We Are German! Well, Sort Of: A Austria AAR

Introduction

"... Tom Jones will outlive the palace of the Escurial and the imperial eagle of the house of Austria." Edward Gibbon, Memoirs [1796]



WTF?

Tom Jones?

Him, Why HIM?

I can't believe it!

Out of all people in the World, Tom Jones!

I mean I can see John McCain, but not TOM JONES!

... Wait one second here! Tom Jones will outlive Austria!? I don't think so.



Anyway, the year is 1836.
This is what my beloved Austria looks like. That is, if I was in Space and the Earth was painted different colors.



This is what the "German Alliance" looks like...



And here is all of that dumb stuff that I don't like talking about so I'll show you instead.



Yay! They're Conservative!

SEE! SEE! I am a little German!

Chapter 1: WAR


"Ahh! Smell that?" asked General Nixon of the Austrian 1st Army. (I know, I know his name doesn't sound very German)
"Yes sir, I believe I do. Smells like Body Odor." Said Major Major Major Major (A Catch-22 Reference) standing right next to General Nixon, who always forgets to wash his under arms.
"NO! It's the smell of WAR!" replayed General Nixon.
"If thats what war smells like, then I hate it." said Major Major Major Major.
"And thats why you will never become General Major Major Major."

The so called "smell" was indeed a war. Austria's first war since, well, a long time ago...


Austria goes to war with Karkow

Can you say Bye?



New updates soon.

robou said:

Nice to see another Austrian AAR, will be following. However, when you are sticking Images in via image shack, be sure to take out the .th and that will make the images much much bigger, i can hardly see them at the momment.

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Thanks I was wondering how to make them larger...

Chapter 2: Swiss = WAR!

Major Major Major Major sat in his chair half asleep. He was just about to take a nap before he had lunch break. He was supposed to be writing a report that Gen. Nixon had given him to write about the invasion of Krakow. It was really the general's to do, but he had "better things to do."
"What the hell do you think your doing?" Yelled Gen. Nixon
"Ah, umm, I-"
"Didn't I tell you to write that report?"
"Yes Sir, I was just ready to-"
"Never mind that. I want you to look at this."

It was a declaration of war against Switzerland.



"Looks like we'll be shipped off out west, sir." said Major Major.
"Yep, they're shipping us off first thing tomorrow."

One Week Later on the Austria Swiss Boarder...

"Ahh! Smell that?" asked General Nixon.
"Yes sir, I believe I do. Smells like Body Odor." Said Major Major Major Major standing right next to General Nixon, who always forgets to wash his under arms.
"NO! It's the smell of WAR!" replayed General Nixon.
"If thats what war smells like, then I hate it." said Major Major Major Major.
"And thats why you will never become General Major Major Major."
"Wait, didn't we have this conversation before?"
"Sir! Sir!" Screamed Colonel Scheisskopf (Ahh! Now thats a Good German Name!) "I've got our orders!"



The First Battle... The Battle of Bellinzona



... And a victory



"Sir! Our Army has taken full control of our provence!"
"Thank you Colonel Scheisskopf." said the General.



"Order the Advancement of the 1st Army!"



"Sir we have met enemy lines!"



Holy Crap! Where did they come from!?



Latter that day the Swiss Retreated. The 1st army and several other armies meet them in battle.



"Major! Get your fat lazy butt over hear!" Screamed Nixon
"Yes Sir!"
"Why the hell isn't your squadron attacking that army?"
"Sir, the battle is over! We agreed to a peace treaty"
"I don't care! Engage them"



"Major! I want you to do me a favor and write this report about the 1st Army invasion of Switzerland!" said Gen. Nixon
"But, Sir. I only command one Squadron. I need more data on the other squadron."
"Don't give me that Major! Or I'll Knock you down to private!"
"Ahhh... Yes, Sir." said Major Major in a slow and annoyed voice.

Next Update...

Tom Jones!?!?!? :wacko:



And me working on economy and then some more war.

P.S. Couldn't fit on last post.

The New Austria



Also, I realize I don't really have a plan. So, This is my war plan...



I can attack the Balkan countries because they're not allied with the Ottomans. Before I attack Italy I have to have a large army because they are "friends" with Russia and France. I'll go after Prussia last because I need an even larger army. I'm not to sure how this will work... So I'm going to need a large army.

Reply to comments.

robou said:

Nice to see another Austrian AAR, will be following. However, when you are sticking Images in via image shack, be sure to take out the .th and that will make the images much much bigger, i can hardly see them at the momment.

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Thanks you. I just love Austria and couldn't wait to do an AAR on it.

qwerkus said:

Nice to see a new AUS aar. I think austria is BY FAR the most fun country when it comes to pop management. Last game i played with it, i managed to assimilated all the catholic minorities of starting austria (north_italian, czech, slovak, slovene, croat and polish) to south_german so i ended with more than half of total pop being south_german. The nice thing is that austria has catholic as state religion and full_citizenship liberal parties, so that once they are impowered every catholic minority pop smaller than 2000 just *magically* assimilates... Of course, this was a lot of micromanagement

Good luck with your AAR; i will try to follow this one.

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Austria is (I think) one of the most fun countries to play because you have to wage war in order to expand. I like WAR!

Davisx3m said:

Poor Tom Jones

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I stopped felling sorry for him after I herd that he will outlive Austria!

likk9922 said:

Great start. :rofl:

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Thanks!

robou said:

That is certainly.... bold....

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I know, but I think I can pull it off.

coz1 said:

The Swiss never seem to get out of war with Austria, regardless of the game.

Good luck and welcome to AAR writing!

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Yah, I always had it in for the Swiss.

Also Thanks to everyone who is reading!

Economy and Army: An Update

Just a Quick Update on the unfun stuff.

Chapter 3: War With The Minors

Tom Jones sat at his desk in Wein playing with his hair when his step brother General Nixon walked in. General Nixon was in Wein on rest leave from the newly gained Swiss provence. Tom Jones was also a General in the army. He was General Jones.

"Did you hear what the profit wrote about me?" asked Gen. Jones
"What? That you're a fat ass, fugly, good for nothing son of a--"
"No!" Gen. Jones cut him off.
"Then what did it say?" asked Gen. Nixon in a very rude tone.
"It reads this, '... Tom Jones will outlive the palace of the Escurial and the imperial eagle of the house of Austria.' Can you believe it!? I'm going to live for ever."
"No you're not! Your being shipped off to the east tomorrow to fight in the War With The Minors where you'll get shot! I know I'm a profit myself. I get to stay in Switzerland to 'insure' peace."
"Your just mad that I'm loved more then you!" screamed Jones.
"I don't want to be loved."
"You know, It's not unusual to be loved by anyone. It's not unusual to have fun with anyone, but when I see you hanging about with anyone
It's not unusual to see me cry. You need to learn to except love!" said Tom Jones.
"Oh shut up!"

Gen. Jones was indeed going off east along with the mobilization troops.



And so begun a series of wars called the War With The Minors.



The invasion was quick. We only fought one battle.



And then...



General Jones had just completed his first invasion. He was happy and ready to go back to Wein when they got orders for another invasion.



The only battle fought is not seen here because General Jones was humiliated by the facts that it took 1/2 of his army to crush a much smaller army of one division. But, they still won.



Next Update! Why are Russian soldiers on Austrian soil!?



Also, Like I said this AAR seems to have no plan. So, After this next update don't expect war for a long time, instead you get to watch me build up an army to recreate the Holy Roman Empire.

Chapter 4: The War With The Russians

Note: Okay, before I start let me tell you this, "When declaring war on Montenegro I had no idea that Russia would join the war. So, when Russia declared war on me I was not ready. So, my goal for this war is to get white peace since I'm not going for a full invasion."

A excerpt from a Austrian newspaper.

August 1839

Russia Declares War On Austria!

Russia has begun to mobilize in preparation of an invasion of Austria. It all started a few days ago when Austria declared war on Montenegro, a close friend of Russia. General Barker, head of the military, said this earlier this morning, "We are in great danger if Russia invades. Currently most of are troops are in the Switzerland area securing peace. It will take months for them to reach the boarder. Also their military is 2nd in the world, we are 5th. Clearly this is a problem."

Later in his speech General Barker seemed concerned that if Russia gets in control of the Hungarian, Czech, Slav, or any other region the Empire may face collapse.

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"God Dammit!" said General Nixon, "Do you know what this means?"
"I believe it means war, sir." remarked Major Major.
"I know what it means! Your such a smart ass sometimes, you know!"
"Sorry Sir."
"You better be sorry because your ass is being shipped to fight Russia."
"Your not sir?" ask the major.
"No, they're leaving one division behind to settle the rebels and that division is mine!"
"But, wont that split up the 1st army sir?"
General Nixon ignored his question.
"Now, do you have that report on the Swiss invasion yet?" asked Nixon.
"Yes sir, right here."
Major Major handed him a skimpy draft half the size of what the report should have been. The General didn't seem to notice, so when he handed it to General Barker, Barker nearly bit his head off for being a, "Lazy son of a bitch." His punishment was a cruel one, for he was going to the Russian Front. General Inehouse laughed at him when he returned to gather up his army and head for the east. General Inehouse's army was the one originally ordered to go, but not after Nixon decided to be a, "Lazy son of a bitch."

At the time the 1st army started their march the eastern front looked like this.



It was bad news all around. Except for the annexation of Montenegro.



On the eastern front the Russians where advancing fast with very little blocking their path to Wein.



By April troops were finally arriving on the front. We were loosing everywhere except in the south.





But it was in July when the Austrians begun to push them back.





The Austrians didn't stop there. They continued into Russia and fought some large battles.



Soon the tides turned and Austria was the one doing the invading.



But, Austria had to settle for white peace because there where way to many rebells in my country.



I you ask me, we won. We annexed Montenegro and defended our country against the worlds 2nd largest army.

Next Update - I need a bigger army.

Michaeru said:

Waaait, aren't those two Romanian minors usually Satellites of the Ottoman Empire?

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In VIP they are Satellites, but not allied. Which allows me to invade them without war with the Ottoman.