Well, since then I’ve spent a considerably good time reading the AARs here so I decided to post my own. Since I don’t think I can’t outdo the more serious, thoroughly researched ones I’ve seen there, I’ll take a humorous approach to the thing. I’ll thus relate the adventures of the fun-loving, horse-riding Golden Horde. I’ll wait for your reactions, and if you think it’s worthwile, I’ll continue post the misadventures of the tiny little Golden Horde, struggling to keep a barbaric way of life in an increasingly civilized world...
Options: Free Brittany, Free Ireland, Free Norway, USA 1492 and Balkanization (I call it “the more the merrier” mode).
Tax Mode: Normal
Play method: totally gung-ho (we are barbarians afterall, anywhere is blood to be spilled, there will be the Golden Horde)
Diary of Sayyid Ahmad II: barbarian, and Golden Horde leader in his spare time.
1st of January 1492:
Dear diary, today is my first day leading the Golden Horde. Being the leader of a barbarian horde had always been my dream since I was a little tartar... Nothing can be compared to the pleasure of burning villages, raping young women and making barbaric things in general... But we were a bit bored today so I took the boys to play a polo match with the head of the previous leader. We split into two teams of 25,000 players each. We tied 0-0. It has been fun!
15th of January 1492:
My new advisor, a christian prisoner we took prisoner some time ago, has come. We tortured and killed his parents in front of him, so I suppose I can trust him. I would love that somebody had done the same with my parents. Anyway, he gives me the skinny on my realm.
“Sir, I suggest that you stop pillaging, plundering, raping and make ornaments of dubious taste with the bodies of the survivors...”
“Well, we are a tartaric barbarian horde. That’s we are SUPPOSED to do.”
“Yeah, but it’s kinda nasty to do it in our provinces, don’t you think? People are fleeing in droves from our cities, revolters are running...”
“Well, this is the fun part”
“Yeah, but you cannot Declare War to any country if our nation is in such distress”
“Dratz... nobody told me that. Ok, I’ll stop...”
“And...”
“Okay, and I’ll tell them I am sorry!”
(OOC: starting stability –3, all investments set to stability)
“Well sir, we have one advantage: everybody hates you so much, that any additional crime you commit can’t worsen it, since you are already assured to root in the fiery pits of Hell. So even if you treacherously declare war in any of our fellow tartaric hordes the un-stability of your kingdom will not suffer much. ”.
(OOC: When stability is at –2 let’s kick some arse’s!!!)
“Ok, so we’ll DoW all our neighbours!!!!”
“I’m sorry sir, but we are somewhat scarce in diplomats. You know that the peculiar custom among the tartars of killing the diplomats after they deliver their messages has somewhat lowered the prestige of the profession among our youth...”
“So?”
“You should wait until we have one, and since the king you send him will kill him you’ll not be able to re-use him. So, just only one war, choose it wisely, my lord.
(OOC: 0 starting diplomats, just 1 bloody diplomat each year!!!!)
“Also, I know you the tartaric people are quite found of horses and this things, but if you want to land sieges and take any provinces you should think about raising some infantry. You know, like cavalry but without horses...”
“No way!”
“You must, my lord, for the good of your kingdom”
(OOC: 7000 infantry comissioned at Kujbyschev)
24th of February 1492:
I have heard that a country called “Spain” has annexed another one called “Granada”. I love annexations. They are fun. Uncle Genghis told me that after annexations there are a lot of revolts and you can kill and torture many people and many cities get looted.
11th of April 1492
Those funny turks have declared war against a country called “Mameluks” that I didn’t know about. Heck, the world is big. Lots to conquer!
15th of April 1492
I was so bored waiting for my diplomat to come, that I took the boys to play polo again. I know the main reason our last game tied was because we had too many players per team, so this time I decided to split them into 25,000 teams of 2 players each. We tied, anyway, dratz! What I’m doing wrong?
13th of October 1492
Those smelly russkies, together with the smellier Ryazanites and the even smellier Crimeans and the still even smellier Pskovians have declared war against my tartaric buddies of Kazan! Not that I like those hacks but I wanted to have the pleasure to kick their asses myself! I was so angry that I didn’t kill the messenger. Now he will think twice before telling me this kind of news...
9th of December 1492
My spies (actually my grandma who at weekends plays bridge with the grandma of Muhammad Amin, leader of Kazan) told me that Kazan has put siege on Ryazan city, while Russia has put siege on Kazan. Both cities have been looted. Damn! And I’m losing all this fun! My grandma expects that whoever can take the city first, will be able to settle peace. I’m praying Allah for my diplomat to come soon so I can join them! My horsemen are so bored that I have been forced to allow them to impale some townsmen.
1st of January 1492
My first year as the Golden Horde leader! I can’t say we have pillaged a lot, or that we have behaved like true gruesome barbars but, heck, it’s not my fault. You know, nowadays in this whacky world you can’t just be a true barbarian and launch a surprise attack against unexpecting farmers, no, you have to declare war on the country via a certified diplomatic, and you need to have an “organised country”... civilization sucks.
15th of March 1492
Word came today that the “Mameluks” have accepted peace with Turkey, ceding two provinces called “Lebanon” and “Aleppo” (funny name, must remember this one) to them, plus 25 of those round golden thingies like the ones we have stored at Miyammin’s yurta. “Money”, think they call it.
17th of March 1492
My grandma came really pissed of because the capital of Kazan has fallen to the combined forces of Pskov, Ryazan and Russia so they weekly bridge game was cancelled. She tells me the war is nearly over...
3rd of April 1492
My diplomat has finally come! Now it’s time for the fun to begin. I’ll DoW Russia! Wooo-hooo!!!
(DoW against Russia. Ryazan, Pskov, Crimea and Greece come to help. This will be fun!)
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