Interlude
Bao’an, occupied China
A camp of partisan fighters, concealed in the woods. Wang Jingwei, head of state of Axis China, checks his plan a last time and bursts in laughter.
Wang Jingwei: Ah! The people of China will never bear the Tibetan leash ! And today is the day when we shall rise again, and claim the price of our humiliation in blood ! Ah ! Ah ! Ah !
Voice behind: Glad to see you so enthusiastic, Wang.
Wang Jingwei freezes.
Wang Jingwei: Oh, no. It’s you again, Kalsang, isn’t it?
Kalsang Tsultrim: Yep. Don’t look behind you, Wang. You would be surprised.
Wang Jingwei: No! NO! That’s impossible! You’ve got the reputation of a desert fox! You are supposed to trick people in the DESERT! And this is supposed to be a forest nearby the Chinese coastline, not a damned bloody stupid desert!
Kalsang Tsultrim: That’s what I said. Don’t look behind you. You would be surprised.
Clint Eastwood impersonating Kalsang Tsultrim
(Copyright Drepung Pictures 1967)
Mukden, Manchuria
Headquarters of the Manchurian army.
General Nakajima: Gentlemen, I believe that everything is ready for our winter offensive. You know your orders. Now let’s...
Soldier (enters the room): General! Telegram from the front! The Tibetans are attacking us!
General Nakajima scratches his beard a moment.
General Nakajima: The fools! They are running towards their demise...
Soldier (enters again): New telegram Sir! It’s from the Tibetan commander!
General Nakajima: Wh... WHAT? What does it read?
Soldier: It hardly makes any sense. It reads P.I.C.K.A.B.O.O. - stop.
General Nakajima: It’s general Khemey Sonam Wangdi! He’s general Kalsang Tsultrim's best disciple... He boasts to be a so-called “desert fox” too. Ah! Telegraph him back that I won’t fall for any of his stupidly overused tricks!
Soldier: Yes, Sir!
General Nakajima: ... and write that whilst his master’s tricks could fool the notoriously dense Sheng Shicai, Kalsang Tsultrim and he are still god-damned retards who couldn’t outwit a true soldier of the Imperial Army, even blinded, even deaf, even dead!
Soldier: Uh, yes, Sir!
General Nakajima: And while we’re at it ask him what stupid, childish, irrelevant trick he actually thinks that he can use against me, just to see it fall flat like a cold souffle!
The soldier frantically taps the telegraph then rubs his fingers and waits.
Soldier: An answer Sir! It reads: “I will use the trick called the charge of the 9 infantry divisions and 4 artillery brigades stop outwit that stop bwahaha stop”.
General Nakajima: ?... Damn you Tibetan devils!!
