* * *

Please spend some time and take a look at the various works of these writAARs. All can be found in your local librAARy. And welcome to Wopkins, a new writAAR on this forum. And a very nice introductory piece. Let's hope we will see more where that came from.

I'd also like to thank the following: J. Passepartout, Hajji Giray I, Nil-The-Frogg, Rensslaer, Storey, fj44, The Yogi and AmbassadeBelgie. Your comments are what keep this project moving forward and the treasure that it is. Thank you very much for taking the time to give these four writers the critiques they deserve.

Look for the next round to start on the first of February. Until then - writAARs...take the floor and respond to your feedback. And thanks once more to all four of you. Well done!

I'll go through and respond to comments later but I also want to thank everyone who did this.

coz1 said:

I'll start a new round in February and let it run through that month and the next. It may not stay that way, but with the release of EUIII, I imagine most peoples pursuits will be elsewhere.

Click to expand...

I can hardly wait! I wish I'd discovered this sooner
+
EUIII? I'm getting it too, but doesn't mean I won't come back for EUII (especially after seeing the demo. I waited so long for Liege to exist (my home town is twenty km from it, my forefathers from it, and I follow their coolest football team), but the gameplay is complex, and very ANNO1502, or 1602, or whichever it was... I like the setup of EUII, and will most definitely stay for...
FANTASIA
which I love so much I made two AARS of it so far! (Modded of course, cos what do you write about when theres only 6 or so countries? :rofl:

We should begin an advetising campaign (no spamming campaign !!!), by, for example posting in the bAAR, posting in other AARs with stuff like "Wow! That reminds me of author 1 in the Guess-the-Author of last week!" and the like, with a link, very very subtle :rofl:

+

I don't know if there exists another GtA on the forums (in Vicky, EUI, or another...) but if there is, we should DEFINITELY fuse them together (make links in their place, to this one or another/a new one). In the end, writing style is universal, a reader likes it, or he doesn't. Vicky English is not far from EU English, + it broadens the People(TM)'s minds!



Just my silent suggestion to liven this place up

Correction... it's already so :shame:
I used UserCP to get here and so never noticed it's already done

But I MAINTAIN my position on the spammi.... the non-spam legal and ethical advertising campaign!

I'd agree on the advertising, AB. In fact, some people are already doing so.

I need to reconfigure my sig now that Into the West is over and hope to start advertising for it myself. But I just got this little gem called EUIII...