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Why wont anybody ally me? Ever? In any game? As any country?

In general, the ai wants to ally with nations that are more powerful than they are but not rivals and not nations they fear. There is also a soft cap of 3 non-vassal/union allies where the ai is HIGHLY unlikely to ally with anyone. Finally, the ai will absolutely not ally with (and will break an alliance ASAP if already allied) anyone they have negative relations with. There is also a heavy penalty to the chance if you are at war with anyone, no matter what the war situation is, when you offer the alliance.

So, if you want allies, you need to go to people slightly smaller than you that you have good relations with that have 2 or fewer existing allies. Same religion helps, same religious group at the very least as getting an ally from a different religious group is extremely difficult. Generally you want to decide before unpausing who your early game allies will be and propose treaties so they don't ally with others before you get to them and hit the cap.
 
Brandenburg can form Prussia; Bavaria can't. That's a big reason to do it as Brandenburg (especially with the tasty +50% discipline decision).

Only you can decide if vassalizing an elector is gamey. There really isn't a downside to it.

On the flip side, Bavaria doesn't start in a PU so can start forcing PUs and vassalizing from the start and has missions that allow it to get extremely strong for very little infamy. And, as Cacra said, Bavaria can culture shift to form Prussia if you really want to go that route.
 
It's actually not that hard to break the PU as Brandenburg - I broke it in 1402 because I shifted my sliders towards centralization and got pretender rebels which I let to rampage across the country.

edit: Do you colonise in the Americas as Brand / Prussia / Germany? It's 1557 and I see the Aztecs are still in possession of a large part of territory which seems lucrative. But it would mean having to invest into a navy, which I have not done so far.
 
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How to deal with these damn high level march forts? Even huge assaulting Infantry/Cannon armies will be shredded, and just waiting to get the siege done will take many years. If I have spies, I will spam them to bribe defenders which helps a lot, but there are not always 5 spies saved up. Is there any other way?
 
A general with decent siege will speed up the waiting game, otherwise, just keep piling on that infantry until you can finally assault things. I find 10k * fort level works quite well.
 
A general with decent siege will speed up the waiting game, otherwise, just keep piling on that infantry until you can finally assault things. I find 10k * fort level works quite well.

You can also take the siege national idea; that will help too.
 
There is also a heavy penalty to the chance if you are at war with anyone, no matter what the war situation is, when you offer the alliance.
There's a hidden modifier - if your at war with rival of a country in question and your not their rival/threat you get huge bonus to the chances even if it still shows "unlikely" (they can even offer alliance themselves).
Also any good mods? I want to play as the Byzantine Empire, not cause of the challenge but cause I am a Greek. So, any mod that makes things easier I am in. I am having fun with MISCMODS but the existance of Alexandria is bugging. Can I rename it to Egypt?

I heard Death and Taxes is good but does it slow down the game? Asking cause my laptop aint powerful.
If you're having problems playing without mods you should avoid mods adding more provinces (D&T is one of them).
 
It's actually not that hard to break the PU as Brandenburg - I broke it in 1402 because I shifted my sliders towards centralization and got pretender rebels which I let to rampage across the country.

edit: Do you colonise in the Americas as Brand / Prussia / Germany? It's 1557 and I see the Aztecs are still in possession of a large part of territory which seems lucrative. But it would mean having to invest into a navy, which I have not done so far.

That still puts you 2-3 years behind in the race to get good allies and PUs on nations that start with no heir (there are a lot of those). It isn't a huge disadvantage, but it is a disadvantage. I still think the bigger disadvantage BRA has vs BAV is the missions.

In my most recent BAV game I owned the entirety of continental NA because the normal colonial powers were constantly at war with each other so never got a real foothold before I was in position to head there. It depends a lot on what sort of game you want to play and what else is happening in the world though. In that particular game I was intentionally avoiding becoming HRE as I gobbled up Germany and had intended all along to mostly ignore Europe beyond the Germanic culture regions.

I got skipped my questions at the top of the page.

When asking questions about gameplay in a particular mod it is probably better to go to the mod sub-forum for that mod. The answers for mods are often far different to vanilla.
 
So quick question, is it normal for Portugal and Castille to DOW Creek when they haven't even discovered them yet?
 
So quick question, is it normal for Portugal and Castille to DOW Creek when they haven't even discovered them yet?
It isn't. You have to clear your map cache when things like this happen. Just delete the folder (eu3 directory)/map/cache.

Is there a way to turn off "X rebels have risen up in Y"? I have the more useful message "province Y is under siege" active, and it's annoying to get two popups every time. I looked through the options but didn't find this one...
 
I'm currently in a war with Golden Horde but have 0 troops in the field. I don't have any armies over supply limit either.

My allies do in some places though.

Am I taking war exhaustion for my allies? Just noticed this. Never noticed this before.
 
It isn't. You have to clear your map cache when things like this happen. Just delete the folder (eu3 directory)/map/cache.

Is there a way to turn off "X rebels have risen up in Y"? I have the more useful message "province Y is under siege" active, and it's annoying to get two popups every time. I looked through the options but didn't find this one...

Right-click on the pop-up message, you can then adjust the settings for it.
 
It isn't. You have to clear your map cache when things like this happen. Just delete the folder (eu3 directory)/map/cache.

Is there a way to turn off "X rebels have risen up in Y"? I have the more useful message "province Y is under siege" active, and it's annoying to get two popups every time. I looked through the options but didn't find this one...

Post above + you can just right-click on the message when it appears, then you see the message setting options right infront of you without going into settings! :)

Question - which of the 3 religions would be better to have as an imperialistic, massive France that formed from Burgundy (around 1520, holding Aragon, France, Burgundy, some provinces in HRE due to my service as Emperor, left the Empire tho as I was ineligible to be Emperor, only later realized that the ineligibility was that I had a female ruler, otherwise I had high chance of being Emperor + was an elector, meh, also holding Sicily, plenty of rich provinces in Italy, Sardinia and some blablabla)?

I'm personally thinking of protestant, due to the production & tax boost (most of my income, which is #1 right now, with the 2nd nation having two times less, comes from taxes & production), I guess that's the right choice? But what would be the reaction from Europe, where almost everyone has been staying catholic? What about my own nation, will I keep getting rebellions?
 
Is there a way to form England and GB afterwards as Spain?

Short answer: No.

Long Answer: Spain is a "culture unity" of Iberian cultures, meaning it cannot culture shift through normal ways, just like France is a unity of french cultures, Gerany of German cultures etc. Forming England requires you to have English culture.

A workaround is this: If you have only one province and then go bankrupt, your nation adopts the culture of that one province. To form England as Spain you would have to take one English province, lose all other provinces (sell them, create vassals or lose them in a peace deal/to rebels) then go bankrupt. With your new English cultured one-province Spain you would have to remove England from the map and gain cored in the required provinces to form England, then you could form Great Britain as normal.
 
Can anyone give me any tips or point me too any guides on playing Ming?

A few goals

1. Stay a monarchy
2. I have to westernise
3. keep the Europeans out of my turf (Asia)

also I'm planning (if it goes well) to convert the resulting game to Vicky 2