The War of the Roses
The Removal of Henry the Sixth (and the Reinstatement of Edward the Fourth)
BBC News, 1471
"Hello, I'm Geoffrey Badgerton and this is BBC News. Late-breaking news as King Henry the Sixth and the Lancas-" Geoffrey said as he was interrupted by Maddy.
"Yes, our wonderful and most humble King! You know I was saying to myself the other day, isn't our King the most wonderful and most humble King in all of Christendo-" Maddy said as Geoff interrupted her.
"As I was saying..." Geoff firmly said, trying to stop Maddy's ramblings. "King Henry the Sixth and the Lancasters have been removed from power by Richard the Fourth and the Yorkists. And so ends their brief one year return to power. Umm, Maddy you were saying?"
"...I...I...I..." Maddy stalled. "As I was saying-Yes! Yes, that's right! I was saying, our most wonderful and humble King... whom, by the way, is Richard the Fourth - and not that dastardly Henry the Sixth - has taken back his rightful place on the throne of the greatest nation in Christendom... and the world! And - and! ... and... He should be made a saint by the Pope! Yes! And umm... We should rename London to... Richie's World! Yes, and everyday we should wake up at dawn and recite the the national anthem of England - which of course, should be 'Good King Richard!'"
"Good King Richard you say, Maddy," asked No-eyed Oliver, who was known to some as Peg-Legged Oliver. "Why, I've never heard that song before? Who wrote it? Care to sing a verse? Is it a song or a ballad? Do you need any instruments to play it?"
"STOP! I mean, that's the name of the writter. His name is Stop West... Chaster... ton - wilderfield..." Maddy went on. "or like that."
"Stop Westchastertonwilderfield, you say. Sounds like a wondeful bloke. Sing the song will you?" Oliver said, giving a crooked smile of pure delight.
"Sure I will. Ri-ri... Richa-Good King Richard! England's greatest King! Here's the song I'll sing... ding-a-ling... something, something. He's just so great that whenever he touches dirt, it turns to gold... lalalalala - something, something, silken shirt! His grace and wonder even reaches heathens and the Welsh... that's why we call him so wonderful and lalalala Martin Felsh-"
"Sorry Maddy, did you say Martin Felsh?" asked Oliver with much glee.
"Yes... He's my - um... local fur trapper?" Maddy said improvising.
"Local fur trapper? Don't you live in the middle of London?" asked Oliver finding even more pleasure in Maddy's web of excuses.
"Yes, well. You should see the size of some o' those raccoons. Don't give me that look Oliver. Raccoons make very good hats. Why I'll bet you some four hundred years from now some far away explorer from across the sea will be wearing a hat made by the garbage-eating raccoons of London!" Maddy stated proudly.
"I'm sorry, Maddy. I didn't hear a word of what you said. Your mouth was a bit too close to King Edward's hindquarters." Geoff said, grinning.
[Houts and hollers began sounding, similar to that of a FOX television show.]
"Anyways, prior to King Henry's being deposed, the King gave into more demands by the cities to increase their powers. Looks like he will set the trend of all world leaders by finding ways to ruin a country, no matter how short the reign," said Peg-Legged Oliver, who for the first time was talking about something other than sports, Maddy's problems, or one of his lost body parts. "King Edward and his armies have been out on the field almost as soon as they returned to power, flushing out any rebels still loyal to Henry's old regime. Several rebels have managed to defeat English armies on certain occasions, but Edward's personally commanded counterattacks have really made their mark."
"Yes, yes. Well said Oliver," Geoff said.
Geoff, Maddy, and Oliver all just kept silent.
"Anything else, Geoff?" asked Oliver.
"No, not really. Right now, we have some time scheduled to argue about Oliver's body part loss," said Geoff, who was now staring at Oliver.
Maddy was now also staring at Oliver.
"I a s'pose you both want to know of me latest injury?" Oliver casually said. They both nodded quickly. "Owright. But lemme tell you both, it ain't gonna be pretty. It was in this bar in the south of London. There was this seedy fellow who was coming towards me; he was a booky. I had some 300 ducats in debt to him, so he going to either kill me or make me wish that he would kill me. It was the most brutal, painful experience in me life ever! I was yelling and screaming and just hoped I would face death sooner that face this pain again-"
"Out with it, Oliver!" yelled Geoff and Maddy simultaneously.
"He pulled out one o' me tooths!" Oliver slammed.
"That's it," Maddy snickered. "He pulled out one of your teeth."
"Three hundred ducats in debt! My god Oliver, the country of Norway lives on a fraction of that!" Geoff said in amazement.
"Well, what can I say. A gentleman such as meself must have his luxuries!" said Oliver, scratching himself in various places.
"I don't know why I even put up with this. Oh, well. I'm Geoffrey Badgerton and this has been another edition of BBC News. Goodnight."