Heaven On Earth: Part One

RGB said:

That is such a neat map!

At least Spain is exceptionally neat

What's the yellow in Russia?

Click to expand...

Well, the whole AAR is...ahem...heavily abstracted...

Oh, and that yellow is....the Rus, I couldn't find enough colors for all the different duchies, etc.



asd

Saint phargle, Patron of Knytlings and Comedy!

The Glorification Of phargle​

Greetings! Now its time to glorify a legend here in the CK forums, phargle!

1. Congrats! Tell us a little bit about yourself:
My name is Ben. I'm 31 years old, was born in England, and live in New Mexico. I'm married (no kids, two dogs) and have a degree in history that goes unused in my IT job. I game frequently (d20, GURPS, In Nomine, and a host of indie games like My Life With Master, Dogs in the Vineyard, Burning Wheel - almost always as the guy running the game, something to which I confess a certain amount of ability), and am obsessive about game design. I'm also in Amtgard, where I'm a bit of a muckity-muck. It's something like the SCA but with foam instead of wood. I am Jewish, liked to dye my hair before it started to fall out, and finally managed to break my nail-biting habit the other day. I also like The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou more than most people consider to be appropriate. I am very smart. I am also very stupid.

2. How did you come up with the username, phargle?
When I played Starcraft, I needed a handle for Battlenet. All of my usual names were taken, so I typed the first nonsense word that came to mind: fargle. Then I forgot the password.

3. How did you find out about Paradox games?
Me and a Russian friend went to a game store and found EU I for sale for under a dollar, so we each bought a copy.

4. How did you find the forums?
The game didn't completely work.

5. Do you remember your first experience here in the forums?
No, I don't really remember my first experiences here. There must've been a lot of questions about EU I, and I vaguely recall asking why rebels kicked my ass every time all the time, but not much more of the early days. As recent as it is, my start date is a bit deceptive in that regard, and I wasn't terribly active until much later. My first AAR was pretty crummy - a narrative one about Savoy that predated my knowledge of how to take screen shots.

6. Your Knud Knytling AAR is a true CK classic, are you surprised by the success of it?
Kind of yes, kind of no. After my Savoy AAR flopped, I kind of analyzed why it failed and why other AARs succeeded, and then I tried to mesh what I learned with my own tastes. AARs that are heavy into text with no pictures are hard for me to read, while the ones that caught my eye the most were the picture-heavy ones. Particularly, the ones with lots of screenshots. As far as successful AARs go, there seemed to be two categories: gameplay, and heavy, epic narrative. I'm fundamentally very lazy, so I opted for the one with fewer words. And that gave me an idea - an AAR with no words whatsoever, where all the story and humor came from the screenshots. I'm not quite talented enough to pull that off (and it turns out somebody else already did that - Snake IV or EvilSanta?), so I put some words in. The rest developed rather organically. I'm not sure why I picked Knud Knýtling, except I wanted somebody obscure and pathetic with a funny yet epic name.

7. Some say that you have even invented the comedy AAR concept; do you have any influences for this style?
I did not invent the comedy AAR concept. There were plenty before me and there are plenty after. The specific style of the Knud story is probably my own. The humor mostly isn't, but I figured Blackadder sensibilities mixed with a potty mouth was probably a good comedic formula. It otherwise just kind of developed organically, as I said - and I'd often just come up with ideas on the fly and mesh 'em in. A few took more work, like the Shakespearean parody. The influences there were, again, Blackadder and Shakespeare. It's hard to take much credit when I'm recycling a lot of the jokes and most of them are just lewd double entendres, but it seems to work. I just want it to be clear that I'm not any kind of bad-ass, and my talent is minimal. What I've done, others can do better. I'm actually a bit of a charlatan. Ask me sometime how much Shakespeare, Sun Tzu, Coleridge, or Yeats I actually know.

8. Do you have any advice for the other AAR writers out there?
Original is good, but don't go too original. Write the characters and the story will succeed. Nobody gives a damn about an epic war. It's the characters in the war that give it its power.

9. Do you have any favorite AARs out there?
I religiously read the Princess Eleanor one in the Crusader Kings forum, and the title of Knud's story is a tribute to it. queenimperiale's story about King William and his descendants is also exactly the kind of history AAR I'd want to be talented enough to write if I was writing that sort of thing. And the story in the HoI2 section where the guy took the Soviet victory savefile and fought back? Classic. Sheer classic. If you are going to write something epic without focusing on character, that's the way to do it. It's amazing how he manages to evoke that WWII feeling of heroism against all odds in a fricking gameplay AAR. I am not worthy.

10. What do you like most about AARs and AAR-writing?
I like the attention. As far as the writing? Being able to transcribe emotions is the best. The scenes in the Knud story (and in the lesser-known Solomon story) that I know are coming yet give me shivers are so worth it. It's also a nice feeling to get people hooked, for them to have high expectations, and to meet or exceed those expectations. I like being good at what I do. I like telling a good story. I like my writing mattering to other people.

11. What do you like most about Paradox games and the forums?
Story. What hooked me on Paradox games were the events. I'm a roleplayer at heart, and finding a wargame where I didn't have to imagine the roleplay element was perfect for me. Then I heard of Crusader Kings and Victoria, two games that scratch two other itches. I was sold. As far as the forums, I love the crowd y'all have here. It's rare to have a group this positive and diverse. As an aside, I'm an optimist. I believe every day is the best day of my life. As cynical as the Knud AAR can sometimes seem, I like to think that the characters are generally mindless optimists too. I think they're the kind of happy-go-lucky idiots we'd be if we were all in an AAR.

12. Do you have any favorite experiences relating to Paradox games/forums that you’d like to share?
In the game itself? I've probably already shared them. The multi-pope thing we did in Crusader Kings was probably a high point for that part of the forums. If you haven't checked it out, you probably hate God. And yourself.



Once again, let us all congratulate our newest AARLand saint, Saint phargle!



Congrats,
asd

Michael VII lost his only son Constantine in 1095; therefore his successor came from the Komnenos family, in the form of the skilled Alexius I. Alexius I succeeded Michael VII in a changing situation. The Turks were badly hurt by the Great Crusade and an emerging empire, in the form of the Latins was to the south of Orthodoxy.

Perhaps the most stunning change in the post-Crusade Mediterranean was the rise of a small Coptic state in southern Egypt. Once the Great Crusade had been accomplished, Islam was abandoned by many in remote parts of all the Islamic states. The largest conversions took place in southern Egypt, where Coptic Christianity had once been popular. Now re-popularized by the Crusades effect on Muslim morale, the growing number of Copts gained enough power to forge their own kingdom in southern Egypt. They claimed to be the reincarnation of the old kingdom of Nubia.

And this small state, recently independent, had the power to cause a war between the Orthodox Empire and Muslim Egypt. The Orthodox Empire had pledged to defend all Orthodoxy, and Coptic Nubia was the newest addition to the Orthodox world. The weakened Egypt was very wary about attacking the Copts due to the threat of war with the Orthodox Empire. So they left Nubia alone and let go of their southern provinces.

And thankfully they did so, as they needed the troops to defend themselves. Egypt was the next target for the Levantine Empire. The Latins had recently demanded that the Seljuks hand over Syria to them and the Turks accepted. What else could they do in such a weakened state? So as Alexius I ascended to the throne, the Latins were preparing for their invasion of Egypt. And all three nations, the Orthodox Empire, Egypt, and the Levant were sure to be careful about the Nubian situation, or else a major war could break out.

A Solemn May 29th To All!

Perfect for a Roman (or Orthodox...) AAR!



asd

In early 1101, the Levantine Empire declared war on Egypt. Led by General Raymond IV of Toulouse, the over 30,000 Crusaders marched out of the Sinai and into Egypt. The Egyptians were aware that the war with the Levant was coming, but they certainly not prepared. They were culturally, militarily, and economically wounded. Nevertheless, Caliph Al-Hafiz managed to gather 15,000 Egyptian troops.

But this was not enough to sufficiently defend Egypt from the better-armed Crusaders. The two armies met near the town of Ismailia. The land around Ismailia is a flat desert on the coast of the Red Sea. General Raymond had been smart to invade Egypt in the winter, when the desert heat wasn’t too devastating. Nevertheless, there are reports of men dying from exhaustion and the heat caused by their heavy armor.

The Battle of Ismailia started in the mid-afternoon on about March 2nd 1101. The Latin charge of knights across the desert kicked up a massive amount of sand into the air. But it was very effective against the lightly armed Fatimids. Immediately, the Egyptian center started to retreat when the crash of Latin knights hit them. Ironically, this retreat later turned to their advantage. The left and right of the Egyptian forces were able to swing around and surround the Latin knights.


This prompted a hurried and panicked charge by the Latins to save the knights. The Latin foot soldiers and Varangian mercenaries pounded into the Egyptian circle now surrounding their precious knights. They applied all their pressure upon one section of the circle and eventually broke through to their knights. The battle formations then looked like a large and poorly drawn “Q,” with the Fatimids being the circle. After quite a few more hours of fighting, the heavy armor of the Latins won out and the Fatimids had no choice but to retreat their battered army to the city of Alexandria. The Battle of Ismailia cost the Latins about 4,000 men, while the Fatimids suffered 7,000 casualties.

The Crusaders then turned their forces towards Cairo. Surprisingly, the city had already been evacuated and it’s forces had been transferred to Alexandria. Caliph Al-Hafiz figured that if things got worse, it was better to be in a city with sea access than a city deep in Egypt. So, the forces of Egypt converged upon Alexandria. And on March 28th, the Latins came to the walls to lay siege upon the old city.


And they brought many catapults and siege engines. For many days, they fired upon the walls of Alexandria, battering them. At each hole in the wall, the Latins charged, but the Fatimids, whose numbers were now in excess of 20,000, were able to hold them back. Then after a long siege, on April 20th, Al-Hafiz became much too confident in his forces. He commanded a sally and personally led the charge out to fight to Crusaders. This was his ultimate folly.

The Latins responded with a charge of knights and the heavy cavalry of the West won out. Al-Hafiz was killed along with many of his men. This caused a panicked retreat back into the city, with the Crusaders following. Once in the city, the Latins made sure not to damage the old famous buildings and captured the city relatively peacefully, once the Fatimids troops were defeated.

For the rest of 1101 to early 1103, Raymond IV of Toulouse and his men marched throughout Egypt, defeating all the armies of the Fatimids. In every town, city, and canyon, there was an Egyptian army. And all were defeated. It is estimated that over 100,000 people died during the Levantine-Egyptian War, and most were Egyptians. The only time were large numbers of Levantine troops had died was at Ismailia and in desert summers. But by February, all Fatimid lands were in the hands of Baldwin I and his Levantine Empire. And then he made the decision that would plunge the Eastern Mediterranean into war. He commanded Raymond IV and his troops to “crush the heretic Copts in Nubia.”