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"Guess-the-Author" Analysis and Critiques

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Well first I would like to thank everyone who commented on my story.
From what I have read, in terms of feed back, there is a wide range of opinions as to what I was saying, how I said it, and was it unstandable.

First the country is made up. I orignally had it as France, but then thought well who wants to sympathize with someone who assists the Nazi's? And on the flip side who would support someone who supported the French? :rofl:

So I went with the choice of Enemy, Puppet, and Ally. Not for any Orwell since but it is easier to create national identity with the word Enemy, then a paragraph on French-German relations could. I did not want the story to get very complicated, the main character had a bad life and dealt with it to the best of his abilities.

The gun. I know it is absurd. I chose 48" because the sound of it brings forth images of sinking ships and life rafts.

As for the ending I am a big fan of Deus Ex Machina. When all hell seems to break loose, it all works out in the end. In this case, the Bastard knew of a second bomb connected to a vital piece of equipment. It was simple. Clean, and cut to the point.
 
I suggest we all put our ducats where our mouth is: if we don't have 8 people respond in April (2 per author) we take May off and let the tension build, then issue a new topic for June.

Maybe the April topic should be taxes. :p
 
Taxes, eh? Interesting idea. What do you think, Coz?
 
I think it's a good idea, that's what I think. :D Gents (and ladies if so inclined) - start your engines. Still a few days before I start filling the slots for April, but those interested in the idea of Taxes as a topic may start thinking of what they might want to write about.

I'll, of course, send official word out on the 1st.
 
Great! As I wrote, everyone has highs and lows, which sooner or later extends to such a thread. I'm glad to see it continue and hopefully meet the next high point. :)

Taxes? :wacko: Just tell your RL! :D
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On the larger topic here I think a great many excellent points have been raised, and Director's system sounds good.

I willl respond to feedback on my entry (thank you all!) in a later post. As regards my fellow authors:
Rensslaer From very early on I suspected this was Hess, but that in now way lessened my enjoyment of the piece. I particular likes Hess' sense of dislocation when the shoulder met him. I did feel a little unhappy about the ending. I think the last line weakens the ending somewhat, does not have quite the same force as the soldier shouting to his sergeant.

Fenwick The 48" issue aside, I really like this piece. The non-specific language (Enemy, Mother, Father, etc) is a little awkward, but I am not sure how to make it more elegant myself. While appreciating the point, it does make parts of the piece somewhat clumsy. The final paragraph was excellent, all leading up to that one line. I also very much liked the way the character managed to make a place for himself, and then the relentless litany of disasters as he loses it. It provides an easy context for his treachery, and also creates a degree of sympathy.

fj44 As others I was momentarily taken aback by the question of "who is Charles?. Plenty of possible Charles' to curse, so it is rather hard at first to know which one is meant (in particular, Charles I or Charles II). A little extra context would have been useful.

My one particular nitpick is that it is not really that long a tale. Important, yes, but really quite brief. Having been told it is a long tale, I feel somewhat cheated that it is over so quickly. Perhaps some of the context of the story could have been provided here, and allowed us a chance to see more of Thomas' character.
 
coz1 said:
I think it's a good idea, that's what I think. :D Gents (and ladies if so inclined) - start your engines. Still a few days before I start filling the slots for April, but those interested in the idea of Taxes as a topic may start thinking of what they might want to write about.

I'll, of course, send official word out on the 1st.
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Taxes huh? Ok.. Count me in.. Haven't got a clue yet what I'll write, but I'll think of somethin. Renslaer just pointend me to this thread. I didn't even know of it's existence.
When is the deadline? I assume I have to send it to you by private mail? Any further rules?
 
pveenstra said:
Taxes huh? Ok.. Count me in.. Haven't got a clue yet what I'll write, but I'll think of somethin. Renslaer just pointend me to this thread. I didn't even know of it's existence.
When is the deadline? I assume I have to send it to you by private mail? Any further rules?
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Well, as the authors are anonymous, you should have done this by PM as well ;) ...

Oh, and wellcome on board! :)
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Nil-The-Frogg said:
Well, as the authors are anonymous, you should have done this by PM as well ;) ...

Oh, and wellcome on board! :)
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Yeah, I admit that the thought hit me when I pushed enter. I thought of recalling my post but then I thought the "damage" would be minimal. I'm in the company of several unknown authors and as of yet haven't posted much myself, so my style (if existing at all :) ) will be difficult pinpoint.
And I wanted to make a statement about the fact that I liked the thread..

By the way, do you know how I can put the link to my AAR in my signature? I've tried it, but I just got text like "http://forum.para... etc. etc ". Is there some special copy command?
 
pveenstra said:
Yeah, I admit that the thought hit me when I pushed enter. I thought of recalling my post but then I thought the "damage" would be minimal. I'm in the company of several unknown authors and as of yet haven't posted much myself, so my style (if existing at all :) ) will be difficult pinpoint.
And I wanted to make a statement about the fact that I liked the thread..

By the way, do you know how I can put the link to my AAR in my signature? I've tried it, but I just got text like "http://forum.para... etc. etc ". Is there some special copy command?
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As far as I remember, I just clicked on the tool "create hyperlink". But try to copy-paste that:

URL=http://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/showthread.php?t=232453]No, it's probably not Chicago...[/URL]

Just add the starting "[": I've removed it so that you see the BB code rather than a link. And don't forget to fix it with your own AAR informations, unless you want to make some advertisement for me! ;)
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Renslaer,

O.k. I signed up! I read your story, scanned some of the others and decided I'd give it a try.
I've just read your last entry on Hess and liked it. Good atmosphere! I like the movie like flashes of reality sinking in, fragments really, perceived by someone under high tension. This is what reverbarated in your scene with the escaping German traitors in in the Zeppelin.
I think someone mentioned that the tension slipped away in the end. I agree with this.
Then I pondered on an extra ingredient and came up with fear. My assumption is that traitors usually feel fear. Certainly Hess, not exactly a brave man. Fear of having made the wrong decision, fear of the long reach of Hitler, fear of getting caught. And with fear comes doubt and the realisation he will be judged by history..
Maybe the tension in the story remains at the high level from the start, if the reader doesn't know (and never will know) how Hess will react, due to his fear. Because Hess doesn't even know himself.. :eek:

Anyway, that's my two cents..
Next time I will comment on all the entries. I really don't have more time now. I'm at work and I really should be doing the thing they pay me for... (unfortunately)
 
A bit late but, I still think this project is working very well and I will do my best to support it. Cheers to Coz for keeping it alive and kicking :)
 
pveenstra - As suggested, the new session will not begin until the 1st of April. On that day, I will put out the call for authors. The first four that PM me get in. Best to wait the next few days and keep an eye out for that announcement.
 
Well, gentlemen, I take a week off, and I miss the opportunity to comment on my fellow authors' work. Here is what I had a week ago, though now I can insert the authors' names. :) :

Author 1 (stnylan):
I really liked this line:"As were you uncle, in your time". This brings to mind the cycle of revolution, something I have been studying recently. One book I really liked along these lines was Brinton's Anatomy of a Revolution. Also, the very act of betraying a friend to the revolution, to higher ideals was interesting, and we see parallels in the Russian Revolution/Soviet Era.

I really enjoyed the tale, though the present tense was a little tough for me to digest, much like stnylan's (your) In Memory of France, which I am reading, and enjoying immensely. I actually like the style, though I don't read things in present tense everyday. :)

Author 2 (Rensslaer):
This one screamed Hess to me, but probably just because I thought about doing something with Hess before I decided on the English Civil War. Like someone before me, 'stalemate' was the key.

The uncertainty about his location, thinking about all the things that could have gone wrong, like the headwind or crosswind, seemed very realistic to me. Treason is, in essence, a leap of faith. There are so many things that could go wrong. Is the evil on your side worse than that on the other side? Is it better to not try and live, or try and fail or die? This one just had me thinking about the nature of treason, and I must credit the author (Rensslaer) for this.

Author 3 (Fenwick):
All I can say is: wow. Sort of like Author 2 (Rensslaer) did, this prompted thought on what could bring someone to forsake his land of birth for a sworn enemy. The selection really did well in provoking sympathy for the character's plight. Good job.

Author 4 (fj44 or me):
This bit is written as feedback.

Yes, I realized it was a bit short and required detailed knowledge of the era to figure it out, though now I realize that you could use either Charles to curse. ;)

This is from a draft of an EUII AAR I was working on. It hasn't been posted yet, and likely will not be until after exams in May.

Amric: The premise, that you had no way of knowing, is that Thomas and Henry have been working together against the absolutists, and trust each other implicitly. So, yes, your critique is completely valid, based on what you read. :)

Mettermrck: Good job, putting Thomas together with Fairfax. I was wondering if someone would pick that up. And, as this will eventually be part of an AAR, the timeline has been tweaked a bit.

Rensslaer: Yes, it could almost fit into a different time, provided there were some Catholic-Protestant conflict in England. Perhaps Ireland? ;)

I really didn't realize how you really could transfer the scene to another time. Thanks for pointing that out.



coz1, though this is the first time I have written for Guess the Author, I really do enjoy reading these pieces. Looks like I'll be commenting on these now. :)
 
Nil-The-Frogg said:
As far as I remember, I just clicked on the tool "create hyperlink". But try to copy-paste that:

URL=http://forum.paradoxplaza.com/forum/showthread.php?t=232453]No, it's probably not Chicago...[/URL]

Just add the starting "[": I've removed it so that you see the BB code rather than a link. And don't forget to fix it with your own AAR informations, unless you want to make some advertisement for me! ;)
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Click to expand...

Hey! It works. Great!! Thanks! :D
 
Now that the AARLand Choice Awards are done, I have time to write feedback on the Rudolf Hess story I wrote...

Amric, thank you! Indeed, "the classic tale of betrayal," as you say. I was trying to imagine flying on a pitch-black night (not that I haven't done so before), but in a period-aircraft. I have read that before night-fighters were equipped with radar (by about 42-43 or so) the Brits used to send up night fighters who would be directed in to German formations by ground radar, then would pick individual targets by observing the little flickers of flame that some planes put out from their exhaust. I figured I'd write it in.

Nil-The-Frogg said:
This one is very immersive... My only disapointment is that the sentiment of loneliness and the prospect of "crossing the Rubicon" is well depicted at the beginning but essentially vanishes in the end of the text... The last sentence do it, but serves another purpose at the same time (ie: hinting to the treason) and has consequently less punch in both role. I have the slight feeling of a wet firecracker.
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Oh, I think you're entirely right! And Stnylan and Peter Veenstra mentioned this too. I'm sure I could have crafted this better, had I more time to think about it. It is difficult working with existing history that I didn't mean to change. The ending was a letdown -- I added it at the last second so readers not familiar with Hess would know how he was committing treason. I should better have worked it into the story earlier.
Mettermrck said:
I confess I am so groomed by alternate history pieces in this thread that when reading this, I spent the entire story wondering where the divergence was in this Hess piece and then not seeming to find any.
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:D I knew this might throw some people. I do this in my AAR sometimes -- taking a historical scene which I've seen described in history-book style and dramatizing it. I've actually never seen more than a 2 sentence explanation of what Hess did, so I just imagined what it might have been like.

Director said:
The staccato sentences. The short paragraphs. Such tension. A hurried pace. :) Technically well done and a useful technique, allowing the form of the sentences and the choice of words to impart a jittery, nervous tension to the scene. Nice work. Good writing. Very tense. :) Why do I feel like I'm channeling Hemingway?
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You know, it's funny... In school I always hated Hemingway. I made fun of Hemingway. And still, my writing rarely imitates his style. But -- grudgingly -- I have come to realize that for the reasons you mention, it can be very useful and effective! When I'm trying to impart that tension and urgency and pace, I do adopt a habit of short, staccato, often one-word sentences. I even enjoy starting the scene with a one word sentence, as I often do. So... I guess, thank you Hemingway! :rolleyes:

fj44 said:
I thought about doing something with Hess before I decided on the English Civil War. Like someone before me, 'stalemate' was the key.
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Cool! You'll notice I mentioned we write alike. Perhaps we think alike, too! Brothers separated at birth. ;)
fj44 said:
The uncertainty about his location, thinking about all the things that could have gone wrong, like the headwind or crosswind, seemed very realistic to me. Treason is, in essence, a leap of faith. There are so many things that could go wrong. Is the evil on your side worse than that on the other side? Is it better to not try and live, or try and fail or die? This one just had me thinking about the nature of treason, and I must credit the author (Rensslaer) for this.
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I like your comments, thanks!

Judge, Fenwick, Storey, Peter, thank you guys also!

And thanks to Fj44, Fenwick, and Stnylan for writing your very interesting stories! Stnylan, my assessment that it was not you was entirely wrong... :rolleyes:

Renss
 
Finally getting around to responding to comments and criticisms on my entry. When I first submitted it I was concerned that I had tried to do too much in too small a space. These concerns focused on the love story between Antoine and his sweetheart, and on the basis of some comments these concerns were justified. On the other hand, even if I had more space (ALOT more space) I wonder if the same issues would still exist. After all, why does Antoine take his lover back to her certain torment and death, and equally important why does she agree to go - even promise to go?

I was trying to do a number of things in the piece, and one of them was to elaborate on the idea of how ideals can take over peoples' lives. This is especially true in highly charged, revolutionary environments where ideals and idealism are to the fore. My inspiration, in a way, is Charlotte Corday, the murderess of Marat in the French Revolution.

A note about the composition. At first I intended to write this as a series of three or four letters, but gave this idea up having already written the first. I then re-used it in obvious fashion. Also, at first I tried to write this in the conventional past tense, and found the experience extremely difficult and dispiriting. I eventually decided to switch tenses to clearly differentiate between what Antoine was remembering, and what was actually going on.

I initially wanted to avoid identifying this even with Christianity, and racked my brains to think of a way not to name a single character. I wanted this to be more about the topics than detailed situations. Try as I might however I could not come up with a workable method.

Amric I had hoped to convey the idea that, by being present, he helped spare her worse. I forget where I got that particular idea from, but I think I have read of similar strategems in other works. Of course, one has to ask why didn't Antoine stop even more, and I hope it made him more ambivalent.

Nil-The-Frogg Got me in one! I thought using the present tense might make me a little obvious.

J Passepartout Certainly writing in the present tense asks more a reader since it is so rare. Glad you liked it. As to the query, I do think it is the weakness of the piece.

Mettermrck Just to sate the curiousity a little I envisaged this as being 16th/17th century Wars of Religion era, rather than later. And that is very high praise. And unfortuantely alas I wont continue this. In Memory of France is my main project, but that was born here as coz1 says. Perhaps I could persude you to pop by?

Judge Cheers

Rensslaer I admit I am curious - what made you think it was not me? I have to say in some sense you are wrong in another area as well, in that the letter was written, and then re-editing to fit the new format, and then basically left alone. The ending scene, especially with the uncle, was a real headache and if anything over-edited.

But yes, the sense of a captain of the guard is along the lines, though not quite, what I had in mind for their former relationship. The adherence to oaths is a major thing however, and there you are spot on.

Fenwick I find it interesting you thought Antoine had betrayed her. In a way he has, but in another way he has not.

Director Indeed Antione is careful and deliberate and takes his time, and certainly he uses her death to win him his freedom - if that is the correct term. I am not so sure.

Storey Tragedy is my favourite story form, and my favourite drama of all time is Sophocles' Antigone, and there is undoubtedly a lot of that in this.

fj44 The cycle of revolutions is precisely what I was trying to protray in that final section. Treachery begats treachery. Glad you're liking France.

Thank you to everyone for your comments, and I hope I have not missed anyone!
 
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