Chapter XXI: Moral Reformation
April 27 - May 7, 1915
On May 4, strange news reach our government in Vienna. The
RMS Lusitania has been sunk by a German under-the-sea-boat, killing 1,198 people! If further proof had been needed to confirm the utter immorality and depravity of under-the-sea-boats, it has now been furnished. In fact, we detect a very dangerous trend here. Those wicked under-the-sea-boats have begun preying on
proper boats and sinking them: clearly, they're trying to take over control of the seas, and wipe out all that is fine, true and right about shipping.
The RMS Lusitania
It's not like those passengers weren't warned, but who would expect those Bolshevik pig-dogs to heed the warnings generously supplied by the Imperial German government?
The warning
The Austro-Hungarian government has sent an official note of protest to Berlin. 'We ask you', the Emperor has written, 'to see at last that great evil that you have unleashed upon the earth. It is your duty to civilisation that you cease to employ under-the-sea-boats in our most sacred crusade against the enemy. We ask earnestly that you reform yourselves, destroy these vessels of wickedness, and return to using ordinary boats.' Unsurprisingly, this appeal to German consciences has worked wonderfully well.
Restricted under-the-sea-boat warfare
They may claim the American protests did it, but you know those Germans. Always scheming to get a better deal for us, their dear allies. In fact we're sure we saw William II wink. It'll all be okay. It's great to have allies who always listen to us. - In the meantime, we continue advancing against the Russian pig-dogs in the east. It is only a matter of time until we seize the Crimea now.
Offensives in Ukraine
On May 7, we decide to review the European situation. Generally, the Central Powers are doing exceedingly well. The Germans are stuck in the east and the west, but then they have two fronts to fight on, poor chaps. We, however, continue to defeat the Russians wherever we meet them.
The European fronts, May 1915