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Thread: First world war, Pimp the Pope

  1. #1

    First world war, Pimp the Pope

    This AAR is going to tell the story of the first world war that happened in....1851.

    I were sitting at my desk, fealing good about my good work as the pope, the country had flourished and a small colony had been set up in central africa, well most of central africa and south africa was colonized by russia, still not a big problem....

    Sitting there, I the atheist pope(the cardinals had a little to much to drink that important night...) recieved a letter saying that germany had formed and prussia, aka germany were annexing small german states realy fast....lucky me I thought as I had planned to build a relation with some small state but changed my mind...

    Still, not everyone were taking it as calmly as your own friendly pope(poop?), Napolean did not like the new sauerkrautz empire and promptly declared war toghter with Belgium, not wanting to be let out of the action Austria joined germany.

    But the french were many, and with the belgium forces running into germany from the rear, france soon had taken most of south germany and the north, nearly in berlin...

    "Hold it hold it, my ally needs help! let's use our ridicoulus overpowered nation to send forces!" The austrian emperor said, and soon hundred of thousands of troops from austria were comming into germany, now to the french great displeasure switzerland(!) invaded on the side of germany, taking a big chunk of france.

    The fun were not over after 9 years of total war, I had not been sitting idly, my relation with germany had grown and soon a nice letter sat on the popes desk, asking of a alliance(who can resist me? I'mlike pringles...).
    I gladly axcepted and soon the dutch decided to join the germans to, the war took a turn for the "whoups my ass is fgetting handed to me" turn and the french were beeing pushed out of germany.

    Now beeing such a friendly pope, I did not invade just sat my armies guarding the beaches...(to the soldiers delight).
    While i laughed at the french and the comming peace deal, I were...suprised when peace came, strassburg to germany and nothing more....

    Still, the friendly pope(alias ME) were happy, he had a new strong ally and the nation were fat on people(good health and safty regalations), but the people demanded blood, seeing no other way the friendly pope invaded and promptly annexed tuscany.

    1863....

    more comming up

  2. #2
    Operation: make a shit load of money, vencie will soon join the pope.

    After some wold colonizing by russia and spain, and of course da Pimp bro africa was mostly green with some sand coloured blob in the north west and the papacy in the middle, tuscany had(after some light pressure) decided to join the papal states in a glorious union!

    Money money money, the papacy were drowning in it! Over a million, and 900 each day, life was good...

    Allied with the world nr 1 power, germany and by itself #5 on the ladder of great countries, it was time to waste all that cash.

    Starting with -79 relations with austria, after a few years it was up at +179.

    Now I did not think i would get away very cheap...maybe I would have to settle for just vencie!

    but for some reason, Austria were not even on the great power ladder, even I had more techs than austria.

    First province, 17 000 £ and one tech....4 more including Milano and Venice for the humble sum of 5 state of the art techs and some small amount of pocket money, 479 000£ or so

    My own my last my precious, from the population of 12 million, to 23 million over one night, not so bad for a days work.

    Today vencie tomorrow the rest of italy!

    Uncle scrouge can throw himself in a wall or something

  3. #3
    First Lieutenant Silencer's Avatar
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    Hi, have you fixed the events of the Unification of Italy or do you want to carry on as the papal state? Your doing very good so far I can see. Keep it up!!
    Ne Mutlum Türkum Diene!!

  4. #4
    Unification is for sissies, i'll hit it like Bill Gates: buy the world

    But I do have a problem...*mutters something about spain, france, sardinia-piedmonte, two sicilies and guarentees of independence*

  5. #5
    Operation: Rule your ass



    My powere were growing, a stunning 7 000 each day(add or draw 1 000£ if you want) and a population that grew with 300 000 each week after buying another 4 provinces from austria, The papal state set out to fill up it's military, 12 divisons with brigades attatchments were ordered, and to the Pope's joy, neither Sardinia-Piedmonte or the two sissies were enjoing guarentees of independence anymore.

    First strike
    Sardinia-Piedmonte VS The papal states god like army

    NOCK OUT first round, all of piedmonte occupied, a year later the pope got his fleet and by the protection of gods mighty hand they evaded the enemy fleet and dumped 3 divisons on sardinia.

    All your base are belong to the pope suckers!
    except their little capitol that is.

    Second strike

    The two sicilies VS the papal states

    After building another 20 divs or so the invasion started, but it would prove to be a little more challangeing as the enemy armies did both have some numbers and skills.



    And the fortification in the capitol were one big road bump to victory, that were avaded by the armies.
    A peace agreement was made and 4 provinces went to the pope(surrounding their capitol for the next war, bwehahaha).

    Allied both to germany and austria the papacy steamed rolled into the fifth place on the great power list

    GERMANY
    RUSSIA
    US of A
    THE DUTCH
    THE POPE
    SOME UNKNOWN PISS POOR COUNTRY
    FRANCE
    the not so GREAT BRITAIN

  6. #6
    Second Lieutenant aake's Avatar
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    Quick, to the popemobile, gotta go spank them pagans!

    Nice to see AARs with attitude.
    Motto: Don't stagedive without an audience.

  7. #7
    you don't want to know how many atheists i got in my country

    Population is going strong, 46 million.

  8. #8

  9. #9
    Operation: total victory

    The popes forces were massing, 52 million inhabitants, first goal:
    Thetwo scicilies.

    Once again their captiol were unbreakable, 400 000 men died and the papacys superior tech and number amries that were attacking from all directions lost 3/4 and the enemy 2/4.

    Once again a small detatchment of 100 k troops were sdend to take all other provinces.

    The battle att scicily:
    The enemy were not happy about this ofcourse and soon a trench line were set up on the beaches of scicily stopping all assualts by the 33% stronger papal forces.

    But The pope had a plan, the once again inferior fleet would, under the cover of darkness, land 3 divisons on the west shore(and most importantly: unguarded) but in the night, 5 hostile frigates were spotted on a intercept course, with only half the amry landed and the other on its way the escort Man o War: Godhammer engaged the enemy frigates and bought enough time for the army to depart on the shore before it were sunk and the transport fleet were forced to retreat to sardinia harassed by the enemy frigates.

    The papacy forces were soon visited by 30 000 enemy troops under their best general.

    The forces engaged each other for 5 days.

    The general on the foot of italy leading the papal main engagement army saw his oppurtunity as the enemy guarding the beach were down on half it's numbers.

    Rushing to battle them before the other half could get back(if they won), this would not prove to be a problem as the scicilian army on the west coast were dispatched by the superior papal forces.

    After taking control of the west coast the landing force continued onward to help the main army by striking right in the back of the enemy forces.

    The next week all of scicily were under the popes control.

    All of the enemys land except the capitol that housed a impresive force of 260 000 men(of course not as stunning as the 500 000 papal soldiers surrounding it).

    The Pope sent a peace offer demanding all land they had taken, as it reached 140% he did not think it would be accepted, but it was(lucky me, god smiles upon me this day, or maybe my 2 million man army is intimidating).

    60 million people.....

    Part 2: Piedmonte must fall!

    only one problem, defence pact with france.
    As the pope railed hisd forces and send 180 000 battle hardened troops up to aid the assualt, talks were going on with the german and austrian generals, would there be a world war over one province?

    Piedmontes ruler prayed to god for peace, to bad god is on my side

    The defence pact expiried and soon the "maid in pope land" boots were marching down the capitol.

    80 million people....

    Power ranking:
    GERMANY
    RUSSIA
    THE POPE(I smite they evil punks that think they can mess with me)
    GREAT BRITAIN
    PORTUGAL
    ARGENTINA
    FRANCE

    the year is 1889....

  10. #10

  11. #11
    The great powers are bouncing up and down that list every year, I think that portugal pasted GB before I quit

    Argentina has bee nthere for a while....apperently that flag was the(check the second latest update) piss poor country as I wrote

    (whoups)


    This has been the strengest game I've played, Russia nailed china! And took half of manchuria.

  12. #12
    Field Marshal Prince Eugene's Avatar

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    Hehe.. Pimp the Pope - I like it.

  13. #13
    Trouble on the horison

    With allmost all of italy under the papacy's control(except one province actually) I loked to improve the nation, this would prove fatal.....

    In USA, the CSA had won 2 wars against USA and controlled much of central USA to, but USA had not been idle, all of canada almost were theirs.

    Once again war broke out and hundreds of thousands died, the pope sided with CSA and provided them with modern weaponry and equipment.

    Meanwhile in the papacy, I noticed that revolt risk were high all around except my newly conquered provinces in the north(uh hu?)
    Well what's wrong?
    The pope dispatched many agents to ask common people what they thought were needed in such a great country.

    Social reforms and lower taxes, while health and saftey was all at it highest the other reforms were unchanged.
    One problem, the ruling party, the republicani that had over 75% of the votes to it's competer the moderati wich had only 22%.
    The republicani had laisse faire on it's daily order preventing any changes.
    Well the pope have the power and one short switch of parties can't hurt just to make this country better, with a election after to now can it?
    Well wrong I was apparently, while there were very few revolts even with the revlt risk, now I can't even hear the music for all the rebellions!
    The pope quickly ordered that no reports of new revolts would be brought in and he expanded the amry to cover all italy provinces and all the colonial provinces while still maintaining a 500 000+ army for "operations".

    with over 0.58 in minus revolt risk each day, still they revolted because militancy was at 8-9 and 6% revolt risk were not uncommon.

    But hey, machine guns versus wooden spoons, well...you get the drill

    Still with hordes of refuges and dead population still climbed with 300 000 k each month or so.

    9 000 income each day with 2800 expenduries.

    And the papal state glided in on second place with 4500 points to russias 4400 points.

    Great power ranking 1899
    Germany 10 000
    The Pope 4500
    Russia 4400
    GB 4000
    Portugal 3700
    the Dutch 3600
    Spain 3000
    Austria 2700

    population: 112 million people

    Somewere in paris, holding a great speach to the public:
    WE SHALL UNITE! THE GERMANS MADE US LOOK LIKE FOOLS IN THE FIRST WORLD WAR, WE HAVE SLIPPED FROM OUR GREAT POWER STATUS AND EVERYONE LAUGHS AT US.
    BUT I TELL YOU I WILL MAKE THIS COUNTRY GREAT AGAIN FELLOW FRENCHMEN BECAUSE MY NAME IS ADULPHE FITLER![DUN DUN]

    And the crowd let out a big cry of joy

    Stay tunned.

  14. #14
    And now finally some screenies:

    CSA before the war and it's comming attacks:


    The papacy's form now, and back in 1888:



    THe civil war before i helped CSA out:



    Some people have told me that I should remove paint from my computer but...naaahhh

  15. #15
    Field Marshal Judge's Avatar
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    Funny, keep posting

  16. #16
    Cake or Death? Kaigon's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Judge
    Funny, keep posting
    And keep paint...
    This is not a signature

  17. #17
    HELL MARCH

    1898, Rome

    "Here is the latest report from the, ehh*scratches head* fourth american war your grace"




    "Interresting...kind of...a little...a tiny bit...*zzzzzz*"

    1899, Rome

    The final strike against the last italian minor were about to begin, no prisoners were to be taken, no mercy only death death and death would be portioned out in small packages also know as shells and bullets.

    some 2 years later the greatest battle in italys history commenced, 620 000 thousand papal troops stormed the capitol from all nearby provinces, the 150 000 defenders dealed out machine gun bullets both right and left and the fort walls were breached when the corpses reached the top of the wall and the holy army poured into the keep.

    Dead soldiers:
    Sicily: 150 000
    The papacy: 400 000

    I pushed the big red [ANNEX BUTTON]



    With italy united, or now know as popeville, a major increase in factories were commenced aswell as all research fields were to be researched by 1910.

    The Pope now looked upon a place to conquer, when news of the devilish Adulphe Fitler had risen to power in france, the target was set and the stage were choosen.

    million of africans swarmed to italy to join the holy war.



    Who will win?

    After months(or was it weeks?) of bloody fighting, all of southern france had been carved out.
    Now those ungodly germans had pulled out in a seperate peace and hordes of frenchmen were comming, the Pope speedly pushed the
    [OH GOD PLEASE DON'T WHOUP MY SORRY ASS AND GIVE ME THOSE PROVINCES WILL YOU?] button.
    And while he did that he once again got germany into the war and maked them look realy bad by breaking their peace(I'm aming for the stars to night).



    stupid buggers...

    to 1910 the papal forces prepared and hoarded even more troops and formed special attack armies of 80 000-180 000 troops with the best generals while several smaller support and defence armies were formed, 40 000 men each to hold the ground bordering hostile provinces and keeping partisans down while the large armies advanced.
    Even smaller armies of 10 000 men were keept in the "secured" provinces to fight any partisans that poped up.

    Now spain joined the french but after a couple of 200 000 spanish men had died(not to mention my own heavy losses in the begginning, out of the assualts I send a mere 3/8 succeded!)





    and once again the germans bailed....
    But the Pope were prepared, and soon the germans joined again.



    ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO ME

    I cheated the germans on any gains wich pissed them of and the austrians, but why would I need to worry?
    While improving the relations with germany(+200 to -21???)
    The austrians declared WAR, having only 10 000 men all across the border as guards I quickly made a huge U turn with my armies in french and rushed back to discover...






    ...in the diplomacy screen that it were only a COLONIAL war(suprised you did'nt I? )

    Power ranking:

    GERMANY 17 000 points
    THE POPE 10 000 points
    AUSTRIA 7 600 points
    RUSSIA 5 000 points
    GB 5 000 points
    PORTUGAL 3 300 points
    SPAIN 3 200 points
    the dutch 3 200 points

    My population: 242 million people(they go around like bloody rabbits! 500 000 each month!!!)

  18. #18
    Field Marshal

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    What does the US look like?

  19. #19
    check the top screenshot in my latest post.
    Mexico is a powerhouse and most of canada is in US possesion.

  20. #20
    Second Lieutenant aake's Avatar
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    Naughty pope, not giving the poor Germans their rightfully owned lands.

    Anyhow, go spank them Austrians around a bit.
    Motto: Don't stagedive without an audience.

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