Ah, but you're forgetting changes in the timeline. Who knows what this new, Communist China dominated world will look like? It's not giving what he already has, it's giving him insurance.Comrade Brian said:
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Jackie Chan was walking through the mountains of Northwest China, heading towards the airfield of Nationalist China to fight what was sure to be the greatest fight ever. The martial arts style of Jackie Chan versus the raw power of Samuel L. Jackson. It would be a tough fight, and Jackie was not sure he could defeat Samuel L. Jackson alone...
Suddenly, a figure jumped out of the bushes. "Damn!" the man shouted.
"Who goes there!" shouted Jackie, as he peered into the darkness.
"Jackie!? Is that you?" asked the stranger.
"Chris Tucker? But how did you get here?"
"Well, I was in a bar and-"
"Pitt the Elder?"
"How did you know?"
"That's how I got here."
"How do we get back?"
"I know a way, but first we must fight a difficult battle..."
---------------------------------
Near Golmud
"Are we there yet?" asked a Chinese soldier.
"No! I'll tell you when we're there!" shouted Mao's siamese twin who was commanding the armies marching on Golmud. "Thank god you weren't on the Long March. I would have killed you before we got to Yan'an."
"Where are we going?" asked another.
"Golmud," replied the first.
"Not only are we going to Golmud," shouted Mao, "but we're going to Tianshui and Chonqing and Chengdu and Guangzhou and Guilin and Shanghai and Nanjing! And then we're going to Tokyo and Moscow and Paris and Berlin and London! And then we're going to Washington D.C. to take back AARland! BYAAAAAAAGH!"
"What?" asked the soldier.
"BYAAAAAAAGH! BYAA-BYAAAAAAGH!"
"I think he's excited about the AARland Choice AwAARds."
"BYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
"Yes, we must all vote Red Star Over China as the Favorite Comedy AAR, HOI1/2."
"Hey! Are you breaking the fourth wall!" shouted a sergent.
"Um, he did it," replied the soldiers in unison, both pointing at each other. "Crap."
"BYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (breathe) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! I'm Mao Zedong and I approved this message. BYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
Suddenly, a figure jumped out of the bushes. "Damn!" the man shouted.
"Who goes there!" shouted Jackie, as he peered into the darkness.
"Jackie!? Is that you?" asked the stranger.
"Chris Tucker? But how did you get here?"
"Well, I was in a bar and-"
"Pitt the Elder?"
"How did you know?"
"That's how I got here."
"How do we get back?"
"I know a way, but first we must fight a difficult battle..."
---------------------------------
Near Golmud
"Are we there yet?" asked a Chinese soldier.
"No! I'll tell you when we're there!" shouted Mao's siamese twin who was commanding the armies marching on Golmud. "Thank god you weren't on the Long March. I would have killed you before we got to Yan'an."
"Where are we going?" asked another.
"Golmud," replied the first.
"Not only are we going to Golmud," shouted Mao, "but we're going to Tianshui and Chonqing and Chengdu and Guangzhou and Guilin and Shanghai and Nanjing! And then we're going to Tokyo and Moscow and Paris and Berlin and London! And then we're going to Washington D.C. to take back AARland! BYAAAAAAAGH!"
"What?" asked the soldier.
"BYAAAAAAAGH! BYAA-BYAAAAAAGH!"
"I think he's excited about the AARland Choice AwAARds."
"BYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
"Yes, we must all vote Red Star Over China as the Favorite Comedy AAR, HOI1/2."
"Hey! Are you breaking the fourth wall!" shouted a sergent.
"Um, he did it," replied the soldiers in unison, both pointing at each other. "Crap."
"BYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (breathe) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! I'm Mao Zedong and I approved this message. BYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
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Evil(?) twin Mao impersonates Howard Dean and breaks the fourth wall. Truly nothing can stop this AAR from marching on AARland, erm, Washington.
therev,
excellent... my plan is working...
The_Carbonater,
excellent
lifeless,
well, we should keep this a relatively fair fight...
VILenin,
Vote Mao-ward Dean in 2006!
excellent... my plan is working...
The_Carbonater,
excellent
lifeless,
well, we should keep this a relatively fair fight...
VILenin,
Vote Mao-ward Dean in 2006!
Somewhere in the mountains of Northwest China, Jackie and Chris were walking on their journey to defeat Samuel L. Jackson. Suddenly, they heard a loud scream ring out from somewhere in the valley below.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEQEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWKKKKKOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
"That sounded like Owen Wilson!" shouted Jackie Chan.
"MY TESTICAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHLES!!!"
"Owen! Did you get kicked back in time by Chuck Norris in a disagreement over who the greatest Prime Minister of England was?" asked Jackie Chan.
"Yes."
"Pffft, I didn't scream like a baby when I got kicked," said Chris Tucker
"Yeah, but he kicked you in the chest, not the nuts," replied Jackie Chan.
"That's got to hurt. Now, can we get some Chinese food?" asked Chris Tucker as 200 villagers stared at him. "What, you ain't never seen a black man before?"
"We're in China in 1936. All food here is Chinese food. Except for that ice cream shop over there."
"Can I get some ice cream?" asked Owen Wilson.
"Sure, what flavour?" replied Jackie.
"It doesn't matter. It's for my balls."
Yan'an, June 12, 1936.
Comrade Brian was preparing for the First Annual We Just Annexed Xibei San Ma Party when Wang ran in.
"Comrade Brian! I have important news!"
"Is it really important? Or is it some election halfway around the world?"
"No, it's twice as important as that. Two elections!"
Comrade Brian let out a sigh. "Okay, I don't care, but you just talk and I'll pretend to listen."
"Okay, in Czechoslovakia some guy got re-elected."
"Meh, they're just going to get screwed at Munich anyways, because Neville Chamberlain is a pussy."
"What's going to happen at Munich?" asked Wang
"I can't tell you, it's gonna mess up the timeline. But suffice it to say, Neville Chamberlain is a pussy. Now, what's the other election?"
"Leon Blum was elected in France."
"Okay. Well, I hope he doesn't screw up and cause France to be defeated by Germany."
"Don't worry about that. The Maginot Line will hold," replied Wang.
"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Are you done yet? I have to prepare for the First Annual We Annexed Xibei San Ma Party."
"Why is it the First Annual? Are we going to annex them every year, or did you just get a moron to think up the name?"
"No, we're just going to rub it in their faces every year. They almost called it the First Annual Haha B*tches in Yo' Face We Annexed Yo' Weak @$$ Xibei San Ma Party."
"I see. Now, there is one thing that amazes me though."
"What's that?"
"With all this talk about elections, I'm surprised that the author hasn't attempted to get a cheap laugh by replacing the 'l' with an 'r'."
"Are you breaking the fourth wall?" asked Comrade Brian.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEQEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWKKKKKOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
"That sounded like Owen Wilson!" shouted Jackie Chan.
"MY TESTICAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHLES!!!"
"Owen! Did you get kicked back in time by Chuck Norris in a disagreement over who the greatest Prime Minister of England was?" asked Jackie Chan.
"Yes."
"Pffft, I didn't scream like a baby when I got kicked," said Chris Tucker
"Yeah, but he kicked you in the chest, not the nuts," replied Jackie Chan.
"That's got to hurt. Now, can we get some Chinese food?" asked Chris Tucker as 200 villagers stared at him. "What, you ain't never seen a black man before?"
"We're in China in 1936. All food here is Chinese food. Except for that ice cream shop over there."
"Can I get some ice cream?" asked Owen Wilson.
"Sure, what flavour?" replied Jackie.
"It doesn't matter. It's for my balls."
Yan'an, June 12, 1936.
Comrade Brian was preparing for the First Annual We Just Annexed Xibei San Ma Party when Wang ran in.
"Comrade Brian! I have important news!"
"Is it really important? Or is it some election halfway around the world?"
"No, it's twice as important as that. Two elections!"
Comrade Brian let out a sigh. "Okay, I don't care, but you just talk and I'll pretend to listen."
"Okay, in Czechoslovakia some guy got re-elected."
"Meh, they're just going to get screwed at Munich anyways, because Neville Chamberlain is a pussy."
"What's going to happen at Munich?" asked Wang
"I can't tell you, it's gonna mess up the timeline. But suffice it to say, Neville Chamberlain is a pussy. Now, what's the other election?"
"Leon Blum was elected in France."
"Okay. Well, I hope he doesn't screw up and cause France to be defeated by Germany."
"Don't worry about that. The Maginot Line will hold," replied Wang.
"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Are you done yet? I have to prepare for the First Annual We Annexed Xibei San Ma Party."
"Why is it the First Annual? Are we going to annex them every year, or did you just get a moron to think up the name?"
"No, we're just going to rub it in their faces every year. They almost called it the First Annual Haha B*tches in Yo' Face We Annexed Yo' Weak @$$ Xibei San Ma Party."
"I see. Now, there is one thing that amazes me though."
"What's that?"
"With all this talk about elections, I'm surprised that the author hasn't attempted to get a cheap laugh by replacing the 'l' with an 'r'."
"Are you breaking the fourth wall?" asked Comrade Brian.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."
Oh, yes, it will hold! o
(Belgium and the northern armies, on the other hand... )
Keep going, and forget the Fourth Wall, it's reached the point where it's about as solid as the forts the Nationalist Chinese built to protect their coastlines
Pitt the Elder!
o (Belgium and the northern armies, on the other hand...
)Keep going, and forget the Fourth Wall, it's reached the point where it's about as solid as the forts the Nationalist Chinese built to protect their coastlines
Pitt the Elder!
therev,
close but no cigar...
Yoy21,
correct! You win 1 Compeletely Fictional Comrade Brian Dollar, which can be redeemed nowhere, is worth nothing, and is not legal tender anywhere in the world. Although, you can exchange it for 43.7 cents in Mongolian Canadian Tire money, which can be redeemed at any Canadian Tire location in Mongolia.
stynlan,
Yeah, I guess... until the point when it is encircled and Paris falls and Vichy comes in... and then Petain and De Gaulle start getting mad at each other and all that fun stuff
Lordban,
One more attack and I will have done what no Mongol, Hun or Turk could do: break through the Great Fourth Wall of China!
Lord Palmerston!
close but no cigar...
Yoy21,
correct! You win 1 Compeletely Fictional Comrade Brian Dollar, which can be redeemed nowhere, is worth nothing, and is not legal tender anywhere in the world. Although, you can exchange it for 43.7 cents in Mongolian Canadian Tire money, which can be redeemed at any Canadian Tire location in Mongolia.
stynlan,
Yeah, I guess... until the point when it is encircled and Paris falls and Vichy comes in... and then Petain and De Gaulle start getting mad at each other and all that fun stuff
Lordban,
One more attack and I will have done what no Mongol, Hun or Turk could do: break through the Great Fourth Wall of China!
Lord Palmerston!
lifeless,
Yup... now I only need more Jesus toast
And I hate to disappoint, but there probably won't be any more updates until Friday night at least.
Yup... now I only need more Jesus toast
And I hate to disappoint, but there probably won't be any more updates until Friday night at least.
Nabendu,
Thanks!
Although the rice ships won't be for a while, they will be an awesome armada!
VILenin,
Yup, and 50% less fat than Buddha toast!
Thanks!
Although the rice ships won't be for a while, they will be an awesome armada!
VILenin,
Yup, and 50% less fat than Buddha toast!
I can't believe I didn't find this AAR earlier. It's just plain excellent! Go Mao! Show them capitalist pigdogs!
Continue to criticize Buddha (or Buddha toasts actually) and don't be surprised if Tibet falls upon you like a ton of bricks
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